Spy was a dedicated recapper for Fandom Talk and Recapist. Her time at both sites came to untimely ends.
Therefore, she created her own blogs about things she likes like books, nerdly things, and more books.
She is also looking world peace and a pony.
Our show may be relegated to the land of syndication (which means, BTW, I can see Numb3rs several times a day on several different stations in Canada) but that does not mean our holiday will not be celebrated.
Yes, it is Be Kind To David Day. You may celebrate in whatever way you choose. If you wish, be kind to people named David or behave like David and be kind to everybody. Find a person named Colby and say something snarky!
Whatever you do, remember, the most important aspect of BKTDD is that everything about David is still, even in syndication, awesome.
"But wait a bit," the execs cried. "Before we have our chat; For some of us are still writing our protests, And your letters are rather fat." "No hurry," said the Recapper, "For something as important as that."
"A singular plan," the Fandom said, "Is what we chiefly need: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern aside, Are very good indeed -- Now if you're ready, execs dear, We can begin to plead."
"But not at us!" The execs cried, Turning a little blue. "After all those letters, that would be A dismal thing to do!" "But the show is fine," the Fandom said, "As we do admire the view."
"It was so kind of you to come! And it is such a lark!" The Recapper said nothing but Typed up some more snark. I wish though, influential blogger's Views weren't quite so dark.
"It seems a shame," the Fandom said, "And we think it's a cruel trick. After cutting the order of eppesodes And the season ending so quick!" The Recapper said, "And what about my OTP? About romance, Don can be thick!"
"I weep for Fedcakes," the Fandom said: "I deeply sympathize." We sobs and tears, they listened to, The smart, the brave, the wise. And found their favourite eppesodes On the DVDs they prize.
"O execs," said the Recapper, "Sure, we've had a pleasant run, But could we not give it one more go?" But the answer came there none -- And this was scarcely odd because They don't know if the show is done.
Recapper's disclaimer: I would never assume to know what others' think in a given situation. This is all meant in good fun!
Recapper Mea Culpa: Yes, the most recent eppesodes are being posted late. We have a fairly large event going on up here, and the build-up, reading up on the athletes, and other such activities, have sucked up all my spare time, in the last few weeks. I'm mentioning this because I'm insanely patriotic (I know, it's not a Canadian trait, but I don't care) and like the idea of the world getting together for two weeks and not shoot at each other (Biathlon accidents accepted). Also, I screamed louder than I would under most circumstances, to see a childhood friend of mine perform in the opening ceremonies. Potentially louder than I would over a shout out, world peace, and a pony, but I would still like the opportunity to prove that theory. I would actually post the close-up of her but I'm afraid CTV will go all legal over my ass.
Now back to the regularly scheduled recap. Hotel: We get a semi-montage, of a john picking up his date for the night, in a really, really expensive looking hotel lobby. I think they try and make the john "Mr. Friendly" (not like that, well, sort of like that, actually, exactly like that) to make sure we feel terrible when he's slaughtered by a maniac. La Maison d'Eppes: I am officially worried about the koi. Lazlo -- remember weird, clone-obsessed, former assistant manager of the BuyMore, Lazlo? Yeah, well, he's feeding the koi paprika. Would you like to know why? Apparently, paprika makes the male fish more attractive. This leaves me with one very important question. Lazlo is visiting to watch "football, survival of the witless," but really, I just think he wants to hang out with people cooler than he is.
Speaking of people cooler than Lazlo, Don arrives, on his murder, donor motorcycle. And if there's one thing Lazlo shouldn't do (besides feeding paprika to koi) is touch Don's bike. Lazlo is a member of a motorcycle club (see earlier comment about hanging out with people cooler than him) and completely fanboys (in the verb sense) Don, his bike, and practically begs him to come hang out with him. Aw, after Charlie had his budding bromance, Don now has someone boycrushing on him. There's even a comment about what other scenarios exist where one can wear leather chaps in public. Oh, Lazlo, there are plenty, if you're a fanfic reader.
Somehow, Lazlo manages to clean Don's air filter (again, not like that) and suggest some quality time together without getting killed a serious bitch please look.
As soon as Don arrives, he has to leave again because of the dead john. When Charlie explains the situation to Lazlo, is it just me, or does Lazlo look just a titch concerned? Yes, I find Charlie wearing a magical math test-taking t-shirt both ironic and hilarious.
Hotel: The dead john, Edward Zurlanski is dressed in red lingerie. Apparently, that's now the appropriate attire for dead johns. Poor Edward's death just follows the pattern of all the other dead johns, except the corpse was found quicker. This means the Fedcakes (Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Artemas -- not Athena this week) can track the missing rental car. I guess the killer likes to take Ferris Bueller-style joyrides in cars he can't afford.
Luckily, since they found the corpse on Sunday, they can, hopefully, find the killer before the work week starts.
In a weird twist of fate, we have the second guest actor/actress to have appeared in Numb3rs, that I have seen on stage. The guest actress, Kim Huffman, is not only Canadian, but also played Cosette the first time I saw Les Miserables. (The other guest actor I've seen on stage is Blake Bashoff, from the eppesode "Scorched." I saw him in Spring Awakening, last year. Oh the trivia I keep stored in my head where useful things could otherwise go.)
Anyway, she's playing the sister of the victim, and after giving us the view of a dutiful son and uncle, she then defends her brother's decision to pay for sex. I'm all for sibling loyalty and all, but who the hell tells their sibling they pay for sex?
David, who is in charge of the scene, gets a call from Nikki saying the car's been spotted in some place far from anywhere.
Far from Anywhere: Thanks to the magic of television, the only law enforcement vehicle that could possibly give chase is the Fedcakemobile. Apparently, there aren't any cops far from anywhere.
So after a car chase around various treacherous roads, the most, in an attempt not to hit the pickup truck, which clearly doesn't understand the rules of a siren means PULL THE HELL OVER, JACKASS, Colby has to drive into another requirement of prime-time television. The car is on fire (another requirement of prime-time TV, and the director really likes special effects/ explosions / gunfire /whomping Fedcakes, considering his previous work on this show) and only Colby is conscious. He manages to pull Nikki out of the car only seconds before the inevitable. Title Flash.
Because Alan is the de facto father-figure to everyone on this show, he's brought flowers and the advice to stay the heck in bed for a while. The problem is, Nikki's stubborn and thinks that if Colby can be back at work (even though he wasn't knocked unconscious) she can be too. IHOF: David is interviewing the Siouxsie Dark (somehow, I can be fairly sure that's not her real name) but she insists she didn't see anything. She also provides a great euphemism. Usually, she works for an escort agency called Lux, but since Eddie was an old client, she was willing to work under the table, literally freelance.
So all that they (they being Colby, David, and Charlie) have learned is that the killer can't have been tracking people through the agency, or the specific girls, so that leaves tracking down victims in bars. So when Siouxsie is asked if someone was looking at her, she gets all "hell yes, everybody stares at me," instead of taking this seriously.
It takes David reminding her that what she does will be seriously hampered and not in the way Viagra would help by the Fedcakes crawling all over her life. Finally, she remembers the creepy obvious dude in the elevator, but dismissed him in her mind because he had cheap shoes. Wow, for someone in her line of work, she's not very good at reading people. There's a joke to be made here, but really, it would be exceptionally dark humour, as it would only be pointing out the realities of sex workers' chances of survival.
So now all the Fedcakes have to go on is a nondescript guy, in cheap brown shoes, who kills people who probably won't admit to what it is they do for fun. I think that might actually be a practical example of less than nothing.
Charlie's wondering what a profiler would say about the killer, and I actually responded with, "I don't know, call Megan," when I first saw this eppesode. I know, sometimes, I talk to the television like they can hear me, despite all the years of evidence to the contrary.
So Colby's somehow borrowed a portion of Megan's brain (do not think about that too much, trust me) and comes up with a man who hates men, and wants to emasculate them. At the same time, the killer becomes his victim for a while (perhaps due to daddy issues), which, when you take this all into account = one batshit crazy dude. Yes, that's a technical term.
Essentially, the Fedcakes have nothing. Charlie can't even see a pattern other than 6 dead guys, in 5 hotels, and 5 stolen cars. That's not much of anything to go on. Hopefully, the video can be remastered properly -- which is plausible not due to some sort of technical genius on Matt Li's part, no, it's due to the fact "Charlie Don't Surf."
Don has spent most of the scene looking through files on the table. I promise, I didn't have anything to do with that. Maybe I did.
Okay, don's actually there to check in with Colby -- to make sure the junior Fedcake isn't having issues after the crash. I'm a little surprised that Alan hasn't passed the book Nikki rejected on. All Colby has to say on the subject is that he and Nikki are pigheaded idiots for not taking a day to recoup. All right, perhaps he doesn't say it like that, but, come on, after that type of crash, a few days off should be required.
It's not as if they saw anything useful to the case, plus, the car was ditched and found by authorities shortly thereafter. Thus, they're left with two things, the ladies' lingerie each of the victims was dressed in, and a social worker, Jack Steves, who tries to provide medical aid for sex workers.
BTW, if ever there was evidence of Colby being affected by the accident it's the fact that he rejects looking into women's underwear, and would rather talk to the social worker. Street Wise Street Booth: Hey, it's another Canadian! I love how many Canadians are on this show yet do not understand why they won't give a shout out to one Canadian, in particular!
Immediately, I feel for Jack (not like that). Colby is such an ass with him -- flashing his badge, scaring off people who, otherwise, are invisible, that I find myself hoping that Jack isn't the killer. I hate it when people who start off with a goal to do good, go bad.
Unfortunately, Jack doesn't have an airtight alibi. Instead, he has a schedule he tries to follow, but can't, if the action is elsewhere. Also, we learn an important detail -- he was once in the life, and is trying to help others still stuck there. OMG, if this man was real, I'd donate to his charity. IHOF: If Nikki didn't already have a head injury, I would've asked someone to whack the girl over the head and send her home. Seriously, just looking at her hurts. At least David tries to talk her into going home, but she's all insistent that if Colby can be a macho dumbass she can be even more of a macho dumbass too. Everyone break out into a chorus of "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better."
She insists that the doctor cleared her, but I think the conversation went a little like this.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable releasing you, as of yet. Nikki: You would be a lot more uncomfortable if I used my good arm to reach down your throat and pull out your intestines. Doctor: *gulps in terror* I'll sign anything you want. How about the deed to my house?
Colby gets stuck babysitting Nikki, because what we really want are the two people most likely traumatized to work together. It's rare for me to disagree with David, but this time, I'm going to have to. Okay, so the exchange they have also justifies the unwise decision.
Nikki: You ask me how I'm doing, and I'll shoot you. Colby: How you doing? Cal Sci: In Charlie's new swanky office, Amita is doing all the work, while Charlie lays on the couch, examining the inside of his eyelids, feeling hopeless. There's a pattern, but Charlie just can't see it. He needs something else. Apparently, that something else is Lazlo. Now, I cant be certain, but I'm going to start a rumour here. Within seconds of Lazlo arriving, Amita clears out, claiming the IHOF is a better place to work. As for Lazlo, he's got a full out man-crush on Don, asking Charlie for Don's phone number the same way a teenaged boy would ask a girl's bff for a number. Aw, budding bromance is cute.
Charlie's a bit iffy, because, yes, there are moments, and people, that make Charlie is look socially -- Lazlo being one of them. I also think that Charlie's dreading any retaliation from Don (a phrase which here means: wedgies) if he does hand over the phone number, particularly when the justification includes the phrase "crotch rocket." So Lazlo hands over his number, and, we can predict, will spend the next few nights staring at his phone. Turning back from the awkward conversation (but not NPAL™ worthy), and onto the case, Charlie compares the math he's using to find the killer with the same math used to hunt sharks. The problem is, the math pretty much comes up with the answer of Los Angeles. I'm sure when it comes to the Pacific Ocean, that's a small area, but for the Fedcakes, not so much.
Coroner's: The not-Claudia coroner, gives some old information (strangled, electrical burn on the palms) and new information (it's a red herring GIRL!), before we head into the commercial break.
IHOF: In what has to be the shortest red herring in television history, as Nikki and Colby head back upstairs to the Fedcake offices, they figure out that this woman has to be working with a partner, and the motive is some sort of perverted justice (for her). I'm so not touching the phrase "perverted justice" considering the subject matter of this eppesode.
Upstairs, Charmita is working, but not on the same problem. Charlie's trying to work out a way to get Don and Lazlo to go out on a boy date, without being killed (Charlie, although Lazlo might not come out unscathed). The solution is to volunteer Lazlo's services for DNA testing in this case.
Charlie even gets bold enough to bring up the word "bromance." When the idea is treated with agreement, and even curiosity about the motorcycle club from Don, Charlie is really relieved.
Back to the case, and the recorded over film-footage, Charlie compares the task to filling in a crossword puzzles, sans clues, and hoping it's all in English. The film footage reveals both perps -- the male and female, but the female isn't camera-shy (but is Clea DuVall). The automatic assumption is that she's an ex-call girl out for revenge. So the only option now is for David to send Colby out to interview escort agencies. I'm surprised Guildenstern didn't get down on his knees and thank Rosencrantz, although, considering the lingerie rejection earlier, perhaps undiagnosed head injuries from the car accident are still affecting Colby.
Luxe Escort Agency: Apparently, being a madam means you get a really swanky office, wear see-through clothing to work, not give a crap about your employees when they drop off the radar (or slapped around), and be less than helpful to Fedcakes. Seriously? How does this get by labour boards / laws/ basic human consideration? Cal Sci/Bromance Plot: Lazlo's all formal with "hail fellow, well met," upon greeting Don. While I attribute this phrase to Swift, Lazlo attributes it to Shakespeare and I want a ruling on that one.
Conveniently, Don is carrying his helmet, to make sure the topic of motorcycles will come up. Come on, Don, like Lazlo needs such cues. Sure there's a bit a discussion about bikers without helmets being called donors, but Lazlo's factoid definitely wins the NPAL™ of the week, "56 percent of bikers have sex with a stranger within three months of getting their wheels."
Other than the obvious: I am never, ever, explaining what went on in my head after he said that line. There was actual shuddering on my behalf, and, to be honest, while I'm more than happy to spread the pain to others, in most situations, I think it would cruel and unusual to do so in this case.
*Shudders* Okay, moving on (and we shall never bring that up again).
Don agrees to think about joining the club. Not touching that one either.
Victim's Apartment: A world-weary landlady has realized what that smell is coming from a tenant's, Chaz March's, apartment, and leads Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to another corpse.
This time around, Chaz is a bartender, killed in his own home, and his car is still in its space. Things are changing, which is about right as we're more than half-way through this eppesode.
IHOF: Colby briefs Don and Nikki about the latest killer, and I resist making a pun on the word briefs or, you know, not.
Anyway, Chaz the bartender tried to tax the sex workers by asking for freebies -- adding fuel to the motive that it's ex-call girl revenge, or call boy revenge, so Colby brings up the clearly innocent Canadian as a a viable suspect.
While Colby's rejected women's lingerie (wow, that is so weird to type that), Nikki's done her research, and found that someone bought the conveniently discontinued underwear (because help us if it's underwear anyone could still buy) for 12 sets, 7 months ago. Colby does some quick mental math and realizes there are still 6 more sets that are ready to wear. Now the Fedcakes need to figure out what happened 7 months ago to trigger this mess.
Cal Sci: Charlie's feeling guilty about the newest victim because his place of employment was on the list of potential hot spots. It's too bad Charlie's psychic powers didn't click in to the realization the killers were switching from johns to people who insult sex workers. Geez, Charlie, I would feel sorry for you, but that's a huge freaking ego to think you had any control over this.
This, of course, is why Charlie is marrying Amita, who is much more sympathetic, than me. Although, to be fair that whole fictional/not-fictional thing might be a slightly bigger obstacle but one I'm willing to overlook.
Lazlo does have something; the killer is a carrier of hemophilia. She'll also have hazel eyes, dark hair, and a pale complexion, between 5'6-5'9. This leads me to a terrifying thought. I MUST BE THE KILLER!That's one hell of a shout out. Wait, I don't carry hemophilia. Phew, for a second, I was worried. I also am O negative, unlike the killer's B positive. While my type's good as the universal donor, the killer's type is good for some amusing puns on being positive.
Amita's got the idea to do a fuzzy search, and for once, I'm in agreement with Lazlo, that does sound cuddly. Using the genetics they know, they find only one appropriate (and female) match within the FBI database, a Jenny Bailey, a prostitute murdered at a hotel.
IHOF: The Fedcakes are dressing for a take-down, as David does what he does best, gives us exposition on this eppesode's title character, Melanie Bailey. She lived with her now deceased sister who had the extremely, extremely rare condition of female hemophilia (which, according to my googling skills, is 1:100 000 000) and bled out after being beaten (also wearing the same set of red underwear). I know this is supposed to be a huge deal, but considering the very exact specifics, (hotel, underwear, sex worker) how was this not caught before?
David makes a very wise suggestion, that perhaps Nikki isn't up for potentially physically dealing with a suspect, but Nikki's pigheadedness says otherwise. Bailey Apartment: They don't find the woman in question, but they do find two requirements of every prime-time serial killer. So now that they have the shrine, and the victims' wallets, the Fedcakes are now off to the San Gabriel Hotel, where Melanie's car has been spotted.
San Gabriel Hotel: This time, it's David's turn to be sent in, which is good, considering he's got to talk her into leaving the bar without making a scene. This turns out to be a lot easier than I expected. So, while this is a very short scene, and a very underused opportunity to make use of a great guest star, I'm distracted by one particular extra. Once in the lobby, Melanie denies any and all knowledge of a partner, the same way a cat would deny eating the bird, even with the obvious feathers scattered about. No one believes her, and she doesn't care. Don, Nikki and Colby are left searching the hotel for potential victims, while David interrogates Melanie, sorry, Mel.
So, while the rest of the Fedcakes bang on doors, to no avail, Melanie, or Mel, admits that someone getting dead at this very moment.
After the commercial break, the Fedcakes are trying to figure out the victim's identity. On the video footage, they spot Jack Steves, trying to help out the sex workers.
I don't believe anything the Fedcakes say get Mel to talk -- not the implications of the partner in control, or reminders that California is a death penalty state. Nope, I think she only talks once she thinks enough time has passed to make sure the deed is done. Her partner is a man she met in foster care, a man who just likes to hurt people, and somehow, it makes sense that using him was the best way to avenge her dead sister? It was all her plan. WTF? I'm a little appalled at the hypocrisy. No, never mind the violence, but the hypocrisy of killing a former sex worker, for trying to warn the others about the killers -- which is the justification Mel gives for Jack being targeted. I admit, I do feel sorry for her sister, because the guy who killed her stole her purse, with the medication that could've saved her life.
Jack's: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern rush to save Jack (with David driving), while the interview goes on. We also find out what the burn on the hand's from -- a taser to the door handle. I cringe with even the idea of how much that hurts. Jack may be knocked back, but he's not down for the count. Considering his previous profession, he's probably well-versed on self-defense. Just seconds before things are going to get fatal for Jack, the Fedcakes burst in. My favourite part of the whole scene though, David's reaction when Rusty takes another swing at Jack. Sometimes, even my BFFedcake knows words are not enough.
As for Rusty, he's screaming about being the "guardians," and how offended he is that Jack tried to help out the working girls. Yeah, because health care wouldn't be the least bit useful, except, of course, it would.
IHOF: Noticing the whole refusing to drive thing, Rosencrantz checks in to make sure Guildenstern will be back to his regular, snarky self shortly and is he ever, and everyone else as well, in the next eppesode. Really, the refusal to drive was just Colby being sensible.
The boys head out for a beer, and Don checks in with Nikki, who is now trying to figure out who killed Jenny Bailey. It's a valid questions.
As for Don, looks like he's dressed for some Bromance. Cal Sci: Lazlo comes in, looking for some credit, as the hemophilia discovery was the final clue they needed to solve the case. He's also hoping that Don's up for the motorcycle club, as it has "scientists, dentists, pharmacists, two accountants, one guy from the humanities," but you know what they don't have? So, while Lazlo hopes they can get someone who has been shot and stabbed, which, let's be honest, would up any club's street cred, Charlie tries to tell his friend that Don isn't up for Bromance.
The Desert: Well, Don's looks earlier were deceiving, as Charlie's assertion that he's not a joiner, holds true. Instead of getting instructions as to how to clean his air filter, Don's clogging it up with some good desert dust. Hey, what is that in the desert? Is it a Sasquatch? A land-locked pirate? A hippie? Hell no, it's: Next Recap: My argument for a seventh season (besides a whiny, but I want one!), and my serious fangirling of someone's brain.
Delayed recaps will be up shortly, but until then, have my top 10 list as to why we should get another season!
10) More Edgerton! We always need more Edgerton!
9) We need a definitive answer over who is the true Numb3rs superhero: Super!Colby or Super!David. There must be a costume portion of the competition. Spandex will be required.
8) Because I haven't spent the last almost 3 years of my life begging for a shout out, world peace, and a pony, for nothing! (To reach truly pathetic, something like this has to be done for at least 4 years.)
7) Because there are still areas / people in L.A. that Stephen Gyllenhaal hasn't tried to blow up / shoot at / put in peril.
6) Colby needs to go out on at least one, normal date. This means, no potential witnesses, no acrobats, and no winning bets that cause the fandom to squee at previously unheard of decibel levels. While we're at it, David, the most marriageable on the show, needs to find someone.
5) We still don't know the name of Liz's able-bodied hamster! Think of all the fanfic writers clamouring for details!
4) Don still hasn't found what he's looking for (which is Robin, but he's a bit slow on the uptake with this one).
3) Two words: Charmita -- expecting. Imagine the hilarity as Charlie becomes a nervous father-to-be and Alan goes nuts at Babies R Us.
2) Charlie has yet to solve why the meaning of life is 42 (which is way more important than P vs. NP).
1) We'll never see the planned musical eppesode "Once More, With Physics."
This eppesode finally cemented the need to for a special tag. See if you can spot it. Warehouse: We begin with a deal involving Belgian goods -- which are not chocolate, nor waffles. Nope, these are much more deadly - by that I mean there are 1100 ways to kill you a minute and I'm not talking calories. Do you know what this means? Well, actually, it's time to shoot at dirt. No, I am not making this up. The guy with the gun says "it's better than sex." Dude, if you're shooting at dirt, and you think it's better than sex, let me just assume you're doing it wrong. I mean really wrong. We're talking wrongness of the wrong here. As much as I would like to declare that line the NPAL™ and be done with it, something much more painful, and awkward, is coming.
In a classic follow the bullet shot, we trace the bullet's path a ridiculously scary distance, where it hits some poor innocent victim. Okay, so we don't see said innocent victim, but it's a pretty safe assumption.
Don's Loft: Hey, Don moved! He no longer lives in some bachelor apartment that we've seen now for the past few seasons. His new place is seriously swanky and has something most guys I know would really like in their apartments. Okay, so I squeed. They're both just freshly out of the shower, so I can safely assume my OTP was doing something that could only be shown on HBO.
They're talking about Charlie's wedding and bachelor party and Don, in classic big brother mode, thinks taking Charlie golfing is a good idea. Yeah, trying to whoop someone's ass on the course shortly before marriage screams brotherly love, doesn't it?
Anyway, Robin's having difficulty finding clothes -- which I'm guessing Don probably doesn't think is that much of a problem. In fact, when Robin starts griping about splitting time between places, and such, Don reponds, "You could always move in here."
"I'm a little old to play house, honey," Robin replies, not realizing something really important. So now there's that all important question, that if Don is serious about the offer, what does this all mean? Well, for me, it clearly means my OTP is on the right track, and I can stop worrying about --
THE FLIPPING PHONE? SERIOUSLY, DON, NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO ANSWER THE PHONE! So, I posed that exact same question to people, and took some important statistics, (a phrase which here means, the people who answered the questions in the 5 minutes I paid attention) and came up with this official looking pie chart. (As I said last week, pie charts are serious business.) Therefore, considering Don's previous issueswiththe phone, I must now declare that DON IS PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM THE PHONE. If you would like to reach him in the future, please call David, Colby, Liz, Nikki, Alan, Charlie, Amita, or, hell, Larry, as Don cannot be trusted to use a phone properly. (Yes, I would trust Larry more with a phone, and that says a lot.) There are studies saying this constant need to answer the phone is a major source of stress. Think of all the good this can bring for my sanity Don's health.
"I swear you made it do that," Robin says, heading back up to the loft. Oh, Robin, look at you going all meta on me. It just makes me love you more.
To make it worse, the phone call wasn't even for Don. No, they want the adorkable professor. yeah, well, you know what? CHARLIE'S GOT HIS OWN PHONE.
Victim's home: The innocent victim we didn't see earlier we get to see in all his dead glory (a phrase which here means, ew). All Charlie has to do is come up with the reverse trajectory. Sounds simple, right? Of course it isn't, because Charlie lists quite a few things he would need to take into account. Perp montage: This is a colelction of a couple of montages.
1) A brief math montage, 2) David leads a team of Feds (not Fedcakes) and they find the spot from which the bullets were fired. 3) Identifying the shooter, Arvin Lindell.
Perp's Office: Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Liz stake out the office, only to have Arvin drive right by, taking shots at all three of them with the Belgian non-wafflemaker (technical term).
After a shot right out of a video game Call of Duty the only reason the Fedcakes are still alive is because of the miracle of television. That, and there hadn't been any spoilers floating around that any Numb3rs characters were going to die.
Liz is all anxious to get Lindell, but Colby wants the gun. He's only allowed to have it if he's going to use the gun to shoot Lindell. At least, that would be how things wound work in my world.
I would like to point out my restraint at any Colby/gun jokes. Okay, so the fact I resisted this long is impressive for me.
IHOF: Reason number 234509834 why I didn't join the FBI (reason number 1: I'm not American), having to deliver exposition to my boss, shortly after being shot at. I would rather be in the fetal position, in the corner, kthanxbai.
Colby gets to espouse on the virtues of the gun, which, as we'll find out later, shares something else with expensive chocolate, other than their country of origin. Despite this fact that we shall discuss later, the cost is still 12000 dollars. Luckily there are only 5000 of them, except they aren't exactly in the right spot. They're supposed to go to Saudi Arabia, not downtown LA. On an even sadder note, this eppesode of Numb3rs taught me that it is possible to sell rocket launchers to kids, as long as the paperwork is in order. You know what, David? I love you and your exposition, but there are some things that I would be happier not knowing about.
The Gun Seller: All right, so I stole the title from Hugh Laurie's novel. If he has a problem, he can sue me. This would, of course, mean he knows I exist, which would be just as likely as well my shout out, world peace, and pony, but it doesn't mean I won't keep asking other things that are equally unlikely. Well, that was a fail at similie.
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern find an oxymoron -- and honest arms dealer. When the Belgian guns didn't show up, he substituted some Swiss ones instead. He didn't make as much money, but he has a happy client. While that's probably good for strangely-named-writer's-religious-issues-let-him-show-you-them Priest, it's probably not good for say, the rest of the planet, or people in favour of breathing.
David's worn his morality suit for the interview, and proceeds to represent how I feel about people who sell guns. He's more of my BFFedcakes in every eppesode. Priet responds with the whole people kill people adage which drive me up the wall, as it's both a flawed argument and a serious pet peeve of mine.
Anyway, I'd like to sum up David's opinion in one short screencap. Priest isn't willing to to give up the name of the person who did get the guns, as he's not a rat and is anti-dead (which is a bit funny, given his line of work) but he is willing to help. In exchange for his help, the Fedcakes get some night-vision goggles of his out of customs. Dude, just play Mafia Wars on Facebook, and you can find all the night-vision goggles you want, without issues with customs. By the way, I don't really see what use Priest can actually be, but since the actor is sort of awesome, he can stick around.
La Maison d'Eppes: Charmita is arguing over a wedding date. There are math jokes about stable marriages and even moments of doubt about getting married at the arboretum. No matter what date they say, there's always an argument against it. Even Don has points against certain dates. By the end of this eppesode, I'm thinking they might have to resort to memes to sort things out. Poor Amita is frustrated. I would be too, if it took 5 seasons to get the man to propose, even though we knew they were going to wind up together from the pilot, and am now looking at another fives seasons subliminal message to CBS to get to the actual wedding.
A few important wedding facts: Amita doesn't want to be a June bride. Charlie would like to repress any argument by talking about the case, and Don clearly thinks justice of the peace is the way to go. The justice of the peace thing, now that I've seen this eppesode a few times, is a big honking piece of foreshadowing to the NPAL™, but, I have to admit that I missed it in the first viewing.
Pier /IHOF: Robin's managed to secure some "help" for the night-vision goggles, since my Mafia Wars idea was not the hit I thought it was. Nothing is written down, because writing stuff like this down would probably mean it would be read by someone -- and wind up in a blog, as governmental agencies are really the classic fail at secrecy.
That's enough for Priest as he's not exactly in the habit of writing things down either, as some of those things might make it... Well, actually, they wouldn't make it anywhere, because would you piss off a guy whose product could perforate you like Swiss cheese? I wouldn't.
And in case I needed to feel more confident about things, did you know the US is the safest place through which to ship guns? Apparently, they're more likely to make it to their final destination if shipped through Newark, Miami, or LA. While this is all fine and good, I'd like Priest to explain a another problem to me. I think my geographical reality just got in the way of my suspension of disbelief. As for why Lindell has one now, it's because he's one of those unscrupulous dock workers that make sure that the guns stay safe for shipping elsewhere.
Cal Sci: Now that the Fedcakes know what they're looking for, Charlie's got to help them find the two containers full of the Belgian weapons. They got to find two containers amongst the bajillion (actual number) that try to avoid all inspection areas. In other words, he needs to find two containers that don't follow the "normal flow in terms of space and time." To explain it to Liz, he compares it to moving a piece of merchandise around a newsstand -- a very expensive and in-demand math journal -- to make sure only Charlie can find it. Charlie, I think there's been a far better explanation already given about the flow of time, by someone much, much smarter than you. I've even covered it before.
Liz even scoffs at the idea of a popular and expensive math journal. Oh Liz, this is nothing in comparison to your awesomeness later in this eppesode, but it is definitely hee-worthy.
Anyway, all they need to do now is graph the port in four dimensions or find a TARDIS and finding the containers will be a cinch.
Suddenly, we watch an obvious criminal offers his own interpretation on the crime at hand. It's Otto Bahnoff; remember him? He's the guy who I will always believe was a replacement for the unavailable Jay Baruchel's character, Oswald Kittner. All Ottobahn does is breeze into the office, look at the gun schematics, declares it bad, and leaves, all the while talking about pizza. IHOF: How about I make you a deal? What if we just forget that this scene ever occurred. I can repress it, if you will. Denial -- it's the new black of feelings, right? Please don't make me do this.
Okay, so I will cover the important plot aspects. Robin's arranged to have Priest's and this makes David be all frowny-face. Nothing Colby says can change that.
Afterward, they all go for coffee, which Liz spikes as a joke, causing Colby to sing show tunes.
All right, so perhaps I made up the rest of the scene because my version of events would have been totally made of awesome. Come on -- Colby singing show tunes? Who wouldn't pay to see Colby do that? I'm taking suggestions for Colby to sing in my AU version of this scene or, to be honest, I was just looking for a flimsy excuse to link to this.
In all seriousness, I'm wondering if I procrastinate long enough, everyone will have forgotten what happened next, so I can skip it and move on.
Unfortunately, I think this might fall under the "really memorable" category. So, let me now recount the EPIC FAIL of Don by pointing out all the ways he manages to turn something that should have made me want to dance around the room in a fit of fangirl glee, into a moment that made me want to pound my head into the wall for several hours. Robin wants to talk about where they stay tonight because she's got a busy day, so Don has a solution to the problem. Why pay two rents when one can get married? *headdesk*
Now, one would think I would be ecstatically happy. PERHAPS EVEN CAPSLOCK WOULD BE NECESSARY, but no. This is such a bungled proposal (and NPAL™ winner, perhaps supremem NPAL™ of all time) even I cannot fake a little bit of happiness. The fact he even goes on to do the whole "I thought you would be happy" as his justification for his spur of the moment proposal (not to be confused with the spontaneous, I-love-you-so-much-we-should-elope-to-Vegas proposal) reminds me of one trait the brothers Eppes share. They may be very appealing to women, but they're not very good at dealing with them.
Justifiably, Robin says no. Don does make it sound like he's doing her a favour, particularly after the humourous conversation that morning.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Before they can talk about the reasons Robin said no, Colby interrupts with news that Lindell's been found. I guess I should be grateful it wasn't another telephone call.
I have to say, I'm pretty impressed about how rational I'm being during the discussion of this scene. I didn't overuse capslock. I didn't swear uncontrollably. Hell, I was even able to see the point about Robin's refusal, instead of not caring how they wound up together, just that they did.
Now, if I would've written my analysis immediately after watching this scene it would've read more like this:
DON *bang* WTF *bang* ARE *bang* YOU *bang* DOING? *SOB* Ow, my head hurts now.
Ihave to say, I think my pain threshhold likes this rational thing better.
Underground: In some tunnel, somewhere, Lindell was firing off some rounds, brutally massacring a watermelon, only to have happen what Ottobahn predicted. The gun went all e-splodey and killed him. He was latter found by a film crew scouting for locations. Thus, Lindell goes down on what I'm pretty sure, is the grossest corpse ever, on this show. I'm talking grossed than the fried apostle in "Thirteen." Although, as the apostle wasn't all dead, only mostly dead, I don't think he can count. (A definition of the difference between "mostly" and "all" dead, is here.)
Essentially, Ottobahn explains why the gun doesn't work. Unlike Charlie, he doesn't give us an easily understandable analogy, so I decided to come up with my own. So now there are 500 weapons about to go boom. Joy. By joy, I mean, crap.
Cal Sci: Can i jsut say that I miss Charlie's old office. Sure, this one has a few things the other didn't light but it doesn't have the same character of the old one. It isn't a mess with funny props and post-its all over the place. This new office is that of a grown up. No-likey.
Amita's arrived to apologize for her earlier bridezilla incident. Considering everything else they're trying to schedule, at least they don't have to worry about the traditional dress, or elephant angle. Don is not interested. All the chief Fedcake wants is a chance to take back what he said earlier is the location of the guns in the port.
Port: It's a montage of searching for the wibbly-wobbly-timey-wimey containers. They find dirt, electronics, and toys clearly shipped in to be won at cheap-ass county fairs, but no guns. IHOF: Don's gone from not interested, to peeved. As Rosencrantz and Guildenstern head off to talk to Priest, Don's day isn't going to get any better, when Robin arrives (and Liz clears out of the way at a speed that makes me giggle. Liz is so wise). But you know what Don, you know something that isn't going to help the situation? Instead of going over to Robin's to talk about things, he stayed home and licked his wounds. I'm glad he didn't lick his wounds in the manner he did the last time things were this rocky between Don and Robin, because I'd have to make a really dirty joke about Liz. I like Liz too much now to do that. Plus, I couldn't take the trauma again..
Don refuses to talk, and I can see his point, because he'd probably say something that would make Robin, or me, even more annoyed. All the while, Liz watches. A couple of years ago, I would've been worried, but Liz has moved well beyond Don.
In the interview room, Priest insists that he's the good type of arms dealer -- the one who will always sell you goods that will help you kill the other guy -- not yourself. He just won't rat out the guy who will sell you the bad guns. (By bad, I mean, hell, there's nowhere to go with this sentence that won't wind up with me talking in circles.) You'd think Priest would be all over this. The guy selling the Belgian guns is giving his profession a bad name! (By bad, of course, I mean -- hell, I give up.)
Math Garage: Don's playing pool, by himself, to avoid talking about weddings. The problem is, that Alan's come out to the garage to do the same thing, yet winds up talking about the wedding. This wedding planning thing is like a virus.
And Don just doesn't want to hear it, stopping all conversation by confessing that he proposed, and Robin said no. No matter what Alan says, Don's not going to go into it any further, thus cutting off the question I'm sure Alan really wants to ask. Neighbourhood Do Not Want To Watch: A drive-by has ended with a neighbourhood blown to bits, and a hell of a lot more casualties than intended. Top that off with the idea that if they only shoot at small groups of people, instead of say, large armies, then the guns won't explode. The only conclusion Liza can come to is that the guns are going to stay in LA, where they'll be of use.
After the commercial break, things don't get any happier. The neighbours are willing to give statements, but there isn't much that can be done for the victims, and justice really isn't possible in this situation.
Charlie's feeling terrible about not finding the weapons, despite having incorrect data. Even Ottobahn can't make things any cheerier. At least he has a reasonable solution to pull us away from this pit of misery, as he needs to get to a chalkboard.
Cal Sci: In Charlie's office, Ottobahn is now playing his character more like first season Charlie and completely freaking out by doing equations on a blackboard. Charmita try to pull Ottobahn out of his funk, which is something Amita, frankly, should have plenty of experience at doing.
Charlie, clearly recognizing the same OMGWTFSTOPTHEWORLDIWANTTOGETOFF, tries to reassure Otto that now that they have all the correct information, they will find the guns.
Priest's Place: Priest is not following after his namesake, as he arrives home late, having met not one, but two girls. When he makes a crack about David not knowing how that feels, I wish David would be the one to shut the door, not Priest. Of course, by shut the door, I mean on Priest's head. Somehow, I don't think David is the threesome type, except in fanficthere have been threesome hints on Twitter, but I don't know the characters to which a certain person is referring.
There, dig on that little factoid to keep your mind out of the depressing issue that is this eppesode.
Neighbourhood Do Not Want To Watch: And yet, in an eppesode of bad decisions, I have to say, abducting the material witness isn't the worst one made here. Right now, Don's proposal and bringing Otto to a crime scene are still winning. Besides, David does uncuff Priest one they're parked (not like that) so I guess that counts for something.
In front of the memorial of the previous night's shooting (because, as we all know, people have memorial objects instantly available for such occasions), David tries to talk Priest out of his wicked ways. I don't blame David for trying. Actually, I would probably be annoyed at David for not trying. He simply wants Priest to give up the person who has the guns, and David's modus operandi is talking people into things. He points out the houses of the victims form the previous night, and recounts an incident at his first continuity referenceposting in Israel, where an entire family was killed at their dinner table, because of wayward arms. He wants Priest to understand the devastation that can be caused by the selling of arms.
Priest cuts my BFFedcake off, because David, and his persuasive tone of doom, seems to be getting to the dealer. Wow, talk about one pussy of an arms dealer. If only they weren't all this easy to talk out of selling weapons. To bring the point home even more, David drives off, leaving Priest in front of the memorial.
Recapper's note: This scene will be forever known in my brain as Liz's scene of pure spectaculawesometude, for all eternity. If I hadn't already taken to Liz (which, took me long enough, considering she was the outlet for my rage, for quite a while, I'm glad to know that she understands her place, in my world in Numb3rs canon. Liz wants to talk to Robin about Don. She does not want to talk about how Robin wwon Don back, and now they have to bitchslap each other senseless because most women in primetime behave this way, no, Liz is far, far more mature than that. She knows she was only the rebound girl and that Don has always been stuck on Robin. Oh, look at that, even Liz 'ships my OTP.
Robin gives her ridiculously endearing slightly embarrassed smile, and reminds me what I love so much about my OTP, that they get it all HORRENDOUSLY WRONG, but at least are willing to admit it. Liz, having performed a public service by making sure the lesser stubborn of my OTP is now in the mood to actually talk (public service, a phrase which here means, me stopping pounding my head into a wall during this eppesode), she can now get back to the case. This comes in the form of Colby, who has found a viable lead, the brother of a gangbanger who was probably involved in the drive-by of DOOOM from earlier.
Thanks to the magic of television, the older brother has been brought in for questioning, all in the space of one edit, and now Don and Liz can guilt him into giving up his brother. Now, I don't mean guilt over gang involvement, it's more guilt that this little brother is going to be perforated multiple times, unless he gives up who sold him the faulty Belgian guns that, like chocolate, melt in the hand. If the gangster does that, he can call his little brother and tell him not to bet all deadified by pointing guns at the 40 armed police officers that are coming for him. The gunseller is named Whitey, on account that he has a creepy white eyeball.
Priest's Place: Priest is trying to do something to get the guns off the street -- trying to buy them, for a reduced price, off of Whitey, aka Moses. Although, in a deal like this, Moses wants cash, not a personal cheque. I guess the credit crisis has even affected the arms industry.
IHOF: Ottobahn certainly recovers a lot faster from his trauma than season1 & 2 Charlie ever did, because he's practically bouncing like Tigger to tell Liz about how, with Charlie, they've found the guns. Charlie translates OMGEXCITEDOTTOBAHN to "warehouse 32." Warehouse 32: Okay, I take back what I said about Priest being a pussy. He's meeting with Moses, in the dead of night. I don't care if Rosencrantz and guildenstern are posing as his dogsbodies. Meeting with a guy who has guns that dangerous, would scare the shite out of me. Although, I have to say, I'm glad he's no longer impressed with the big-ass gun Moses's bodyguard is carrying. Priest has the money, and he wants the guns, and isn't afraid to scoff at Moses's business practices. Priest is totally right, because all Moses wants to do is rip him off. Um, who would ever deal with this guy if all that's going to happen is instead of getting the guns, one gets dead? I don't see the business plan here. Fortunately, the Fedcakes were all prepared for Moses's sudden but inevitable betrayal, and respond by having a sniper (no,not the enigmatically cool sniper) shoot the bodyguards. can you imagine that part on a resume "bodyguard who can't get off a shot before dying."
IHOF: Moses lawyers up qucikly, despite being told the obvious fact by David and Liz. Colby lets Priest have a few minutes to talk some sense into Moses, which, in all honestly, shouldn't work because Moses was ready to kill Priest in the previous scene -- not exactly a sign of respect.
Moses gets all uppity, saying that Priest is done in the profession, because he's a rat. So, hold on, one can stay in business, despite selling a defective product, but can't stay in business for getting rid of a dishonest businessman? Does not compute. Then again, I don't understand the need to own guns anyway, unless you're a farmer protecting livestock, so none of this makes sense to me.
Okay, I admit, in this scene, I think Priest is brilliant, as he reminds Moses, that since he's ratting out people, he'll be more than happy to tell some general (who, I assume, isn't quite so discrimiate about killing people) about a bad arms deal perpitrated by Moses. Hmm, reveal where the other 4997 guns are, or meet the general. Obvious choice there, as long as you have the smallest sense of self-preservation.
Self-Preservationville: So if just ratting someone out gets you out of the business, I have a question. IHOF: Guildenstern is trying to tell Rosencrantz it's time to pull himself out of his maudlin mood, since all the guns have been found. The problem is that David's in the same place Charlie was with the gangsters, seasons ago, by focussing on the overall problem, instead of finding some peace is solving a portion of it. It'll be a while before he can really see the upsides.
David should be happy with another victory -- having Priest see the danger in his profession, not to himself, but to others. Although, if guns are going to be sold, it's probably better this guy do it, than say, Moses. Math Garage: Charmita is using math to work out their wedding date problems. Amita is using combinatorics, and Charlie's using the pigeon-hole principle. Don't ask me what this means. At least the prize for the best possible date gets to choose the honeymoon location. Alan appreciates the appropriateness of math being the determining factor in wedding date selection, because of, well, the title of this show. Okay, I'll just assume Alan is that meta, because he is so wise.
Neither date, (August 21 and July 17th, for those of you who are detail oriented) work for a couple of reasons (hip surgery and graduation, respectively) so Alan comes up with October 9th. That's just around the time of Be Kind To David Day, so we could wrap up all those celebrations into one massive party for both the Fedcakes, and the Fandom particularly if we send in enough support to get a season 7. So, Charmita will officially share an aniversary with Alan and Margaret. It's all agreed so mark the date, everyone!
Most importantly, Alan gets to pick the honeymoon destination. Now there's just one more thing that has to get worked out.
Don's Loft: Yes, we have to get the good 'ship Don/Robin back on course for my mental health, and to save me charging TPTB for my therapy.
Don tries to ignore the sound of the door, but his face is just oh so adorable here, and says so much, I squeed the first time I watched this eppesode. Robin tries to get him to talk and Don's explanation as to why he proposed, is both sweet, and insanely immature. Essentially, it sums up to "well, everyone else is doing it," or "I can't believe my little brother will take the plunge first," or "I would totally jump off the Golden Gate Bridge if everyone else did." As ridiculous as that sounds, it's not actually his reason. The real reason comes as a bit of a tag on to his initial explanation, "I was feeling it out."
Remember what happened to a previous lover? How about his relationship with Kim? Neither ended well, so no matter what was going to happen with his next proposal, it wasn't going to be a big confident gesture.
Now, Robin, because she is awesome, and understands the calibre of man she's got, puts all those fears aside. She reminds Don that he loves old movies, his chivalry (and I would just like to add, his ability to discover a love of watermelonthat sounds much dirtier than I meant), and all the changes in his life: finding God, and a bike, that he's got to a few things to work out first. She does assure him that she loves him (and I applaud that line like no one's business) and when he does work things out, and comes up with a far more romantic proposal, she'll say yes. So, right now, "Complicated works for us,"Robin says. So, I get left all happy and relieved that my OTP is safe, for another week.
Recapper's Annoyance: Not once, but twice, portions of this recap were eaten by a "bad request" from blogspot. Everyone's a critic.
General disclaimer: All review material / ideas on this blog are Spy's. Unless she's given you permission to re-post them, don't. Plagiarism is bad.
Spy's disclaimer: Yes, she knows she doesn't own the shows. She just wishes she did. She also knows that she has no sway over anything. Don't think that she does.
Numb3rs is owned by CBS, Doctor Who and Torchwood by BBC, Primeval by ITV, and Dollhouse by Fox