Extra Froth: Beware the Grangers! By Lainey Spoy-Right

This is a reprinting of an article originally done by Lainey Spoy-Right for The Quibbler on March 18, 2006. It is being reprinted here as my esteemed colleague, Annie, does not remember this very revealing investigative report. Originally, the information used to create this article was found at one of my former recapping sites, Fandom Talk.

With the most recent revelation about Colby's character, Ms. Spoy-Right reports she's working on a follow-up piece about Hermione's connection with either Voldemort, or some shady anti-establishment organization called SPEW. Ms. Spy-Right released the following statement. "While the whole Voldemort thing has been done to death, we're fearing this new upstart anarchist organization, SPEW. ...they have buttons. Any organization with buttons is cause for a concern according to our highest standards here at The Quibbler."

The Quibbler

Hermione Granger with American Ties?

By: Lainey Spoy-RightSenior Obscure Connection Analyst

Hermione Granger and Colby Granger share little in this world, other than a common last name. She is British. He is American. She is the most exceptional witch of her generation. Although Colby has yet to have his intellectual moment in the shade, glow in the dark stars, candlelight sun, he is the greatest sidekick FBI Agent David Sinclair ever had. Hermione speaks English. Colby ties to speak English, but also tries to speak Spanish. We do understand that some coincidental similarities, such as hair colour do exist; for instance, Hermione can correctly use the word loquacious in a sentence and Colby once drank at a bar called Loquacious, during Spring Break, junior year. (Yes, we here at The Quibbler do recognize that not everything is part of the international garden gnome conspiracy.)

Despite the suspicious coincidences of the hair colour, last name and the loquacious connection, Hermione and Colby Granger have nothing to do with one another.

OR DO THEY?

This Senior Obscure Connection Analyst has discovered that these two people are in fact, long lost cousins.

The history of the Granger family is long and sordid. The name Granger means “One who superintended a large farm, or grange.” It has been identified that the first Granger first got his name from tending the large Yorkshire farm, Thrushcross Grange – as owned by the Linton family. The Grangers stayed out of sight during the decades long feud between the Lintons and the neighbours, the Earnshaw / Heathcliff household. The name of the Earnshaw /Heathcliff farm has been lost to history as this Senior Obscure Connection Analyst cannot find it.

After the family grew too large to tend the two large granges, one son, Hindley and his wife Eunice, moved to London. Childless for many years, it was a surprise birth of twins, Benjamin & Samuel, in 1900, that allowed the line to continue. Benjamin was a bright child, into reading and arithmetic, but Samuel, was the physical child, and was an avid golfer. By the age of 12, Samuel was invited to compete in a tournament in New Haven, Connecticut and was booked passage on a new steamliner, the Titanic, and for many years, his family believed him dead.

Meanwhile, Benjamin married twice, fathering 15 children, the 8th one, Delbert, born in 1943, eventually became a dentist, and in 1979, became the proud father of Hermione Jane Granger. Her grandfather’s love for math is evident in his young granddaughter, who, though she is the first witch in her family (although there were always questions about Great Aunt Philomena seeing ghosts back at Thrushcross Grange), Hermione’s best subject is Arithmancy – the telling of the future through mathematical properties prescribed to letters. When Hermione’s name is entered into the arithmancy calculator, one has to wonder if the whole fortune telling through numbers has a point. (Which we at the Quibbler have been asserting that opinion since our inception.)

Samuel, it turns out, never made it on the Titanic and not having thought to ask for money for a coach home, in case the whole steamliner thing didn’t work out, spent several years working in a coal mine in Wales. There he met and married a coal miner’s daughter – thought about entering into the music business, but instead immigrated to Lawrence, Kansas, to try his own hand at the old family business of running a farm. When Samuel and his wife learned of the tradition to do with males in Lawrence Kansas, he up and moved the family to Winchester Idaho – as it sounded like a good name, considering he knew a Winchester family in Lawrence.

Samuel’s second son Lawrence, born in Lawrence but raised in Winchester, married and became the proud father of Colby Granger – named in honour of his grandfather’s coal mining days. After college, Colby went forward and learned to be a skilled army interrogator and took up the family tradition of playing golf on the weekends. Eventually, Colby found himself working for the FBI, where he often solves cases by using math, which often uses mathematical properties prescribed to letters when the values are unknown. (Colby’s name also works out according to the arithmancy calculator. His overall number is his personality!)

Samuel’s former family friends, the Winchesters from Lawrence, (who also left Lawrence, as a precaution as Sam and Dean are two males) started investigating the concept of magic being present in the Granger family, when six obscure manuscripts (although there is suspected to be a seventh manuscript in the works) were found telling the story of the heroic life and times of the Granger’s British branch of the family. They uncovered the connection and found shocking similarities between these second cousins. Both use math as a way of telling the fortunes of friends or criminals. Hermione has a vine wand and Colby is known to enjoy the products made from the fruit of the vine. It has been suggested, though documentation is lacking, that Hermione might make an excellent auror, or a dark wizard catcher. Colby catches criminals. Both are superior sidekicks. It’s all in the genes.

The last connection between these two families is that Colby’s first cousin (son of Samuel’s first son) whose name is only Granger (like Cher), shows some tendencies towards the more intellectual pursuits of Benjamin’s line. Recently, he moved to an undisclosed city where he has started reading and memorizing books (like Hermione Granger) as he claims that soon the fire department won’t be used to put out fires, but will be used burn books instead, making him an intellectual exile. Perhaps the arithmancy runes are telling him something we need to know.

In conclusion, coincidences connecting these two second cousins can only lead to one conclusion – they too must be in on the international garden gnome conspiracy.

Beware the Grangers!

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Take Out (Eppesode 314)

This recap has been brought to you by my ISP royally screwing up and putting me on dial-up access until Friday. Dial-up? It’s moving at about 5kb per second. That means one thing: I’ll have to keep some images to myself. (Actual estimated time to upload one screencap: 5.3 minutes. Feel free to contact my ISP to complain.)

Opening Grid: 3 Course Meal, 1 Restaurant, 4 Robbers, 1592 Death Squad Murders 1 recapper feeling like she’s living in the stone age.

Fancy Schmancy Restaurant: A lovely evening where people pay far too much for minuscule portions of organically grown tofu is ruined by two heavily accented robbers wearing ski masks.

Aha! The robbers are foiled by two cleverly concealed undercover cops. All is under control! Bring out the champagne!

Uhh, double aha! The cops who foiled the robbers are foiled by two other robbers undercover.

As much as I’m hoping the undercover robbers to be foiled by two under-undercover cops due to my whole super secret desire to see that whole cartoonish scenario play out like it would for the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote, the two cops are shot instead. The robbers grab the casings and race out of the restaurant.

Cal Sci: At least, I think it’s Cal Sci. In fact, we might be at Harvard or, perhaps, even Timbuktu; I don’t care. I’m completely distracted.

Charlie’s in a tux. I’d love to share that with you right now but I’m on dial-up.

I think this scene has something to do with fund raising, or Millie drinking. Maybe it’s about fundraising and Millie drinking. There might also be talk of money and how Charlie is a fund-magnet. Well, if those funds get Charlie in a tux more often, where do I send my money? I’d really like to encourage more tux-wearing.

Now he’s getting a phone call. Maybe it’s from Don! Maybe Charlie, in a tux, will be asked to go to the crime scene, where Don will be. Maybe Don will also be wearing some really well-fitting jeans. After that, perhaps Colby might be wearing riot gear and then –

Okay, have to pull myself together. Besides, that could never happen. If it did, there’d be a rash of spontaneously-combusting televisions.

Fancy Schmancy Restaurant: Well, no jeans and riot gear so the fire hazard in my house can be lessened to a light smolder. Or that could just be the after effect of my computer speakers being on fire. I’m not making that last part up. See what I go through to bring you these recaps?

While Don isn’t wearing jeans, Colby’s certainly working the suit and looks, dare I say it, intelligent? Again, I’d show you but but I’m on dial-up. Feel free not to believe me; I’d require hard-evidence of Colby looking intelligent too.


Don and Colby are filled in by Officer Exposition, yet another pale imitation of David. We learn this crew’s hit at several restaurants in town and they never take cash, only credit cards and cell phones. The LAPD had set up a sting, but, much like in “Uncertainty Principle,” the back-up wasn’t expected. Well, maybe the LAPD should’ve read the opening grid which clearly stated that there were 4 robbers.

Charlie arrives, too formally dressed for a crime scene, but exactly how I would attire him if I were master of all things in the universe. After Colby disabuses the notion that Charlie’s adorkableness in a tux is comparable to that of James Bond, we have the hero moment of promising to solve the case.

Title Flash.

IHOF: Don and Megan pedaconference about the robbers and Megan’s hoping that, at some earlier point in the crime spree, they made a mistake. She’s completely right, other than the fact the robbers didn’t make a mistake. I guessing all we’re to get out of this is a new level of appreciation for the prop guys who continue to demonstrate their ability to hide Diane Farr’s ever growing baby-bump. The file folder they use though isn’t quite big enough. Again, I’d love to give you a cap with a crack about the size of the folder but I’m on dial-up.

Next, we get the story behind why the robbers take the credit cards and cell phones. After the robberies, they max out the credit cards on high price purchases eventually laundering the money overseas. The cell phones are taken to prevent the credit card holders from canceling the cars before they’re maxed out. The voice telling me all this sounds vaguely familiar. The face, I’ve seen it somewhere but not for far too long. It’s David! Is it possible to glomp all over the internet to hug a fictional character? It’s Rosencrantz to Colby’s Guildenstern. It’s the true voice of exposition and after a few weeks of him not being on the show, I don’t think I’ve been happier to see a character return.

During all of my waxing poetic about the return of David (really, if I went on anymore, I’d be typing in iambic pentameter) Don’s been distracted reading a letter. He is so distracted that he sends Colby and Megan off to investigate the restaurant without telling Colby that there’s no such thing as a free lunch. At least, there isn’t a free lunch on the FBI tab.

Cal Sci: Charlie is talking to himself when he’s surprised by Millie. She apologizes and explains her stealth comes from living in Antarctica which is like “a big library, with penguins.”

Charlie’s been talking to himself because the equation he used in “Uncertainty Principle” isn’t working for this set of robberies. Fortunately, Millie, who has totally usurped all things Larry, except Megan, has a suggestion. The DOD came up with a threat matrix that was published about a year ago in a magazine. Why, it’s happens to be the same magazine she’s holding in her hands! Those penguin librarians must’ve been excellent in order to have an obscure magazine with a DOD threat matrix delivered to the South Pole. I’ve always believed orangutans were the only acceptable non-human librarians. Now I’ll have to add Penguins to the list.

Millie also wants to thank Charlie for being a spectacular fundraiser. I guess I’m not the only one that fell victim to the tux. In order to get even more money, Macmillan Pharmaceuticals wants Charlie to head up their new Pharmco Kinetic Modeling project – no tux required. I guess they don’t agree that, for me, the tux would be the first stipulation. Charlie, who is feeling a deep sense of gratitude for Millie’s reliable penguin librarians, agrees. Somebody didn’t see The Constant Gardener.

IHOF: I’m thinking that some writer, somewhere, feels that the extreme lack of David recently needs to be rectified in one eppesode. He’s interviewing a parolee that used to commit similar crimes. The parolee thinks that the robbers must be their own special brand of cuckoo crazy because he thinks they killed the cops as a warning to other cops. The warning: they aren’t afraid and ready to kill anyone in their way.

Don is watching the interrogation when Colby and Megan come back from their free lunch investigation at the fancy-schmancy restaurant. They learned nothing, other than Colby will look a gift steak in the mouth by complaining when it’s overcooked. He should’ve ordered the tofu.

Megan’s behavioural analysis says that the robbers must’ve mastered their craft somewhere and Colby immediately disagrees. Oh Colby, don’t disagree with Megan, she can totally kick your ass. She can beat you at Junior Trivial Pursuit too.

In all seriousness, Colby thinks that they learned their craft from the best – the American military. Apparently, the American military often trains soldiers from central and South America. The USA training military operatives and then having it come back and bite them in the ass? Never happens.

What? I’m not implying anything.

While Colby’s sent to look into this new avenue of the investigation, Megan takes the opportunity to ask Don about the letter, which was from Trauma Recovery. She received a similar letter in regards to the “Spree” killings at the start of this season. Someone should tell her that the killing that would send Don to Trauma Recovery actually happened in “Two Daughters.” You think a woman would know which eppesode things happened in, especially as many of these events happened to her.

Don thinks therapy is a big load of crap and stomps off. The audience, on the other hand, is hoping for some big angsty scene involving the failed attempt at restraining strong feelings. And the recapper is hoping that Don will realize what a fool he was for letting Robin go.

Cal Sci: The analysis suggested by Millie and the penguins (which is so my new band name) is working better for Charlie than the other approach, but something is still missing. As for the other suggestion by Millie (sans the penguins, proving that people should never try for solo careers) regarding Charlie and Macmillan Pharmaceuticals, is totally not working for Amita. She’s heard Macmillan Pharmaceuticals often exploits third world countries.

Excuse me, I know this a tone I usually reserve for Colby but really Amita, Macmillan Pharmaceuticals is a drug company, of course they do! Would you like to tell us something else as revolutionary or is stating the obviously the only thing you learned at Colby U. (Colby having a higher learning institution – just ponder that idea for a moment.)

Charlie turns his focus back to the case because he can’t figure out the missing ingredient. He just can’t find the meat of the equation. He’s been kneading the problem, but it’s just not rising. To help, Amita suggests sustenance and BANG, Charlie has a Charlie-vision of a fridge.

You mean the robberies of restaurants have something to do with food? Who ever would of thought of that? Me, about ten minutes ago.

IHOF: David’s tracked down the money in an offshore account on the South Pacific island of Nauru. Sine the island’s entire economy is based on illicit banking practices, the island’s going to be less than forthcoming with the necessary information.

Colby’s look into the military side of things came up empty. There are so many out of country military units trained by the US, that finding just four people is impossible. In other words, this scene was essentially useless to the plot, other than the fact it’s hilarious listening to David and Colby say “Nauru.”

Later, Charlie is explaining how he’s come up with his list of potential targets. Except, even the audience vision doesn’t make that much sense to me – or Colby and David either. Therefore, Charlie has to simplify it further. The thieves are picking their targets out of Simon’s Food Guide. All the targets have a 93%, or higher, food rating. Of course, the higher the food rating, the trendier the establishment and the higher the credit card limits of its patrons. So, by using the attack by fictional-Zagat’s analysis, Charlie has predicted the next target.

Highly Rated Simon’s Food Guide Restaurant: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are undercover in the restaurant, awaiting the robbers. You can tell it’s a fancy restaurant as it’s lit in some really cool blue gels. (I’d show you but I’m on dial-up. Right now you’ll just have to believe me that they’re cool and blue.) I’m worried about their safety as we all saw what happened to the last two undercover authorities who tried to take this crew down.

The robbers pull up outside a restaurant called Isthmus, but we all know it’s not the same place as it’s lit entirely in warm yellow gels. Again, just trust me on the colour. I guess some art director was playing a symbolic game of hot and cold, and the Fedcakes are definitely cold, as the robbers not only rob the other restaurant, but shoot the innocent valet.

The NPAL™ of this eppesode also occurs in this scene but it’s not the traditional spoken line. Instead, it’s the translation caption of “que pasa” as “let’s go quickly.” What’s up with that? I would so give my eye teeth to show you that but I’m on dial-up.

Later, The Fedcakes examine the body and determine the Executed Valet (now that I have my band name, this will be the title of my farcical Edwardian Comedy. I need something to fill my time after the world’s suckiest announcement.) was a message about the robberies. Either the Fedcakes back off or expect more bodies. Don is confident the scare tactics won’t work.

On the other hand, Charlie is less than confident as the restaurant barely made the scale on his threat matrix. Despite the fact he got the date and the time right, his confidence is still shattered. Somebody needs to tell Charlie that mathematicians aren’t psychics and while they’re at it, somebody please tell all mathematicians that a rabbit isn’t a sphere.

IHOF: Megan is having as much fun saying “Nauru” as David and Colby did. Unfortunately, she’s also having as much success getting around their banking laws (Nauru’s, not David and Colby’s) as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were. At least this doesn’t become the second useless scene to make use of the word Nauru, because Megan has another chance to talk to Don about therapy. Insisting he doesn’t need help, Don tries to duck out of the conversation before he grabs and office chair and beats her over the head with it. Of course though, he doesn’t need therapy, right?

Cal Sci: Millie is reading Life of Pi. My inner nerd (“inner” a term which here means “blatantly obvious”) giggles at the math joke. Although, how will she get it back to the penguin librarians on time? Antarctica is a long way to go to return an overdue book.

Disappointed that the threat matrix didn’t entirely work (although, according to Meatloaf, “Two out of Three Ain’t Bad”) Millie tries to avoid future disappointment by trying to allay Charlie’s fears about working for the Big Bad Drug Company. (That’s BBDC for short. Not the BDC but the BBDC. No, I’m not implying anything.) She insists that the BBDC is “relatively responsibly” but to both mathematicians and English majors, “relatively” doesn’t wash. Both Charlie and I want to know, relative to what?

Therapy: Don’s posturing for the shrink (not like that) by declaring that he doesn’t hate his father or women and he isn’t trigger happy. Yeah, you’re the man buddy, except, for once, you’re not. The shrink is no shrinking violet; he’s a former undercover narcotic detective straight out of Compton and he doesn’t believe Don’s tough guy act at all. He’d rather discuss why Don took the kill shot at Crystal Hoyle when Edgerton was on the scene. Both the shrink and I are extremely disappointed when Don couldn’t come up with an answer. I wanted some profound insight here and instead, we get some truly awesome acting from Rob Morrow who is totally selling me on the idea that Don’s mentally holding on by a thread.

Now that Don has thoroughly pissed off the shrink, we get a moment of honesty, from the shrink, not Don. “I’m hung-over and I’m hungry.” That shrink is now going to make emo!Don jump through hoops like a dolphin at Sea World.

Phone call interruptus disturbs the rest of the session and Don tries to reassert himself at the man by taking it, even though he tells the shrink he doesn’t need to. He’s now emo!rebellious!Don.

La Maison d’Eppes: Alan’s cleaning and talking with Charlie about his concerns with the BBDC. Somehow, the idea that Alan and Millie talk about Charlie actually amazes the genius for reasons beyond my understanding. Hell, he’s one of my favourite topics of conversation and I’m neither a) related b) his boss.

Alan reminds his youngest that pragmatism when dealing with BBDCs is always necessary. While both Alan and I applaud Charlie’s ideals, I’m getting a little frustrated with this subplot as the anti-BBDC rant has already been done. It was called “Toxin.”

Finally, Alan mentions what is really upsetting him: La Maison d’Eppes is infested with spiders. Ew.

IHOF: Even spider infestations are handy on this show because it’s made Charlie realize that there were two crews at work in the robberies, not just one. He compares it to spiders who build overlapping webs. As easy as this concept is to understand, my suspension of disbelief is totally tested when not only does Charlie have a Jpeg of a spider’s web on his laptop but also has an animated slide of the second web being built over it.

Charlie’s going to untangle the webs meanwhile I go off in search of my ability to place reality aside for the benefit of an easy plot point.

Restaurant That Was Cold Before: The robbers hits the same place David and Colby were waiting at before. One robber takes out the valet but seconds after the team enters the restaurants, shots are fired. The team, led by David, has taken them down. As for the valet, it’s Colby in disguise. Colby as a valet? I would so love to show you a cap of Colby in uniform but I’m on dial-up. Oh the puns that can be made!

IHOF: Don and David are attempting to interview the suspects but getting nothing. Colby recognizes the suspects’ behaviour and realizes that they’re trained in counter-interrogation techniques. The fact Colby recognizes all of the signs of the training makes me wonder exactly what Colby did while he was with the army.

On second thought, I don’t want to know. I don’t want another eppesode like “The Mole.”

The Fedcakes have jack-all from the robbers, leaving Don, Megan and Charlie confused as to what to do next. Suddenly, that beacon of exposition, that pillar of plot development, David arrives with the answer. He’s found the house where the robbers were hiding out and a potential lead in former Mexican Colonel Bernardo Ifante, a neighbour of the robbers.

What is the former Colonel doing in Los Angeles? He’s an elementary school teacher. I shit you not. Do you see how hard this career is? People need military training in interrogation techniques and counter-interrogation techniques in order to survive it. (“Why? Why? Why?” constantly from five year-olds has been known to drive even the strongest insane.) You probably don’t even want to know the rigors the high school teachers are put through.

La Maison d’Eppes: Don and Alan sit down to have a nice father son dinner and chat, if Don was 15. His response to Alan’s query as to what’s bothering him? “Nothing.”

“Even for you this is taciturn,” Alan comments. No Alan, this is Don wearing his “OMG I’m so emo the world doesn’t understand I’m now going to put on eye-liner and listen to bands that understand me, like Simple Plan or All-American Rejects” whiny-pants which aren’t nearly as attractive as his usual attire.

Alan really does try to reach Don by sympathizing about all Don has given up for other people in his life. As a father, he’s concerned Don will only see his life as a bunch of dirty jobs. Emo!Don is not amused.

Ex-Military School: The Colonel is on yard duty. I can’t possibly think of a better use of military training then surviving the perils of yard duty. He’s approached by Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, who are awfully assholish as they have no proof the man has done anything wrong. They even imply that he might be planning to hurt the kids. Come on producers, what’s with the hate-on for the teaching profession?

Besides, David and Colby should totally accept that this guy is way tougher than both of him. I guessing he even managed to survive both bus duty and parent-teacher night.

IHOF: The Colonel has some news for the Fedcakes. The term “robbers” is a misnomer. The suspects are former members of death squads. Just before coming to LA, the Colonel saw the ravages of the squads after reporting to a village that had been massacred, leaving only three small children behind. It’s because of those children the death squad is in LA; they want to kill the three remaining witnesses. The Colonel managed to smuggle them to the land of the free. All the thefts are just a way of funding their search because even killers need to eat. The Colonel then provides the Fedcakes with the names of lawyers who might’ve helps the squads launder money. This guy has been so helpful that I demand Colby and David apologize! Plus, I can’t find anything else remotely humourous about this series of events. The Colonel didn’t have to help. The Fedcakes could send him to Gitmo for all he cares; he survived yard duty at an elementary school. He can survive anything.

One of the names the Colonel gives is one Luis Salazar, who appears as the banker and lawyer for such esteemed clients as the drug cartels. Wow, I wish such an upstanding citizen would be my lawyer!

Salazar’s Apartment: Somebody took Shakespeare’s advice about first killing all the lawyers, as Rosencrantz and Guildenstern find Salazar dead.

IHOF: Megan, Don and David pedaconference about how the death of Salazar and going through the lawyer’s accounts provided them the leverage they needed with Nauru. It’s also an opportunity for the wardrobe designers to hone in on the props guys’ action, as the way to disguise Diane Farr’s pregnancy in this scene is a big black coat. At least it’s not yet another file folder.

Cal Sci: Despite having all the evidence from Nauru, Charmita can’t find the specific transfers they need. There’s simply too much data. How then should they spend their time? How about a completely superfluous scene where Amita will declare she’s against the BBDC because obviously the adamant position of one newbie professor will have them shaking in their boots.

How about a scene where immediately after declaring Charlie will be his own man and make up his own mind about the BBDC, he gives Amita credit for being his Jiminy Cricket?

How about a scene where Amita uses the phrase “making out” then promptly demonstrates what that is with Charlie? Actually, I might’ve made you suffer through looking at that, so maybe you’re grateful I’m on dial-up.

How about a scene which totally makes me want to be sick?

Well, today’s your lucky day as we got all of the above. I’m going to try and recover by remembering the image of Charlie in a tux. I would totally show you the glory and wonder of that, but I’m on dial-up.

La Maison d’Eppes: Millie arrives with fresh hot pizza, as she doesn’t cook as well as Alan does. Let me get this straight. He cleans. He cooks. He even lets Millie bend his ear and acts all sympathetic while she complains about the politics of her jobs. Oh Alan, after the past two years of trying to get your youngest son’s attention, I realize the error of my ways.

Alan, will you marry me? You’re perfect.

Don inconveniently interrupts, followed quickly by Charlie, who is being his usually adorkable narcissistic self by thinking Millie is there to see him.

Watching Don correct Charlie is hilarious as he makes up some lie about something being broken and Charlie being the only one who can fix it. Fanfic writers everywhere are filling in the antecedent for “it.” Don then promptly escorts Charlie out onto the front porch.

I would also like to add that during this scene, the Eppes brothers are most aptly supported by the lime-green fluted bowl, which I’d love to show you a picture of but I’m on dial-up. I just wanted to make sure the bowl is fresh in everyone’s memory as I wouldn’t want it to get overlooked for the “Best Supporting Prop” Nummy Award.

On the porch, Charlie is having a moment of schadenfreude over disturbing Alan and Millie in vengeance for the number of times Alan interrupted Charmita. Don tries to laugh it off but makes the mistake of mentioning the shrink appointment, which then requires an explanation about the shooting.

“Which shooting?” Charlie asks, providing the exact moment when it’s clear, from the look on Don’s face, that he realizes he needs therapy.

IHOF: Charmita explains to Megan how most of the money from the robberies has been earmarked for the “Death Squad Retirement Plan.” (Are their tax benefits with that?) but after tracking the money needed to keep the death squad in beer back to LA, they were able to find out the name of the female suspect: Maria Campos.

This leads Megan to discover that Maria’s husband, Hector Campos, former Mexican Special Forces, is the leader of the other death squad and to their hide out in what looks to be a trailer park in East LA.

Trailer Park: As the momentary flash in the middle of the last scene indicated, the death squad has taken off, with plenty of ammo in tow. Colby and David realize that as the death squad had no qualms over taking out an entire Mexican village, the fact they have a map to the Colonel’s school doesn’t bode well.

Ex-Military School: As the death squad is pulling up to the Colonel’s school, the Fedcakes run into the vehicle. This alerts the Colonel, whose last heroic measure is to try and escort the children to safety, before he is shot in the back and killed. The Fedcakes arrest the second death squad but it is too late for the valiant Colonel.

Cal Sci: Millie’s found a around the BBDC. The deal is that all the data from the trials are run through Cal Sci and absolutely no skirting international laws. To make the pot sweeter for Charlie, 5% of the profits will be given to Charmita to donate to third world AIDS charities. After the terms of the deal are laid out, Millie looks smug, the drug rep looks ill and Charlie looks to be in awe of his boss. As for me, Millie finally and completely won me over.

Millie smirks that although Charlie makes her life more difficult, he’s also made it far more interesting.

If only the BDC was so easy to defeat.

Shrinks’: Don willingly seeks out help. In a nice balance with the previous shrink scene, the phone rings and Don doesn’t answer it. Don sits down, looking vulnerable and pensive. I’d love to show you because it’s also unspeakably hot but –

Well, you get the rest. See you for the next eppesode. Yes, I will be here next eppesode!