All right, one major advantage of radio plays is the ability to claim to be anywhere in the world.
Gwen and Ianto, maybe no one is following your instruction because they don't speak English.
The factory vanished? Did anyone ask the Judoon?
There's a Torchwood India?
Yes, Jack, the Duchess did miss you. She was aiming for your head but hit the wall by accident.
I love how Gwen and Ianto are so blase about someone shooting at Jack.
"Would I lie to you, again?" I think the answer would be yes.
Why is the Duchess a) young and b) bitchy towards Gwen? Seriously, if I'm finding her bitchy towards Gwen, the Duchess must be really obnoxious.
Hee! Obligatory Whoniverse banana reference!
Gissing may be happy to see Ianto properly dressed, but I want to see him properly undressed. Oh wait, I said that out loud, didn't I?
Duchess, back away from Jack. He's Ianto's.
Oh look, jingoistic ideals are alive and well.
I mean it, Duchess, back off.
So Jack, what does Ianto assist you with? Please explain, in detail, for those of us without active imaginations.
Onions in bomb proof metal containers? Yeah, how stupid does Torchwood India think Torchwood Cardiff is?
Duchess, 80+ years is a little long to be holding a grudge. I know no one has aged in all those years, but perhaps a bit of perspective might've been possible.
Jack's going to feel "a lot less special?" Is that possible for a man with an ego larger than the British Empire at its height?
Duchess, the 21st not the 20th Century is when everything changed. Haven't you listened to the opening?
Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal, Torchwood India. Of course you have alien tech. You're also really, really racist and sort of crazy.
It's been February 29th, 1924 for the last 80+ years?
Finally, from the lack of snark yesterday, the Gwen and Ianto exchange makes it better.
Jack knows how to use a time store and uses it to keep a bacon sandwich fresh? That's what he does with it?
"If I wanted to be knocked out and murdered, I would've stayed at home." Hee. I love you, my fictional Welsh boyfriend.
Duchess, I believe the term best to describe you is fucking nutzoid.
The shadows better spit out my Ianto!
If there's one thing the Whoniverse taught me, it's that time isn't quite the straight line Jack makes it out to be.
The saving of the world depends entirely on a man remembering birthdays? Insert your own joke here.
How is the Duchess dying the least bit noble? She's dead because she hated progress. I'll try to work up some sympathy. I'll let you know when I feel sad about it.
It might be a while.
Now, Torchwood, head back to Cardiff.