I, Spy.

Reheated Recap: One Hour

2011-02-18T18:31:00.005-05:00

In honour of Numb3rs Appreciation Week!

"One Hour"

As written by Dr. Seuss

I am Don

Don-I-am.

When a paperboy is snatched

The Fedcakes are dispatched.

Paperboy’s father is a don

Shrink’s patient is a Don.

Don’s asked to assess the team

(God I wish this was a meme).

Megan is never harried.

And she is often Larry (Larried?)

Yes, I am a bit perturbed

I just made Larry's name a verb.

David might grow too cynical.

I don’t think so, he’s my pal.

Colby will run here and there

Colby will run everywhere!

He will run down the street.

Watching him run is a treat.

He will run to the hall.

He will run according to the call.

Charmita is there doing math

To help Colby run the right path.

Pretty Liz is there too

But really, has nothing to do.

The boy is saved in the Disney Hall

The kidnapper is shot and falls.

But the moral of this eppesode.

Is that Don will trust them, that he showed.

He will trust them here and there.

He will trust them anywhere!

He will trust them in the street

He will trust they’ll be discreet.

He will trust them, Don-I-Am.

Geez, I miss the Fedcakes damn.

Extra Froth: Be Kind To David Day 2010

2010-10-12T00:00:00.000-04:00

Our show may be relegated to the land of syndication (which means, BTW, I can see Numb3rs several times a day on several different stations in Canada) but that does not mean our holiday will not be celebrated.

Yes, it is Be Kind To David Day. You may celebrate in whatever way you choose. If you wish, be kind to people named David or behave like David and be kind to everybody. Find a person named Colby and say something snarky!

Whatever you do, remember, the most important aspect of BKTDD is that everything about David is still, even in syndication, awesome.

Extra Froth: Numb3rs: A Poetic Tribute to the Finale

2010-03-12T17:24:00.008-05:00

(Tonight's ~~horrific abuse~~ homage to a classic work is brought to you by the CBS stations holding off on airing the finale, for sports' reasons, and to avoid the spoiling of others.)

The light was shining on TV,
Shining with all its might:
It did it's very best to make
The Numb3rs sets all bright --
And this was very odd because,
WTF, Numb3rs sets and light?

The fandom's sitting sulkily,
And they really want to shun
Almost all and sundry at CBS
After tonight's show is done --
"It was very rude of them," they said,
"To come and spoil the fun."

The bowl was lit as lit can be,
And wit was wry as wry.
You could not see Super!Colby, because
No Super!Colby was in the sky:
No feds were flying overhead,
There were no Super!Feds to fly.

The Fandom and the Recapper
Were walking close at hand.
They wept like anything to see
Such a cast disband
"If we got one more season,"
They said, "it would be grand."

"If 7 feds over 7 seasons
Could be kept for one more year,
Do you suppose," the Fandom said,
"Our subliminal message would be clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Recapper,
But still puts one more 7 here.

"O Executives, come and walk with us!"
The Fandom did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Through the internet's reach:
We cannot ask more than your time
To listen to our speech."

The chief exec looked at them,
But never a word she said:
The chief exec winked her eye,
And shook her heavy head --
Meaning to say she did not choose
To ease the fandom's dread.

But for the fandom, they cried out,
Even suggested a tasty treat
They wrote, they hoped, their spirits up,
They felt they could not be beat.
And this wasn't very odd because, you know,
They hadn't met with defeat!

For some execs, still followed them,
And they knows what's for;
And saw the protests on the web
But wait, there's more, and more, and more!
And if they pay attention,
Then the Fandom, will adore.

The Fandom and the Recapper
Chatted for another hour or so
And then left messages at N3.org
Conveniently set up just so:
All the Fandom's plans are there,
As well as fears and woe.

"The time has come," the Fandom said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes, and ships, and stealing tax,
Of ~~broccoli~~ cabbages -- and kings --
And why Don is so smoking hot,
And whether David has wings.

"But wait a bit," the execs cried.
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are still writing our protests,
And your letters are rather fat."
"No hurry," said the Recapper,
"For something as important as that."

"A singular plan," the Fandom said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern aside,
Are very good indeed --
Now if you're ready, execs dear,
We can begin to plead."

"But not at us!" The execs cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After all those letters, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"But the show is fine," the Fandom said,
"As we do admire the view."

"It was so kind of you to come!
And it is such a lark!"
The Recapper said nothing but
Typed up some more snark.
I wish though, influential blogger's
Views weren't quite so dark.

"It seems a shame," the Fandom said,
"And we think it's a cruel trick.
After cutting the order of eppesodes
And the season ending so quick!"
The Recapper said, "And what about my OTP?
About romance, Don can be thick!"

"I weep for Fedcakes," the Fandom said:
"I deeply sympathize."
We sobs and tears, they listened to,
The smart, the brave, the wise.
And found their favourite eppesodes
On the DVDs they prize.

"O execs," said the Recapper,
"Sure, we've had a pleasant run,
But could we not give it one more go?"
But the answer came there none --
And this was scarcely odd because
They don't know if the show is done.

Recapper's disclaimer: I would never assume to know what others' think in a given situation. This is all meant in good fun!

Instacap: Numb3rs: Growin' Up (Eppesode 615)

2010-03-05T21:53:00.004-05:00

Mandy Hampton, is that you?

Honestly, I don't want to think about what else Larry would do, alone, in the desert.

Gunfire already? Is this a Gyllenhaal eppesode?

I want to know (about the non-Cambridge fantasy). So do the fanfic writers.

Hey, talk about a wasted opportunity for the previously superfluous DNA model that was in Charlie's old office!

The horny boss versus RocketMan. This will be epic.

Charlie's breasts are sore? I can see that as prompt next month.

LIZ, DO NOT LET CHARLIE HAMSTER-SIT!!!!!!!

I'll bite, why does David have a comb?

I still say that account is for porn, and dolls is his codeword.

The weak dollar is your first reason not to get married overseas, Charlie?

DID NOT WANT TO SEE THAT!

Duck season-rabbit seasons, Numb3rs style.

Yeah, the honour talk, creeping me out, considering the topic.

Why does Mandy Hampton get to film this? Better yet, why are Nikki and Liz not beating her to the ground?

Did not want to see that, either!

WTF?! TOMORROW?!?!?!?! But I don't have a dress (or an invite) yet!

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Devil Girl (Eppesode 613)

2010-02-28T20:30:00.001-05:00

Recapper's Really, Really, Ridiculously Repetitively Repetitive Ridiculous Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Sure, we may have learned that Numb3rs is in contention for renewal next season, but that's not a reason to let up! (Plus, certain influential bloggers are calling it a long shot. We need to convince him otherwise!) We need to change that in contention and long shot to a definitive yes! Keep sending those letters, baking those cupcakes, trying to make Numb3rs Trend on twitter, whatever or any other suggestions you may have. Also, did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? Finally, have you signed the petition?

Recapper Mea Culpa: Yes, the most recent eppesodes are being posted late. We have a fairly large event going on up here, and the build-up, reading up on the athletes, and other such activities, have sucked up all my spare time, in the last few weeks. I'm mentioning this because I'm insanely patriotic (I know, it's not a Canadian trait, but I don't care) and like the idea of the world getting together for two weeks and not shoot at each other (Biathlon accidents accepted). Also, I screamed louder than I would under most circumstances, to see a childhood friend of mine perform in the opening ceremonies. ~~Potentially louder than I would over a shout out, world peace, and a pony, but I would still like the opportunity to prove that theory~~. I would actually post the close-up of her but I'm afraid CTV will go all legal over my ass.

Now back to the regularly scheduled recap.
Hotel: We get a semi-montage, of a john picking up his date for the night, in a really, really expensive looking hotel lobby. I think they try and make the john "Mr. Friendly" (not like that, well, sort of like that, actually, exactly like that) to make sure we feel terrible when he's slaughtered by a maniac.
La Maison d'Eppes: I am officially worried about the koi. Lazlo -- remember weird, clone-obsessed, former assistant manager of the BuyMore, Lazlo? Yeah, well, he's feeding the koi paprika. Would you like to know why? Apparently, paprika makes the male fish more attractive. This leaves me with one very important question.
Lazlo is visiting to watch "football, survival of the witless," but really, I just think he wants to hang out with people cooler than he is.

Speaking of people cooler than Lazlo, Don arrives, on his ~~murder, donor~~ motorcycle.
And if there's one thing Lazlo shouldn't do (besides feeding paprika to koi) is touch Don's bike.
Lazlo is a member of a motorcycle club (see earlier comment about hanging out with people cooler than him) and completely fanboys (in the verb sense) Don, his bike, and practically begs him to come hang out with him. Aw, after Charlie had his budding bromance, Don now has someone boycrushing on him. There's even a comment about what other scenarios exist where one can wear leather chaps in public. Oh, Lazlo, there are plenty, if you're a fanfic reader.

Somehow, Lazlo manages to clean Don's air filter (again, not like that) and suggest some quality time together without getting ~~killed~~ a serious bitch please look.

As soon as Don arrives, he has to leave again because of the dead john. When Charlie explains the situation to Lazlo, is it just me, or does Lazlo look just a titch concerned?
Yes, I find Charlie wearing a magical math test-taking t-shirt both ironic and hilarious.

Hotel: The dead john, Edward Zurlanski is dressed in red lingerie. Apparently, that's now the appropriate attire for dead johns. Poor Edward's death just follows the pattern of all the other dead johns, except the corpse was found quicker. This means the Fedcakes (Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Artemas -- not Athena this week) can track the missing rental car. I guess the killer likes to take Ferris Bueller-style joyrides in cars he can't afford.

Luckily, since they found the corpse on Sunday, they can, hopefully, find the killer before the work week starts.

In a weird twist of fate, we have the second guest actor/actress to have appeared in Numb3rs, that I have seen on stage. The guest actress, Kim Huffman, is not only Canadian, but also played Cosette the first time I saw Les Miserables. (The other guest actor I've seen on stage is Blake Bashoff, from the eppesode "Scorched." I saw him in Spring Awakening, last year. Oh the trivia I keep stored in my head where useful things could otherwise go.)

Anyway, she's playing the sister of the victim, and after giving us the view of a dutiful son and uncle, she then defends her brother's decision to pay for sex. I'm all for sibling loyalty and all, but who the hell tells their sibling they pay for sex?

David, who is in charge of the scene, gets a call from Nikki saying the car's been spotted in some place far from anywhere.

Far from Anywhere: Thanks to the magic of television, the only law enforcement vehicle that could possibly give chase is the Fedcakemobile. Apparently, there aren't any cops far from anywhere.

So after a car chase around various treacherous roads, the most, in an attempt not to hit the pickup truck, which clearly doesn't understand the rules of a siren means PULL THE HELL OVER, JACKASS, Colby has to drive into another requirement of prime-time television.
The car is on fire (another requirement of prime-time TV, and the director really likes special effects/ explosions / gunfire /whomping Fedcakes, considering his previous work on this show) and only Colby is conscious. He manages to pull Nikki out of the car only seconds before the inevitable.
Title Flash.

Hospital: Being a female Fedcake automatically comes with almost Wolverine powers of healing. Nikki's conscious, bitchy, and antsy to get out of the hospital, despite almost being blown up. The same condition was previously identified in Megan, who managed to survive having an artery cut, only to leave the hospital the next day.

Because Alan is the de facto father-figure to everyone on this show, he's brought flowers and the advice to stay the heck in bed for a while. The problem is, Nikki's stubborn and thinks that if Colby can be back at work (even though he wasn't knocked unconscious) she can be too.
IHOF: David is interviewing the Siouxsie Dark (somehow, I can be fairly sure that's not her real name) but she insists she didn't see anything. She also provides a great euphemism.
Usually, she works for an escort agency called Lux, but since Eddie was an old client, she was willing to ~~work under the table, literally~~ freelance.

So all that they (they being Colby, David, and Charlie) have learned is that the killer can't have been tracking people through the agency, or the specific girls, so that leaves tracking down victims in bars. So when Siouxsie is asked if someone was looking at her, she gets all "hell yes, everybody stares at me," instead of taking this seriously.

It takes David reminding her that what she does will be seriously hampered ~~and not in the way Viagra would help~~ by the Fedcakes crawling all over her life. Finally, she remembers the creepy obvious dude in the elevator, but dismissed him in her mind because he had cheap shoes. Wow, for someone in her line of work, she's not very good at reading people. There's a joke to be made here, but really, it would be exceptionally dark humour, as it would only be pointing out the realities of sex workers' chances of survival.

So now all the Fedcakes have to go on is a nondescript guy, in cheap brown shoes, who kills people who probably won't admit to what it is they do for fun. I think that might actually be a practical example of less than nothing.

Charlie's wondering what a profiler would say about the killer, and I actually responded with, "I don't know, call Megan," when I first saw this eppesode. I know, sometimes, I talk to the television like they can hear me, despite all the years of evidence to the contrary.

So Colby's somehow borrowed a portion of Megan's brain (do not think about that too much, trust me) and comes up with a man who hates men, and wants to emasculate them. At the same time, the killer becomes his victim for a while (perhaps due to daddy issues), which, when you take this all into account = one batshit crazy dude. Yes, that's a technical term.

Essentially, the Fedcakes have nothing. Charlie can't even see a pattern other than 6 dead guys, in 5 hotels, and 5 stolen cars. That's not much of anything to go on. Hopefully, the video can be remastered properly -- which is plausible not due to some sort of technical genius on Matt Li's part, no, it's due to the fact "Charlie Don't Surf."

Don has spent most of the scene looking through files on the table. I promise, I didn't have anything to do with that.
~~Maybe I did.~~

Okay, don's actually there to check in with Colby -- to make sure the junior Fedcake isn't having issues after the crash. I'm a little surprised that Alan hasn't passed the book Nikki rejected on. All Colby has to say on the subject is that he and Nikki are pigheaded idiots for not taking a day to recoup. All right, perhaps he doesn't say it like that, but, come on, after that type of crash, a few days off should be required.

It's not as if they saw anything useful to the case, plus, the car was ditched and found by authorities shortly thereafter. Thus, they're left with two things, the ladies' lingerie each of the victims was dressed in, and a social worker, Jack Steves, who tries to provide medical aid for sex workers.

BTW, if ever there was evidence of Colby being affected by the accident it's the fact that he rejects looking into women's underwear, and would rather talk to the social worker.
Street Wise Street Booth: Hey, it's another Canadian! I love how many Canadians are on this show ~~yet do not understand why they won't give a shout out to one Canadian, in particular~~!

Immediately, I feel for Jack (not like that). Colby is such an ass with him -- flashing his badge, scaring off people who, otherwise, are invisible, that I find myself hoping that Jack isn't the killer. I hate it when people who start off with a goal to do good, go bad.

Unfortunately, Jack doesn't have an airtight alibi. Instead, he has a schedule he tries to follow, but can't, if the action is elsewhere. Also, we learn an important detail -- he was once in the life, and is trying to help others still stuck there. OMG, if this man was real, I'd donate to his charity.
IHOF: If Nikki didn't already have a head injury, I would've asked someone to whack the girl over the head and send her home. Seriously, just looking at her hurts.
At least David tries to talk her into going home, but she's all insistent that if Colby can ~~be a macho dumbass~~ she can ~~be even more of a macho dumbass~~ too. Everyone break out into a chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better."

She insists that the doctor cleared her, but I think the conversation went a little like this.

Doctor: I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable releasing you, as of yet.
Nikki: You would be a lot more uncomfortable if I used my good arm to reach down your throat and pull out your intestines.
Doctor: *gulps in terror* I'll sign anything you want. How about the deed to my house?

Colby gets stuck babysitting Nikki, because what we really want are the two people most likely traumatized to work together. It's rare for me to disagree with David, but this time, I'm going to have to.
Okay, so the exchange they have also justifies the unwise decision.

Nikki: You ask me how I'm doing, and I'll shoot you.
Colby: How you doing?
Cal Sci: In Charlie's new swanky office, Amita is doing all the work, while Charlie lays on the couch, examining the inside of his eyelids, feeling hopeless.
There's a pattern, but Charlie just can't see it. He needs something else. Apparently, that something else is Lazlo. Now, I cant be certain, but I'm going to start a rumour here. Within seconds of Lazlo arriving, Amita clears out, claiming the IHOF is a better place to work.
As for Lazlo, he's got a full out man-crush on Don, asking Charlie for Don's phone number the same way a teenaged boy would ask a girl's bff for a number. Aw, budding bromance is cute.

Charlie's a bit iffy, because, yes, there are moments, and people, that make Charlie is look socially -- Lazlo being one of them. I also think that Charlie's dreading any retaliation from Don (a phrase which here means: wedgies) if he does hand over the phone number, particularly when the justification includes the phrase "crotch rocket." So Lazlo hands over his number, and, we can predict, will spend the next few nights staring at his phone.
Turning back from the awkward conversation (but not NPAL™ worthy), and onto the case, Charlie compares the math he's using to find the killer with the same math used to hunt sharks.
The problem is, the math pretty much comes up with the answer of Los Angeles. I'm sure when it comes to the Pacific Ocean, that's a small area, but for the Fedcakes, not so much.

Coroner's: The not-Claudia coroner, gives some old information (strangled, electrical burn on the palms) and new information (it's a ~~red herring~~ GIRL!), before we head into the commercial break.

IHOF: In what has to be the shortest red herring in television history, as Nikki and Colby head back upstairs to the Fedcake offices, they figure out that this woman has to be working with a partner, and the motive is some sort of perverted justice (for her). I'm so not touching the phrase "perverted justice" considering the subject matter of this eppesode.

Upstairs, Charmita is working, but not on the same problem. Charlie's trying to work out a way to get Don and Lazlo to go out on a boy date, without being killed (Charlie, although Lazlo might not come out unscathed). The solution is to volunteer Lazlo's services for DNA testing in this case.

Charlie even gets bold enough to bring up the word "bromance."
When the idea is treated with agreement, and even curiosity about the motorcycle club from Don, Charlie is really relieved.

Back to the case, and the recorded over film-footage, Charlie compares the task to filling in a crossword puzzles, sans clues, and hoping it's all in English.
The film footage reveals both perps -- the male and female, but the female isn't camera-shy (but is Clea DuVall). The automatic assumption is that she's an ex-call girl out for revenge.
So the only option now is for David to send Colby out to interview escort agencies. I'm surprised Guildenstern didn't get down on his knees and thank Rosencrantz, although, considering the lingerie rejection earlier, perhaps undiagnosed head injuries from the car accident are still affecting Colby.

Luxe Escort Agency: Apparently, being a madam means you get a really swanky office, wear see-through clothing to work, not give a crap about your employees when they drop off the radar (or slapped around), and be less than helpful to Fedcakes. Seriously? How does this get by labour boards / laws/ basic human consideration?
Cal Sci/Bromance Plot: Lazlo's all formal with "hail fellow, well met," upon greeting Don. While I attribute this phrase to Swift, Lazlo attributes it to Shakespeare and I want a ruling on that one.

Conveniently, Don is carrying his helmet, to make sure the topic of motorcycles will come up. Come on, Don, like Lazlo needs such cues. Sure there's a bit a discussion about bikers without helmets being called donors, but Lazlo's factoid definitely wins the NPAL™ of the week, "56 percent of bikers have sex with a stranger within three months of getting their wheels."

Other than the obvious:
I am never, ever, explaining what went on in my head after he said that line. There was actual shuddering on my behalf, and, to be honest, while I'm more than happy to spread the pain to others, in most situations, I think it would cruel and unusual to do so in this case.

*Shudders* Okay, moving on (and we shall never bring that up again).

Don agrees to think about joining the club. Not touching that one either.

Victim's Apartment: A world-weary landlady has realized what that smell is coming from a tenant's, Chaz March's, apartment, and leads Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to another corpse.

This time around, Chaz is a bartender, killed in his own home, and his car is still in its space. Things are changing, which is about right as we're more than half-way through this eppesode.

IHOF: Colby briefs Don and Nikki about the latest killer, and I resist making a pun on the word briefs ~~or, you know, not~~.

Anyway, Chaz the bartender tried to tax the sex workers by asking for freebies -- adding fuel to the motive that it's ex-call girl revenge, or call boy revenge, so Colby brings up the clearly innocent Canadian as a a viable suspect.

While Colby's rejected women's lingerie (wow, that is so weird to type that), Nikki's done her research, and found that someone bought the conveniently discontinued underwear (because help us if it's underwear anyone could still buy) for 12 sets, 7 months ago. Colby does some quick mental math and realizes there are still 6 more sets that are ready to wear.
Now the Fedcakes need to figure out what happened 7 months ago to trigger this mess.

Cal Sci: Charlie's feeling guilty about the newest victim because his place of employment was on the list of potential hot spots. It's too bad Charlie's psychic powers didn't click in to the realization the killers were switching from johns to people who insult sex workers. Geez, Charlie, I would feel sorry for you, but that's a huge freaking ego to think you had any control over this.

This, of course, is why Charlie is marrying Amita, who is much more sympathetic, than me. Although, to be fair that whole fictional/not-fictional thing might be a slightly bigger obstacle ~~but one I'm willing to overlook~~.

Lazlo does have something; the killer is a carrier of hemophilia. She'll also have hazel eyes, dark hair, and a pale complexion, between 5'6-5'9. This leads me to a terrifying thought.

I MUST BE THE KILLER! ~~That's one hell of a shout out.~~ Wait, I don't carry hemophilia. Phew, for a second, I was worried. I also am O negative, unlike the killer's B positive. While my type's good as the universal donor, the killer's type is good for some amusing puns on being positive.

Amita's got the idea to do a fuzzy search, and for once, I'm in agreement with Lazlo, that does sound cuddly.
Using the genetics they know, they find only one appropriate (and female) match within the FBI database, a Jenny Bailey, a prostitute murdered at a hotel.

IHOF: The Fedcakes are dressing for a take-down, as David does what he does best, gives us exposition on this eppesode's title character, Melanie Bailey. She lived with her now deceased sister who had the extremely, extremely rare condition of female hemophilia (which, according to my googling skills, is 1:100 000 000) and bled out after being beaten (also wearing the same set of red underwear). I know this is supposed to be a huge deal, but considering the very exact specifics, (hotel, underwear, sex worker) how was this not caught before?

David makes a very wise suggestion, that perhaps Nikki isn't up for potentially physically dealing with a suspect, but Nikki's pigheadedness says otherwise.
Bailey Apartment: They don't find the woman in question, but they do find two requirements of every prime-time serial killer.
So now that they have the shrine, and the victims' wallets, the Fedcakes are now off to the San Gabriel Hotel, where Melanie's car has been spotted.

San Gabriel Hotel: This time, it's David's turn to be sent in, which is good, considering he's got to talk her into leaving the bar without making a scene. This turns out to be a lot easier than I expected. So, while this is a very short scene, and a very underused opportunity to make use of a great guest star, I'm distracted by one particular extra.
Once in the lobby, Melanie denies any and all knowledge of a partner, the same way a cat would deny eating the bird, even with the obvious feathers scattered about. No one believes her, and she doesn't care.
Don, Nikki and Colby are left searching the hotel for potential victims, while David interrogates Melanie, sorry, Mel.

So, while the rest of the Fedcakes bang on doors, to no avail, Melanie, or Mel, admits that someone getting dead at this very moment.

After the commercial break, the Fedcakes are trying to figure out the victim's identity.
On the video footage, they spot Jack Steves, trying to help out the sex workers.

I don't believe anything the Fedcakes say get Mel to talk -- not the implications of the partner in control, or reminders that California is a death penalty state. Nope, I think she only talks once she thinks enough time has passed to make sure the deed is done. Her partner is a man she met in foster care, a man who just likes to hurt people, and somehow, it makes sense that using him was the best way to avenge her dead sister? It was all her plan. WTF?
I'm a little appalled at the hypocrisy. No, never mind the violence, but the hypocrisy of killing a former sex worker, for trying to warn the others about the killers -- which is the justification Mel gives for Jack being targeted.
I admit, I do feel sorry for her sister, because the guy who killed her stole her purse, with the medication that could've saved her life.

Jack's: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern rush to save Jack (with David driving), while the interview goes on. We also find out what the burn on the hand's from -- a taser to the door handle. I cringe with even the idea of how much that hurts. Jack may be knocked back, but he's not down for the count. Considering his previous profession, he's probably well-versed on self-defense.
Just seconds before things are going to get fatal for Jack, the Fedcakes burst in. My favourite part of the whole scene though, David's reaction when Rusty takes another swing at Jack.
Sometimes, even my BFFedcake knows words are not enough.

As for Rusty, he's screaming about being the "guardians," and how offended he is that Jack tried to help out the working girls. Yeah, because health care wouldn't be the least bit useful, except, of course, it would.

IHOF: Noticing the whole refusing to drive thing, Rosencrantz checks in to make sure Guildenstern will be back to his regular, snarky self shortly ~~and is he ever, and everyone else as well, in the next eppesode~~. Really, the refusal to drive was just Colby being sensible.

The boys head out for a beer, and Don checks in with Nikki, who is now trying to figure out who killed Jenny Bailey. It's a valid questions.

As for Don, looks like he's dressed for some Bromance.
Cal Sci: Lazlo comes in, looking for some credit, as the hemophilia discovery was the final clue they needed to solve the case. He's also hoping that Don's up for the motorcycle club, as it has "scientists, dentists, pharmacists, two accountants, one guy from the humanities," but you know what they don't have?
So, while Lazlo hopes they can get someone who has been shot and stabbed, which, let's be honest, would up any club's street cred, Charlie tries to tell his friend that Don isn't up for Bromance.

The Desert: Well, Don's looks earlier were deceiving, as Charlie's assertion that he's not a joiner, holds true. Instead of getting instructions as to how to clean his air filter, Don's clogging it up with some good desert dust.
Hey, what is that in the desert? Is it a Sasquatch? A land-locked pirate? A hippie? Hell no, it's:

Next Recap: My argument for a seventh season (besides a whiny, but I want one!), and my serious fangirling of someone's brain.

Extra Froth: Numb3rs: Top 10 Reasons We Need a Season 7

2010-02-24T22:05:00.004-05:00

Delayed recaps will be up shortly, but until then, have my top 10 list as to why we should get another season!

10) More Edgerton! We always need more Edgerton!

9) We need a definitive answer over who is the true Numb3rs superhero: Super!Colby or Super!David. There must be a costume portion of the competition. Spandex will be required.

8) Because I haven't spent the last almost 3 years of my life begging for a shout out, world peace, and a pony, for nothing! (To reach truly pathetic, something like this has to be done for at least 4 years.)

7) Because there are still areas / people in L.A. that Stephen Gyllenhaal hasn't tried to blow up / shoot at / put in peril.

6) Colby needs to go out on at least one, normal date. This means, no potential witnesses, no acrobats, and no winning bets that cause the fandom to squee at previously unheard of decibel levels. While we're at it, David, the most marriageable on the show, needs to find someone.

5) We still don't know the name of Liz's able-bodied hamster! Think of all the fanfic writers clamouring for details!

4) Don still hasn't found what he's looking for (which is Robin, but he's a bit slow on the uptake with this one).

3) Two words: Charmita -- expecting. Imagine the hilarity as Charlie becomes a nervous father-to-be and Alan goes nuts at Babies R Us.

2) Charlie has yet to solve why the meaning of life is 42 (which is way more important than P vs. NP).

1) We'll never see the planned musical eppesode "Once More, With Physics."

Instacap: Numb3rs: And the Winner is... (Eppesode 614)

2010-02-05T22:03:00.004-05:00

Amita is obsessed with the faux Golden Globes, and yet can completely control the TV, and the Eppes men. She multi-tasks.

Hey, it's Larry "Call me Ahab" Fleinhardt camping in the garage.

Um, is Marilu Henner turning all cougar on Colby? I approve of her taste. I also approve of TAXI REUNION!

Someone find out who possessed Larry. His first proper meal in society and it's not white? WHO IS THIS MAN?

Colby just had his best line ever. That is quite a feat.

I now know which weapon goes best with my birthstone.

David, she's not Claudia, but if it helps, I approve.

Did the coyotes recommend buying from acme, Larry, because if they did, don't.

Amita in a toga, it's fanservice for people who don't crush on the guys.

Moody Don is moody.

The writing on this one is brilliant. The quippy snarktasticness is spectacular.

"Where's your girlfriend, not Colby?" THIS LINE JUST MADE MY LIFE!

Yes, Larry, tell us about Andromeda. I'm fascinated, really, zzz...

David, "smooth hard texture... on an animal lecture," means, get a room, now.

Sven, meet Edgerton. Nice knowing you.

Oh, David, telling someone to stay in the car is like signing a death warrant: and then I remember, this isn't Chuck.

Geez, how many times can shots be fired at David in this eppesode? On second though, don't answer that.

Again, she's not Claudia, but my approval just went from yes, to highly.

Impersonating a woman, poorly, should be a crime.

Okay, I missed who wrote this eppesode. THIS WRITER MUST DO MORE, MANY, MANY MORE. I don't think it's one of the regulars, is it?

Um, lady, you earned my approval, but not responding to David's invite means my approval level has just dropped down to "meh."

A meta Colby-shoulder line? Seriously, this writer deserves flowers. I would send them if I knew who to send them to.

Marilu Henner is the other robber? Really?

Pity date? Nikki, I am ashamed.

Don is thinking about how children deserves things. I'm taking the giant leap to assume that means Don is thinking about appropriate parenting ~~with Robin~~.

Larry's solved the universe, and didn't eat white food once. Which would I have thought was more unlikely, before this eppesode.

My approval rating has just gone way, way back up ~~like other things~~.

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Arm in Arms (Eppesode 612)

2010-01-24T10:16:00.030-05:00

Recapper's Really, Really, Ridiculously Repetitively Repetitive Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Sure, we may have learned two weeks ago that Numb3rs is in contention for renewal next season, but that's not a reason to let up! We need to change that in contention to a definitive yes! Keep sending those letters, baking those cupcakes, trying to make Numb3rs Trend on twitter, whatever or any other suggestions you may have. Also did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? Finally, have you signed the petition?

This eppesode finally cemented the need to for a special tag. See if you can spot it.
Warehouse: We begin with a deal involving Belgian goods -- which are not chocolate, nor waffles. Nope, these are much more deadly - by that I mean there are 1100 ways to kill you a minute and I'm not talking calories. Do you know what this means?
Well, actually, it's time to shoot at dirt. No, I am not making this up. The guy with the gun says "it's better than sex." Dude, if you're shooting at dirt, and you think it's better than sex, let me just assume you're doing it wrong. I mean really wrong. We're talking wrongness of the wrong here. As much as I would like to declare that line the NPAL™ and be done with it, something much more painful, and awkward, is coming.

In a classic follow the bullet shot, we trace the bullet's path a ridiculously scary distance, where it hits some poor innocent victim. Okay, so we don't see said innocent victim, but it's a pretty safe assumption.

Don's Loft: Hey, Don moved! He no longer lives in some bachelor apartment that we've seen now for the past few seasons. His new place is seriously swanky and has something most guys I know would really like in their apartments.
Okay, so I squeed. They're both just freshly out of the shower, so I can safely assume my OTP was doing something that could only be shown on HBO.

They're talking about Charlie's wedding and bachelor party and Don, in classic big brother mode, thinks taking Charlie golfing is a good idea. Yeah, trying to whoop someone's ass on the course shortly before marriage screams brotherly love, doesn't it?

Anyway, Robin's having difficulty finding clothes -- which I'm guessing Don probably doesn't think is that much of a problem. In fact, when Robin starts griping about splitting time between places, and such, Don reponds, "You could always move in here."

"I'm a little old to play house, honey," Robin replies, not realizing something really important.
So now there's that all important question, that if Don is serious about the offer, what does this all mean? Well, for me, it clearly means my OTP is on the right track, and I can stop worrying about --

THE FLIPPING PHONE? SERIOUSLY, DON, NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO ANSWER THE PHONE!
So, I posed that exact same question to people, and took some important statistics, (a phrase which here means, the people who answered the questions in the 5 minutes I paid attention) and came up with this official looking pie chart. (As I said last week, pie charts are serious business.)
Therefore, considering Don's previous issues with the phone, I must now declare that DON IS PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM THE PHONE. If you would like to reach him in the future, please call David, Colby, Liz, Nikki, Alan, Charlie, Amita, or, hell, Larry, as Don cannot be trusted to use a phone properly. (Yes, I would trust Larry more with a phone, and that says a lot.) There are studies saying this constant need to answer the phone is a major source of stress. Think of all the good this can bring for ~~my sanity~~ Don's health.

"I swear you made it do that," Robin says, heading back up to the loft. Oh, Robin, look at you going all meta on me. It just makes me love you more.

To make it worse, the phone call wasn't even for Don. No, they want the adorkable professor. yeah, well, you know what? CHARLIE'S GOT HIS OWN PHONE.

Victim's home: The innocent victim we didn't see earlier we get to see in all his dead glory (a phrase which here means, ew). All Charlie has to do is come up with the reverse trajectory. Sounds simple, right? Of course it isn't, because Charlie lists quite a few things he would need to take into account.
Perp montage: This is a colelction of a couple of montages.

1) A brief math montage,
2) David leads a team of Feds (not Fedcakes) and they find the spot from which the bullets were fired.
3) Identifying the shooter, Arvin Lindell.

Perp's Office: Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Liz stake out the office, only to have Arvin drive right by, taking shots at all three of them with the Belgian non-wafflemaker (technical term).

After a shot right out of a video game ~~Call of Duty~~ the only reason the Fedcakes are still alive is because of the miracle of television. That, and there hadn't been any spoilers floating around that any Numb3rs characters were going to die.

Still, David (as well as Colby and Liz, but David is this show's most popular target) is put in danger, yet again. I am not amused.

Liz is all anxious to get Lindell, but Colby wants the gun. He's only allowed to have it if he's going to use the gun to shoot Lindell. At least, that would be how things wound work in my world.

I would like to point out my restraint at any Colby/gun jokes. ~~Okay, so the fact I resisted this long is impressive for me.~~

Title Flash.

IHOF: Reason number 234509834 why I didn't join the FBI (reason number 1: I'm not American), having to deliver exposition to my boss, shortly after being shot at. I would rather be in the fetal position, in the corner, kthanxbai.

Colby gets to espouse on the virtues of the gun, which, as we'll find out later, shares something else with expensive chocolate, other than their country of origin. Despite this fact that we shall discuss later, the cost is still 12000 dollars. Luckily there are only 5000 of them, except they aren't exactly in the right spot. They're supposed to go to Saudi Arabia, not downtown LA.
On an even sadder note, this eppesode of Numb3rs taught me that it is possible to sell rocket launchers to kids, as long as the paperwork is in order. You know what, David? I love you and your exposition, but there are some things that I would be happier not knowing about.

The Gun Seller: All right, so I stole the title from Hugh Laurie's novel. If he has a problem, he can sue me. This would, of course, mean he knows I exist, which would be just as likely as well ~~my shout out, world peace, and pony, but it doesn't mean I won't keep asking~~ other things that are equally unlikely. Well, that was a fail at similie.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern find an oxymoron -- and honest arms dealer. When the Belgian guns didn't show up, he substituted some Swiss ones instead. He didn't make as much money, but he has a happy client. While that's probably good for strangely-named-writer's-religious-issues-let-him-show-you-them Priest, it's probably not good for say, the rest of the planet, or people in favour of breathing.

David's worn his morality suit for the interview, and proceeds to represent how I feel about people who sell guns. He's more of my BFFedcakes in every eppesode. Priet responds with the whole people kill people adage which drive me up the wall, as it's both a flawed argument and a serious pet peeve of mine.

Anyway, I'd like to sum up David's opinion in one short screencap.
Priest isn't willing to to give up the name of the person who did get the guns, as he's not a rat and is anti-dead (which is a bit funny, given his line of work) but he is willing to help. In exchange for his help, the Fedcakes get some night-vision goggles of his out of customs. Dude, just play Mafia Wars on Facebook, and you can find all the night-vision goggles you want, without issues with customs.
By the way, I don't really see what use Priest can actually be, but since the actor is sort of awesome, he can stick around.

La Maison d'Eppes: Charmita is arguing over a wedding date. There are math jokes about stable marriages and even moments of doubt about getting married at the arboretum. No matter what date they say, there's always an argument against it. Even Don has points against certain dates. By the end of this eppesode, I'm thinking they might have to resort to memes to sort things out.
Poor Amita is frustrated. I would be too, if it took 5 seasons to get the man to propose, even though we knew they were going to wind up together from the pilot, and am now looking at another fives seasons ~~subliminal message to CBS~~ to get to the actual wedding.

A few important wedding facts: Amita doesn't want to be a June bride. Charlie would like to repress any argument by talking about the case, and Don clearly thinks justice of the peace is the way to go. The justice of the peace thing, now that I've seen this eppesode a few times, is a big honking piece of foreshadowing to the NPAL™, but, I have to admit that I missed it in the first viewing.

Pier /IHOF: Robin's managed to secure some "help" for the night-vision goggles, since my Mafia Wars idea was not the hit I thought it was. Nothing is written down, because writing stuff like this down would probably mean it would be read by someone -- and wind up in a blog, as governmental agencies are really the classic fail at secrecy.

That's enough for Priest as he's not exactly in the habit of writing things down either, as some of those things might make it... Well, actually, they wouldn't make it anywhere, because would you piss off a guy whose product could perforate you like Swiss cheese? I wouldn't.

And in case I needed to feel more confident about things, did you know the US is the safest place through which to ship guns? Apparently, they're more likely to make it to their final destination if shipped through Newark, Miami, or LA. While this is all fine and good, I'd like Priest to explain a another problem to me.
I think my geographical reality just got in the way of my suspension of disbelief.
As for why Lindell has one now, it's because he's one of those unscrupulous dock workers that make sure that the guns stay safe for shipping elsewhere.

Cal Sci: Now that the Fedcakes know what they're looking for, Charlie's got to help them find the two containers full of the Belgian weapons. They got to find two containers amongst the bajillion (actual number) that try to avoid all inspection areas.
In other words, he needs to find two containers that don't follow the "normal flow in terms of space and time." To explain it to Liz, he compares it to moving a piece of merchandise around a newsstand -- a very expensive and in-demand math journal -- to make sure only Charlie can find it.
Charlie, I think there's been a far better explanation already given about the flow of time, by someone much, much smarter than you. I've even covered it before.

Liz even scoffs at the idea of a popular and expensive math journal. Oh Liz, this is nothing in comparison to your awesomeness later in this eppesode, but it is definitely hee-worthy.

Anyway, all they need to do now is graph the port in four dimensions ~~or find a TARDIS~~ and finding the containers will be a cinch.

Suddenly, we watch an obvious criminal offers his own interpretation on the crime at hand. It's Otto Bahnoff; remember him? He's the guy who I will always believe was a replacement for the unavailable Jay Baruchel's character, Oswald Kittner. All Ottobahn does is breeze into the office, look at the gun schematics, declares it bad, and leaves, all the while talking about pizza.

IHOF: How about I make you a deal? What if we just forget that this scene ever occurred. I can repress it, if you will. Denial -- it's the new black of feelings, right? Please don't make me do this.

Okay, so I will cover the important plot aspects. Robin's arranged to have Priest's and this makes David be all frowny-face. Nothing Colby says can change that.

Afterward, they all go for coffee, which Liz spikes as a joke, causing Colby to sing show tunes.

All right, so perhaps I made up the rest of the scene because my version of events would have been totally made of awesome. Come on -- Colby singing show tunes? Who wouldn't pay to see Colby do that? I'm taking suggestions for Colby to sing in my AU version of this scene or, to be honest, I was just looking for a flimsy excuse to link to this.

In all seriousness, I'm wondering if I procrastinate long enough, everyone will have forgotten what happened next, so I can skip it and move on.

Unfortunately, I think this might fall under the "really memorable" category. So, let me now recount the EPIC FAIL of Don by pointing out all the ways he manages to turn something that should have made me want to dance around the room in a fit of fangirl glee, into a moment that made me want to pound my head into the wall for several hours.
Robin wants to talk about where they stay tonight because she's got a busy day, so Don has a solution to the problem. Why pay two rents when one can get married?
*headdesk*

Now, one would think I would be ecstatically happy. PERHAPS EVEN CAPSLOCK WOULD BE NECESSARY, but no. This is such a bungled proposal (and NPAL™ winner, perhaps supremem NPAL™ of all time) even I cannot fake a little bit of happiness. The fact he even goes on to do the whole "I thought you would be happy" as his justification for his spur of the moment proposal (not to be confused with the spontaneous, I-love-you-so-much-we-should-elope-to-Vegas proposal) reminds me of one trait the brothers Eppes share. They may be very appealing to women, but they're not very good at dealing with them.

Justifiably, Robin says no. Don does make it sound like he's doing her a favour, particularly after the humourous conversation that morning.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Before they can talk about the reasons Robin said no, Colby interrupts with news that Lindell's been found.
I guess I should be grateful it wasn't another telephone call.

I have to say, I'm pretty impressed about how rational I'm being during the discussion of this scene. I didn't overuse capslock. I didn't swear uncontrollably. Hell, I was even able to see the point about Robin's refusal, instead of not caring how they wound up together, just that they did.

Now, if I would've written my analysis immediately after watching this scene it would've read more like this:

DON *bang* WTF *bang* ARE *bang* YOU *bang* DOING? *SOB* Ow, my head hurts now.

Ihave to say, I think my pain threshhold likes this rational thing better.

Underground: In some tunnel, somewhere, Lindell was firing off some rounds, brutally massacring a watermelon, only to have happen what Ottobahn predicted. The gun went all e-splodey and killed him. He was latter found by a film crew scouting for locations.
Thus, Lindell goes down on what I'm pretty sure, is the grossest corpse ever, on this show. I'm talking grossed than the fried apostle in "Thirteen." Although, as the apostle wasn't all dead, only mostly dead, I don't think he can count. (A definition of the difference between "mostly" and "all" dead, is here.)

IHOF: Liz escorts Ottobahn to the IHOF to look a the gun. This isn't a problem, as he's got an Ethiopian restaurant in the area that he likes. Really? An Ethiopian restaurant? Would it, by chance, be an Ethiopian restaurant we've seen before? Would this be yet another flimsy attempt to find an excuse to link to something, just because I want to? ~~Yes.~~

Essentially, Ottobahn explains why the gun doesn't work. Unlike Charlie, he doesn't give us an easily understandable analogy, so I decided to come up with my own.
So now there are 500 weapons about to go boom. Joy. By joy, I mean, crap.

Cal Sci: Can i jsut say that I miss Charlie's old office. Sure, this one has a few things the other didn't ~~light~~ but it doesn't have the same character of the old one. It isn't a mess with funny props and post-its all over the place. This new office is that of a grown up. No-likey.

Amita's arrived to apologize for her earlier bridezilla incident. Considering everything else they're trying to schedule, at least they don't have to worry about the traditional dress, or elephant angle.
Don is not interested.
All the chief Fedcake wants ~~is a chance to take back what he said earlier~~ is the location of the guns in the port.

Port: It's a montage of searching for the wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey containers. They find dirt, electronics, and toys clearly shipped in to be won at cheap-ass county fairs, but no guns.
IHOF: Don's gone from not interested, to peeved. As Rosencrantz and Guildenstern head off to talk to Priest, Don's day isn't going to get any better, when Robin arrives (and Liz clears out of the way at a speed that makes me giggle. Liz is so wise). But you know what Don, you know something that isn't going to help the situation?
Instead of going over to Robin's to talk about things, he stayed home and licked his wounds. I'm glad he didn't lick his wounds in the manner he did the last time things were this rocky between Don and Robin, because I'd have to make a really dirty joke about Liz. I like Liz too much now to do that. ~~Plus, I couldn't take the trauma again.~~.

Don refuses to talk, and I can see his point, because he'd probably say something that would make Robin, or me, even more annoyed. All the while, Liz watches. A couple of years ago, I would've been worried, but Liz has moved well beyond Don.

In the interview room, Priest insists that he's the good type of arms dealer -- the one who will always sell you goods that will help you kill the other guy -- not yourself. He just won't rat out the guy who will sell you the bad guns. (By bad, I mean, hell, there's nowhere to go with this sentence that won't wind up with me talking in circles.)
You'd think Priest would be all over this. The guy selling the Belgian guns is giving his profession a bad name! (By bad, of course, I mean -- hell, I give up.)

Math Garage: Don's playing pool, by himself, to avoid talking about weddings. The problem is, that Alan's come out to the garage to do the same thing, yet winds up talking about the wedding. This wedding planning thing is like a virus.

And Don just doesn't want to hear it, stopping all conversation by confessing that he proposed, and Robin said no. No matter what Alan says, Don's not going to go into it any further, thus cutting off the question I'm sure Alan really wants to ask.
Neighbourhood Do Not Want To Watch: A drive-by has ended with a neighbourhood blown to bits, and a hell of a lot more casualties than intended. Top that off with the idea that if they only shoot at small groups of people, instead of say, large armies, then the guns won't explode. The only conclusion Liza can come to is that the guns are going to stay in LA, where they'll be of use.

There is nothing at all humourous in this scene. In fact, it leaves me so sad at the state of humanity, I have to go off in search of other, more life-affirming things on the internet before I can go on.

After the commercial break, things don't get any happier. The neighbours are willing to give statements, but there isn't much that can be done for the victims, and justice really isn't possible in this situation.

Charlie's feeling terrible about not finding the weapons, despite having incorrect data. Even Ottobahn can't make things any cheerier. At least he has a reasonable solution to pull us away from this pit of misery, as he needs to get to a chalkboard.

Cal Sci: In Charlie's office, Ottobahn is now playing his character more like first season Charlie and completely freaking out by doing equations on a blackboard.

Charmita try to pull Ottobahn out of his funk, which is something Amita, frankly, should have plenty of experience at doing.

Ottobahn's created the WORST CASE SCENARIO of what will happen if all 4999 of the missing guns get out into the public. Let me put it this way -- we're all dead. Did I say a reasonable solution from Otto earlier? What I meant to say is a similar worst case scenario as Charlie's worked out before.

Charlie, clearly recognizing the same OMGWTFSTOPTHEWORLDIWANTTOGETOFF, tries to reassure Otto that now that they have all the correct information, they will find the guns.

Priest's Place: Priest is not following after his namesake, as he arrives home late, having met not one, but two girls.
When he makes a crack about David not knowing how that feels, I wish David would be the one to shut the door, not Priest. Of course, by shut the door, I mean on Priest's head. Somehow, I don't think David is the threesome type, ~~except in fanfic~~ there have been threesome hints on Twitter, but I don't know the characters to which a certain person is referring.

There, dig on that little factoid to keep your mind out of the depressing issue that is this eppesode.

David rails at Priest's greed and considering my BFFedcake only wanted a nicer car to drive to work if he won the lottery, his righteous anger rings true.

But when David cuffs Priest and leads him out of the apartment, I hope to whatever higher power there is ~~Nick & Cheryl~~ that David did not just abduct a material witness. That's not the I'll talk you out of almost anything David I know and love, and hell, even gave up my birthday for!

Neighbourhood Do Not Want To Watch: And yet, in an eppesode of bad decisions, I have to say, abducting the material witness isn't the worst one made here. Right now, Don's proposal and bringing Otto to a crime scene are still winning. Besides, David does uncuff Priest one they're parked (not like that) so I guess that counts for something.

In front of the memorial of the previous night's shooting (because, as we all know, people have memorial objects instantly available for such occasions), David tries to talk Priest out of his wicked ways. I don't blame David for trying. Actually, I would probably be annoyed at David for not trying. He simply wants Priest to give up the person who has the guns, and David's modus operandi is talking people into things.
He points out the houses of the victims form the previous night, and recounts an incident at his first ~~continuity reference~~ posting in Israel, where an entire family was killed at their dinner table, because of wayward arms. He wants Priest to understand the devastation that can be caused by the selling of arms.

Priest cuts my BFFedcake off, because David, and his persuasive tone of doom, seems to be getting to the dealer. Wow, talk about one pussy of an arms dealer. If only they weren't all this easy to talk out of selling weapons. To bring the point home even more, David drives off, leaving Priest in front of the memorial.

Recapper's note: This scene will be forever known in my brain as Liz's scene of pure spectaculawesometude, for all eternity. If I hadn't already taken to Liz (which, took me long enough, considering she was the outlet for my rage, for quite a while, I'm glad to know that she understands her place, ~~in my world~~ in Numb3rs canon.
Liz wants to talk to Robin about Don. She does not want to talk about how Robin wwon Don back, and now they have to bitchslap each other senseless because most women in primetime behave this way, no, Liz is far, far more mature than that. She knows she was only the rebound girl and that Don has always been stuck on Robin. Oh, look at that, even Liz 'ships my OTP.

Robin gives her ridiculously endearing slightly embarrassed smile, and reminds me what I love so much about my OTP, that they get it all HORRENDOUSLY WRONG, but at least are willing to admit it.
Liz, having performed a public service by making sure the lesser stubborn of my OTP is now in the mood to actually talk (public service, a phrase which here means, me stopping pounding my head into a wall during this eppesode), she can now get back to the case. This comes in the form of Colby, who has found a viable lead, the brother of a gangbanger who was probably involved in the drive-by of DOOOM from earlier.

Thanks to the magic of television, the older brother has been brought in for questioning, all in the space of one edit, and now Don and Liz can guilt him into giving up his brother. Now, I don't mean guilt over gang involvement, it's more guilt that this little brother is going to be perforated multiple times, unless he gives up who sold him the faulty Belgian guns that, like chocolate, melt in the hand. If the gangster does that, he can call his little brother and tell him not to bet all deadified by pointing guns at the 40 armed police officers that are coming for him.
The gunseller is named Whitey, on account that he has a creepy white eyeball.

Priest's Place: Priest is trying to do something to get the guns off the street -- trying to buy them, for a reduced price, off of Whitey, aka Moses. Although, in a deal like this, Moses wants cash, not a personal cheque. I guess the credit crisis has even affected the arms industry.

IHOF: Ottobahn certainly recovers a lot faster from his trauma than season1 & 2 Charlie ever did, because he's practically bouncing like Tigger to tell Liz about how, with Charlie, they've found the guns.
Charlie translates OMGEXCITEDOTTOBAHN to "warehouse 32."
Warehouse 32: Okay, I take back what I said about Priest being a pussy. He's meeting with Moses, in the dead of night. I don't care if Rosencrantz and guildenstern are posing as his dogsbodies. Meeting with a guy who has guns that dangerous, would scare the shite out of me. Although, I have to say, I'm glad he's no longer impressed with the big-ass gun Moses's bodyguard is carrying.
Priest has the money, and he wants the guns, and isn't afraid to scoff at Moses's business practices. Priest is totally right, because all Moses wants to do is rip him off. Um, who would ever deal with this guy if all that's going to happen is instead of getting the guns, one gets dead? I don't see the business plan here.
Fortunately, the Fedcakes were all prepared for Moses's sudden but inevitable betrayal, and respond by having a sniper (no, not the enigmatically cool sniper) shoot the bodyguards. can you imagine that part on a resume "bodyguard who can't get off a shot before dying."

Anyway, the gun battle is short, and nowhere near Stephen Gyllenhaal worthy, and it ends with all the baddies being either dead, or arrested. Wow, that was tied up neatly, wasn't it?

IHOF: Moses lawyers up qucikly, despite being told the obvious fact by David and Liz.
Colby lets Priest have a few minutes to talk some sense into Moses, which, in all honestly, shouldn't work because Moses was ready to kill Priest in the previous scene -- not exactly a sign of respect.

Moses gets all uppity, saying that Priest is done in the profession, because he's a rat. So, hold on, one can stay in business, despite selling a defective product, but can't stay in business for getting rid of a dishonest businessman? Does not compute. Then again, I don't understand the need to own guns anyway, unless you're a farmer protecting livestock, so none of this makes sense to me.

Okay, I admit, in this scene, I think Priest is brilliant, as he reminds Moses, that since he's ratting out people, he'll be more than happy to tell some general (who, I assume, isn't quite so discrimiate about killing people) about a bad arms deal perpitrated by Moses. Hmm, reveal where the other 4997 guns are, or meet the general. Obvious choice there, as long as you have the smallest sense of self-preservation.

Self-Preservationville: So if just ratting someone out gets you out of the business, I have a question.
IHOF: Guildenstern is trying to tell Rosencrantz it's time to pull himself out of his maudlin mood, since all the guns have been found. The problem is that David's in the same place Charlie was with the gangsters, seasons ago, by focussing on the overall problem, instead of finding some peace is solving a portion of it. It'll be a while before he can really see the upsides.

David should be happy with another victory -- having Priest see the danger in his profession, not to himself, but to others. Although, if guns are going to be sold, it's probably better this guy do it, than say, Moses.
Math Garage: Charmita is using math to work out their wedding date problems. Amita is using combinatorics, and Charlie's using the pigeon-hole principle. Don't ask me what this means. At least the prize for the best possible date gets to choose the honeymoon location.
Alan appreciates the appropriateness of math being the determining factor in wedding date selection, because of, well, the title of this show. Okay, I'll just assume Alan is that meta, because he is so wise.

Neither date, (August 21 and July 17th, for those of you who are detail oriented) work for a couple of reasons (hip surgery and graduation, respectively) so Alan comes up with October 9th. That's just around the time of Be Kind To David Day, so we could wrap up all those celebrations into one massive party for both the Fedcakes, and the Fandom ~~particularly if we send in enough support to get a season 7~~.
So, Charmita will officially share an aniversary with Alan and Margaret. It's all agreed so mark the date, everyone!

Most importantly, Alan gets to pick the honeymoon destination.
Now there's just one more thing that has to get worked out.

Don's Loft: Yes, we have to get the good 'ship Don/Robin back on course ~~for my mental health, and to save me charging TPTB for my therapy~~.

Don tries to ignore the sound of the door, but his face is just oh so adorable here, and says so much, I squeed the first time I watched this eppesode.
Robin tries to get him to talk and Don's explanation as to why he proposed, is both sweet, and insanely immature. Essentially, it sums up to "well, everyone else is doing it," or "I can't believe my little brother will take the plunge first," or "I would totally jump off the Golden Gate Bridge if everyone else did." As ridiculous as that sounds, it's not actually his reason. The real reason comes as a bit of a tag on to his initial explanation, "I was feeling it out."

Remember what happened to a previous lover? How about his relationship with Kim? Neither ended well, so no matter what was going to happen with his next proposal, it wasn't going to be a big confident gesture.

Now, Robin, because she is awesome, and understands the calibre of man she's got, puts all those fears aside. She reminds Don that he loves old movies, his chivalry (and I would just like to add, his ability to discover a love of watermelon ~~that sounds much dirtier than I meant~~), and all the changes in his life: finding God, and a bike, that he's got to a few things to work out first. She does assure him that she loves him (and I applaud that line like no one's business) and when he does work things out, and comes up with a far more romantic proposal, she'll say yes.
So, right now, "Complicated works for us,"Robin says.
So, I get left all happy and relieved that my OTP is safe, for another week.

Recapper's Annoyance: Not once, but twice, portions of this recap were eaten by a "bad request" from blogspot. ~~Everyone's a critic.~~

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Scratch (Eppesode 611)

2010-01-20T14:39:00.002-05:00

Recapper's Really, Really, Repetitive Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Sure, we may have learned this week that Numb3rs is in contention for renewal next season, but that's not a reason to let up! We need to change that in contention to a definitive yes! Also did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? Finally, have you signed the petition?

For the instacap of this eppesode, I resorted to a bit of a stunt -- an almost entierly onomatopoeic instacap. For this percolated recap, I'm going to explain the odd noises.

Geez, that sentence sounded a lot less odd in my head, but I'll let it stand in all its oddity.
Convenience Store: We begin with a disaffected faux-goth girl (is there any other kind) trying to be all entitled while trying to shoplift. She gets all snarky with the store clerk when he tries to piont out her EPIC FAIL in shoplifting, by trying to point out the concept of video surveillance on the television. Instead of realizing she's walking right into a trap, she proves how completely faux she is at anything as she uses the term "interwebz" and not ironically. Oh, sweetheart, that is so LOLcats.
Once faux-goth girl leaves, the next set of customers prove the subliminal power of muzak. How is this done? They rob the store of all the Change Your Life lottery tickets, all the while bumbling almost every aspect of the crime. First of all, they don't really keep a good eye on the clerk. Secondly, one of the robbers accidentally drops the clip from his gun. Thirdly, the clerk manages to get out a shotgun and fire at the robbers and although he doesn't hit any of them, at first, one of them is convinced he is shot.
Why? The clerk hits a ketchup bottle and the contents are all over one of the robbers' shirts.

Finally, the clerk does hit one of the robbers, and the rest take off, probably pissing themselves.

Now, what does this have to do with the subliminal power of muzak? The song playing in the Background, is the muzak version of this song.

Yup, what the robbers obvious want is their money for nothing. Don't expect the chicks though.

Hum.

La Maison d'Eppes: Alan's found his old bucket list, which was written on the back of a Donovan poster.
For reference things included on that list are:

Growing a ponytail
See Easter Island
Take a cooking class at Cordon Bleu in Paris
Date Barbara Eden
Learn the banjo

Please note that in his youth, Alan was dreaming of Jeannie, wanting to play dueling banjos, cooking with Julia Child and sporting a Steven Seagal hairstyle, but none of these things disturb Charlie the most. Nope, it's the complete lack of things like owning a Craftsman, playing golf, and having kids ~~giving shout outs, world peace and ponies to recapper~~ on the list that Charlie finds the oddest.

Oh, this is just another case of Charlie's ego getting in the way of logic. This list was written when Alan was a really young man, and I don't think things like "Having children who are brilliant, all the while trying to fight a subconscious battle over who really owns the house" are going to make it on most young men's lists. Although, in Charlie's mind, he can't imagine why anyone wouldn't want him around, or put him on a bucket list.
IHOF: Squee. SQUEEE! SQUEE!! SQUEE!!! SQUEE!!!! SQUEE!!!!!
Sorry, I should be recapping what happens, but every time I watch this scene, I turn into a pile of mushy fangirly goo. This makes typing rather difficult.

Needless to say, there's a lot in in this scene that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy about my OTP. There's kissing, there's a rational, non-fear inducing explanation for Robin's prolonged absence (trial in Portland was TOO DAMN LONG). There's even a very not subtle (a phrase which here means Acme anvil worthy) hing about no clothes and baths and things that might occur sans clothes and apres baths (or during baths, or both, whatever).

In fact, I'm perfectly content with life, the universe, and everything, only to have that scourge of this OTP rear its ugly head, or shall I say, ring tone. Don, please meet me in the very irate letter below.
Robin is way more understanding about the phone call than I ever could be, but she is awesome, and I'm a dork, so I guess comparisons aren't apt here.

All I could say about this at the time of the original airing was GRR!!!ARG!!!

Convenience Store: Liz fills Don in on the on the lottery-stealing thieves and introduces us to one of the two former West Wingers in this eppesode: Ron Butterfield. I don't care what the character's name really is, he'll always be Ron Butterfield to me. Apparently, after leaving President Bartlet's employ, he now works for the California Lottery as a security advisor.
He's also developed an aversion to blood, and no, I have no intention of ever separating the character portrayed here from Ron Butterfield.

The reason the Fedcakes have the case is because there have been 8 other robberies in several jurisdictions, all after the Change Your Life lottery tickets. Someone needs a gambling intervention.

What's weird is that the dead robber, won 150000 the previous year: duh dun duh dun. (Which means he got to take home like 12 dollars, right?) This could easily be a comment on lottery-winning, inflation, or both, if the winner is now resorting to robbing convenience stores.

Title Flash.

IHOF: We get an overview of the case thus far: the dead guy was behind on the rent, and attended a support group for other lottery winners, or, as writers call it, convenient suspects.

Also, Butterfield's brought some important statistics and charts on the 3 billion a year business that is the lottery, and how someone might be able to cash in a stolen lottery ticket. In fact, it's such big business that there are lottery cops. I sense a spin-off L0TT3RY C0P5.
And the lottery cop is Nicole Sullivan from MADtv. Just out of curiousity but how the hell am I supposed to take her seriously? I mean, pie charts are serious. My anger about inconvenient phone calls is serious.
Thus, there is only one thing to do: endear her to Charlie by geeking out over odd, and statistics, and dropping hints about having a crappy morning due to missed flights. She reminds me a lot of Mildred Finch. Don't remember Millie? Well, just because she seems to have dropped of the face of the Numb3rs universe doesn't mean I've forgotten her. (Although, that really doesn't say much, considering I remember little things like when the show used a Bob Dylan song, Liz has a hamster, and that Don and Robin were broken up for 525 days, before my 'ship was relaunched, so me remembering Millie, probably isn't that impressive.) Millie often did silly and ridiculous things, yet was always rather useful.

It takes Nancy Hackett (AKA Nicole Sullivan) a moment or two to realize that Charlie wasn't just randomly riding up and down in the elevator (but I wouldn't put it past him) and that he's following here. Well, to be more accurate, they're heading to the same place.

Just like Millie, Nancy is useful in providing information about the next robbery hot zone.
There's some really cool mathematical way that revealed the next hot zone location, but I'd rather use the Charlie-vision analogy for the mathematically challenged ~~like me~~.

It's like a piano. Knowing the order of the keys allows one to be able to guess at the next key, or the whole melody. So, essentially, musical theory was used. I would've stuck with my piano lessons if I knew musical theory would've allowed me to get closer to the adorkable professor.

The problem is that within the hot zone, there are 67 different lottery retailers, and only so many Fedcakes to spread around. Plus, without Colby in this eppesode (and I'm going to assume, unlike Don, Colby was clever enough not to pick up the damn phone and is off somewhere with someone extraordinarily hot), the Fedcakes have even fewer resources ~~and potential super!Colby moments~~.

Nikki and David decide to let the geeks geek-out and take off in search of information on the lottery-winning victim. To do this, they have to go to a very specific pool.

Convenient Suspect Pool: It's a meeting at Scott Wilson's house of lottery winners. Wilson doesn't endear himself to me as he quotes not-so-great David Mamet movies and discusses how lottery winners "earned" their money. The quotes there are intentional, with all possible connotations.
I find it weird that the Nikki's brought Nancy with her, instead of David. I would much rather imagine Nancy and Charlie comparing ratios and odds (not like that) while watching David and Nikki scoff at at the "woe is me, I have millions of dollars, boo-freaking hoo" lottery winners.

Showing exactly how much numbers means to her, Nancy recites Scott Wilson's winning number, 2, 7, 19, 23, 41 and 13. While the factoid that he won with all prime numbers is interesting, I would've preferred a little more foreshadowing. How about numbers that suggest mystery, and doom like 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and 42? 23 is still a prime number and 42 is the meaning of life, so I like my suggestions better.

We also meet Scott's disaffected and annoying son, Zack, who thinks stupid people should be stopped from buying lottery tickets. By "stupid people" he means, "his father who has given him everything." Hey, Zack, I have a suggestion.
Scott justifies his son's behaviour by blaming it on his wife's death because no decent father is going to admit to two strangers that he raised an ungrateful asshole.

He also recongizes the dead robber -- a man who blew through his lottery winnings, something Scott tries to counsel against. He gives the name of the dead robber's financial advisor to Nikki and Nancy and instantaneously I'm suspicious. People who take on clients that stupid, must have an angle.

Some random location: Liz is sent to talk to my suspect, but I have to revise my suspicions because it's another West Winger, Mallory! Suddenly I'm all WTFWW reunion?
All Mallory can give us is that the dead robber was a sucker, and couldn't think his way out of an open door. All right, she doesn't say it quite like that, but with her tone of voice, that's what she meant. So, if the Fedcakes get a subpeona, they can have all the financial records, and I can move on to another, more entertaining scene.

Cal Sci: Alan and Charlie are sharing warm fuzzy family memories of the time Charlie used math to destroy the family fun of scratching off lottery tickets. Charlie then goes on to explain the astronomical odds of every winning the lottery, despite the fact people can claim they're doing it to help support things like schools, and charities. ~~So my plans to try and make more money by recapping totally makes more sense or, you know, not.~~ Well, no one ever said the Eppes household was normal.
IHOF: Nikki and David have struck out with the convenient suspect pool and I'm mixing my metaphors. Of course, this means all they can do is discuss what they would do if they won the lottery. David says he'd have a nice car to drive to work. Nikki responds that she'd buy him a nicer car and make him drive her to work.
I find it interesting that neither of them say they would leave their jobs. They're truly dedicated Fedcakes.

A call about the van used in the robberies stops the conversation.

Parking Lot: I find the reaction to what's in the van, and the contents, not quite equitable.
There are 10 thousand lottery tickets. If there'd been a corpse, several corpses, or the holy grail, perhaps the look of surprise would be warranted, but really, they were looking for lottery tickets and the van was used to help steal the tickets. What else did they expect?

IHOF: Not all of the stolen tickets are in the van. 7 tickets that won less than 600 are missing, and this is important because one doesn't have to go anywhere special to cash such a ticket.

Nancy's rather impressed at the effort it took to scratch off 10000 tickets, as there could be some serious repetitive injuries as a result. She jokes that Liz might have difficulty shooting a weapon with carpal-tunnel, but that David could "shoot through the pain."

SQUEE! Of course, this means that elsewhere, Don and Robin are having a scene. (Not like that, and not in the negative connotation either.)

There's some interest from above about the lottery case, and sometimes, Robin thinks they hassles of the lottery aren't worth it but other times, she can use the minuscule chance of winning to hint about where Don should take her on a vacation: a villa in Italy.
It also gives Robin the chance to quiz Don about the motorcycle, and it's so obvious Don thinks he's about to get in a little bit of trouble -- the same type most men would get into when buying a vehicle which is such a solitary method of travel, for the most part.

Yet, this is not the case. In an interesting turn of events (a phrase which here means, events which totally turn Don on) Robin reveals that she rode motorcycles in college, and might still have her leather pants.

La Maison d'Eppes: Charlie's appalled to find Alan testing his luck at the lottery. "Fortune brings in some boats that are not steer'd." Alan informs his youngest.

Um, who quotes Cymbeline to prove a point? That's like saying using one of these as a valid argument. Alan, Hamlet proves a point. Macbeth proves a point. Cymbeline is sort of the play Shakespeare wrote on a bad day and probably wished was forgotten entirely by history.

Alan turns to other tactics, like arguing he'll use the lottery money for his bucket list. His argument is destroyed by two things.
The second thing is Alan's new addition to the list: grandchildren. Um, money can't help with that unless you really want to make my mind go places it doesn't want to go. Ever. As for the grandchildren request, Charlie's heard it so often, it doesn't faze him anymore. Hee.

Alan's attempt to check things off his bucket list does provide an ah-ha for the case. The robbers weren't after the tickets, but the serial numbers. Unfortunately, those numbers happen to be on the tickets.

IHOF: Nancy's all uh-oh, but is reassured by the computer programme that randomizes the serial number and prize relationship, and that it would be almost impossible for someone to crack the code. Poor Nancy, has just said two things that always make Charlie scoff.

And with 10000 tickets, that's enough data to crack the code. This also leads us to this week's NPAL™. "You're right, that, I guess that's why you're the famous math professor and I'm the state employee. For stroking Charlie's ego in both a self-depreciating, and painfully awkward way, Nancy earns an NPAL™.

Charlie tries to make Nancy feel better, but it's almost as awkward. It's as much "well, it's easier to explain it to you than it is to a pack of beagles" as it is reassurance. At least they now know, like so many other criminals on this show, that one of the robbers has to know a great deal about math to break the random-not-random lottery code.

Just as Nancy and Charlie head out to tell the Fedcakes about the newest theory, there's a call about someone trying to cash in one of the missing tickets. This may not fit in with the mathletes theories, but it does give me a chance to chastise someone.
Venice Convenience Store: Artemis and Athena are finally sent somewhere together. Seriously, if these two were in any fewer scenes together, I'd start a ~~totally false~~ rumour that the actresses hated each other. I can't do that though, because I follow Cheryl Heuton on Twitter, and such an implication would give her the right to verbally lambaste me for the rest of my natural existance. In other words, not the best way to get my desired shout out.

The arrival of our female Fedcakes results in bike versus women chase across the various bridges in, what I think, is Venice. Not that I know Californian geography that well, but one thing I do know, it's a setting that's been used before on this show. Although, instead of Super!David, we get a new Fedcake super hero.
When the kid gets thrown off the bike by a decorative plant that leaps into his path, (OW!) we find out that it's Zack, the annoying, overly-privileged kid who think that with money, comes assholery. Artemis and Athena deal with him appropriately.
Zack has all the other missing lottery tickets and tells the partners that his dad, who gives financial seminars to lottery winners, is broke.

IHOF: In a turn of events that I find remarkably cool, and not just because it involves Robin, we get some good ideas that don't involve Don's gut, David's talking, or Charlie's math. Now, don't get me wrong, I appreciate all of the above, but I think it's sort of awesome that TPTB, at this point in the series, think it's all right to have a major development, or plan to suss out the bad guy, not come from an ah-ha from the usual people.
Nikki and Robin rationally discuss the likelihood that Zack has any idea about the pile of shit he's found himself is. The answer is no, thus they plot to use Zack to get his dad to talk. There's enough of a connection to make the intuitive leap that Scott is involved. The first, is his son's possession of the lottery tickets when probabaly the last time that kid possessed anything, it would've wound up with Zack be arrested for possession. Secondly, the dead robber knew Scott, both of whom were broke. Finally, Scott has to be 100 times more involved since he blew through 100 times more money than the dead guy. I think Charlie would be impressed by my correlation there ~~but not my logic~~.

Convenient Suspect Pool: The pool's emptied quite a bit since the last time we were here, as the only person David and Liz find is Scott Wilson. Can I just add that any lottery winner who wears headphones, while jumping up and down on a trampoline and forgets to lock his door, doesn't exactly scream criminal mastermind to me.
After informing Scott of his son's arrest, the pair of Fedcakes take him downtown.

IHOF: Nancy and Charlie explain that with 10000 tickets, the robbers can now crack the algorithm used to "randomize" the serial numbers.
Now the robbers know the serial number of the jackpot ticket, which means 5 million dollars -- or -- if their spending sprees are any clues -- the next two years worth of funding before they have to resort to more crime.

Butterfield scoffs at the idea the idea of some big master plan, which gives me a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that Butterfield isn't the noble agent I remember him to be. On the other hand, he does have a point since the robbers wouldn't know where to find the ticket, unless they had inside help. It's at this point that I figured out what was really going on in this eppesode.

*Le sigh.*

Liz has some other important information about the lottery support group. That information is that they were a crappy support group. We're now up to 4 members who went broke. Worst support group ever.

So, now would be the perfect time for Robin not to suggest Scott and Zack be put into the same room together. She would never suggest such a thing because that would be total manipulation, they might say something that would be admissible by spontaneous utterance, or would make their lawyer look like an idiot.
The spontaneous utterance isn't really that spontaneous. In order to save his son, Scott confesses to everything save the Lindbergh kidnapping and stealing the cookie from the cookie jar. The son, by the way, giggles at the predicament of being arrested by the Fedcakes, right up until the moment he realizes he could go to jail and get a cellmate named Big Mick, or something that rhymes with that.

The problem is that even though Scott confesses to the robberies, he isn't the mastermind. He was just told where to commit the crimes that are going to take him away from his beloved son. On the other hand, considering the stellar job he's done thus far, perhaps that's not a bad idea.
Oh, yes, he has no idea where the other two bandits are but at least he know where they're going to hit next.

Convenience Store 3: Robbers 0, Fedcakes 2.
IHOF: Neither of the other two robbers know anything, but Butterfield does. Someone with supersekrit access to the lottery corporations computers accessed the information as to the locations of the robberies, someone with clearance. Uh-Oh.

Cal Sci: In case the set up wasn't more obvious, let me make it clear, the current suspect, is Charlie's new BFF. Sadly, just as Charlie and Nancy come to the realization that there's an insider involved in the thefts, Nancy is taken into custody.
In disbelief, David offers Charlie a way out -- provide an equation (which translates to, something of logic, in my world) -- and the Fedcakes will release Nancy, other than that, and the next time Charlie sees his new BFF, will be at her arraignment.

IHOF: Artemas and Athena are reviewing the evidence with Butterfield -- all of which looks pretty damning for Nancy. Obviously, since we're not near the end of the eppesode, this scene is meant to whack us in the side of the head with the dead stinky trout of foreshadowing saying that she can't possibly be guilty. (Why dead, stinky, and a trout? Would you miss a dead, stinky trout hitting you in the side of the head? I thought not.)

La Maison d'Eppes: Alan is subtly reminding Don that Robin is in town, and yet, Don is not with her giving Alan grandchildren. Okay, so that isn't exactly what Alan says, but I can translate subtext pretty well.

Alan cannot believe her son can't show how enthusiastic he is to have Robin back in town, inspiring what is officially, Alan's best line in the history of this show. Forget all the wise things Alan has said. Forget all the teasing and and gentle nudging of his sons. This is his all time classic line.
Not only does it amuse Don that his father used the name Beyonce in a sentence, but also it gives me ~~pretty thin~~ excuse to link to such awesomeness as this, or this. Of course, if Alan had attempted to give us a little bit of the dance, the hilarity might've killed me.

This goes into a brief discussion about men's ponytails being out of style (one thing scratched, no pun intended, off Alan's bucket list), Charlie's intuition, and Alan not wanting to spend 14 hours on a plane to visit Easter Island.

The plane comment triggers something in Don's mind, and he quickly leaves, the the purpose of a man who has just solved a mystery.

Speaking of mysteries, I found one of my own in this scene. No, it's not the psychological need Alan has to feed someone, anyone, even if it is fish (although that would be a good piece of meta).

No, it is the shocking, the unbelievable, the amazing mystery of Don's drink. First of all, it's not beer. That alone is a mystery, but then something almost X-Files-worthy occurs.
IHOF: We get a neat aerial shot of the International House of Fedcakes, but considering the rumours this week about an American version of Torchwood, I offer up a different suggestion.
In interrogation, Don and David confront Butterfield about the times and dates Nancy allegedly collected information for the robberies. There's one slight flaw. Remember that throw-away line at the beginning when Nancy's going on about missing her flight? Yeah, well, the last time she supposedly accessed the lottery corperation's database was from a landline when she was 31000 feet in the air. That's one hell of a phone cord.
I'm feeling a bit like I did when I was little and watched Murder, She Wrote ~~don't judge me~~. I'd spend the entire episode looking for that one, awkwardly tossed in seemingly-random line and then scream at the TV that the speaker of the line did it, ruining the mystery for my brother ~~that you can totally judge me on~~. This time, it's the small clue that exonerates Charlie's new BFF.

Considering about the only thing Butterfield did to hide his connection to the robbers (as his number is all over the dead one's phone records, and well, just about everything else he's ever done in his life, apparently), was use Nancy's password, it didn't take the Fedcakes too long to pull down his house of cards, or lottery tickets.

Now the only thing Butterfield can do to make his situation a little bit better is turn over his partner -- the mathematical one. Hmmmmm.

Convenience Store 4: Who knew working in and around the government kept you honest? I mean, seriously, Mallory was the daughter of Bartlet's Chief of Staff. Butterfield was the head agent in charge of the President's security. Now, they're scamming the California Lottery Corporation. Although, I'd like to say that I would like some credit for providing the Fedcakes with the small piece of information about where our criminals met.

Can I just say that a good portion of this scene is filmed in what I believe would be called surrealistic, or the camera is on drugs mode.
Just as Mallory exits the store, winning ticket in hand, her surrealistic version of the universe, settles back into reality.
Pwned.

Sure, Mallory tries to play it cool, and stuffs the winning ticket into her shirt. Now the reason for sending out the two female agents to pick her up make sense. I think David or Don's sense of propriety would win over having to go in after it.

The justification for the crime includes having to deal with people who invest in getting their own lightsaber. Sorry, but I find that weak. I mean who wouldn't want to have their own lightsaber? ~~That's not just me, right?~~

Oh, and for the record, it's Nikki who retrieves the ticket.

IHOF: The winning ticket is bagged for evidence, as Nikki, Liz, and David discuss who is going to benefit from the 5 million dollar windfall. As David needs to give some cool exposition and/or story in every eppesode, he provides us with the tale of the woman in Oregon, who bought a lottery ticket with a stolen credit card. Seizing authority got to keep the cash.

Now, while it's rather hehehehehe to have Artemas and Athena bicker over who is really the "seizing authority" I don't like to think my Fedcakes are really like that. Plus, it puts David in a really untenable position.
Plus, the seizing authority is the FBI, which was pretty obvious from the get-go. So, as David takes the ticket down to evidence, Liz and Nikki follow him -- proving that money can destroy plenty of things, even the trust of the Fedcakes. Wow, the last couple of times we had this level of distrust, Don was in therapy and, most importantly Colby was a spy (not theoriginalspy).

SQUEE!

Outside the IHOF, Don and Robin have a serious talk about their relationship. Sure, Don gives a great quippy answer about what Robin was coming back to after being in Portland for forever (forever as judged by my fandom time), "Me," but Robin's worried that long-distance and the lack of true commitment from having to deal with the everyday realities of a relationship, is as good as they're going to get.

I am not, in the least, amused by this. Discussion about the future is fine, great even. Discussion with such a negative tone, makes me worry. I don't like worrying about my OTP.

As Robin's not sure about how to how they're doing as a couple, Don tries to reassure Robin (and, vicariously, me) by responding "we're doing it."
Ahhhh. I'm not so worried anymore.

My fangirliness ramps up to 11. Well, let me rephrase that; my fangirliness was at 11, now it's got to be around 15.

La Maison d'Eppes: Alan, Nancy, and Charlie are discussing random lottery trivia, like the Bulgarian lottery picking the same numbers twice in a row. Intrestingly enough, the article I found on the incident says the odd of that occurring are 1 in 4 million, whereas Nancy says the odds are 1 in 5.2 million ~~either of which are higher odds than my shout out~~. Uh-oh. This is a conundrum. Do I believe Numb3rs and its math, or the BBC? There has to be one deciding factor that will sway my belief.
Charlie scoffs at all the improbable math, so Alan hands his son a lottery ticket, jsut for the heck of it. For all of Charlie's abilities to figure out the odds when playing the lottery, he's crap at figuring out the odds of when he's the one getting played.

Nancy jokes, as Charlie scratches off the ticket, that he must be feeling "numerically violated." He's actually feeling rather chuffed, because he's won 10000 dollars, or at least, he would have, if his father wasn't playing a joke on him to get him to shut the hell up about people who play the lottery.

Plus, there's not a damned thing Charlie can do about it. It's not like Charlie can take Alan "out with differential geography," or "protractors... at 20 paces."
So, Charlie now has to accept that he's been pwned, by his own father. Even Nancy, his new BFF, sides with Alan. The eppesode ends with Charlie being taught a lesson about mocking those who play the lottery, or mocking his father, either one is valuable.

Looking forward to the next eppesode, Don learns a lesson of his own. That lesson? What happens when one can't bother to use a bloody answering machine!

Instacap: Numb3rs: Arm in Arms (Eppesode 612)

2010-01-15T22:22:00.003-05:00

As Spy is currently recovering from beating her head against a wall for the better part of this eppesode, her tweeting has been copied and pasted for posterity.

Don, it's official. I'm revoking your phone privileges FOREVER. No love, Spy. #Numb3rs

Did Charlie just suggest outside the normal flow of time? Is time wibbly-wobbly and timey-wimey for you too? #Numb3rs

OMFG DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?

I am now going to pound my head into my wall and weep for several hours. Feel free to ignore me. #Numb3rs

I can, and will make a correlation between my current trauma and Don answering his phone. #Numb3rs

*bang, bang, bang, bang, bang* This isn't helping. #Numb3rs

Oh OttoBahn, believe me, I understand feeling traumatized. #Numb3rs

Liz, thank you for understanding your place in my universe. #Numb3rs

I know there's a plot . I'm sure it's a great plot but being traumatized, I can't really pay attention. #Numb3rs

I think David and I are both in need of serious hugs. #Numb3rs

Pigeonman: August 21 Amita: July 17th. My suggestion: October 12.

Better Alan pick the honeymoon than Buckley. #Numb3rs

I can now stop with the banging my head against a wall. I am slightly appeased. #Numb3rs

Why does Global TV in Canada not show the previews! #Numb3rs

Instacap: Numb3rs: Scratch (Eppesode 611)

2010-01-08T22:21:00.004-05:00

An almost entirely onomatopoeic instacap:

Hum.

Eek.

SQUEE!!!!

GRR!!!ARG!!!

duh dun duh dun.

WTFWW?

SQUEE!!!!

Hee!

Ah-ha.

Ow.

Le sigh.

Uh-oh.

*gigglesnort*

Hmmmm.

Pwned.

hehehehehee

SQUEE!!!

Ahhhhhh.

Pwnedx2.

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Old Soldiers (Eppesode 610)

2010-01-08T18:46:00.001-05:00

Recapper's Really Repetitive Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Also did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? (According to inside sources, CBS actually pays attention to that.) Finally, have you signed the petition?

Before we begin, I would just like to say, (and this is not meant to be derogatory towards the actor, just the character ~~because hating the Fonz should be illegal~~) I hate Roger Bloom. I really, really, loathe the man. He struts about like he's full of integrity, ~~unless it suits his purpose~~. He is intolerant of everyone's failings ~~except his own~~, and makes Colby behave like an idiot. If that wasn't bad enough, now he commits the ultimate crime in the Numb3rs-verse ~~right after giving Charlie a buzz cut~~. He's an asshat to Alan. Yes, Alan is the bigger person in this situation, but you know what? I'm not.

Thus, the next time I see Roger Bloom (Because, there will be a next time, even if I have to send in 10937823 letters to CBS myself --which, could get costly, but is worth it), I expect that eppesode to also feature Edgerton, doing what he does best. ~~Well, what he does best after oozing sexual chemistry at Nikki, anyone walking by, and random pieces of office furniture.~~ If you get my meaning.
Fedcake Federal Reserve Raid / IHOF: Ah, the easiest way to know an eppesode will begin with a bang, is the sight of Fedcakes in Kevlar. Hell, Colby's even in uniform. Charmita's watching via vid feed at the IHOF. We even get a reference back to what is still my favourite eppesode of season 1. I think some higher power is trying to get on my good side, by reminding me about everything else that is awesome about this show, before inflicting me with Bloom.
Oh, and speaking of the Charm School Boys, the current robbers have learned from the epic failure of that less than merry band of thieves, and have tried to set up a red herring pattern. But, fear not, Charlie and his great mathematical divinations, have seen through that cunning plan and sent the Fedcakes to watch the Federal Reserve truck.

This whole development is enough to make David start chewing gum out of nervousness. Who knew comforting behaviours were infectious? Of course, this could be another example of David trying to model himself after Don, which we saw earlier in the season.

Judging by the overwhelming evidence of how often Charlie has been right in the past, I agree with the professor. The hail of gunfire might also be a huge clue, but really, it's my faith in Charlie.

After a lot of prop bullets, and dry ice disguised as tear gas were expended in the name of art, the Fedcakes win, not only because of Charlie and his math, but also, they had two secret weapons.

The second is Don, who was undercover as one of the drivers. Nikki jokes that his uniform makes him look like an Eagle Scout. For me, it's not the uniform, but the gas mask that reminds me of something else.
I know, I know, I shouldn't get my verses mixed up, but I can't control myself whenever a gas mask is shown.

IHOF: The Fedcakes are counting the money, but not in the way I think one should count it.
The machine keeps having trouble with old bills, but all these bills have something in common: and it's not, even though they're all from 1969, that they saw Woodstock. Nope, when Charlie (after calculating the odds that 4 bills from '69 would make it to 2009) checks the serial numbers, the FBI computer pops out a former character on Prison Break.
Unlike Amita, I knew the story of the original DB Cooper, but just in case everyone needs a review of the hijacking-parachuting invisible ransoming Cooper, here it is. ~~My research skills, let me show you them.~~ Oh, poor Amita, used as a vessel for the 3 audience members who didn't know the history. On the other hand, it does give Rosencrantz and Guildenstern a chance to give some exposition, so that's cool.

Title Flash.

The exposition continues, and we're given a more detailed account of the DB Cooper crime. David, fulfilling Larry's role of conspiracy theorist, doesn't tote the party line that Cooper died in his ill-advised parachute jump into a rainstorm over a forest of trees, and Charlie quickly agrees with him, but for mathematical reasons. He calls the original calculation "mathematical fondue," and this leaves me with one question: since when did fondue go out of style?

The one things they can rule out is the robbers' involvement with the DB Cooper money. Despite getting arrested, and probably going to prison where they'll meet Big Sal, they think the whole Cooper connection is cool, unlike fondue.

So let me get this straight, by Numb3rs' standards, DB Cooper is cool but fondue, which has its heyday around the same time DB Cooper was jumping out of an airplane, isn't cool. Now I'm just confused.

As Nikki reports to Don that the money's been exposed to hot, dry air, and drywall -- which, correct me if I'm wrong -- could be just about anywhere in California, Colby's got even more exciting news. He's found out who investigated the case, way back in 71: Roger Bloom. ~~I'm sure Bloom's got a scapegoat for that too.~~
The phones in the IHOF go nuts, as someone leaked the DB Cooper connection to the blogs. Well, at least I can be all self-righteous and say that it wasn't my blog that leaked it. First of all, I'm not part of the fictional world where Fedcakes run around in Kevlar, inspiring fanfic. Secondly, I would've noticed if I'd finally gotten my shout out.

Nikki and Colby take off before the press deluge of the IHOF, but in what has to be the cutest team moment of the year, thus far, Nikki shoves Colby back into his chair to get a head start. I admit, I giggled, just like Nikki. Yes, Nikki giggled at that too. I guess her inner five year old, like mine, isn't quite so inner.

Bloom's: It's 6:30 the next morning, and Roger Bloom is in his bathrobe pondering how only Fedcakes arrive that early. I'm glad he only pondered on Fedcakes and not other people that randomly show up at 6:30 in the morning, for other reasons. No, I'm not apologizing for saying that. I had that unfortunate thought the third time I watched this eppesode, and I had to share my pain.
At first, Bloom's reluctant to help, because he's always Mr. Pouty McPoutypants, until Colby points out that the shiny new security consulting firm would get a lot (a phrase which here means shitload) of publicity if Bloom was involved with the solving of the DB Cooper case.

Thus Bloom has to take the time to explain the Numb3rs stamp on the DB Cooper legend. The hijacker actually got away with about a million, and the FBI found a corpse in a tree, not far from where it was calculated DB Cooper would land. See, sometime math, even if it is fondue math, produces results, even if it is a little cheesy. ~~I'm sorry, that pun couldn't stay unwritten any longer.~~

The corpse in the tree (which so sounds like the title of an episode of Bones, doesn't it?) was one Eddie Sawyer, thief, Vietnam paratrooper, and suspected accomplice of DB Cooper. How does Bloom know Sawyer wasn't DB Cooper? It's unlikely Sawyer would stab himself, and then jump out of a plane.

Cal Sci: David's looking for a favour from Amita (not like that). He has a date to the symphony and needs help buying a suit. Apparently, he thinks all hist suits make him look too much like a Fedcake. I'd like to argue that point.
Listing all the people at the office, David implies that Liz is the only one he could've asked for advice, and he's probably right. Besides, imagine Colby's reaction when he finds out David's going on a date with someone else? (And now, I shall leave the rest of that speculation to talented fiction writers.)

Amita agrees to help, and not tell the little sister of the Fedcakes, Nikki.

Fedcake Federal Reserve Raid: Don learns there NO POSSIBLE WAY TO HIDE THAT MONEY, which, of course , means there's a way to hide that money somehow, and the only person who could've done it, is Wesley Till, the armoured car driver. The problem is, Wesley's been given a week off, due to the whole shooting and tear gas thing. Rather reasonable, I say.
Don doesn't think so, as his team was also in the vicinity of tear gas, and they're still working. I choose to leave that point alone.

Math Garage: Bloom is helping Charlie justify pulling out all of Don's old toys, and calculate the place DB Cooper went smuck into a grove of trees. Even the fondue math is right, and Cooper should be a pile of goo, the world's ugliest tree decoration, or a cannibal's fondue.
When Alan first arrives, Bloom ignores him, which is better than what he does shortly. All Charlie and Bloom can focus on is the idea that since no one saw Cooper jump, perhaps he didn't jump when they said he jumped because, let's think about that -- no one saw it.

This sets Alan back to his nostalgic getting arrested at sit-ins hippie days, when planes were hijacked all the time, and, how Cooper wound up as an anti-establishment folk hero, simply because he wasn't caught by the one thing so many people hated at the time -- the feds.

Cue the diatribe against what Alan wasn't talking about -- the disrespect for the people who died serving their country and following orders in Vietnam. Um, Bloom, I don't think Alan was talking about that. Alan even made a point about dividing up the "country" from the "establishment." Now, I know there's a slippery slope here as there is an unfortunate history for those who served in Vietnam, but no matter what Alan's opinions at the time, he's certainly not implying that here. I'm just saying that Bloom getting all snippy is a little out of order here.
Besides we were talking about folk heroes who steal money. There's a serious historical precedent here for people who go against the government and become outlaws. Robin Hood has had many a legend and ~~laughable~~ movie made in his name. Hell, Jayne Cobb even gets his own song!

Thank heavens for Charlie and his phobia of conflict, as he breaks up the argument before I crawl through the screen and squash Bloom like the annoying bug he is. Since no one saw Cooper jump, there was plenty of terrain only minutes later what would've been far less likely to result with a man impaled on a tree.

Since everything and everyone has to revolve around Bloom, he snarks about Alan's hero surviving and stomps out. Good, perhaps he'll take his ball and go home and GET THE HELL OUT OF THE SHOW!
Till's: Nikki and David get the job of interviewing the armoured car driver, which gives David another chance to shine at exposition. DB was actually a mistake in a newspaper that just got repeated. The thief actually called himself Dan Cooper, which also happened to be the name of a French comic book hero. Well, if there's one thing David should know, it's the comic world.
OR DOES HE???

As much as this pains me to say, my BFFedcake is equivocating. After extensive research ~~20 minutes Googling~~, David's not telling us the whole story. Sure Dan Cooper may have been published in France, and was written by a Belgian, but the character is actually French-Canadian. Thus, by David's simplifying of the story, and by the logic Bloom applies in this eppesode about how everything must relate back to him, no matter how tenuous the connection, I can only come up with one horrifying conclusion.

This was clearly an insult against me. Yes, I am Canadian, with the accent to prove it, and that the part of the story David left out. (Sure, he also left out the part about the Belgian author, but, by Bloom's Victimology, the other details do not matter.) Therefore, by leaving out that small, almost irrelevant detail, and Bloom's twisted logic, I'm allowed to be miffed throughout the rest of this eppesode.

Oh wait, other important things are happening -- like Wesley Till getting all corpsified on the floor, David finding where the Cooper money was hidden, and someone pointing a gun at David's head.
Fortunately, Nikki has excellent timing, and the gun-wielding man, who claims he's Ray Till, the dead driver's uncle. I don't believe him. I think he's a Cylon. My theory is proven valid by the events of this eppesode.

Nikki and David have the yucky job of informing Till (a phrase which here means, showing Till the bloody corpse of his nephew) about the death of poor Wesley. Till is typically stoic (a word which here means a CYLON).

IHOF: Till muses about how amazingly awesomesauce his nephew was. Wesley didn't care about money, didn't own a television, healed the sick, walked on water, and always ate the red smarties last. He was that kind of man. As for Till, He's surprised to have outlived his nephew, because he's got cancer.
Finally, because we need to know everything about this seemingly unimportant ~~cylon~~ man, he was a soldier in Vietnam. We know this because of a tattoo -- a reminder of one drunken night with his unit.

Out in the bullpen, David theorizes that Wesley was taking in the DB Cooper money, bit by bit, and exchanging it for the money that was supposed to be destroy. You see, his boss said they only counted his personal cash -- they didn't check the serial numbers. It was the only way to still make money off of cash that everyone (and their uncle, the cylon) has been looking for.
While this could work, it dosn't explain why there's still over 700 thousand missing. We have plenty of time to ignore that little detail, because Nikki might have something even bigger: Uncle Ray, the former paratrooper, is a good candidate for DB Cooper. It's the most rational explanation we've had thus far about how the hijacker could've survived the jump. It's hard to kill a cylon.

Nikki bets Rosencrantz and Guildenstern two burritos from the vending machine, that her theory is correct. You know, if I made that bet, I'd lose on purpose to avoid some nasty food poisoning.

In the midst of this investigation, Amita arrives, ready to go through some potential date-suit options with David. I think she missed the subtext from earlier which was if she picks it out, he will wear it.

Cal Sci: Charlie's having difficulty believing that Cooper survived, or would even try the whole stunt, considering the likelihood he would get all deadified. We get a Charlie-vision comparing Cooper a mouse who practically tap dances in front of an owl saying "eat me" because the risk wasn't worth the reward.

That is, as Don points out, unless Cooper just liked risky things. Or, of course, is a cylon.

For some reason the talk of adrenaline junkies is used as a segue for Charlie to relate the asshatishness of Bloom in regards to Alan. Now, personally, I don't think one needs a segue to relate when someone is that big of an asshole towards one's father, but the awkwardness of this lead in was nothing in comparison to the shock I felt about what happened next.

Don sided with Bloom.

All right, so since Alan wasn't talking about Bloom being a baby-killer, nor was he degrading any soldier's sacrifice during the war, and only talked about the government, Bloom still gets to go off on an unprovoked tangent? Don, you're clearly being used to try and show both sides of the argument, and it would be valid, if that had been the original topic of the discussion. Nope, instead, Bloom made it what Bloom always makes things about, whatever the hell it is he wants and screw the logic, thus voiding any wrong doing on Alan's part.

While I could rant about Bloom and his dumb-assery for the better part of a season 7, let me just sum up by saying that men like this should not be allowed to carry guns, ever.
IHOF: Well, now Vietnam is really in it, as Wesley Till kept sending money to a flower shop in an area nicknamed "Little Saigon." Thinking of Saigon, could we have a Miss Saigon moment where a helicopter swoops down, and takes Bloom away?

Also, the corpse that was found in the tree, shortly after the initial hijacking, was a member of Till senior's unit -- a unit accused of war crimes against a small, defenseless village.

Most important, it looks like Nikki's going to win the bet. She could totally turn it around on the boys by making them eat it, which would be far more dangerous than other eating games I've seen on other shows I love -- like "Mystery Crisper," for instance.

Public Library: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern commit the epic fail of stealthy surveillance.
David's surprised that anyone in the era of the wireless series of tubes, would ever use microfilm. Of course, he also thinks the mountains (where Till has been living) have internet service.

"I'm going to take you camping, if only for entertainment value," Colby snarks at his partner.

Now, that is what Colby said. That is not what some parts of the fandom heard. I believe it was more, "I'm going to take you camping, if only for the plot bunnies."

As Till leaves, and David heads off to get the car, Colby does something I didn't think was possible in a Bloom eppesode, earns the NPAL™. Believe me, not awarding it Bloom, hurts.

So, what does Colby do to cause me a great deal of mental pain? When asking the librarian (who thinks very highly of Till) for all the microfilms of old papers the suspect was looking at, the librarian innocently asks, "Do you have a library card?"

"Uh, I've been meaning to get one," Colby responds. Colby's you've been there for how long and you don't have a library card? You do realize that there is a serious correlation between hotness and reading for most women right? Colby Granger, you've just become a great disappointment.
I'll stop now before I start asking questions about what kind of role model he is now.

Flower Shop: On the way in, Bloom advises Nikki to be all deferential and polite, as it's rude to insult a shop owner in their own shop, in Vietnamese culture. Funny, I thought that was a universal standard.

That lasts for naught point two seconds, as Bloom digs into the owner, Tina, about receiving money from persons unknown. She snarks back that she had checked everything out, and even had a letter from the bank to avoid IRS issues. She gives the letter to Nikki, because Bloom is an ass.

It took me a moment, to realize where I recognized the actress from, and she's one of those actresses that's been in so much, it's hard to pinpoint. Well, hard for most people, for me, I'm going to refer to her as the character that not only introduced the actress to me, but also has a very interesting connection to my BFFedcake. That character: Brin, from Dark Angel.
Outisde, Nikki is impressed at Brin's ability to stonewall, and unimpressed at Bloom's ability to behave like a well-mannered human being.
He tries to make up for it by suggesting they go get some delicious Vietnamese food. I wish Edgerton would suddenly show up.

Epic Fail Stakeout: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern watch Till go into a bar. Unfortunately, that's not the start of a joke unless killing someone in said bar tickles your sense of humour.

IHOF: Till's victim was Wesley's killer. No one seems too torn up about that, but the Fedcakes are curious as to how Till solved the case before they did. Again, cylon.

Till's claiming the killer shot first, but again, no one really cares, particularly Bloom, as all he wants to talk about is the war. Till was the one who reported his unit for the massacre, and the results of which ruined his career. Funny, for all the vitriol Bloom spit at Alan earlier, Bloom doesn't do much for making the majority of the people in Vietnam sound heroic. He's far more derisive than Alan could ever have been. That's just Bloom though, change opinions mid-stream, to be able to sound more self-righteous.

Finally, someone who doesn't give a crap about Bloom's bullshit, Till will have none of it. They can either hold him or let him go, and the Fedcakes really don't have that much, since the bartender backs up the story that killer shot first. The problem is, that everyone wants to solve a classic case like this, so Bloom has an idea.
Let Till go. Whatever, I like Till better anyway.

With the Fedcakes dispersing, Don tries to have a talk with Bloom about the earlier argument with Alan. I've recorded the *headdesk* worthy justification here.

"I follow the rules all the time ~~except for when I don't want to~~. Everybody else is doing whatever the hell they want~~like stealing 10 million~~. It might seem like ancient history to some people, to me, yesterday ~~unless I'm in interview with a suspect~~."

Don does not respond as I hoped.
Instead, we get the story of when Don was 15 and made fun of someone in the neighbourhood, Alan got all appropriately parental, and taught Don not to disrespect others. Now, if only Alan could do that for Bloom.

The next morning, Amita is showing David her fashion choices, all of which happen to be in the boot of her car.
Since Beatles' classic isn't exactly David's style, he's wondering more about a pinstripe, or tweed. Amita's wondering why he came to her for advice in the first place, and Colby's wondering WTF is going on.
Crime scene: The real mastermind of the heist has returned to the bar where his partner was shot, to drink to his memory. That, or be really, really convenient for the Fedcakes to find.

Rosencrantz and Guildentern warn the Big Baddie (BB for short) that Till is out there, and he might just come after BB. Although, if anything does happen to Till, like getting dead, or a piano falling on his head, the Fedcakes will be there to arrest BB.
Happy Christmas music plays as the partners stroll out of the bar. Oh appropriately used irony, I love you.

Restaurant: Alan's still fuming over Bloom and I want to give him (Alan, not Bloom) a hug. Really, Alan, the king of Dipshitland doesn't deserve this level of thought. He's angry that Bloom wouldn't even listen to Alan's rational, and at the time, innocently random, thought.

And then it happens. It's like a disease with these characters. First Colby, and now, Amita, defends Bloom. Because I'm not the rational and kind person Alan is, I don't care what Amita has to say from this point on in the scene.
Amita at least acknoledges she's lost some daughter-in-law points. She's lost some snarky-recapper points too.

Charlie, who was wise to stay out of it, and know that Don is the odd person out in the family Eppes, starts fumbling through his pockets for a method of payment. Hmm, I wonder what geniuses carry in their pockets.
After that moment of humour, Amita goes back to being practical and semi-cool (full coolness will return when we're an eppesode out of her defending Bloom) and suggests Charlie pay with his Cal Sci ID -- as many nearby restaurants accept it. The concept of alternative cards causes Charlie to run out without paying, leaving Amita to do so. Considering the number of times throughout this series he's run out on her after having a brilliant idea, she's got to be used to it at this point.

IHOF: Poor Matt Li's been stuck examining the microfilms. That's like making a world class chef cook with a microwave.
He's hoping that Charlie will come up with an algorithm. At this point, that phrase has become such a euphemism, I giggle like an immature teen-aged girl. David tries to make him feel better by regaling him with the tale of the time David had to crawl through the sewers while his boss went to the beach. No wonder David wanted that promotion. Why? He remembers to appreciate Matt's suffering, only to then take off and leave the poor tech wallowing in microfilm.

Out in the bullpen, Nikki reminds us of the anonymous money transfers to Brin, while Charlie's practically jumping up and down like a 5 year old needing a bathroom because he has the solution. No, not to Matt's problem, but rather why DB Cooper would risk taking all that money when every bank in America was looking for it.

So, the solution is to look for places that like American money. Now, I may not be an economist, but that is pretty much everywhere, since almost every currency judges itself against the US dollar. As this isn't about everywhere else, and the time in question is 1971 -- this must be about Vietnam and the risk-reward ratio Charlie was on about earlier, is to save someone DB Cooper loved -- like a daughter. So now that we have almost all the answers, I'd like to throw another one into the mix.
Library: Bloom is picking up where Rosencrantz and Guildenstern left off in the epic fail at surveillance detail. Till quickly loses the former Fed and heads outside. At least one person in this eppesode hasn't caught the disease of feeling sorry for or needing to defend Bloom. Although, if Till caught it, he'd be waiting for him outside. Nope, instead, Till is driving away.
Flower Shop: Nikki's back to see Brin, this time, leaving Bloom and his winning personality (a phrase which here means shithead) elsewhere. It's a wise move, as Brin willingly answers that yes, she was born in Vietnam, but no, she doesn't know who her father is.

IHOF: The hours of slogging with technology older than him, has left Matt with a few clues, and probably one hell of case of eyestrain. The first important article is the report on the death of the guy in the tree -- and how he is survived by a son. The second important article is the death notice of the dead guy's wife -- and how the son is BB.

David makes a further connection. Wesley was killed to flush out Till, and this whole thing isn't about an age-old mystery or money. It's about revenge. Together, David and Matt have figured things out, so it's time to celebrate.
Flower Shop: Nikki goes outside to fill in Colby on the events leading to Brin's arrival in the US. A soldier gave her mother a tonne of cash and that can only mean that Brin has to be Till's kid. Before any other conclusions can be reached, shots ring out, and screams follow.

There's nothing that can be done. As Nikki and Colby make it to the back of the shop, BB is pulling away, with Brin as a hostage.

IHOF/Search Montage: As half of the Fedcakes are out looking for Brin and BB, Don's musing about a case where they couldn't find one girl in one house, never mind one woman in LA.
As for how BB and Till want this to play out, a few things are clear. It was Till who called out BB -- and Brin is the only leverage BB has. The problem is that they don't know the place for the showdown, unless Charlie can hurry up and figure out all the data points.

Or, on the other hand, Bloom can make himself actually useful and realize that it's the library. Why, oh why, did you have to make yourself useful. Seriously, couldn't David or Colby have come up with the idea?

Library: As BB blusters, Till keeps him occupied by telling him what really happened to BB's father, the hijacking, and the aftermath.

The story goes like this: Till was necessary as Sawyer didn't have the planning abilities for the job. Till went along with it as there were debts that needed to be paid. In truth, all Sawyer planned to do was kill Till, the second they were on the ground, so Till had to kill Sawyer in self-defense. Plus, Daddy-dearest was a bad bad man, selling army goods and raping innocent village girls, so guess what, Brin isn't Till's daughter, but BB's sister. All Till ever tried to do was make the evils done by Sawyer, right again. He even would've taken in BB as a boy, but now that Wesley's been murdered, BB must pay.
As Till and BB come face to face, the Fedcakes, and BB's partners, reveal themselves and a tragedy of literary proportions occurs.
As the arrests take place, Till does what he did in 71 -- check and make sure Brin is all right.

Outside, Bloom finally asks a question, and, I think, is willing to hear the answer. Till did everything he did because someone needed to take responsibility, a lesson Roger Bloom should take to heart.

Yet again, in the inexplicable Bloom love fest, Colby comments that with a 50 grand reward, and credit for solving the DB Cooper hijacking, Bloom will be buying dinner. This leaves me filled to the brim with fury and confusion.
Till also offers up an explanation as to where the rest of the money went; it was donated to Brin's hometown, to allow them to rebuild. It turns out Alan's original claim that DB Cooper was a folk hero isn't so far off from the truth. Suck on that, Bloom.

In a moment of magnamity, Bloom suggests that instead of taking in Till tonight, the man voluntarily come in and give his statement the next day. While I can't totally disagree with Bloom's actions, it's another case of Bloom doing whatever Bloom wants, without consulting anyone. Just because he finally got one checkmark in the morally right column, is beside the point. At least give the Fedcakes a hint you're letting an infamous fugitive take off to the mountains to die. It's not as if they haven't let things slide for the greater good in the past.
Bloom gets one other thing right by saying the Fedcakes have plausible deniability as "DB Cooper could never have survived that jump." It's plausible because very few people would know about the cylon thing.

Math Garage: Alan and Charmita are going through all the things from the 70s that will never ever go away, as plastic and polyester at permanent fixture now in history. Speaking of polyester, Amita finds herself a great piece of vengeance for David wasting all of her time.
As Amita exits, a cloud of doom descends on the garage, or, to put it another way, a forced reconciliation scene between Bloom and Alan. Bloom gets all philosophical about being a vet, while Charlie's solution of a watergun fight of vets versus hippies sounds much, much more appealing. Both older men dismiss the brothers Eppes as either a vet or a hippie.
Sure, now that everyone's made up Bloom can't leave it be, as his toast is extremely disturbing. "To scars, those we've already earned and those that are coming." So, instead of a nice and happy family moment all I can do is panic.

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Con Job (Eppesode 609)

2009-11-23T13:13:00.023-05:00

Recapper's Repetitive Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Apparently flash cards (not like that) with creative messages seem to be the winner when it comes to stuff to send to CBS. While this is a good idea, whatever you send to CBS, in support of Numb3rs, is always a good thing. Also did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? (According to inside sources, CBS actually pays attention to that.) Finally, have you signed the petition?

All right, I admit, I was skeptical of "Jacked" getting a sequel. I mean, sure, we know what good friends Rob Morrow and Fisher Stevens are, (note the restraint in making a directionally challenged joke) but really? "Jacked" was so long ago! Hell, I was still working for the site that shall not be named! I mean, sure it was a fun eppesode, but not like "Spree" and "Two Daughters" which led to a seriously awesome follow-up. Did we really need a comic relief eppesode so soon after "Dreamland," and the annoyance otherwise known as Augie?

Apparently, we did, because, despite my initial meh-ness over Buckley returning, not only did I really like the eppesode, but also thought the Fedcakes got a hilarious practical lesson on pwning , since they're not aware of what it means. It was done in such a way that I wasn't left wanting to throw things at my TV. Who knew that was possible?

We begin with previouslies: Previously, Buckley kidnapped a busload of people, including Marshal Flinkman. The bus could only be saved by both real life, and fictional brothers snarking, and the reality that no one is afraid of Fisher Stevens.
Also, last time, we had a drinking game to go along with Buckley's antics, so I thought we needed one this time too.

1 sip for every time Buckley asks for or says something ridiculous.
1 shot for every time the massive response to the hostage crisis is panned over.
1 shot for every time Buckley hits on a female.
1 shot for every time Buckley gets meta.
1 shot for every person in the room who snickers when scorpions are mentioned. (By this I mean, in your room -- not on the television. If you're watching this eppesode alone, you do count, if you snicker / giggle / snort, etc.)
2 shots for every beauty queen on screen.

Again, feel free to pick and choose among the above suggestions, depending on your liver. Again, I take no responsibility for how much you choose to abuse your liver during this eppesode. Also, if you're underage -- use pop. It's all the experience of peeing like a racehorse that alcohol inspires, and none of the legal issues.

Prison: Don and David are there to talk to Buckley about why the hell someone would want to copy his style.
By style, I mean criminal activities, which, if they'd worked, were brilliant plans. Not that the Fedcakes think he's in on it. They just think he talks a lot, giving ideas to others. His talking is good, because otherwise, Buckley would get "lonely" and I don't even want to think what that would mean.
The style wasn't exact, because, this time, the criminals got away with it, and according to Buckley, they aren't done. Nope, they're going to hit a jewelry store in LA next. Not that the Fedcakes believe Buckley since he was 100% less than truthful last time and it would be a good idea if they remembered that!

La Maison d'Eppes: Charmita was procrastinating (procrastinating, a word which here means fill in your own definition) and is now desperate to get a lecture on something way too complicated for me to understand, prepared.
As for Alan, he shows an entirely different work ethic. He's really concerned about being late for work, and pays very close attention to the traffic reports. Either that or he's paying really, really close attention to her breasts, which would be hard not to do, considering her outfit.
When the report is interrupted by the breaking news of a robbery at the LA Minerals and Metal Exchange. Well, looks like that lecture preparation will have to be put off a while longer!

Hostage Site: Since TPTB seem determined to have Liz and Nikki together as little as possible, I'm going to let people come to their own conclusions. Anyway, Liz seems to be playing David's role as she fills in the Chief Fedcake on how the criminals got in to the exchange in the first place: dressed as janitors.

Inside the command truck, David shows the video of the hostage taking and how many angles the baddies have covered. The hostages are now dressed like the baddies, there's no way for the Fedcakes to see inside, and even the video feed has been replaced, with what I believe to be an old Woody Woodpecker cartoon.
In fact, the only luck they have was the manager's ability to hit the silent alarm. So now, they have something much bigger than a jewellry store, 26 hostages, and one Buckley to contend with.

Title Flash.

We get a pan shot of the police presence, and it's made up o snipers, and technical equipment, and other such things rented from the standard TV tactical response unit. Inside tactical command, the Fedcakes' viewing of the most unfortunately named cartoon character is interrupted by a phone call from another cartoon character.
Buckley's stolen the prison librarian's webcam to call Don, and deleted all his porn -- the librarians, not Don's. I'm not saying that Don has porn, although, he is a guy and... I give up, there's no way to save that statement. Insisting that Don needs him, Buckley that is, not the librarian or the porn, -- oh hell, I give up on this sentence too.

At least Buckley has one useful piece of information: SWAT is getting too close to the doors, which are wired with bombs. You know what they could really use right now? A sniper, who is capable of crawling through a secured building without being caught (unless he wants to be).

Don's the most popular person to call in this eppesode, as now the baddies want to talk to him. Well, at least the head baddie is wrong about one thing -- he's not Don's best friend. Oh no, that role has been firmly filled by Buckley for the remainder of this eppesode. They might even go out for drinks ~~validating my drinking game~~. Anyway, the baddie wants a jet, I want a shout out, world peace, and a pony, and Don wants Charlie. Guess which one is going to get what he or she wants?

BTW, is it just me, or does the baddie's voice sound like he's trying to seduce Don, as much as convince the chief Fedcake to hand over a jet, so that people don't die?

Ordering Liz to get Buckley, I'm wondering if a) that's a wise idea and b) if Buckley isn't just a distraction for smooth-talking-criminal-guy. ~~Forget I said that. I don't even want to think about it.~~

IHOF: Charmita is terribly impressed by the ingenuity of the criminals, but figures they could get control of the cameras back in a couple of hours.
Prison: David and Liz are stuck with the Buckley duty. They must've picked the short straw, because Liz already looks like she'd rather have a tour of the sewers than be in the same room as the man. When Buckley jokes the pair of Fedcakes are "Mom and Dad," only to promptly hit on Liz, not only does it disgust Liz, but also gives us way too much insight about Buckley's sexual fantasies.
As if that wasn't enough, Buckley also wants ice cream. If ever there was a moment for fanfic writers to leave alone, this one would, definitely, be it.

Hostage Site: The camera pans over the law enforcement's response to the crisis. Bottom's up!

Inside the command truck, the bombs are, apparently, easily diffused. This is good, as I don't think anyone would take too kindly to the Fedcakes being in pieces (which, by the way, is totally different from getting a piece of Fedcake).

Because no one takes the attention away from the baddie, he has to call Don back, to taunt him about the snipers who aren't as competent as Edgerton, and how there's one sick hostage. He. also wants food -- good chicken dinners.
We get another pan of the response team (drink!) while the obligatory sick hostage is released.

Charmita's removed the emergency programming and put what was regularly scheduled back on. If only regular TV networks were so efficient.
Now the Fedcakes have had their last moment of peace for the entire eppesode because Buckley, complete with triple-flavour banana split, has arrived. You know, I can just imagine Buckley as a little kid in a grocery store. Imagine getting him through the candy aisle.

While Buckley's offer of vanilla ice cream for Don (like don's vanilla, please!) is refused, Liz has something really, really important to pass on to her boss.
The head baddie is Len Maddux, a former compatriot, a word which here means, Buckley's cellmate. Instead of killing the little twerp, Maddux listened to all the planning and adapted it for this job. At least, that's what Buckley says, so I'm more likely to believe that Maddux has the same power as Kitty Pride, and can walk through walls.

So Maddux is a bad guy, surprise surprise, but the Fedcakes have a bad guy of their own to help. the problem is, said bad guy didn't arrive soon enough to warn everyone not to turn off the power in the exchange. This means that now there's no way to disarm those bombs on the doors. Oops.

Maddux doesn't quite see it as the oops I do and more of an excuse to terrorize his hostages.
He also doesn't buy Don's story of a power outage. I have to say, I can't believe how lame that story sounded. Don, you're usually cooler than that under pressure.

Buckley takes advantage and insists he's not helping any more until he gets a new deal. Hell, knowing this guy, he'll probably ask for world peace and a pony too. Not that he's going to get it either, and he's going to have to take 2 more years and probation.

He's also going to have to live with Maddux stealing every item of his playbook.
Insisting there's an inside woman involved, (and making Liz want to take a shower since he practically drools all over her), and that there are safe escapes routes for Maddux's crew, Buckley, I have to begrudgingly admit, proves his worth. Well, that is until he does something that alienates me from him forever.
Considering the precariousness of the show's future right now, I firmly resent any visions being handed over to guest stars. Plus, it's all about trapping a dot, which we can easily equate to Maddux. It's not even a good vision.

Speaking of Charlie, I should mention that he arrived a while ago, but since Buckley is doing the adorkable professor's job, he's sort of superfluous.

Okay, so Charlie's all impressed by Buckley, getting all excited about "Heuristic learning."

"Sounds incurable," Buckley snarks. I giggle. Damn him for making me do that; I'm trying to dislike him! He also doesn't help by snacking on the hostages' food while ordering caffeinated beverages for everyone and picks a chai latte for Liz. Crap. Now not only do I giggle at what he says, but now I want him to order hot drinks for me.
I shall remain resolute. I will dislike Buckley. I'm in good company.
Maddux is back on the phone, and Buckley warns that he's probably just biding his time to burrow out of the exchange. The easiest way for the Fedcake to test this theory is to ask for more time. Well, that's according to Buckley, and considering I read the title of this eppesode, it frustrates me the Fedcakes can't have a meta moment to know what I know.

Doing exactly what Buckley says, just ingratiates the ingrate to the Fedcakes. Instead, it should've done the exact opposite. Okay, so searching underground wasn't entirely a bad idea, particularly because of what this adds to the show.

IHOF: It's Alan! Oh yes, Alan may always be the font of all things wise and wonderful, but he's not usually so directly useful to the case. He has all sorts of plans to offer.
Hostage Site: Alan's sent along all of his plans, just as Amita pops up via webcam to give Buckley a chance to hit on another woman who would be repulsed by his advances.

Remember what I said earlier about meta? Yeah, well, Buckley seems to have latched onto that one because guess where he had a scholarship? MIT. Wasn't our beloved midseason replacement that could supposed to take place as MIT? Is this a glimpse through the looking glass at what might have happened?

Now that's a moment I'd highly encourage the FF writers to jump all over.

I should also mention that Buckley recommends Costa Rica for Charmita's honeymoon. I've got to say, that it's got to be a beautiful country if his experience with it is drug-running, yet he still likes it. On the other hand, I can't imagine anything more of a mood-killer than a bride turning to her husband and saying, "Aren't you glad Buckley recommended Costa Rica?" Therefore, I have to side against the Costa Rican honeymoon.
The delivery guys take in the food to the exchange and there's a momentary glare on the door. I mention this not only because that glare is important later, but also because there is enough light on the set to actually cause said glare. That alone has got to be worth a mention.

Alan and Nikki chime in via video conference to provide an unfortunate red herring: the easy access to the sewers from the exchange. Just as Don's thanking Alan, Buckley gets all snarky about the number of Eppes men in the FBI.

"Actually, I'm an urban planner," Alan replies, "But I have an FBI file." Oh, continuity gods, you do love this show.

Buckley goes from hilariously meta, to NPAL™. Like we couldn't predict, from the sheer volume this guy talks, that he would earn this week's NPAL™. "Next, you're going to tell me you have another member of the family who's an astronomer sending you satellite images." Yeah, that was a clunker of a line.

Now that the Fedcakes have all they need, like the plan, the location of the bombs, and enough meta to last them until doomsday ~~which is in a little over 2 years, right?~~, Buckley goes back to saying clever things with a double meaning. Don's supposed to give Maddux a message, once the hostage taker is caught: no one uses Buckley's plan and gets away with it ~~unless your name is Buckley~~.

And, on the way out the door, he hits on Liz again.
As the Fedcakes prepare for entry, Charlie reassures Buckley that Don hates him. Hee!

A bunch of things happen at once:

1) The Fedcakes find that only hostages are left in the exchange. Hostages were dressed up as the criminals as a decoy.
2) Buckley is taken into custody by a criminal pretending to take him into custody, only to be shot and abducted by the officer and two other men dressed as delivery guys. ~~Guess the tip sucked.~~ I'll let you know when I work up some concern for Buckley's well being.

3) Charlie responds to the shooting and violence the way he always does, hides. Whether it be physically, or emotionally, Charlie's got a record of retreating from violence.
4) The criminals steal the command truck. Oh, that's so not going to look good on Don's service record.

After the commercial we find out that through the use of duplicate delivery uniforms, mirrors, and light (since light would be an excellent weapon considering the last two seasons of lighting on this show) the criminals were able to switch places and escape.
IHOF: Nothing's been taken from the exchange, other than Buckley, which to Don, smells like Buckley trying to escape. I'm trying not to think too hard about what eau de Buckley would be like.

Despite Don's gut telling him that Buckley engineered the whole thing, Charlie's math says otherwise. That looking-glass allusion I made earlier just keeps getting more and more appropriate.

Before I think we've fallen too far down the rabbit hole, Nikki distracts us with the inside woman, one Lola Sacco, who David recognizes as Miss Morro Bay 2005 (drink!). David knows pageants? Awkward.
"The promote world peace," is David's eventual answer. Hee! Yes, but the question for me is, do they also promote ponies and shoutouts?

Security Company: I guess I should've included the information that Lola's responsible for the security cameras at the exchange. Her company still holds the contract, well, at least until the end of this eppesode.

I instantaneously do not like Miss Morro Bay 2005. (Oh yes, and do I sense a meta-moment with that title there?) She's way too glib considering one of the contracts, and group of security cameras she's responsible for, got hacked. You'd think she'd a) know and b) be more concerned.
Thus when she passes off the David and Nikki to her cubicle mate, Gil Harkness, as because she recognizes Maddux as his boyfriend, I'm suspicious. ~~Characters with the last name of Harkness having boyfriends? Never, ever seen that before.~~
Harkness had a fling with Maddux for two weeks, and clearly wasn't that attached to him. That's good, as it saves Nikki and David trying to explain how, in the middle of a hostage situation, Maddux sounded like he was hitting on Don. Not that I blame Maddux. One's got to take rare opportunities like that whenever they're presented.

Unlike the other Harkness I knew and loved until I was traumatized over the summer, this one can die, and since he wished to avoid that, he gave Maddux all the information and access to the exchange that he wanted.

IHOF: Don's gut is creaming that something is wrong. No, it's not the nervous tick he has of checking his watch, it's the feeling he gets when he knows the whole story isn't true: watching and rewatching video. This time,it's video from "Jacked" when Buckley's screaming about how he's really the one in control. Wow, wasn't that nice of him to foreshadow a whole year earlier.

Speak of the devil, and the devil calls, from the trunk of a car. The devil also tries to convince Don that he had absolutely nothing to do with the exchange hostage situation. I'm proud that Don holds steadfast in his disbelief.
That is, until Don fades under Buckley's persuasion, and becomes concerned the little creep will wind up as roadside litter. Come on, Don, be like me and don't care!

Nope, instead Charlie has to get in on the action, except he can't because Maddux's phone is cloned. For me, the real question is, why doesn't Maddux notice his expensive phone is missing? Could that be because the guy using it, is in on everything?

Now, Charlie's got to figure out the best route criminals could take that would avoid law enforcement, like police stations, and, as Buckley chimes in, doughnut shops. Oh, Buckley, sometimes you're so hilarious, and others you're such a judgmental ass.

In order to help himself be found, Buckley gives Charlie some landmarks, all of which are common, and, well, a flat out lie.
Oh, and now the battery runs out, the classic cell-phone lie and yet everyone believes it!

Sticking a bloody bandage out the window, Buckley's last words are dramatically cut off by the dying cell phone. Oh, it's drama worthy of a Shakespeare company ~~this Shakespeare company~~.

Abandoned Lot: Nikki and David, because TPTB seem determined to not let me use the names Artemas and Athena as often as I'd like, are sent to examine the car Buckley was traveling in. What they find inside are the unconscious bodies of Maddux's two henchmen.
They also find the phone and a heck of a lot of blood. It convinces the pair of Fedcakes that Buckley's prediction that he'd be disposed of at the side of the road, is true. I'm not so easily convinced.

IHOF: Snow White admits in interview that he didn't see Maddux kill Buckley. He also comments about how Maddux took Buckley "for a walk." Liz, and my BFFedcake severely disappoint me by not asking the most obvious question.
The plan was to use the exchange to launder the money they made form the bus hijacking. The baddies already had account numbers and passwords to get it done, because of one simple reason. They had a spy.
Later, Charlie's found out what the spy (not Theoriginalspy) planted: a thumb drive in a camera that was attached to a something that could read all the passwords off the camera data. Charlie compares the technology to reading braille.
There's just one small glitch in Maddux's plan. Since he didn't take the technology out of the camera, Charlie will be able to find out exactly where and how the money was laundered. Oops.

As Charmita needs time to decipher where the money went, they have time to discuss where they should honeymoon. You know, anything suggested by a career criminal, would be a bad idea. Come to think of it, there aren't a lot of people on this show from whom vacation advice.

For instance, unless one wished to camp, Edgerton would be a back person to ask. Also, Larry probably couldn't make up his mind about what to recommend, while Rosencrantz and Guildenstern would bicker and/or wager about their choices. ~~And don't date much.~~ Don may be one half of my OTP, but since that's his only long-term functioning relationship in the show, and even it has issues, I'm betting Don's not a good choice either. Alan would simply recommend that they go to the nearest hotel to give him grandchildren, ASAP. Nikki -- well, I wouldn't ask Nikki.

Maybe, perhaps, Liz is the only hope?

As for Charlie, considering he dismisses Costa Rica for rain and scorpions, he's not one to pick a honeymoon destination.

Don doesn't help. He only knows about the scorpions. There's only one conclusion I can draw from this.
Luckily, Charmita's found where there money trail ends, thus letting all discussion of a honeymoon go by the wayside. As for the money, it ended where it began, but just in a different form, diamonds. Now, who would be keen to pick up the diamonds?

Exchange: Why, look, it's Miss Morro Bay 2005! And looky there, it's Maddux too!
And now we have two other important people on the scene.
The inside of Lola's bag looks like Edward Cullen's chest: sparkly.

IHOF: Maddux tells David and Liz what the title of this eppesode did: it was all a con job, with the word con holding a couple of different meanings. He's also not too happy about getting screwed over by Buckley, and, conveniently, Buckley's the only one not in custody yet he's the one who started off this eppesode in prison. The Fedcakes, and Maddux, are not amused.
Lola's also feeling betrayed, but unlike Maddux, she never saw it coming. Although, she was trying to cut Buckley out of the deal, but Buckley saw through her: and had 240000 skimmed off the original 16 million, in the form of a transaction fee, to use as a nest egg on the run.

Blah, blah, blah, woman scorned, Lola gives up Buckley's location, Hotel St. Eve, room 301.

Hotel St. Eve: Don and David bust in, guns drawn and I want to whack my head into a wall several times. A few weeks ago, this same pair didn't understand the concept of pwned and now Buckley's given them an IRL example. The only thing in the room is soggy take out, and a message on the computer, which I believe translates to na-na-na-na-boo boo, or, to be more technical.
La Maison d'Eppes: The take out is very soggy, as Alan points out, and even I'll try to make things better by adding at least the only criminal to get away was the one least likely to kill anyone.

Wait, that probably didn't help, did it?

As Charlie's trying to see if there's some hidden message or data on the laptop, a web call comes in, causing the entire Eppes family to crowd around the computer. It's painfully obvious what Don's thinking.
Hey, Buckley's not gone to Costa Rica at all! Instead, he's ~~in front of a green screen~~ in Leichtenstein! He likes the banking laws, and, as I've pointed out before, it's a fun word to say.

Going all meta, Buckley waxes poetic on how He and Don could've been friends, ~~really, I'm so shocked~~ but are stuck on opposite sides, like Sam and Ralph from Looney Tunes. Thus, Buckley, who isn't worried about making more money, leaves Don an open invite to join him for skiing and a beer.

Thus, we leave with everything unresolved. It's like that moment at the end of the cartoon, just as Sam is about to do away with Ralph, and the whistle signifying the end of the day blows, saving Ralph from actually dying -- as opposed to falling off a cliff or something equally as cartoonish. Therefore, I'd like to offer my opinion of what may happen the next time Buckley, the over-engineering mastermind, and Don, the dogged Fedcake, meet.

You can find that opinion, here.

Instacap: Numb3rs: Con Job: (Eppesode 609)

2009-11-20T22:02:00.008-05:00

Out of all eppesodes, "Jacked" needed the sequel?

Alan, you old dog.

Hey we've got Liz and Amita!

Okay, it's not exactly a jewellery store. Does Buckley ever get anything completely right?

Okay, Buckley deleted all the man's porn -- in prison? Bad, bad plan.

Charmita is way too excited about the man in the middle attack.

Buckley, Liz will kill you. In fact, after that handcuff crack, she should kill you.

Yeah, well, I want a shout out, world peace and a pony, Buckley. We all have to live with disappointment.

No fair! Buckley got his ice cream!

Okay, apparently Liz agrees with me that Buckley's full of shit.

Liz, punch Buckley, please.

Why does Buckley get a Buckley-vision?

Aya Sumika is so pretty. I might have to hate her more.

Charmita, never, ever, take Buckley's advice.

Oh, continuity and Alan's FBI file. I love you.

I'm starting to think that Fisher Stevens was given carte blanche to do whatever he wanted.

Okay, so the person I wanted to shoot Buckley didn't shoot Buckley, and someone else did. That wasn't exactly how I wanted it to happen.

Dude, even I saw that coming!

Bright light used on Numb3rs! OMG!

Smells like Buckley? I don't want to know what that is.

Yes, David watches pageants because of the world peace aspect. Yeah. Sure.

I wonder, how did Don know that it was you, Buckley? Geez.

Traditional cop and doughnut joke. Not overly original there.

You had a spy, well, not theoriginalspy!

Costa Rica and scorpions, I'm sure that's on their travel brochures.

There has to be some twist coming up here.

Oh, Buckley, you are funny.

Buckley's in Liechtenstein? Hee! That's a fun word to say

Goodnight Sam. Goodnight Ralph.

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Ultimatum (Eppesode 608)

2009-11-19T18:01:00.031-05:00

Recapper's Repetitive Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? (According to inside sources, CBS actually pays attention to that.) Finally, have you signed the petition? I do believe that there may be a consensus coming shortly as to what else we can do -- and I'll post about it as soon as it's settled. (Please note that I have nothing to do with said consensus; I'll just be posting it.)

Before I begin, let me shamelessly gush ~~(me, shameless, no!)~~. I love Edgerton. By far, he is my favourite male guest star on the series. (Not that my favourite female guest star is that much of a mystery.) thus, when I finally saw the preview for this eppesode (because Global TV hates me), I was not amused. I was trying to come up with a way to describe my trepidation as to what was about to occur, but them, I remembered, that something like this has been done to us before.

This gave me an idea. I wonder just how many parallels there are between this eppesode and the whole Colby's a spy (not Theoriginalspy) storyline? Let's find out, shall we?

Of course, there are a few different elements between the stories. First and foremost, I never thought Edgerton was a moron of the highest degree. For two seasons, I thought Colby was strictly eye-candy because he didn't have a damn thing between his ears. Also, Edgerton doesn't lie to the Fedcakes, well, continuously lie to the Fedcakes for two seasons. Finally, Edgerton doesn't spend any time running around in tight clothing, which I can attest, having actually watched I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here, because LDP was in it, is a damn shame.

I'm guessing I'm not the only one who thought so, as this season's clearly sensitive grid, went out and got a bit tipsy in despair of the opportunities lost.
IHOF/Street: We get a mix of Charlie and Don teaching a class of feds (not Fedcakes) all about pursuit evasion and how best to catch someone. Hmm, I wonder why Edgerton isn't teaching this class? What about Billy Cooper? Now that I'm on the subject, wouldn't a class taught by Don, Edgerton, and Billy Cooper on how to pursue a fugitive be the best class ever? It wouldn't have to be mandatory for almost all the female (and some of the male) agents. People would be crawling over themselves to attend.
Anyway, apparently, it's all about -- hey, look, there's one Fedcake, Nikki -- behaving like fish, snakes, eagles. If one doesn't pay attention to the other, or gets too focused in the hunt, the snake might become lunch. Now, as I recall the whole pursuit thing, it was a dog chasing a cat chasing a mouse, which is an analogy I prefer. Why? It took me a long time to figure out the way to describe the analogy of the snake, without making it sound dirty. Okay, so perhaps not everyone has the sense of humour of a 12 year-old but you try finding a way to describe a snake and fish without snickering, a little!

Essentially, the whole class is about knowing who it is that you're chasing, so you can control the game of Pursuit Pong. It's a important lesson Don puts into action in this eppesode.

So, while the class is being taught, the best of all man hunters, Edgerton, has just trapped one lowly informant and I managed not to include a snake a fish joke. At first, the informant doesn't want to say anything about what is to become a vital, yet almost entirely unseen character -- Garcia -- until Edgerton reminds him of one very important fact.
Just as Edgerton calls in backup at Wilshire and Bixel I take a moment to reflect how many bloody times this show plans to use the name Bixcel / Bixel in this show and yet still not give me the teeniest of shoutouts!

The CI tries to make a deal: two hours and then he'll have something, and after making sure the CI knows he's dead (as Edgerton should've moved up to third, or perhaps second best shot in the country) if he doesn't deliver, Edgerton lets him go.

Two hours later, the sun arises, and Edgerton falls -- not literally, but since his informant is now dead, and he's surrounded by US Marshals, with only the clue of B17 to go on, definitely metaphorically. Unfortunately, Edgerton doesn't take this too seriously, at first, making some jokes about carrying a gun (not like that) and how the Marshals are morons.
Finally, having enough of the Marshals and their silly arrest games, Edgerton drops Don's name, only to bring out our first parallel between this eppesode and the Colby's a spy (not Theoriginalspy) arc.
Title Flash.

Prison: Edgerton's a little offended, and by little I mean seriously pissed, that he's in prison and not in a detention centre. There's also the little problem of the many, many people Edgerton has captured over the years. As much faith as I have in Edgerton, I don't think he'd have much of a chance if he was released amongst the general population. People might get dead. (Please note I didn't say which people.)
Marshal Thompson even hopes that Edgerton will have time to catch up with his old, um, for lack of a batter word, catches. Wow, I wonder what this douchebag is implying? This just makes me hate the marshal. It doesn't matter what the man says now, I'm going to assume he's wrong.

I'm glad I made that decision, as it's Thompson who accuses Edgerton of helping a drug kingpin, Salazar run a heroine ring, even though Edgerton arrested the man years ago. He then goes on to say Edgerton's allowed Salazar's people to roam free, all the while collecting a nice, fat, 500 grand payday. According to Thompson, the CI was killed because he was going to rat out Edgerton. Of course, because I loathe Thompson, and the writers were kind enough to make sure he gave all the vilifying exposition, there's only one correct response for me here.
Completely content with my theory of the case, I feel smug as anything, until the previously almost silent Don adds some of his own evidence: Edgerton's bloody knife. No, Don! As long as you stayed out of it, and let Thompson do all the talking, I could choose to believe Edgerton was innocent. Why are you adding to my moral conundrum.

Things get worse for Edgerton, and my ability to ever watch Edgerton Eppesodes the same way, when we get the worst explanation of how Edgerton's knife became the murder weapon: someone stole it from his apartment. Hello? Edgerton, come on, you can track a man in the middle of the mountains, (okay, quite a few men) make some seriously impressive shots and yet doesn't have his apartment protected from theft? How long was the knife missing? Wouldn't he have noticed if a dust particle had been moved in his place?

With far more patience than I ever would have shown, Edgerton tries to explain that he's still a good guy. He's tried to take down Salazar through the kingpin's bookkeeper, Garcia.
Even though Garcia, according to Thompson, escaped from prison (therefore, he must be wrong) that's what Edgerton thinks B17 stands for -- Garcia's location in the prison. Apparently, a little paper/plastic bracelet is the prison's foolproof system to keep track of prisoners. Yeah, there wouldn't be a way around that ~~like taking it off~~?

Because arguing with Thompson is pointless, he turns to Don, clearly playing on both their mutual respect, personally and professionally, by asking, "Have you ever known my instincts to be wrong?"
Don says nothing. I have the sudden urge to slap him silly and I would if a) he wasn't fictional or b) he wouldn't kick my ass.

Don may be taking this arrest and assumption of guilt with his usual stoic angsty silence, but Edgerton isn't. Within 6 seconds (yes, I checked) of leaving the chief Fedcake to stew in his own man-angst, Edgerton's disabled both marshals escorting him, including threatening to use his handcuffs as a garrote on Thompson, and escaped.

Unaware of what's happening, Don and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern discuss how little of a social life Edgerton has. Obviously, as we learned last week, Nikki's taste in men has taken a sudden drop.
Finally, Don expresses some disbelief in the crime's events. I mean, come on, if Edgerton were going to kill someone we'd probably never find the murder weapon, or the body. Hell, we might not even know the victim was missing for the better part of a decade.

The alarms blare, causing a commotion, and some nice views of running Fedcakes -- only to have a great moment of schadenfreude, when they find Thompson and the other marshal handcuffed behind bars. Ha! (With the meanest possible connotation.)

With guns drawn, (WTF -- are they going to shoot their long time compatriot and truly awesome guest star?!) the Fedcakes head up to the roof, only to find no trace of the missing bastard son of Clint Eastwood and Yoda. Is it bad I'm rather pleased by this?

Don takes charge of the situation, wanting the security camera footage, the escape routes, and B17. Sure, these are all very, very rational things for an experienced fugitive recover agent, like Don, to take, but it's David's dismissal of another concept that I find the most believable, given that it is Edgerton they're looking for.
Inside, all they see on the footage is Edgerton running towards the roof and, like Keyser Soze, like that -- he's gone. Of course, my BFFedcake is right in saying that if Edgerton wants to get lost, he'll stay lost. Although, "lost" is probably the wrong term as we all know Edgerton cannot be lost. He's too cool like that.

Marshal Janet Galvin disagrees. She figures Edgerton, with all his loner like ways, and seeing the bad guys live the high life, has flipped to the dark side. I think I could easily refute that point.
Galvin uses the analogy of eating cheeseburgers and wanting fillet, leading to what has to be David's best line this season, "Well, he's more of a venison man and he likes to kill his own dinner." Hee!

Thinking they have control of the situation, the marshals take over, because the Fedcakes are too close to things. Oh, marshals, you just think you have control.

Cal Sci: Charlie and Nikki are watching the news report on Edgerton, both, in their own way, stunned with disbelief. Now this is the type of behaviour I was expecting from Don, because I thought he'd worked out a good part of his trust issues.
From their experiences, which, I assume, are vastly different, both Nikki and Charlie do not see Edgerton as the crazy-killing type. He's more of the calm-killing type.

Nikki wonders if the snake and fish analogy would be appropriate, and I will still argue the dog chasing the cat chasing the mouse theory. Why? It's a similar situation, even though Charlie doesn't make the connection. All he talks about is how irrational people can be when they think they've been wronged. Like Crystal Hoyle didn't think she'd been wronged.

Instead, he gives us the analogy of the Ultimatum game, giving us the title of the eppesode and telling us why we should never, ever, split the check with Nikki. Giving her 100, Charlie only gets back 30, arguing that unless he gets his fair share (which, would be all of it, wouldn't it, since it is Charlie's money) he's going to refuse it. This means neither person gets the money (except Charlie, as it goes back into his wallet). I firmly believe my comparison to Crystal Hoyle, and another type of pursuit, makes way more sense.
We head into commercial break with Nikki thinking Edgerton's out to punish someone, and, at that same moment, we get a good look at who Ian might be wanting to punish.
Prison: Colby and Don are searching the prison rooftop but cannot find evidence of a live Edgerton to a splatted on the ground Edgerton, making the invisible theory a lot more plausible.

Ug, Galvin could take a flying leap off the roof, and I wouldn't care. She's all bitchy about the Fedcakes crossing over the crime scene tape, when there's a really good reason they wouldn't have seen it.
Despite the lighting disadvantage, the Fedcakes still manage to find the small rooftop access way Edgerton used. Well, take that Galvin and shove it!

In the prison, Nikki and David are working in the more standard lighting conditions, which might be an advantage, when David asks Nikki how all this is "sitting" with her. I don't care that he backtracks two seconds later, claiming it was a professional question. He totally meant something else.
David, you know it takes a lot for me to disagree with you, but this time, buddy, you did cross over a line. Don't try to make up for it by trying to justify Edgerton's work with the baddest of CIs and then listening to Nikki's far more plausible theory that when one grows up and works with bad guys, one knows bad guys.

In one small break room that leads off of the air vent, Colby and Don hear some strange rattling. I feel like we've just walked into a horror movie, because I'm expecting Edgerton to jump out of freaking nowhere and scare the crap out of me. Luckily, all that Colby finds in the vent is a rustling potato chip bag. I take a sigh of relief, not even caring, initially to ask the question of how a potato chip bag winds up in the air vent.
Now we have another parallel between this eppesode and the Colby's a spy (not Theoriginalspy) arc.
We have a standoff and there's even a moment of dark humour when Edgerton scoffs at Galvin's ability to shoot. Edgerton says to Don, "You know what I'm capable of," a line with all sorts of layers within layers, being delivered in a chariot of enigmatic coolness. Having now seen this eppesode several times, I've come to the conclusion that this is the most important line in the story.

The Marshals finally realize they are lesser than the Fedcakes and follow Don's orders not to give Colby some ventilation in order to get Edgerton. Sure, they put up a brief pissing contest in the hall, but we all know the Fedcakes are the ones best suited to taking command. Between Don's gut, Nikki's belief, David's talking, and Colby's freakishly absent fear of death, they just need one more thing.

David's confused as to why his partner, and best date ever, isn't safe. He knows Don can make the kill shot. I'm going to translate Don's answer from the actual text, to the more truthful subtext.
Inside the break room, Edgerton's committing his second crime of the eppesode (the first being the escape), destruction of government property, by tearing apart the toaster's electrical cord, to electrify the doorknobs. I know I should be shocked (pun intended) but I'm both amused, and impressed at the MacGyver moves.

What I'm not impressed with is how Colby tries to talk Edgerton down. First of all, we all know that it's David with the silver tongue in that partnership. Secondly, Colby tries to dismiss Edgerton's behaviour as sort of crazy, when we all know, Edgerton included, that Colby suffered from a serious case of hero-worship. Pretending to be all blase now is like advertising that he's playing Edgerton.

We do get some great little details about Edgerton's character, like he's been involved in 57 hostage situations, and has had to clean his gun 16 times. Sure, Colby tries to remind Edgerton that this means there's a good possibility that the sniper will die, but Colby's missing one really important detail.
Oh Colby, now is not the time to be making jokes about Ian being in jail. *headdesk*

In the base of operations, Nikki adds another interesting character quirk to Edgerton's arsenal, that he will get depressed when not on a hunt. Oh, that's a bit more serious, and way more interesting, character-wise than the MacGyvering or the number of times he's killed hostage takers.

I love Ian's demands for the release of Colby: air-escape at LAX and a Beatles reunion. He thinks it's perfectly fair because there's only Paul and Ringo left.
David's answer is pretty clear.
In reality, what Edgerton wants is Charlie (not like that) on a video feed (still not like that) in 20 minutes. That's 13 minutes more than Charlie was given in "The Janus List," yet an interesting parallel, just the same.

OMG, the Edgerton development just keeps coming, as he actually sounds sheepish when talking to Nikki on the phone. Smart move, David, passing off the phone to the woman Edgerton was extremely flirtatious with last season. Bravo!

It even gives us this week's NPAL™, in the form of Edgerton's reason he stopped calling. "Yeah, uh, Fugitive hunt in the Abajo Mountains. Cell service really sucked." This is followed by an even more awkward long pause.
When Nikki switches over from the honest conversation to more tactical hostage negotiator, Edgerton turns on her. He would like to be trusted, but then again, handcuffing Colby to a post and holding him hostage is a sure way to earn David's ire.

On the other hand, everyone's pretty much agreed he's guilty, so Edgerton doesn't have anything left to lose.

IHOF/Prison: Instead of taking Charlie to the prison, where he might be in danger, causing the gnashing of teeth and wails from fangirls everywhere, Don's brought him to the IHOF, and done a quick review of the rules in these types of situations. After all these years, I think Charlie wouldn't need the review.

Now that Edgerton has his first demand met, he's willing to let everyone see Colby's all right. Watching Charlie try to make casual conversation with Edgerton is this situation is hilarious.
So, in another parallel, just like when Colby turned to Charlie, Ian does the same thing. He lays out the problem for Charlie: Find one, incorrectly banded prisoner, amongst 6000 others. It's the same point he was trying to get across to Don (and he makes it more dramatic by showing how quickly cheap paper/plastic comes off) and reminds Charlie how important it is to figure out the problem.
What I find interesting, is how Edgerton distances himself from what he's threatening to do. He uses phrases like Colby's "counting" on Charlie or how things will get "messy." Even during the standoff, he only points out what he's capable of, and says the Fedcakes or the marshals will be the one to kill Colby. Again, he's talking around things, just like Colby did, before he was tortured by Batman.

The video "evidence" of Garcia's escape is quickly discounted, because the supposed escapee is using the wrong hand. Thus, the only three people who have doubts about Edgerton: Nikki, Don, and Charlie, now have to work together to figure out what's really going on, and when the hell the marshals didn't pick up something so blatantly obvious.
As Charlie goes on about how to limit the number of people Garcia's had contact with, I wonder, I know all about budget cuts and CBS's dumbassery and disrespect towards the little midseason replacement that could, but, for once, I really feel like we're missing something when an actor isn't included. Considering how much Edgerton had to do with saving Amita's life, you think she'd be all over this case, spearheading the Edgerton is innocent brigade.

Yes, I just said I'm really, really missing Amita. I'll repeat it too, to anyone who may express disbelief.

AHHHHHHHHH! The pain! The horror! the horror! Please, please don't make me recap this Charlie-vision. Please. I beg of you. Don't make me talk about how Survivor is like prison, unless I get to make sweeping generalizations about the people who go on Survivor having the moral worth of criminals.
So, now Charlie has to figure out with whom Garcia made alliances, in order to switch identities. Now, I will never, ever, mention Survivor again.

Prison: Edgerton is fortifying the break room, before getting sustenance in a unique, television honoured way.
Edgerton, who could probably live inthe forest for weeks without any supplies, rejects the vending-machine food for being stale. Well, I guess when you kill you dinner just prior to eating it, anything would seem stale after that.

Finally, Edgerton appeals to Colby (not like that) about why he was picked as the hostage; Colby knows what it's like. Even David thought Colby was guilty of being a spy (not Theoriginalspy).

"This is nothing like what I went through." Excuse me Colby, with the distrust of the Fedcakes -- even David -- and having to do something drastic in order to prove one's innocence because the only witness was dead, means I have to rewrite your line.
Colby then threatens Edgerton, and unlike most of Edgerton's lines, he doesn't dance around esactly what he's going to do. That is, not that he could dance around being handcuffed to a pole, but, you get the point.

IHOF: Nikki's found a bunch of oddly rescinded orders that would've transferred Garcia to a nother prison, and she's found out she's not the only one with serious doubts about Edgerton's guilt. In fact, Don's not as concerned about Colby, as say, David (for a whole bunch of reasons you can deduce for yourselves).

What I find strange is all the people with doubts, are at the IHOF, meanwhile, all the people would like to have Edgerton shot in the head, are at the prison. I would rather it be the other way around.

In fact, Don seems so not worried about Colby, that he's yet to don his one unconscious action to give away his nerves: check his watch.
Prison: Oh, look, Galvin's so anxious to disprove the lousy shot implication from earlier, that she's not going to wait around "while your boy wonder plays with his abacus." Hey, first of all, Charlie wouldn't euphemistically play with his "abacus" with all this going on and second, Charlie wouldn't need a literal abacus. It's at this moment I peg Galvin as the bad guy. Thompson's just an arrogant ass, but being completely dismissive of Charlie's math and insisting on moving ahead, is a great indication of evilness, in this series.
So Galvin and her team try to get a camera inside, but she winds up with a bit of a shock when she touches the door handle. Sure, Colby's appalled at Edgerton's amusement at this, but I'm firmly on Edgerton's side. Besides the pun on Galvin being galvanized, just tickles my bad-pun part of the brain.
As if to prove he's not as evil as Colby believes, Edgerton finally fives the beefcake Fedcake a chair, and tries to convince them they're alike. This eventually leads into a discussion on Dragnet, and how Edgerton liked the beginning, and the allure of LA law enforcement, whereas, Colby liked the end, when the criminal got his or her sentence. Please, Colby, to give you a like situation -- that's like being a Don fangirl or a Charlie fangirl. The point is you still like the same show. By definition, that would be a similarity.

Edgerton almost weakens, and almost deigns to explain himself to Colby, by commenting that not only will Charlie come through for him, but also how Colby doesn't have all the fact. You can see it, Edgerton wants Colby's understanding, but I am so happy he doesn't go there, as that would mean Edgerton would never quite be the same. He's as connected to the Fedcakes as he is to anyone, but any more than that would be outside anything the character's given us before. That wouldn't be character development; that would be a character 180.

Instead, Edgerton discusses how catchphrases that never were, like "Just the facts, ma'am" come to be taken as fact, because people repeat the lie often enough. It gets the same point across without being so mushy, I'd wonder who has taken possession of Edgerton's body.
IHOF: Don is going through hours of prison footage and Charlie's narrowed down the people Garcia could've switched bracelets with to 53. As there's a difference between mathematical probability, and human possibility, Don quickly eliminates the a few based on human reasons -- like not wanting one's kids to get all deadified.

Now we get of an Eppes brother love fest (not like that, never, ever like that in my recaps), as each is impressed with the other's ability to think clearly. Don can still assess criminals and Charlie can figure out the square root of 2007, despite the fact a friend of theirs could be shot in the head, at any moment.

Don's professional side and personal side are at war in his head. The professional side is chastising him, as he should've killed Ian, but the personal side says he can't sacrifice a friend like that. Charlie likens this to what happened to Oppenheimer, but, considering how his career ended, I'm hoping this isn't foreshadowing for Don.
Prison: Thompson's all angry about the slight frying of Galvin and wants to take action, but, as charlie usually does, he arrives / calls / sends smoke signals, with some breakthrough allowing for a less bloody solution. In this specific case, Charlie calls, having narrowed down the list of potential candidates to 7 -- a more than reasonable number, even for the trigger happy marshals.

Cue a montage of inmate matching. Finally, the last name, Matthew Nunn, turns up a lead -- as the prisoner is at the courthouse.

Courthouse: Wait, that's not Matthew Nunn! That's Tank!
It turns out tank isn't who his bracelet says he is, and there have been multiple switches along he way. Like we couldn't see that coming. If you're going to switch once, why not half a dozen times to prevent being found?

Prison: Ian does not take kindly to Garcia not being found and promises to hurt "this man" and when Thompson suggests Ian might be losing it, somewhere, in the back of my head, I start to agree with him. Thus, David turns to Galvin and Thompson for a solution and that solution is explosives. Unlike Mythbusters, where explosions are always a good thing, this time, not so much.

IHOF: Nikki and Charlie have found footage of Garcia coming back to the prison from the courthouse, but don't know where he would be. Now, after eliminating most of the 600 prisoners, to 7, they're back up to 6000.

Or, of course, not, as we're back to Pursuit Pong -- but his time, instead of the snake and the fish or he dog chasing the cat chasing he mouse, it's now time to think like a kid playing hide and seek. Where would the safest places be in a prison?
Prison: Considering Edgerton was arrested in the morning, and now it's night, either the original time limits are wonky, California has discovered the oddest way for daylight savings, or Colby has the strongest bladder in history. Perhaps it's all three.

Since the whole Dragnet discussion didn't lead to bonding, Colby takes a whole other roue and starts talking about how he and his friend beat up a neighbourhood bully as a kid, and instead of congratulating him from ending the terror of other bullied kids, Colby's dad responded by beating up Colby. The moral here, "It's better to fail with honour than win by cheating."

Um, that's not exactly the moral I see here. To teach our kid not to beat people up, or gang up on people, by beating the kid up? This does not equal good parenting to me.
Ian wonders if all this is Colby's way of saying he should just go to court, instead of say, getting shot in the head by trigger happy marshals but Ian's not done making his arguments. He's saved his best one until now, and it's one that, if he'd used it back in the office at the beginning of this episode, perhaps none of this would've occurred.

What is this brilliant argument that would've prevented all these disastrous events?
While that would totally have averted any mortal peril, it also explains why Edgerton is such a hermit. Really, you know what my idea of a five star hotel is -- it's a five star hotel. I wouldn't scoff at such a thing. On the other hand, that does mean that if I'm ever caught with 500 thousand dollars, I can't argue that I wouldn't have ways to use it.

I'm also a little surprised that Edgerton's so offended by Colby not considering that before. Usually, I would take pot shots at Colby because, let's face it, he may not be the blithering idiot I once thought he was, but he can get himself into some ridiculous situations. This time, I'm feeling a bit more sympathy for him.
IHOF: Team We-don't-totally-believe-Edgerton's-a-nutjob is still working hard and has now recruited David, since there's evidence that Frank Thompson might be involved. Apparently, every time Garcia was supposed to be transferred, he rescinded the order.

Prison: When confronted with this evidence, Thompson tosses back some really weird logic, about David not knowing what it's like to work in a prison. Um, okay, there's the point that no one can really understand a person until they've crawled into someone's skin and walked around in it, but since we learned this all from Atticus Finch, perhaps Thompson might try answering the question.
Even the answer is a bit odd, because, somehow, this is all a part of Salazar's plan to expand his business. I'm still not sure how this works as I don't think minimum security prisons are filled with people who want to get into bed with someone like Salazar. Also, if Salazar may be trying to kill Garcia, wouldn't it then be logical that Garcia would be less than willing to expand Salazar's business?

Just as Thompson and Galvin head off to play at being heroes, Charlie's phone call is just a little too late to stop them. He's learned that Garcia is hiding out in the maximum security wing.

So there's only one thing to do -- warn the par about to be at the centre of the explosion, but in such a ways as to not tip off any marshals about the warning. How is this done? It's done through a code, a safe word (not like that).

While the marshals are putting together the explosives, David offers Colby and Ian some Italian, or Mexican food. Oh continuity gods, I love the fact that you seem to favour Numb3rs, and their safe word, Mexico.

Ian finally put his trust where it should've been all along, and confides to Colby about his plan. Just like I thought, Edgerton totally could've taken on all the marshals at the beginning, and ran, but no, he let himself be arrested. If he'd run, no one would've trusted him, and he's sure that Thompson's working for Salazar. Now, I'm going to point something out, but before I do I would like to say two things. 1) Edgerton, I still love you. 2) Please, please don't hurt me for what I'm about to say.
Colby reciprocates the trust and joins Team We-don't-totally-believe-Edgerton's-a-nutjob, because it's not until he and Ian deduce that there must be a marshal in on it with Salazar, does Colby warn the object of his idol worship, that something is about to go kaboom!

We get the music of "When This is Through" by Rotor Jambecks, and trust me, that took freaking forever to find. (Freaking forever a phrase which here means 3 hours -- well, 3 hours with breaks to play various silly games on Facebook and faff off on Twitter.) It's a strange little bluesy tune that's got quite dark edge to it, and is fairly appropriate since the marshals want Ian dead, the Fedcakes have only a few minutes to find the missing Garcia and stop his murder, and I wonder if Numb3rs is really going to go there and give CBS one big massive screw you by killing off one its most popular guest characters. Considering what Charlie said earlier about people and revenge, if I were in charge I would consider it. Then again, I'm not very, shall we say tactful ~~or, you know, mature~~.

While the music plays, several things happen at once.

Showing far more trust that I thought Ian had in him, he uncuffs Colby and hands the gun to him, so that it'll be clear upon the marshals' arrival that the beefcake Fedcake had everything under control.
David has to step in to prove that the Numb3rs PTB are not as petty as I am, and make sure Thompson doesn't accidentally shoot Edgerton. By accidentally, of course, I mean on purpose because Thompson's a douchebag.

Galvin, somehow took off from the raid and made her way down to wing where Garcia is hiding, she even brought her little pet with her, to make sure Garcia can never rat her out.
Don and Nikki run down to the cell where Garcia is hiding.
There's half a second where I think they're not going to make it.
As Nikki cuffs Galvin, the most important person in this eppesode, the one upon which Edgerton risked his life to find, Garcia, doesn't say a damn word.

Okay, LA must be turning at a different speed than the rest of the planet. Sure, most entertainment bloggers would agree with me, but I mean that in a literal sense. Edgerton was arrested in the morning, then took Colby hostage, and demanded things done quickly. Suddenly, it's the middle of the night when the final siege and arrests take place, and now it's morning. I thought the play Macbeth had some screwy timing to it, and if one looks at it historically, it takes place over 17 years. I think this eppesode actually beats that play for wonky timing.

Nikki finally gets a chance to talk with Ian face to face, explaining how Galvin had been in Salazar's employ for two years (would that be two years real time, or this eppesode time?) and is the one that set up the phony loaded account. As for Thompson, he was too much of a moron to see he was being played, which, technically, isn't a crime, but it should be.

She promises he'll be out as son as judge can release him, he asks for a conjugal visit. At first, I'm thinking Nikki's taste has improved from last week's little blip, but instead of laughing off the idea of a conjugal and suggesting something after he's out of that hideous prison orange, she responds, "as soon as they get cell service in the Abajo mountains."

Ouch.

On the other hand, considering the bet she lost, she might not want to cut Ian off so quickly. Re-imagine that whole scenario at the restaurant as Colby espouses the virtues of David, of which there are many, to which Nikki could easily respond:
Don waits as Nikki and Ian part ways. Before being escorted back to where ever they keep prisoners who are about to be released, Edgerton nods at Don, letting us all know that at least there isn't going to be any animosity there. Although, if Ian thinks he's getting off scott-free (pun intended), then he'll learn when David holds onto his fishing lure a lot longer than he kept Colby's. Okay, that was supposed to be a metaphor but only reads as dirty.

In a great line, Nikki tells Don that she'd want him on the "other side of that trigger" if she were ever held hostage.

"You I might let him keep," Don retorts. Hee! Yeah, well, I don't think Edgerton would mind that either. Also, if that means Edgerton has to come back, I don't have a problem with it.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern exit together, with Colby appreciating the fresh air, probably as much as he appreciated a washroom when things were said and done.

Colby's teasing David about his concern for his partner. Now, Colby, don't talk to David that way! David has the right to be concerned.

Okay, in truth, David doesn't want to have to fill out the paperwork or lose his promotion over a dead partner. In David speak, that's pretty much, "I love you, man."

A short time later, Charlie and Don head home, with Don bemoaning how he's always going to bed when everyone else is getting up. ~~Fill in your own inappropriate Don/Robin comment here.~~
Don acknowledges that Edgerton bet his life on Charlie, and Charlie says vice-versa. While trusting Don isn't overly surprising, it tells us how much Edgerton's grown as a character. It's interesting that for a relationship that started outwith such distrust -- Edgerton sketchy about math and Charlie not believing in guns -- that now Edgerton's willing to risk his life if Charlie's on the other side of the equation, just as Don would be on the other end of a gun.

And really, isnt' that exactly what this show is about?

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Shadow Markets (Eppesode 607)

2009-11-10T21:43:00.001-05:00

Important recapper's note: Have you sent your letter to CBS in support of Numb3rs? If not a letter, have you sent a postcard? Have you come up with something more creative, that you plan to send to CBS? (Personally -- sending cupcakes for Fedcakes is the sweetest plan thus far, pun intended -- and far more likely to gain the favour of anyone taking delivery.) Did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have it's star meter rating go up? (According to inside sources, CBS actually pays attention to that.) Finally, have you signed the petition?

If you have any more ideas, please feel free to offer them up!
Hey, it's an opening montage set to the Talking Heads, "Burning Down the House!" Geez, it's been so long since I've heard the Talking Heads on this show. Is it bad that I still miss the original opening credits? I mean, remember the days of Terry and how she just vanished back East, which tends to be a trend of the Fedcake females?

Oh the nostalgia.

Sorry, what is the opening montage about? Nikki and David (because Colby's got this eppesode off, fly fishing, or something) are trying to put a sting into action at a computer conference. I have to be impressed with David's salesmanship. If it weren't for the fact a name like ghostcredit.com should've been an obvious giveaway that it was part of a sting operation, (I would've named it something like zucchinigrowers.org, just to be random) and that David isn't a skeezebag, I would've believed him.

Spoofing the Mastercard ads, David tries to convince various nefarious types to buy stolen credit card numbers. That gives me an idea.
Liz, Don, and Charlie are in the van, observing and waiting for some guy called "The Fist." Charlie deservedly mocks the handle. Anyway, the "The Wussy Punch" is supposedly meeting David during a talk given by Amita. Despite the dumb ass handle, he's responsible for the theft of just about everyone's credit -- yours too.

The other part is about some dude dancing around without a shirt on, while doing, what I assume, is something illegal on the computer. (Not like that! Trust me, once we meet the character -- you'll understand.)
OMG, at one points, he undoes the drawstring on his pants. I avert my eyes in fear.

After the montage is over, it's time for Liz to head inside and for Amita's talk on 3D printing. Apparently, the Fist wants a 3D printer, and after I understand what it does, as demonstrated by Amita printing out a knife from Primacy. Oh, "Primacy," you'll always be remembered as the eppesode that made me rediscover my love for Amita. Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked, as I'd like to point out another use for 3D printers.
Apparently, 3D printing can be used for evil deeds too. Not that my suggestion for what to print earlier, isn't crossing a line. As is selling Kali t-shirts, and drooling all over Amita and her avatar, a little creepy.

There's a problem with the sting, as Alan's also at the conference, with his boss, who is also a woman of exceptional taste because if a person has the last name of Eppes -- she hits on it. She even makes a joke about what a penetration test is. I think, that is, possible, the dirtiest thing ever said on this show.
Probably because Alan's a little distracted by his hot boss, he misses what Charlie is trying to tell him -- that the Fedcakes are about to make an arrest.

Don spots The Fist, but before any arrest can be made, dancing queen from earlier, aka, Augie, exposes the Fedcakes' plan. Wait a minute, they can make an arrest!
Augie actually tries to hit on Nikki, and I'm actually sad she didn't knee him somewhere, by mistake; now that would've been priceless.

The lights flicker. Shots are fired. I have a momentary freak out about Alan.
A car squeals away, and a valet it dead. Talk about completely screwing the Fedcakes' plan there, Augie. Speaking of screwing -- actually, I'll leave out the prison jokes for now.

Title Flash -- never as wonderful as the original credits.

The Fedcakes are rightfully frustrated because, not only were they screwed by Augie, but also The Fist's violent reason means they're behind the 8 ball when it comes to what's really going on.
There's a message on ghostcredit.com saying "U R Pwned" and Charlie has to explain the concept of L33tspeak to the Fedcakes. Come on! The Fedcakes are intelligent people! It's not like one of them hasn't used L33t in a text, or seen it in it's most perverted form, a bloody cat macro!
Don and Charlie have a brief talk about the hot and assertive cougar prowling around their lives.

As the Fedcakes go to beat Augie with a rubber hose -- okay, they wouldn't but I can wish, they actually want to know about what the hell his plan was for exposing the operation. All Augie wanted to do is take over a bunch of card-scamming operations, and prove that he could hack into the FBI. (He didn't intend all of his equipment to cause a power drain, yet, couldn't see that coming.) Well, that's not all of his brilliant plan. The rest will come later.
Upstairs in Augie's room, I'm surprised the hacker doesn't make a comment about Nikki being the first hot woman to ever enter his room. Instead, he wants to continue doing, whatever the hell he was doing to control all the credit card markets.

This brings us to another part of his plan: get himself caught so that he'll be safe from the really, really bad guys. So that part of the plan is slightly smart, but he destroys his safety by asking Nikki if she wants to see his "loft."

Once again, despite all the space they have on the computer screens, I've yet to have my shout out. Come on people! What else to I have to do for my shout out, world peace and pony?

IHOF: David (with the help of Liz) give us all the exposition we need on Augie's crimes. He took over the Fedcake, an Eastern European, a Filipino, and Israeli (who The Fist works for), credit cartels. Well, Augie may have the common sense of a dead squirrel on the road, but at least he doesn't discriminate.

As for what Augie did to actually take over the sites, a Charlie-vision is needed for that. HE compares the DNS on the Internet to the US postal service -- and how easy it is to get mail rerouted.
The problem is, that the cartels he stole from are going to be able to hack Augie back, asap, now that he's under arrest. Thus, we, and the Fedcakes, are stuck with Augie until the end of the eppesode. I don't care what Charlie says about how Augie's only interested in hacking, or how impressive he is as a hacker. It doesn't make him any less annoying.

So the rest of the stupidity of Augie's plan comes to light: he wants to work for the government. He doesn't care if it's DARPA, or the NSA, or any government agency with initials (although it would be bad to put him near the IRS), as long as he's hired. Yes, committing crimes is an excellent way to get hired. It's not like similar cases of criminals being hired are so rare that they make movies out of it. Oh wait, yes it is.

Augie tries to convince Nikki that she needs him (both professionally and personally) and calls her "baby." I have to admire Nikki's restraint. On the other hand, maybe she's thinking something far more devious.
Augie, despite his earlier concerns about his safety, and the dead valet, laughs off any gangs coming to get him. *headdesk* This guy has about the same retention span as my dogs. I wonder if I can get rid of him the same way I distract them? I should try.
In an attempt to get Augie to realize the severity of his crimes, Nikki introduces him to Victim 0. Someone stole her husband's social security number and bank records, sold their house, and killed her husband due to stress. That last one, hacking won't help. Yeah, Augie has about the same foresight as my dogs too, except my dogs are way, way cuter.

La Maison d'Eppes: Alan's opening some wine, and Don's come over to give Amita a lift to the IHOF. On the way in, Don stops for a moment to ponder the mail, which I choose to mean that if mail is heavily featured in this eppesode, that must be what we'll do to show support for our show. There's also some heavy support for mail in this scene.
Don's came himself because he likes driving, which Alan spins into a midlife crisis. I can see how we had to get to that point, as we all saw a midlife crisis coming a mile away. BTW, Alan's midlife-crisis-mobile would have been a 'Vette, if Margaret hadn't talked him out of it.

Off of Don's midlife crisis and onto Alan's slightly-older than midlife crisis. He's the oldest consultant at the software firm, and he wants to impress his boss. Uh, Alan, you were hired to help things become more user-friendly, not to impress the boss by how much you know about computers!

Oh well, whatever opportunity the writers had to take to introduce Kath the Cougar to Don, just so she could hit on Don, is fine with me. It also gives us one of the funnier NPAL^TMwinners in a while: "I'm staring down 45 and it's starting to freak me out. So how do you stay fit, circuit training and carrot juice, or just lots of sex?"

I'd say the latter.
IHOF: Augie says the first thing that doesn't make me hate him. Even though he's still arguing that he hasn't really done anything too wrong, he does take down kiddie-porn sites. I'll give him that one.

The fire alarm goes off and I start yelling, "hack!" at my TV, but, yet again, the characters don't listen to me as, Nikki handcuffs Augie to escort him out of the building.

David's sure Augie had something to do with the alarm, as smoke was reported on the Fedcakes' floor. Well, David,you might be jumping the gun there. Considering the collective hotness of the Fedcakes, I'm surprised it hasn't gone off earlier!

As the fire isn't real, Augie doesn't realize that someone might use this distraction, to say, kill him ~~like me~~. A man pretending to be a medic, pulls a gun, and, if David wasn't so awesome as to be super-quick, would have killed either Augie (which I'm all right with) or my BFFedcake (which I am totally not cool with).

The propulsion from the kill shot, sends the would-be assassin over the bridge, to go splat on the ground. Odd, usually, we get to see Super!Colby or Super!David jump from high places.
After the commercial break, David takes charge of things, which he is perfectly capable of doing without going to Washington. He orders a 2 block perimeter, everybody to stay put and not touch the corpse, choppers and the cops, and for one guy to get the security tapes.
I, on the other hand, would not be as cool as David, and would, as much as it pains me, be behaving much more like Augie: a phrase which here means, going completely bat-shit. It finally dawns on him, the alarm was meant to get him outside so someone he's never met before, can try to kill him.

David and Nikki both recognize the killer's fighting style: Krav Maga. Geez, I wonder who would've been really, really useful in this situation? While that makes me notaligic, it makes David realize the Israelis are out to kill Augie, thus the only safe place for him would be with the marshals. Really? Hasn't witness protection failed before?

Augie tries to express his gratitude for not being dead, by hitting on Nikki -- Nikki passes the credit onto David. Now, if only David had been present for that exchange, we would've had a gold standard for comic relief. Now imagine it if Colby was present as well. You're welcome.

Cal Sci/Fedcakemobile: Amita, because she's so smart, is doing something that allows her to get into Augie's network. Don't ask me to explain any further. Anyway, she gets Don to call Nikki, to get the password, which is jockstrap, in L33tspeak.

He then promptly spells it out, but I know that's for the audience, more than Amita because she speaks L33t. Lucky for Augie, he's telling the truth.
Augie explains his use of the term because he's got the other cartels by the balls. I have another theory.
Thus, Augie keeps hitting on Nikki, by suggesting a hotel instead of jail, and man, her restraint since last season is getting somewhere near a saint's. I would've killed him by now, and I'm anti-violence.
As if to prove my theory, augie confesses to no doing well in testosterone-rich environments and that really, he's a pussy. Okay, so that's my phrasing.

So, Nikki's insistent on Augie going to the marshals, yet Augie doesn't take the hint.

IHOF: David's not only managed to identify the killer -- a disgraced Moussad agent, but also The Fist: Tal Feigenbaum. I would list all the bad things he's done, but I want to make two things clear: 1) he sells weapon, that's enough 2) I'm calling him LLB -- short for Liev Schreiber's Little Brother.

LLB is after a 3D printer, and probably not for the same reason I'd want one.

The problem is that Augie doesn't know LLB from a hole in the wall -- probably the same hole where a bullet would've missed him. Thus, he must have something on LLB, but doesn't know it yet.

Oh yes, let me give some credit to Liz, who is in on this whole pow-wow, and, even in the dark, looks stunning.
Lock-Up: Nikki pays no attention to Augie's final please to stay out of jail. She doesn't completely hate him, since she uses the name William Gates as his cover as opposed to something like, say, Mr. Jacques Strap -- which would've been more appropriate.
I am a little surprised the Marshals have shared cells in protective custody. You'd think protective would mean -- alone. Plus, why put his picture on a computer system. Shouldn't some orders from someone should've said pictures and computers are a no-no.

Cal Sci: Charmita's had no luck in tracking down LLB, yet all the other cartels are trying to hack Augie's aptly names Ooze website (named after what he crawled out of).
After nothing but disappointments, Charlie realizes that perhaps, even though LLB was hacked, there's a back door, in which to enter Augie's site. Okay, I know I'm talking about computers, but I can't help but think that last sentence sounds a bit dirty.

Since Amita's got a lot of work to do, I'm sure now is the time for Charlie to discuss Kath the Cougar. We're only half way through the eppesode and it's been firly established that she's hit on all members of the family Eppes. Where's a cougar going to hunt next?

Lock-Up: Augie's stuck with not one, but two angry cellmates. Sure, they're criminals, but I'd be angry too if I had to share a cell with Augie while listening to his small talk. You know what's creeping me out even more?
In order to not have his tongue ripped out (although I'm all for it) Augie tells his cellmates he can hack bank accounts, but he needs a certain type of old cell phone.

IHOF: Charmita's found all the evidence ever needed to convict LLB, but now they need Augie.

Lock-Up: Who has managed to get his cell phone, hack the marshals and write his own release orders. Considering how easy it was to get contraband in protective custody, I'm pretty sure this isn't the worst idea Augie's ever had.

IHOF; Charlie admires Augie's resourcefulness, but now Don's stuck tracking a weapon's dealer and a douchebag of a hacker.

If ever this was a dog chasing a cat chasing a mouse scenario, this is it, and, Augie resembles a rodent. Nikki arrives with news that Victim 0 just had 100 grand transferred into her account, which is clearly the work of Augie. She also EPICALLY FAILS when Don asks if she has a soft spot for the hacker.
Don passes off the only lead the Fedcakes have for Augie -- an Aunt Rose. If Augie goes anywhere near there, that would, officially, be his dumbest move.

And to think, the NSA wants this guy.

When Nikki leaves, the camera turns so that we can see what Don was really searching for on his computer: a red sports car.

Fedcakemobile: On the way to Aunt Rose's David doesn't let Nikki get away with claiming she doesn't like the guy. Because it is David, and he would be the Fedcake I'd confide in, she admits that Augie makes her laugh. Nikki and I must have completely different senses of humour.

IHOF: In one of the things I love about Numb3rs, is that sometimes the practical has to overtake the complicated cerebral. As Charmita's slaving away trying to find how LLB wants to get at Augie over the internet, Don thinks that LLB might be trying to find the IRL person, through other methods.

I would just like everyone to nice my restraint when it came to listing the other aspects of this show that I love. Not only would it be a long list, I'd have to put a serious, serious rating on this recap. I'm saving those sorts of dirty thoughts for next week's eppesode. No, I'm not spoiling. I will on the other hand, *flail, flail, flail* madly. If you happen to be online on Friday and see a random flailing, that would be me.

So it's in-between high-tech and IRL: as the method of finding one another is IRC. This gives us a chance to have one of the rare Amita-visions, as she compars IRC to drug smuggling in the middle of the ocean.
Hey! When I used IRC, it was more about discussing the merits of teen idols. No, I'm not saying who because the humliation might kill me -- and totally date me.

So Amita sets up an alert if TheFist and Oozemeister enter IRC, Amita will be there to translate L33t. Charlie finds her ability to speak L33t very hot, causing Don to walk out of the room in disgust. Who wants to see his younger sibling get all lovey-dovey with his significant other?

Aunt Rose's: Augie doesn't fail to live down to my expectations. He had been at his aunt's, only to take her money and her laptop, because Aunt Rose is foolish enough to give them to him. She says it's out of love, I wonder if foolishness is a genetic fault.
IHOF: the IRC alert works perfectly, and both TheFist and Oozemeister say they have a surprise for one another. I hope it's not anything that might give me nightmares.

All Augie does is taunt LLB, and Amita translates that Augie's rewriting all his code, which means he has to be in range of the hotel. If the Fedcakes, with only one computer expert can figure this out, why does no one think LLB, a computer expert, can't figure this out?
Well, LLB doesn't have to find Augie, since LLB's surprise was a photo of Aunt Rose with a gun to her head.

Aunt Rose's: Augie arrives first, and promises everything for the release of Aunt Rose, but it's too late for her. At least Augie has the presence of mind to hide by hanging out the window, instead of under the bed, or some other dumb place.

It gives Augie enough time to make a run for it. Obviously, LLB hired his goon from the Stormtrooper school of marksmanship, since he can't hit one man running, alone, on a beach.

LLB takes a shot at David, and I'm starting to wonder if David might ever make it to Washington at the rate this show is trying to kill him. On the other hand, since David will never, ever go to Washington and leave the Fedcakes, I'm going to assume that was just for dramatic effect, and not forshadowing.

We skip back and forth betwen David being shot at by LLB and Nikki being shot at by the stormtrooper out of uniform.
Nikki gets the stormtrooper before he gets her, which is how you're fated to die, if you're a stormtrooper. Now it's just up to David to talk LLB down.

The take down is not dramatic. The take down is freaking hilarious. LLB, instead of jumping out the window Augie was hanging from, instead tries another window.

When he doesn't make it out the window the first time, he keeps hitting it. I was laughing so hard, I hurt.
Down on the beach, Nikki's saved Augie, in his mind, a second time (although this is actually her first time) so he's got to be irrevocably in love with her now. The problem is, that's not what his face is telling me.
The reality of what Augie's done virtually, finally hits him. His online activites caused all this mayhem. Geez, took him long enough to get a clue.

Augie cries, and for all the actor's selling of this scene, I have such a hate-on for all the things he's done, I can't feel the same way Nikki does -- sympathetic. I'm assuming it's only sympathy she's feeling as any more might cause me to vomit.

IHOF: We're in the parking lot where Don wants to show Alan his version of a 'Vette. More importantly, Don does something for me, and clarifies that Robin isn't around not because they've broken up (which cannot happen, as we all remember the last time), but rather, she's working on a trial in Portland.
Alan spots a red sports car, but Don had to go with something far more likely to make me worry about him the way I worry about David.
As Don drives off, he hands his car keys to Alan. Sure Don's got a motercycle, but at least he hasn't lost all sense, and has a practical vehicle for say, car chases, or, perhaps, taking an AUSA on a date.

I'll have to settle for that, for now. It's something Don and I may need to work on.

"That's what I love," Alan says, sarcastically, "a good mid-life crisis." I hear you Alan.

La Maison d'Eppes: Can I just say that I'm so happy this eppesode ends with a family moment? I was so afraid I'd have to see what Nikki and Augie do after the beach. That would require me to remove my brain, through my ear, to prevent me from reliving something like that in my nightmares.

Augie's still going to work for the NSA and Charlie still thinks he's a good guy. Blech. I do have to appreciate the discussion Charmita has about how fantasy and reality can intermix. That's probably why I think I can work on the whole motorcycle thing with Don, or why I get angry when I yell something at the TV and the canracters don't pay attention.

All right, let's move off my issues and on to something more fun, like Kath the cougar. She sent Amita a package, and now Amita is going to have to explain it.
Not that she tells Charlie that before exiting to the kitchen, leaving the Eppes men to discuss who Kath was hitting on the most.
What was actually in the box was a 3D print of Amita's avatar, Kali, along with a note offering her "lunch, dinner, a weekend in Sonoma." That proves it! My theory that Kath will hit on all members of the Eppes is now fact.
Thus, we end with the Eppes sitting down to dinner, and Amita, giving a nice little tidbit for fanfic writers that she loves wine tasting.

That's all fine and dandy, and as much as I enjoyed this eppesode, this one's problem is that it falls before an eppesode I'm dying to see.

What's that I hear in the distance? Is it the chariot of enigmatic coolness?

Cue flailing.
*FLAILS!*

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Dreamland (eppesode 606)

2009-11-06T16:55:00.017-05:00

Before I begin, let me point you in the direction of a previous entry. It is important and please, pass it on to everyone you know. It's taken up the better part of my last 24 hours! Have you signed the petition yet?

Oh yes, and have I ever mentioned that I'm one heck of a serious X-phile?
Dreamland: We begin at Goathart air force base where a bunch of conspiracy nuts are clearly disobeying the sign about photography.
I'm not too sure what to call these people. They're conspiracy nuts who think this practically abandoned base may hold some secrets which may include:

A reverse UFO project
Reinvent of a Nazi thing
Ghosts: specifically WWII test pilots

Wandering into a place clearly prohibited, yet not being of put by the whole Alien/UFO/Ghost thing, and calling the place "Dreamland" conveniently giving us our eppesode's title, I can only think of one possible thing to call this group.
Time passes, and the coffee runs out 2 hours before dawn. Yet, all this waiting has not been in vain. As soon as the Langley needs more coffee, bolts of blue lightning shoot out of the air, randomly hitting the debris on the base. In the midst of all that debris is one figure, running for her life. Thus, I would like to add one suggestion to the Lone Gunmen's list: it's clearly either and attack from the Emperor a family feud amongst the Oswalds.
Something ominous hovers overhead and the Lone Gunmen frantically take some photos, before it disappears.

Hey, didn't we already have a UFO case, like in he first season. Oh yes, we did, because I recapped it.

The Beginning: The next morning, Charlie, is driven to the crime scene by military escort. Somehow, I don't think the military wanted to give Charlie permission to drive on their base.

The Fedcakes are already there, waiting for our adorkable professor, and know it'll be a while before the body can be identified. Apparently, one's identity can be entirely wiped out by lightning. Unfortunately, if Charlie's expression is anything to go by, it's a really smelly process.

Out of nowhere (by out of nowhere, I mean hiding behind the Jeep) pops up some dude to do David's job: give exposition. He tells us Goathart was founded in 1938 and decommissioned in 1986. We get the history of the name (after the mountains) and the purpose (test out aircraft).
There are also a bunch of Fedcakes who are all WTF abou random dude hiding behind the Jeep, so now we get credentials. He's Floyd Mayborne of Department 44. What is Department 44? Apparently, it's the American Torchwood.

Not that Jeep Hiding Man can actually provide proof of his identity, because people who wok for Department 44 aren't allowed to carry ID. Then again, we can't know what Department 44 does either -- "for reasons that cannot be specified." It was founded in 1863, which means it predates Torchwood by 16 years.

David asks the question we all have: why exactly is Jeep Hiding Man here?
The Lone Gunmen are escorted out of the base, past the Fedcakes and Floyd, spouting their weird theories. Floyd sympathizes while David appears to agree with him, but is really wondering if Floyd is a few x-files short of a case.

Soft Light: In the darkness of the IHOF, Nikki and David tell Don all about Goathart and the Lone Gunmen, neither of which inspire much faith in Don about this being an easy case. Plus, the FBI probably doesn't hand over the X-files to just any agent, even Chief Fedcakes who look really god in Kevlar.

Colby arrives with some interesting footage taken by the Lone Gunmen of the weird lightning.
"You were saying, Agent Mulder?" Nikki quips. At first I thought, no, Don cannot be Mulder but then I realized his penchant for going against the rules, his search for deeper meanings, and his hotness would totally make him the Mulder. I even figured out who the Scully is in this show (the Scully before the whole cheesy romance thing started).

So now the Fedcakes have to find out what's going on, and all they have is the knowledge that the truth, is out there.
After the title flash, Nikki and Colby get the distinct pleasure of interviewing Frohike, and then I realize. That's not Frohike; it's Ted from Scrubs!
Anyway, they get nothing from Ted/Frohike other than the ominous statement "Everything you know, is wrong." That sounds much more like a Dr. Cox line than a Ted line, but I'll let it pass.

Later, Floyd's at the IHOF, and I think I need to change his moniker to Fedcake Snooping Man, because he examines everything, including the flavour of Fedcakes' coffee, by sniffing it. In my world, that would be a reason for justifiable homicide, but they are better people than I am.

It takes me a couple of viewing to realize that all Floyd is saying is "nice day we're having," except his description is so verbose, I don't even think I could outdo him. Luckily, he's distracted by the mention of Charlie, saying this week's most sadly appropriate line.
Hey, me too, which is why everyone should take action!

Colby gets the honour, by honour, I mean, hilarious punishment, of getting to escort Fedcake Snooping Man to Cal Sci. Oh, and in case you were wondering (which, we weren't) Colby is Floyd's grandmother's name. I hate to encourage him further but first or last name?

Alpha: We get into subplot territory, which I'm not entirely sure I like. You know, I can get the whole, Alan lost his money thing, because it's economically appropriate, but David wanting to know how to move up in the FBI? If it involves him going to Washington, as suggested by Don (should David want to go the management route), I'm not cool.

Logically, I think David would go the field work route, because he admires Don, but Don admits to not having a plan. That's a problem as I think David is much more of a planner than Don ever was. So, how about I ignore any idea of my BFFedcake moving up and out of the team, and think of better questions he could've asked Don.
Memento Mori: Nikki gets some info on the electrified corpse from the coroner who is not Claudia. The victim is a 20-something female who was wearing some sort of ID before she got fried. This means two things: 1) someone might've taken it before the authorities arrived and 2) She didn't work for Department 44, since she had ID.

"The Căluşari: Charlie is watching the Lone Gunmen's video, when Otto Bahnoff shows up -- having been sent by Dr. Waldie. You know, Bill, Bill, Bill Waldie? Well, I'm going to start a scandalous rumour about Dr. Waldie.
Otto's friends call him Autobahn,which makes me wonder, who the hell are this guy's friends? Better yet, did his parents hate him?

Otto's all excited about the object, and barely acknowledges that someone died. I think Charlie's about to have a short, but meaningful conversation that a nickname does not give permission to run all over the conversation, but Suddenly Appearing Man suddenly appears.
I'm saddened when I realize that Floyd's been there a while as I really, really would've enjoyed watching Colby introduce Floyd to Charlie. It's a comedic moment that now, will only live in my head, as it's been lost in this eppesode.

The introduction of Otto to Floyd is almost as hilarious, since Otto thinks he knows some f the same people Floyd does, at the Pentagon.

"Actually, I'm, quite sure we don't," Floyd tells him, winning both this week's NPAL^TMand the biggest laugh from me, as no one except for Charlie realizes how awkward this situation really is.

The discussion moves on to the possibility of ball lightning and some obscure person in history who may have been killed by an unproven phenomenon. You know,t hat sentence made way more sense in my head. This leads to the comment about a pale blue ball," and, I wonder if I'm supposed to find that line as funny as I do.
Charlie escapes the awkwardness by jumping into a Charlie-vision, to explain how he can't aim lightning at people, even if this ball lightning theory pans out.
The conversation about aiming lightning, which is bizarre enough, takes a turn into bonkers land, when Floyd takes a step to the side and starts listening to the air. Apparently, Floyd has a cell phone even Zoolander and Hansel (he's so hot) would envy.

Dreamland: Colby and Nikki are sent to investigate the site again, but the caretaker at Goathart laughs at the idea anything supernatural is going on. As for our Fedcakes, Nikki feels like she's in a Scooby-Doo cartoon. I'm not even asking who Velma would be.

All they find is some ulcer medication, leading Colby to ask that time-honoured question:
Field Trip: Night falls to find Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Nikki stuck on a stake out, watching the target area. David's a bit grumbly and all he wants to find is some justification for him freezing his butt of in the desert. I hate to do it, but I have to disagree with my BFFedcake. Any reason to bring out the night vision goggles is an excuse for a stakeout.
What they do find is a technology-filled van, and sadly, it isn't the Mystery Machine. It's full of people who have to know something about what's going on as they're ordered to clear out. The order comes a little too late, as the van's blown up anyway, making me extremely cross.
The next morning, the army, the Fedcakes and Floyd are all confused by the most recent turn of events. Charlie is more intrigued than confused, that is, until he mistakes a part of a person, for specialized equipment.
Three of a Kind: Back with not-Claudia, in the morgue, we learn the three dead men are also not from Department 44 because they all have IDs from Neox industries. They also died from "being blown up" which is the coroner's actual term -- not mine!

Soft Light: Neox is also missing one Cynthia Abbott, whose particulars match that of the dead Jane Doe's. Of course, not that this weapons' maker is going to report 4 missing employees.
Ghost in the Machine: The head the company, Drew, refuses to talk about the project, because of national security reasons, but acts like he's devastated over the loss of his employees. He then almost talks about it, by commenting that whatever it is, Cynthia Abbott wasn't involved. Oh, short scenes that just move the plot along, I love you.

Soft Light: For some reason, Don thought it was a good idea to let Nikki interview the grieving boyfriend. Um, yeah, not exactly my first choice, although she does better than I expect. All we get is picture of Cynthia and that she never talked about her work at home.

"The Căluşari: Hey, look, it's Amita! It I were going to cast her in The X-files, I know exactly which character she'd be. She's Reyes. You know, the one that's sort of in between everyone's believes, and is the one called in when Scully isn't available? Yeah, her.
Anyway, Amita's all surprised by Drapes Molesting Man, and Charlie tries to explain Floyd, not that anyone could really explain Floyd, particularly when Floyd's important question is about the pie served down the street. I hate to bring up obscure continuity ~~no I don't~~ but would this be the same pie place where one Marshall Penfield took Amita to eat pie?

Okay, so it's not all about pie. It's about how Floyd is Amita Creeping Man, by knowing not only who she is, but also some of her work, and how he has information pertaining to the case.
All he knows is that Neox deals with less-lethal weaponry. As opposed to more-lethal? Sort-of-lethal? Completely-lethal? Who knew modifiers would matter in this eppesode?

This scene leads to a line that I think might be a rival for Lazlo's best guest star's line, ever. "The Pentagon has no contract with aliens, or afterlife entities, I'm aware of, at this time."

Well, since there's only ever been one ghost labeled "friendly," I doubt the Pentagon would be interested in the afterlife.

Anyway, Floyd has Cynthia Abbott's laptop and passes it off to Amita for analysis. Thus, with the action of the scene over, I should explain, that if I'm going to label Amita as Reyes, then I'm gong to have to say who I'm labeling Charlie in my X-files/Numb3rs crossover recap.
One Son: (I so wanted to title this part "Home" but I am never, ever going there in a recap.)

Don's now wondering about his own life, as if that hasn't been a major story arc for the last year. He wants to know what choices his father made in life, but Alan, being the voice of wisdom that he is, knows this is more about his first born.

All Don can see is a life of second choices. For instance, he joined the Feds because he couldn't play ball. Now, he finds he wants things, and hasn't ever had the experience planning for them.

Now that the family moment is over, I'm going to take a couple stabs (oops, bad choice of words when referring to Don) at what it is Don wants.
"The Căluşari: Amita's hacked the laptop and found an e-mail saying Cynthia was going to watch the testing of a weapon that wasn't ready. She's also received an e-mail from OttoBahn about an aircraft that looks a lot like every other government created UFO I've ever seen.

Dreamland: Completely taking leave of all of their senses, Charmita's heads out to Goathart without any other backup. Okay, unless one counts Floyd, who appears out of freaking nowhere. ~~I wouldn't cout Randomly Appearing Man~~
Okay, sure, I wanted to stick with the X-files references all the way throughout, but I have to digress. Have you ever seen the show M*A*S*H? The syndication of it is the closest thing in the world to perpetual motion. Well, Floyd and his formality and random freaky appearances is reminding me of Colonel Flagg. If you've seen the show, you'll get that reference, if you haven't just picture Floyd, 35+ years ago, in army fatigues.

Well, as ridiculous as it is for Charmita to be out there looking for whatever technology they're looking for, Floyd's reasoning is to take in the ambiance. You know, I would take in the ambiance of a grand old theatre, or restaurant, not FIELD OF DEATH.

Charlie asks if Floyd has a flashlight, indicating his own adorkable little hardly larger than a penlight, flashlight. Well, Floyd does have one, and it's massive. So, the question is, since Floyd wasn't carrying anything, nor was there a bulge in his suit (do not think about that too deeply and if you do, I accept no responsibility if you're traumatized) where was Floyd packing his flashlight? (Word choice totally intended.)
They find a few things, a dead sheep (not killed by a chupacabra, no matter how cool an X-files reference that would be) and a washing machine covered in engineering shorthand. Oddly, I find the sheep more surprising -- as I bet they just reused the prop from Lazlo's office.

The trio also finds the unmanned flying object, and realize the UFO is the murder weapon, after Flashlight Packing Man explains what it is.
Conduit: The Fedcakes can't get a warrant to find out how the UFO works, and Floyd can't help them, leading Don to give the Department 44 representative an ultimatum -- be useful or get lost. I guess Don doesn't understand the importance of the comic relief character when he gets stressed. You'd think he would've learned from all those years of knowing Larry.

Floyd becomes the Quickly High-tailing Man, leaving the Fedcakes to wonder what's up and what the dead Cnthia Abbott knew.

Excuse me, let me change the tenses there. What Cynthia Abbott knows. The Jane Doe, isn't her.

Oh, I gave up on Floyd too soon as he's back, but he has to take another phone call on his miniscule phone. Nikki, who obviously does not understand the concept of a Zoolander phone, is confused.
Although, I have to admit, Floyd does have some important information.

Deadalive: The information is: Cynthia Abbott's location. She's at some random hotel, afraid of who is breaking down her door.

And how did Floyd know where Cynthia's location? You know all those paranoid things that people talk about like impanting microchips to track your location? Well, that was done to Cynthia. There has been precedent for this before.

Die hand die verletzt: Cynthia confirms that Neox is developing a lightning gun, but can't say who the Jane Doe is.

As for Floyd, he's the Uncertain Knowing Man, as he thinks he knows that Neox is lying about the success of the lightning gun, but he doesn't really know it. Wow, that Col Flagg quote I picked earlier is just getting more and more appropriate.
Thus, the only useful thing Floyd can do is get the Fedcakes a list of Neox employees.

Terms of Endearment: Alan's clearly waiting for Amita to get home, as he has a present. It's his wife's birthday so please, all fanfic writers, note Margaret's birthday is October 30th. As a present to his late wife, he's giving Amita a family heirloom -- a necklace given to Margaret's great-great grandomother on her 21st birthday. Since Amita is going to be the first daughter-in-law and has been around for so long, she's earned it. There's clearly a lot of support for this, subtly present in the scene.
It's a sweet moment between father and daughter-in-law, and definitely a planned part of Alan's campaign to make sure he gets grandchildren. Amita's got to pass on that necklace to someone so nice going there, Alan!

The List: Floyd gets the list of Neox employees, and the potential identity of one Jane Doe: Allison Williams, VP -- even though Neox claims she's on leave.
En Ami: Alan and Amita are bonding over chess but that's not enough for Alan. Nope, he uses this opportunity to discuss how wonderful daughters-in-law are and how he would love to have 2. He's not referring to Charlie committing bigamy either.
Amita makes an odd comment about getting along with one's own parents, which is a moment I really would like to see expanded, but Otto's got some info, taking away Charmita, and leaving Don to ~~have to sit through more hints about getting married~~ finish the chess game.

Surekill: I have no idea what Charmita and Otto are talking about. All I can glean is that what Neox invented wasn't supposed to kill anyone, yet it does. This brings to mind some other military project that has absolutely no meaning to me, where it also malfunctioned and almost brought down an American helicopter.

Cue Suddenly Materializing Man, who not only has some odd fact about the military project I don't understand, but also about sightings of the UFO over Goathart. He knows this because it says so on the internet. Like that's always reliable.
Folie a Deux: OMG, someone stop Charlie from going out on these little research trips without appropriate backup. He's already manged to get out of one trip unscathed, there's no way he's making it through a second. Plus, he's only got Floyd. Unless his Zoolander phone has a ray gun app, he's not much use.

Oh, Charlie, when did your brain leak out your left ear? When on an abandoned military base and you hear a mysterious noise, you run like hell -- not just stand there making quips about being spotted!
Finally, Charlie remembers that he's a smart guy who cannot defeat UFOs and calls the Fedcakes. As for Floyd, he has one useful app on his phone: NSA UFO tracking, because it says the UFO is heading back to the Goathart hangers.

X-Cops: What the Fedcakes find is a bunch f Neox employees, and their leader, Drew, who insists that he isn't doing anything wrong.
The Post-Modern Prometheus: In the IHOF, Drew insists to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that everything about the UFO could be fixed an that no one understands what's really going on. Don doesn't believe him but that gives Charlie an idea.

Otto's working in the regular meeting room, when Charmita, Nikki, and Floyd enter. As Charlie stands off to one side, Amita, Floyd and Nikki have to listen to Otto blather on about how he could get the Neox UFO to work. I can only think one thing.
Charlie finally asks Otto if he could build a working model, which Otto jumps all over like Mulder on an alien abduction story, leading to the real problem with the Neox: engineers.

At first, even I, a lit and history major, was appalled at how engineers are stereotyped: willing to jump ahead, without thinking about the consequences, and getting people killed in the process. I thought that was a horrible way to think of engineers, and then I remembered my time in university and the following, sad but true incidents.

The electric office chair race
The Engineering Follies Revue
People willingly dying themselves purple

Enough said.
Knowing that he's been caught, Drew confesses that the dead VP had insisted on the live human test, on the assumption that the term live human was not meant as just an unfortunate turn of phrase. He also blames the government for pushing Neox to produce results. Plus, the other three employees went out without his permission. Somehow, even though Drew was the one to rip the ID of Allison's fried corpse, and wouldn't have said no to the other engineers, he's the only one not responsible, in his head.
Je Souhaite: I wish we could have more of these scenes. I highly approve of anything that gets Fedcakes into lesser amounts of clothing.
I would also recommend skinny-dipping.

We're back to what move David should do next to advance his career. ~~Sinny-dipping still works for me.~~ f he wants management, he'll have to go to Washington which IS NOT ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE THEN WHAT WOULD COLBY DO?

As for Don, he doesn't feel worthy of giving advice because he's constantly being his own worst critic, and act David tells him to drop before he has to stick Don's head in a toilet and give him a swirly, until he agrees. Okay, so I made that last part up.

"For a Jewish guy, you certainly like getting up on the cross," David snarks at him. Oh, David, if Alan were not on this show, you would be the sage of wisdom.
The End: At Cal Sci, Amita shows Charlie her welcome to the family present.
Finally calling him on showing up out of nowhere, Charmita learns that there are contractors out there working on building a transporter, not that Floyd's supposed to talk about that.

And someone gave Floyd the right to thank Charmita on behalf of the whole nation. While, I admit, Charmita have done things that have earned them that thanks, repeatedly, ~~I'm assuming people are grateful for great hair~~ I'm not too sure someone should give that power to Floyd.
Floyd takes a moment to ponder the denial, and greed that allowed Neox to flourish and how Neox almost got away with it, "if it weren't for you meddling kids."
Yeah, so I went with X-files references instead of Scooby-Doo ones. I just had difficulty with the concept of this: