Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Devil Girl (Eppesode 613)

Recapper's Really, Really, Ridiculously Repetitively Repetitive Ridiculous Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Sure, we may have learned that Numb3rs is in contention for renewal next season, but that's not a reason to let up! (Plus, certain influential bloggers are calling it a long shot. We need to convince him otherwise!) We need to change that in contention and long shot to a definitive yes! Keep sending those letters, baking those cupcakes, trying to make Numb3rs Trend on twitter, whatever or any other suggestions you may have. Also, did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? Finally, have you signed the petition?

Recapper Mea Culpa: Yes, the most recent eppesodes are being posted late. We have a fairly large event going on up here, and the build-up, reading up on the athletes, and other such activities, have sucked up all my spare time, in the last few weeks. I'm mentioning this because I'm insanely patriotic (I know, it's not a Canadian trait, but I don't care) and like the idea of the world getting together for two weeks and not shoot at each other (Biathlon accidents accepted). Also, I screamed louder than I would under most circumstances, to see a childhood friend of mine perform in the opening ceremonies. Potentially louder than I would over a shout out, world peace, and a pony, but I would still like the opportunity to prove that theory. I would actually post the close-up of her but I'm afraid CTV will go all legal over my ass.

Now back to the regularly scheduled recap.
Hotel: We get a semi-montage, of a john picking up his date for the night, in a really, really expensive looking hotel lobby. I think they try and make the john "Mr. Friendly" (not like that, well, sort of like that, actually, exactly like that) to make sure we feel terrible when he's slaughtered by a maniac.
La Maison d'Eppes: I am officially worried about the koi. Lazlo -- remember weird, clone-obsessed, former assistant manager of the BuyMore, Lazlo? Yeah, well, he's feeding the koi paprika. Would you like to know why? Apparently, paprika makes the male fish more attractive. This leaves me with one very important question.
Lazlo is visiting to watch "football, survival of the witless," but really, I just think he wants to hang out with people cooler than he is.

Speaking of people cooler than Lazlo, Don arrives, on his murder, donor motorcycle.
And if there's one thing Lazlo shouldn't do (besides feeding paprika to koi) is touch Don's bike.
Lazlo is a member of a motorcycle club (see earlier comment about hanging out with people cooler than him) and completely fanboys (in the verb sense) Don, his bike, and practically begs him to come hang out with him. Aw, after Charlie had his budding bromance, Don now has someone boycrushing on him. There's even a comment about what other scenarios exist where one can wear leather chaps in public. Oh, Lazlo, there are plenty, if you're a fanfic reader.

Somehow, Lazlo manages to clean Don's air filter (again, not like that) and suggest some quality time together without getting killed a serious bitch please look.

As soon as Don arrives, he has to leave again because of the dead john. When Charlie explains the situation to Lazlo, is it just me, or does Lazlo look just a titch concerned?
Yes, I find Charlie wearing a magical math test-taking t-shirt both ironic and hilarious.

Hotel: The dead john, Edward Zurlanski is dressed in red lingerie. Apparently, that's now the appropriate attire for dead johns. Poor Edward's death just follows the pattern of all the other dead johns, except the corpse was found quicker. This means the Fedcakes (Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Artemas -- not Athena this week) can track the missing rental car. I guess the killer likes to take Ferris Bueller-style joyrides in cars he can't afford.

Luckily, since they found the corpse on Sunday, they can, hopefully, find the killer before the work week starts.

In a weird twist of fate, we have the second guest actor/actress to have appeared in Numb3rs, that I have seen on stage. The guest actress, Kim Huffman, is not only Canadian, but also played Cosette the first time I saw Les Miserables. (The other guest actor I've seen on stage is Blake Bashoff, from the eppesode "Scorched." I saw him in Spring Awakening, last year. Oh the trivia I keep stored in my head where useful things could otherwise go.)

Anyway, she's playing the sister of the victim, and after giving us the view of a dutiful son and uncle, she then defends her brother's decision to pay for sex. I'm all for sibling loyalty and all, but who the hell tells their sibling they pay for sex?

David, who is in charge of the scene, gets a call from Nikki saying the car's been spotted in some place far from anywhere.

Far from Anywhere: Thanks to the magic of television, the only law enforcement vehicle that could possibly give chase is the Fedcakemobile. Apparently, there aren't any cops far from anywhere.

So after a car chase around various treacherous roads, the most, in an attempt not to hit the pickup truck, which clearly doesn't understand the rules of a siren means PULL THE HELL OVER, JACKASS, Colby has to drive into another requirement of prime-time television.
The car is on fire (another requirement of prime-time TV, and the director really likes special effects/ explosions / gunfire /whomping Fedcakes, considering his previous work on this show) and only Colby is conscious. He manages to pull Nikki out of the car only seconds before the inevitable.
Title Flash.

Hospital: Being a female Fedcake automatically comes with almost Wolverine powers of healing. Nikki's conscious, bitchy, and antsy to get out of the hospital, despite almost being blown up. The same condition was previously identified in Megan, who managed to survive having an artery cut, only to leave the hospital the next day.

Because Alan is the de facto father-figure to everyone on this show, he's brought flowers and the advice to stay the heck in bed for a while. The problem is, Nikki's stubborn and thinks that if Colby can be back at work (even though he wasn't knocked unconscious) she can be too.
IHOF: David is interviewing the Siouxsie Dark (somehow, I can be fairly sure that's not her real name) but she insists she didn't see anything. She also provides a great euphemism.
Usually, she works for an escort agency called Lux, but since Eddie was an old client, she was willing to work under the table, literally freelance.

So all that they (they being Colby, David, and Charlie) have learned is that the killer can't have been tracking people through the agency, or the specific girls, so that leaves tracking down victims in bars. So when Siouxsie is asked if someone was looking at her, she gets all "hell yes, everybody stares at me," instead of taking this seriously.

It takes David reminding her that what she does will be seriously hampered and not in the way Viagra would help by the Fedcakes crawling all over her life. Finally, she remembers the creepy obvious dude in the elevator, but dismissed him in her mind because he had cheap shoes. Wow, for someone in her line of work, she's not very good at reading people. There's a joke to be made here, but really, it would be exceptionally dark humour, as it would only be pointing out the realities of sex workers' chances of survival.

So now all the Fedcakes have to go on is a nondescript guy, in cheap brown shoes, who kills people who probably won't admit to what it is they do for fun. I think that might actually be a practical example of less than nothing.

Charlie's wondering what a profiler would say about the killer, and I actually responded with, "I don't know, call Megan," when I first saw this eppesode. I know, sometimes, I talk to the television like they can hear me, despite all the years of evidence to the contrary.

So Colby's somehow borrowed a portion of Megan's brain (do not think about that too much, trust me) and comes up with a man who hates men, and wants to emasculate them. At the same time, the killer becomes his victim for a while (perhaps due to daddy issues), which, when you take this all into account = one batshit crazy dude. Yes, that's a technical term.

Essentially, the Fedcakes have nothing. Charlie can't even see a pattern other than 6 dead guys, in 5 hotels, and 5 stolen cars. That's not much of anything to go on. Hopefully, the video can be remastered properly -- which is plausible not due to some sort of technical genius on Matt Li's part, no, it's due to the fact "Charlie Don't Surf."

Don has spent most of the scene looking through files on the table. I promise, I didn't have anything to do with that.
Maybe I did.

Okay, don's actually there to check in with Colby -- to make sure the junior Fedcake isn't having issues after the crash. I'm a little surprised that Alan hasn't passed the book Nikki rejected on. All Colby has to say on the subject is that he and Nikki are pigheaded idiots for not taking a day to recoup. All right, perhaps he doesn't say it like that, but, come on, after that type of crash, a few days off should be required.

It's not as if they saw anything useful to the case, plus, the car was ditched and found by authorities shortly thereafter. Thus, they're left with two things, the ladies' lingerie each of the victims was dressed in, and a social worker, Jack Steves, who tries to provide medical aid for sex workers.

BTW, if ever there was evidence of Colby being affected by the accident it's the fact that he rejects looking into women's underwear, and would rather talk to the social worker.
Street Wise Street Booth: Hey, it's another Canadian! I love how many Canadians are on this show yet do not understand why they won't give a shout out to one Canadian, in particular!

Immediately, I feel for Jack (not like that). Colby is such an ass with him -- flashing his badge, scaring off people who, otherwise, are invisible, that I find myself hoping that Jack isn't the killer. I hate it when people who start off with a goal to do good, go bad.

Unfortunately, Jack doesn't have an airtight alibi. Instead, he has a schedule he tries to follow, but can't, if the action is elsewhere. Also, we learn an important detail -- he was once in the life, and is trying to help others still stuck there. OMG, if this man was real, I'd donate to his charity.
IHOF: If Nikki didn't already have a head injury, I would've asked someone to whack the girl over the head and send her home. Seriously, just looking at her hurts.
At least David tries to talk her into going home, but she's all insistent that if Colby can be a macho dumbass she can be even more of a macho dumbass too. Everyone break out into a chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better."

She insists that the doctor cleared her, but I think the conversation went a little like this.

Doctor: I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable releasing you, as of yet.
Nikki: You would be a lot more uncomfortable if I used my good arm to reach down your throat and pull out your intestines.
Doctor: *gulps in terror* I'll sign anything you want. How about the deed to my house?

Colby gets stuck babysitting Nikki, because what we really want are the two people most likely traumatized to work together. It's rare for me to disagree with David, but this time, I'm going to have to.
Okay, so the exchange they have also justifies the unwise decision.

Nikki: You ask me how I'm doing, and I'll shoot you.
Colby: How you doing?
Cal Sci: In Charlie's new swanky office, Amita is doing all the work, while Charlie lays on the couch, examining the inside of his eyelids, feeling hopeless.
There's a pattern, but Charlie just can't see it. He needs something else. Apparently, that something else is Lazlo. Now, I cant be certain, but I'm going to start a rumour here. Within seconds of Lazlo arriving, Amita clears out, claiming the IHOF is a better place to work.
As for Lazlo, he's got a full out man-crush on Don, asking Charlie for Don's phone number the same way a teenaged boy would ask a girl's bff for a number. Aw, budding bromance is cute.

Charlie's a bit iffy, because, yes, there are moments, and people, that make Charlie is look socially -- Lazlo being one of them. I also think that Charlie's dreading any retaliation from Don (a phrase which here means: wedgies) if he does hand over the phone number, particularly when the justification includes the phrase "crotch rocket." So Lazlo hands over his number, and, we can predict, will spend the next few nights staring at his phone.
Turning back from the awkward conversation (but not NPAL™ worthy), and onto the case, Charlie compares the math he's using to find the killer with the same math used to hunt sharks.
The problem is, the math pretty much comes up with the answer of Los Angeles. I'm sure when it comes to the Pacific Ocean, that's a small area, but for the Fedcakes, not so much.

Coroner's: The not-Claudia coroner, gives some old information (strangled, electrical burn on the palms) and new information (it's a red herring GIRL!), before we head into the commercial break.

IHOF: In what has to be the shortest red herring in television history, as Nikki and Colby head back upstairs to the Fedcake offices, they figure out that this woman has to be working with a partner, and the motive is some sort of perverted justice (for her). I'm so not touching the phrase "perverted justice" considering the subject matter of this eppesode.

Upstairs, Charmita is working, but not on the same problem. Charlie's trying to work out a way to get Don and Lazlo to go out on a boy date, without being killed (Charlie, although Lazlo might not come out unscathed). The solution is to volunteer Lazlo's services for DNA testing in this case.

Charlie even gets bold enough to bring up the word "bromance."
When the idea is treated with agreement, and even curiosity about the motorcycle club from Don, Charlie is really relieved.

Back to the case, and the recorded over film-footage, Charlie compares the task to filling in a crossword puzzles, sans clues, and hoping it's all in English.
The film footage reveals both perps -- the male and female, but the female isn't camera-shy (but is Clea DuVall). The automatic assumption is that she's an ex-call girl out for revenge.
So the only option now is for David to send Colby out to interview escort agencies. I'm surprised Guildenstern didn't get down on his knees and thank Rosencrantz, although, considering the lingerie rejection earlier, perhaps undiagnosed head injuries from the car accident are still affecting Colby.

Luxe Escort Agency: Apparently, being a madam means you get a really swanky office, wear see-through clothing to work, not give a crap about your employees when they drop off the radar (or slapped around), and be less than helpful to Fedcakes. Seriously? How does this get by labour boards / laws/ basic human consideration?
Cal Sci/Bromance Plot: Lazlo's all formal with "hail fellow, well met," upon greeting Don. While I attribute this phrase to Swift, Lazlo attributes it to Shakespeare and I want a ruling on that one.

Conveniently, Don is carrying his helmet, to make sure the topic of motorcycles will come up. Come on, Don, like Lazlo needs such cues. Sure there's a bit a discussion about bikers without helmets being called donors, but Lazlo's factoid definitely wins the NPAL™ of the week, "56 percent of bikers have sex with a stranger within three months of getting their wheels."

Other than the obvious:
I am never, ever, explaining what went on in my head after he said that line. There was actual shuddering on my behalf, and, to be honest, while I'm more than happy to spread the pain to others, in most situations, I think it would cruel and unusual to do so in this case.

*Shudders* Okay, moving on (and we shall never bring that up again).

Don agrees to think about joining the club. Not touching that one either.

Victim's Apartment: A world-weary landlady has realized what that smell is coming from a tenant's, Chaz March's, apartment, and leads Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to another corpse.

This time around, Chaz is a bartender, killed in his own home, and his car is still in its space. Things are changing, which is about right as we're more than half-way through this eppesode.

IHOF: Colby briefs Don and Nikki about the latest killer, and I resist making a pun on the word briefs or, you know, not.

Anyway, Chaz the bartender tried to tax the sex workers by asking for freebies -- adding fuel to the motive that it's ex-call girl revenge, or call boy revenge, so Colby brings up the clearly innocent Canadian as a a viable suspect.

While Colby's rejected women's lingerie (wow, that is so weird to type that), Nikki's done her research, and found that someone bought the conveniently discontinued underwear (because help us if it's underwear anyone could still buy) for 12 sets, 7 months ago. Colby does some quick mental math and realizes there are still 6 more sets that are ready to wear.
Now the Fedcakes need to figure out what happened 7 months ago to trigger this mess.

Cal Sci: Charlie's feeling guilty about the newest victim because his place of employment was on the list of potential hot spots. It's too bad Charlie's psychic powers didn't click in to the realization the killers were switching from johns to people who insult sex workers. Geez, Charlie, I would feel sorry for you, but that's a huge freaking ego to think you had any control over this.

This, of course, is why Charlie is marrying Amita, who is much more sympathetic, than me. Although, to be fair that whole fictional/not-fictional thing might be a slightly bigger obstacle but one I'm willing to overlook.

Lazlo does have something; the killer is a carrier of hemophilia. She'll also have hazel eyes, dark hair, and a pale complexion, between 5'6-5'9. This leads me to a terrifying thought.

I MUST BE THE KILLER! That's one hell of a shout out. Wait, I don't carry hemophilia. Phew, for a second, I was worried. I also am O negative, unlike the killer's B positive. While my type's good as the universal donor, the killer's type is good for some amusing puns on being positive.

Amita's got the idea to do a fuzzy search, and for once, I'm in agreement with Lazlo, that does sound cuddly.
Using the genetics they know, they find only one appropriate (and female) match within the FBI database, a Jenny Bailey, a prostitute murdered at a hotel.

IHOF: The Fedcakes are dressing for a take-down, as David does what he does best, gives us exposition on this eppesode's title character, Melanie Bailey. She lived with her now deceased sister who had the extremely, extremely rare condition of female hemophilia (which, according to my googling skills, is 1:100 000 000) and bled out after being beaten (also wearing the same set of red underwear). I know this is supposed to be a huge deal, but considering the very exact specifics, (hotel, underwear, sex worker) how was this not caught before?

David makes a very wise suggestion, that perhaps Nikki isn't up for potentially physically dealing with a suspect, but Nikki's pigheadedness says otherwise.
Bailey Apartment: They don't find the woman in question, but they do find two requirements of every prime-time serial killer.
So now that they have the shrine, and the victims' wallets, the Fedcakes are now off to the San Gabriel Hotel, where Melanie's car has been spotted.

San Gabriel Hotel: This time, it's David's turn to be sent in, which is good, considering he's got to talk her into leaving the bar without making a scene. This turns out to be a lot easier than I expected. So, while this is a very short scene, and a very underused opportunity to make use of a great guest star, I'm distracted by one particular extra.
Once in the lobby, Melanie denies any and all knowledge of a partner, the same way a cat would deny eating the bird, even with the obvious feathers scattered about. No one believes her, and she doesn't care.
Don, Nikki and Colby are left searching the hotel for potential victims, while David interrogates Melanie, sorry, Mel.

So, while the rest of the Fedcakes bang on doors, to no avail, Melanie, or Mel, admits that someone getting dead at this very moment.

After the commercial break, the Fedcakes are trying to figure out the victim's identity.
On the video footage, they spot Jack Steves, trying to help out the sex workers.

I don't believe anything the Fedcakes say get Mel to talk -- not the implications of the partner in control, or reminders that California is a death penalty state. Nope, I think she only talks once she thinks enough time has passed to make sure the deed is done. Her partner is a man she met in foster care, a man who just likes to hurt people, and somehow, it makes sense that using him was the best way to avenge her dead sister? It was all her plan. WTF?
I'm a little appalled at the hypocrisy. No, never mind the violence, but the hypocrisy of killing a former sex worker, for trying to warn the others about the killers -- which is the justification Mel gives for Jack being targeted.
I admit, I do feel sorry for her sister, because the guy who killed her stole her purse, with the medication that could've saved her life.

Jack's: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern rush to save Jack (with David driving), while the interview goes on. We also find out what the burn on the hand's from -- a taser to the door handle. I cringe with even the idea of how much that hurts. Jack may be knocked back, but he's not down for the count. Considering his previous profession, he's probably well-versed on self-defense.
Just seconds before things are going to get fatal for Jack, the Fedcakes burst in. My favourite part of the whole scene though, David's reaction when Rusty takes another swing at Jack.
Sometimes, even my BFFedcake knows words are not enough.

As for Rusty, he's screaming about being the "guardians," and how offended he is that Jack tried to help out the working girls. Yeah, because health care wouldn't be the least bit useful, except, of course, it would.

IHOF: Noticing the whole refusing to drive thing, Rosencrantz checks in to make sure Guildenstern will be back to his regular, snarky self shortly and is he ever, and everyone else as well, in the next eppesode. Really, the refusal to drive was just Colby being sensible.

The boys head out for a beer, and Don checks in with Nikki, who is now trying to figure out who killed Jenny Bailey. It's a valid questions.

As for Don, looks like he's dressed for some Bromance.
Cal Sci: Lazlo comes in, looking for some credit, as the hemophilia discovery was the final clue they needed to solve the case. He's also hoping that Don's up for the motorcycle club, as it has "scientists, dentists, pharmacists, two accountants, one guy from the humanities," but you know what they don't have?
So, while Lazlo hopes they can get someone who has been shot and stabbed, which, let's be honest, would up any club's street cred, Charlie tries to tell his friend that Don isn't up for Bromance.

The Desert: Well, Don's looks earlier were deceiving, as Charlie's assertion that he's not a joiner, holds true. Instead of getting instructions as to how to clean his air filter, Don's clogging it up with some good desert dust.
Hey, what is that in the desert? Is it a Sasquatch? A land-locked pirate? A hippie? Hell no, it's:

Next Recap: My argument for a seventh season (besides a whiny, but I want one!), and my serious fangirling of someone's brain.

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Old Soldiers (Eppesode 610)

Recapper's Really Repetitive Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Also did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? (According to inside sources, CBS actually pays attention to that.) Finally, have you signed the petition?

Before we begin, I would just like to say, (and this is not meant to be derogatory towards the actor, just the character because hating the Fonz should be illegal) I hate Roger Bloom. I really, really, loathe the man. He struts about like he's full of integrity, unless it suits his purpose. He is intolerant of everyone's failings except his own, and makes Colby behave like an idiot. If that wasn't bad enough, now he commits the ultimate crime in the Numb3rs-verse right after giving Charlie a buzz cut. He's an asshat to Alan. Yes, Alan is the bigger person in this situation, but you know what? I'm not.

Thus, the next time I see Roger Bloom (Because, there will be a next time, even if I have to send in 10937823 letters to CBS myself --which, could get costly, but is worth it), I expect that eppesode to also feature Edgerton, doing what he does best. Well, what he does best after oozing sexual chemistry at Nikki, anyone walking by, and random pieces of office furniture. If you get my meaning.
Fedcake Federal Reserve Raid / IHOF: Ah, the easiest way to know an eppesode will begin with a bang, is the sight of Fedcakes in Kevlar. Hell, Colby's even in uniform. Charmita's watching via vid feed at the IHOF. We even get a reference back to what is still my favourite eppesode of season 1. I think some higher power is trying to get on my good side, by reminding me about everything else that is awesome about this show, before inflicting me with Bloom.
Oh, and speaking of the Charm School Boys, the current robbers have learned from the epic failure of that less than merry band of thieves, and have tried to set up a red herring pattern. But, fear not, Charlie and his great mathematical divinations, have seen through that cunning plan and sent the Fedcakes to watch the Federal Reserve truck.

This whole development is enough to make David start chewing gum out of nervousness. Who knew comforting behaviours were infectious? Of course, this could be another example of David trying to model himself after Don, which we saw earlier in the season.

Judging by the overwhelming evidence of how often Charlie has been right in the past, I agree with the professor. The hail of gunfire might also be a huge clue, but really, it's my faith in Charlie.

After a lot of prop bullets, and dry ice disguised as tear gas were expended in the name of art, the Fedcakes win, not only because of Charlie and his math, but also, they had two secret weapons.

The second is Don, who was undercover as one of the drivers. Nikki jokes that his uniform makes him look like an Eagle Scout. For me, it's not the uniform, but the gas mask that reminds me of something else.
I know, I know, I shouldn't get my verses mixed up, but I can't control myself whenever a gas mask is shown.

IHOF: The Fedcakes are counting the money, but not in the way I think one should count it.
The machine keeps having trouble with old bills, but all these bills have something in common: and it's not, even though they're all from 1969, that they saw Woodstock. Nope, when Charlie (after calculating the odds that 4 bills from '69 would make it to 2009) checks the serial numbers, the FBI computer pops out a former character on Prison Break.
Unlike Amita, I knew the story of the original DB Cooper, but just in case everyone needs a review of the hijacking-parachuting invisible ransoming Cooper, here it is. My research skills, let me show you them. Oh, poor Amita, used as a vessel for the 3 audience members who didn't know the history. On the other hand, it does give Rosencrantz and Guildenstern a chance to give some exposition, so that's cool.

Title Flash.

The exposition continues, and we're given a more detailed account of the DB Cooper crime. David, fulfilling Larry's role of conspiracy theorist, doesn't tote the party line that Cooper died in his ill-advised parachute jump into a rainstorm over a forest of trees, and Charlie quickly agrees with him, but for mathematical reasons. He calls the original calculation "mathematical fondue," and this leaves me with one question: since when did fondue go out of style?

The one things they can rule out is the robbers' involvement with the DB Cooper money. Despite getting arrested, and probably going to prison where they'll meet Big Sal, they think the whole Cooper connection is cool, unlike fondue.

So let me get this straight, by Numb3rs' standards, DB Cooper is cool but fondue, which has its heyday around the same time DB Cooper was jumping out of an airplane, isn't cool. Now I'm just confused.

As Nikki reports to Don that the money's been exposed to hot, dry air, and drywall -- which, correct me if I'm wrong -- could be just about anywhere in California, Colby's got even more exciting news. He's found out who investigated the case, way back in 71: Roger Bloom. I'm sure Bloom's got a scapegoat for that too.
The phones in the IHOF go nuts, as someone leaked the DB Cooper connection to the blogs. Well, at least I can be all self-righteous and say that it wasn't my blog that leaked it. First of all, I'm not part of the fictional world where Fedcakes run around in Kevlar, inspiring fanfic. Secondly, I would've noticed if I'd finally gotten my shout out.

Nikki and Colby take off before the press deluge of the IHOF, but in what has to be the cutest team moment of the year, thus far, Nikki shoves Colby back into his chair to get a head start. I admit, I giggled, just like Nikki. Yes, Nikki giggled at that too. I guess her inner five year old, like mine, isn't quite so inner.

Bloom's: It's 6:30 the next morning, and Roger Bloom is in his bathrobe pondering how only Fedcakes arrive that early. I'm glad he only pondered on Fedcakes and not other people that randomly show up at 6:30 in the morning, for other reasons. No, I'm not apologizing for saying that. I had that unfortunate thought the third time I watched this eppesode, and I had to share my pain.
At first, Bloom's reluctant to help, because he's always Mr. Pouty McPoutypants, until Colby points out that the shiny new security consulting firm would get a lot (a phrase which here means shitload) of publicity if Bloom was involved with the solving of the DB Cooper case.

Thus Bloom has to take the time to explain the Numb3rs stamp on the DB Cooper legend. The hijacker actually got away with about a million, and the FBI found a corpse in a tree, not far from where it was calculated DB Cooper would land. See, sometime math, even if it is fondue math, produces results, even if it is a little cheesy. I'm sorry, that pun couldn't stay unwritten any longer.

The corpse in the tree (which so sounds like the title of an episode of Bones, doesn't it?) was one Eddie Sawyer, thief, Vietnam paratrooper, and suspected accomplice of DB Cooper. How does Bloom know Sawyer wasn't DB Cooper? It's unlikely Sawyer would stab himself, and then jump out of a plane.

Cal Sci: David's looking for a favour from Amita (not like that). He has a date to the symphony and needs help buying a suit. Apparently, he thinks all hist suits make him look too much like a Fedcake. I'd like to argue that point.
Listing all the people at the office, David implies that Liz is the only one he could've asked for advice, and he's probably right. Besides, imagine Colby's reaction when he finds out David's going on a date with someone else? (And now, I shall leave the rest of that speculation to talented fiction writers.)

Amita agrees to help, and not tell the little sister of the Fedcakes, Nikki.

Fedcake Federal Reserve Raid: Don learns there NO POSSIBLE WAY TO HIDE THAT MONEY, which, of course , means there's a way to hide that money somehow, and the only person who could've done it, is Wesley Till, the armoured car driver. The problem is, Wesley's been given a week off, due to the whole shooting and tear gas thing. Rather reasonable, I say.
Don doesn't think so, as his team was also in the vicinity of tear gas, and they're still working. I choose to leave that point alone.

Math Garage: Bloom is helping Charlie justify pulling out all of Don's old toys, and calculate the place DB Cooper went smuck into a grove of trees. Even the fondue math is right, and Cooper should be a pile of goo, the world's ugliest tree decoration, or a cannibal's fondue.
When Alan first arrives, Bloom ignores him, which is better than what he does shortly. All Charlie and Bloom can focus on is the idea that since no one saw Cooper jump, perhaps he didn't jump when they said he jumped because, let's think about that -- no one saw it.

This sets Alan back to his nostalgic getting arrested at sit-ins hippie days, when planes were hijacked all the time, and, how Cooper wound up as an anti-establishment folk hero, simply because he wasn't caught by the one thing so many people hated at the time -- the feds.

Cue the diatribe against what Alan wasn't talking about -- the disrespect for the people who died serving their country and following orders in Vietnam. Um, Bloom, I don't think Alan was talking about that. Alan even made a point about dividing up the "country" from the "establishment." Now, I know there's a slippery slope here as there is an unfortunate history for those who served in Vietnam, but no matter what Alan's opinions at the time, he's certainly not implying that here. I'm just saying that Bloom getting all snippy is a little out of order here.
Besides we were talking about folk heroes who steal money. There's a serious historical precedent here for people who go against the government and become outlaws. Robin Hood has had many a legend and laughable movie made in his name. Hell, Jayne Cobb even gets his own song!

Thank heavens for Charlie and his phobia of conflict, as he breaks up the argument before I crawl through the screen and squash Bloom like the annoying bug he is. Since no one saw Cooper jump, there was plenty of terrain only minutes later what would've been far less likely to result with a man impaled on a tree.

Since everything and everyone has to revolve around Bloom, he snarks about Alan's hero surviving and stomps out. Good, perhaps he'll take his ball and go home and GET THE HELL OUT OF THE SHOW!
Till's: Nikki and David get the job of interviewing the armoured car driver, which gives David another chance to shine at exposition. DB was actually a mistake in a newspaper that just got repeated. The thief actually called himself Dan Cooper, which also happened to be the name of a French comic book hero. Well, if there's one thing David should know, it's the comic world.
OR DOES HE???

As much as this pains me to say, my BFFedcake is equivocating. After extensive research 20 minutes Googling, David's not telling us the whole story. Sure Dan Cooper may have been published in France, and was written by a Belgian, but the character is actually French-Canadian. Thus, by David's simplifying of the story, and by the logic Bloom applies in this eppesode about how everything must relate back to him, no matter how tenuous the connection, I can only come up with one horrifying conclusion.

This was clearly an insult against me. Yes, I am Canadian, with the accent to prove it, and that the part of the story David left out. (Sure, he also left out the part about the Belgian author, but, by Bloom's Victimology, the other details do not matter.) Therefore, by leaving out that small, almost irrelevant detail, and Bloom's twisted logic, I'm allowed to be miffed throughout the rest of this eppesode.

Oh wait, other important things are happening -- like Wesley Till getting all corpsified on the floor, David finding where the Cooper money was hidden, and someone pointing a gun at David's head.
Fortunately, Nikki has excellent timing, and the gun-wielding man, who claims he's Ray Till, the dead driver's uncle. I don't believe him. I think he's a Cylon. My theory is proven valid by the events of this eppesode.

Nikki and David have the yucky job of informing Till (a phrase which here means, showing Till the bloody corpse of his nephew) about the death of poor Wesley. Till is typically stoic (a word which here means a CYLON).

IHOF: Till muses about how amazingly awesomesauce his nephew was. Wesley didn't care about money, didn't own a television, healed the sick, walked on water, and always ate the red smarties last. He was that kind of man. As for Till, He's surprised to have outlived his nephew, because he's got cancer.
Finally, because we need to know everything about this seemingly unimportant cylon man, he was a soldier in Vietnam. We know this because of a tattoo -- a reminder of one drunken night with his unit.

Out in the bullpen, David theorizes that Wesley was taking in the DB Cooper money, bit by bit, and exchanging it for the money that was supposed to be destroy. You see, his boss said they only counted his personal cash -- they didn't check the serial numbers. It was the only way to still make money off of cash that everyone (and their uncle, the cylon) has been looking for.
While this could work, it dosn't explain why there's still over 700 thousand missing. We have plenty of time to ignore that little detail, because Nikki might have something even bigger: Uncle Ray, the former paratrooper, is a good candidate for DB Cooper. It's the most rational explanation we've had thus far about how the hijacker could've survived the jump. It's hard to kill a cylon.

Nikki bets Rosencrantz and Guildenstern two burritos from the vending machine, that her theory is correct. You know, if I made that bet, I'd lose on purpose to avoid some nasty food poisoning.

In the midst of this investigation, Amita arrives, ready to go through some potential date-suit options with David. I think she missed the subtext from earlier which was if she picks it out, he will wear it.

Cal Sci: Charlie's having difficulty believing that Cooper survived, or would even try the whole stunt, considering the likelihood he would get all deadified. We get a Charlie-vision comparing Cooper a mouse who practically tap dances in front of an owl saying "eat me" because the risk wasn't worth the reward.

That is, as Don points out, unless Cooper just liked risky things. Or, of course, is a cylon.

For some reason the talk of adrenaline junkies is used as a segue for Charlie to relate the asshatishness of Bloom in regards to Alan. Now, personally, I don't think one needs a segue to relate when someone is that big of an asshole towards one's father, but the awkwardness of this lead in was nothing in comparison to the shock I felt about what happened next.

Don sided with Bloom.

All right, so since Alan wasn't talking about Bloom being a baby-killer, nor was he degrading any soldier's sacrifice during the war, and only talked about the government, Bloom still gets to go off on an unprovoked tangent? Don, you're clearly being used to try and show both sides of the argument, and it would be valid, if that had been the original topic of the discussion. Nope, instead, Bloom made it what Bloom always makes things about, whatever the hell it is he wants and screw the logic, thus voiding any wrong doing on Alan's part.

While I could rant about Bloom and his dumb-assery for the better part of a season 7, let me just sum up by saying that men like this should not be allowed to carry guns, ever.
IHOF: Well, now Vietnam is really in it, as Wesley Till kept sending money to a flower shop in an area nicknamed "Little Saigon." Thinking of Saigon, could we have a Miss Saigon moment where a helicopter swoops down, and takes Bloom away?

Also, the corpse that was found in the tree, shortly after the initial hijacking, was a member of Till senior's unit -- a unit accused of war crimes against a small, defenseless village.

Most important, it looks like Nikki's going to win the bet. She could totally turn it around on the boys by making them eat it, which would be far more dangerous than other eating games I've seen on other shows I love -- like "Mystery Crisper," for instance.

Public Library: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern commit the epic fail of stealthy surveillance.
David's surprised that anyone in the era of the wireless series of tubes, would ever use microfilm. Of course, he also thinks the mountains (where Till has been living) have internet service.

"I'm going to take you camping, if only for entertainment value," Colby snarks at his partner.

Now, that is what Colby said. That is not what some parts of the fandom heard. I believe it was more, "I'm going to take you camping, if only for the plot bunnies."

As Till leaves, and David heads off to get the car, Colby does something I didn't think was possible in a Bloom eppesode, earns the NPAL™. Believe me, not awarding it Bloom, hurts.

So, what does Colby do to cause me a great deal of mental pain? When asking the librarian (who thinks very highly of Till) for all the microfilms of old papers the suspect was looking at, the librarian innocently asks, "Do you have a library card?"

"Uh, I've been meaning to get one," Colby responds. Colby's you've been there for how long and you don't have a library card? You do realize that there is a serious correlation between hotness and reading for most women right? Colby Granger, you've just become a great disappointment.
I'll stop now before I start asking questions about what kind of role model he is now.

Flower Shop: On the way in, Bloom advises Nikki to be all deferential and polite, as it's rude to insult a shop owner in their own shop, in Vietnamese culture. Funny, I thought that was a universal standard.

That lasts for naught point two seconds, as Bloom digs into the owner, Tina, about receiving money from persons unknown. She snarks back that she had checked everything out, and even had a letter from the bank to avoid IRS issues. She gives the letter to Nikki, because Bloom is an ass.

It took me a moment, to realize where I recognized the actress from, and she's one of those actresses that's been in so much, it's hard to pinpoint. Well, hard for most people, for me, I'm going to refer to her as the character that not only introduced the actress to me, but also has a very interesting connection to my BFFedcake. That character: Brin, from Dark Angel.
Outisde, Nikki is impressed at Brin's ability to stonewall, and unimpressed at Bloom's ability to behave like a well-mannered human being.
He tries to make up for it by suggesting they go get some delicious Vietnamese food. I wish Edgerton would suddenly show up.

Epic Fail Stakeout: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern watch Till go into a bar. Unfortunately, that's not the start of a joke unless killing someone in said bar tickles your sense of humour.

IHOF: Till's victim was Wesley's killer. No one seems too torn up about that, but the Fedcakes are curious as to how Till solved the case before they did. Again, cylon.

Till's claiming the killer shot first, but again, no one really cares, particularly Bloom, as all he wants to talk about is the war. Till was the one who reported his unit for the massacre, and the results of which ruined his career. Funny, for all the vitriol Bloom spit at Alan earlier, Bloom doesn't do much for making the majority of the people in Vietnam sound heroic. He's far more derisive than Alan could ever have been. That's just Bloom though, change opinions mid-stream, to be able to sound more self-righteous.

Finally, someone who doesn't give a crap about Bloom's bullshit, Till will have none of it. They can either hold him or let him go, and the Fedcakes really don't have that much, since the bartender backs up the story that killer shot first. The problem is, that everyone wants to solve a classic case like this, so Bloom has an idea.
Let Till go. Whatever, I like Till better anyway.

With the Fedcakes dispersing, Don tries to have a talk with Bloom about the earlier argument with Alan. I've recorded the *headdesk* worthy justification here.

"I follow the rules all the time except for when I don't want to. Everybody else is doing whatever the hell they wantlike stealing 10 million. It might seem like ancient history to some people, to me, yesterday unless I'm in interview with a suspect."

Don does not respond as I hoped.
Instead, we get the story of when Don was 15 and made fun of someone in the neighbourhood, Alan got all appropriately parental, and taught Don not to disrespect others. Now, if only Alan could do that for Bloom.

The next morning, Amita is showing David her fashion choices, all of which happen to be in the boot of her car.
Since Beatles' classic isn't exactly David's style, he's wondering more about a pinstripe, or tweed. Amita's wondering why he came to her for advice in the first place, and Colby's wondering WTF is going on.
Crime scene: The real mastermind of the heist has returned to the bar where his partner was shot, to drink to his memory. That, or be really, really convenient for the Fedcakes to find.

Rosencrantz and Guildentern warn the Big Baddie (BB for short) that Till is out there, and he might just come after BB. Although, if anything does happen to Till, like getting dead, or a piano falling on his head, the Fedcakes will be there to arrest BB.
Happy Christmas music plays as the partners stroll out of the bar. Oh appropriately used irony, I love you.

Restaurant: Alan's still fuming over Bloom and I want to give him (Alan, not Bloom) a hug. Really, Alan, the king of Dipshitland doesn't deserve this level of thought. He's angry that Bloom wouldn't even listen to Alan's rational, and at the time, innocently random, thought.

And then it happens. It's like a disease with these characters. First Colby, and now, Amita, defends Bloom. Because I'm not the rational and kind person Alan is, I don't care what Amita has to say from this point on in the scene.
Amita at least acknoledges she's lost some daughter-in-law points. She's lost some snarky-recapper points too.

Charlie, who was wise to stay out of it, and know that Don is the odd person out in the family Eppes, starts fumbling through his pockets for a method of payment. Hmm, I wonder what geniuses carry in their pockets.
After that moment of humour, Amita goes back to being practical and semi-cool (full coolness will return when we're an eppesode out of her defending Bloom) and suggests Charlie pay with his Cal Sci ID -- as many nearby restaurants accept it. The concept of alternative cards causes Charlie to run out without paying, leaving Amita to do so. Considering the number of times throughout this series he's run out on her after having a brilliant idea, she's got to be used to it at this point.

IHOF: Poor Matt Li's been stuck examining the microfilms. That's like making a world class chef cook with a microwave.
He's hoping that Charlie will come up with an algorithm. At this point, that phrase has become such a euphemism, I giggle like an immature teen-aged girl. David tries to make him feel better by regaling him with the tale of the time David had to crawl through the sewers while his boss went to the beach. No wonder David wanted that promotion. Why? He remembers to appreciate Matt's suffering, only to then take off and leave the poor tech wallowing in microfilm.

Out in the bullpen, Nikki reminds us of the anonymous money transfers to Brin, while Charlie's practically jumping up and down like a 5 year old needing a bathroom because he has the solution. No, not to Matt's problem, but rather why DB Cooper would risk taking all that money when every bank in America was looking for it.

So, the solution is to look for places that like American money. Now, I may not be an economist, but that is pretty much everywhere, since almost every currency judges itself against the US dollar. As this isn't about everywhere else, and the time in question is 1971 -- this must be about Vietnam and the risk-reward ratio Charlie was on about earlier, is to save someone DB Cooper loved -- like a daughter. So now that we have almost all the answers, I'd like to throw another one into the mix.
Library: Bloom is picking up where Rosencrantz and Guildenstern left off in the epic fail at surveillance detail. Till quickly loses the former Fed and heads outside. At least one person in this eppesode hasn't caught the disease of feeling sorry for or needing to defend Bloom. Although, if Till caught it, he'd be waiting for him outside. Nope, instead, Till is driving away.
Flower Shop: Nikki's back to see Brin, this time, leaving Bloom and his winning personality (a phrase which here means shithead) elsewhere. It's a wise move, as Brin willingly answers that yes, she was born in Vietnam, but no, she doesn't know who her father is.

IHOF: The hours of slogging with technology older than him, has left Matt with a few clues, and probably one hell of case of eyestrain. The first important article is the report on the death of the guy in the tree -- and how he is survived by a son. The second important article is the death notice of the dead guy's wife -- and how the son is BB.

David makes a further connection. Wesley was killed to flush out Till, and this whole thing isn't about an age-old mystery or money. It's about revenge. Together, David and Matt have figured things out, so it's time to celebrate.
Flower Shop: Nikki goes outside to fill in Colby on the events leading to Brin's arrival in the US. A soldier gave her mother a tonne of cash and that can only mean that Brin has to be Till's kid. Before any other conclusions can be reached, shots ring out, and screams follow.

There's nothing that can be done. As Nikki and Colby make it to the back of the shop, BB is pulling away, with Brin as a hostage.

IHOF/Search Montage: As half of the Fedcakes are out looking for Brin and BB, Don's musing about a case where they couldn't find one girl in one house, never mind one woman in LA.
As for how BB and Till want this to play out, a few things are clear. It was Till who called out BB -- and Brin is the only leverage BB has. The problem is that they don't know the place for the showdown, unless Charlie can hurry up and figure out all the data points.

Or, on the other hand, Bloom can make himself actually useful and realize that it's the library. Why, oh why, did you have to make yourself useful. Seriously, couldn't David or Colby have come up with the idea?

Library: As BB blusters, Till keeps him occupied by telling him what really happened to BB's father, the hijacking, and the aftermath.

The story goes like this: Till was necessary as Sawyer didn't have the planning abilities for the job. Till went along with it as there were debts that needed to be paid. In truth, all Sawyer planned to do was kill Till, the second they were on the ground, so Till had to kill Sawyer in self-defense. Plus, Daddy-dearest was a bad bad man, selling army goods and raping innocent village girls, so guess what, Brin isn't Till's daughter, but BB's sister. All Till ever tried to do was make the evils done by Sawyer, right again. He even would've taken in BB as a boy, but now that Wesley's been murdered, BB must pay.
As Till and BB come face to face, the Fedcakes, and BB's partners, reveal themselves and a tragedy of literary proportions occurs.
As the arrests take place, Till does what he did in 71 -- check and make sure Brin is all right.

Outside, Bloom finally asks a question, and, I think, is willing to hear the answer. Till did everything he did because someone needed to take responsibility, a lesson Roger Bloom should take to heart.

Yet again, in the inexplicable Bloom love fest, Colby comments that with a 50 grand reward, and credit for solving the DB Cooper hijacking, Bloom will be buying dinner. This leaves me filled to the brim with fury and confusion.
Till also offers up an explanation as to where the rest of the money went; it was donated to Brin's hometown, to allow them to rebuild. It turns out Alan's original claim that DB Cooper was a folk hero isn't so far off from the truth. Suck on that, Bloom.

In a moment of magnamity, Bloom suggests that instead of taking in Till tonight, the man voluntarily come in and give his statement the next day. While I can't totally disagree with Bloom's actions, it's another case of Bloom doing whatever Bloom wants, without consulting anyone. Just because he finally got one checkmark in the morally right column, is beside the point. At least give the Fedcakes a hint you're letting an infamous fugitive take off to the mountains to die. It's not as if they haven't let things slide for the greater good in the past.
Bloom gets one other thing right by saying the Fedcakes have plausible deniability as "DB Cooper could never have survived that jump." It's plausible because very few people would know about the cylon thing.

Math Garage: Alan and Charmita are going through all the things from the 70s that will never ever go away, as plastic and polyester at permanent fixture now in history. Speaking of polyester, Amita finds herself a great piece of vengeance for David wasting all of her time.
As Amita exits, a cloud of doom descends on the garage, or, to put it another way, a forced reconciliation scene between Bloom and Alan. Bloom gets all philosophical about being a vet, while Charlie's solution of a watergun fight of vets versus hippies sounds much, much more appealing. Both older men dismiss the brothers Eppes as either a vet or a hippie.
Sure, now that everyone's made up Bloom can't leave it be, as his toast is extremely disturbing. "To scars, those we've already earned and those that are coming." So, instead of a nice and happy family moment all I can do is panic.