Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Con Job (Eppesode 609)

Recapper's Repetitive Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Apparently flash cards (not like that) with creative messages seem to be the winner when it comes to stuff to send to CBS. While this is a good idea, whatever you send to CBS, in support of Numb3rs, is always a good thing. Also did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? (According to inside sources, CBS actually pays attention to that.) Finally, have you signed the petition?

All right, I admit, I was skeptical of "Jacked" getting a sequel. I mean, sure, we know what good friends Rob Morrow and Fisher Stevens are, (note the restraint in making a directionally challenged joke) but really? "Jacked" was so long ago! Hell, I was still working for the site that shall not be named! I mean, sure it was a fun eppesode, but not like "Spree" and "Two Daughters" which led to a seriously awesome follow-up. Did we really need a comic relief eppesode so soon after "Dreamland," and the annoyance otherwise known as Augie?

Apparently, we did, because, despite my initial meh-ness over Buckley returning, not only did I really like the eppesode, but also thought the Fedcakes got a hilarious practical lesson on pwning , since they're not aware of what it means. It was done in such a way that I wasn't left wanting to throw things at my TV. Who knew that was possible?

We begin with previouslies: Previously, Buckley kidnapped a busload of people, including Marshal Flinkman. The bus could only be saved by both real life, and fictional brothers snarking, and the reality that no one is afraid of Fisher Stevens.
Also, last time, we had a drinking game to go along with Buckley's antics, so I thought we needed one this time too.

• 1 sip for every time Buckley asks for or says something ridiculous.
• 1 shot for every time the massive response to the hostage crisis is panned over.
  
• 1 shot for every time Buckley hits on a female.
• 1 shot for every time Buckley gets meta.
• 1 shot for every person in the room who snickers when scorpions are mentioned. (By this I mean, in your room -- not on the television. If you're watching this eppesode alone, you do count, if you snicker / giggle / snort, etc.)
• 2 shots for every beauty queen on screen.
  

Again, feel free to pick and choose among the above suggestions, depending on your liver. Again, I take no responsibility for how much you choose to abuse your liver during this eppesode. Also, if you're underage -- use pop. It's all the experience of peeing like a racehorse that alcohol inspires, and none of the legal issues.

Prison: Don and David are there to talk to Buckley about why the hell someone would want to copy his style.
By style, I mean criminal activities, which, if they'd worked, were brilliant plans. Not that the Fedcakes think he's in on it. They just think he talks a lot, giving ideas to others. His talking is good, because otherwise, Buckley would get "lonely" and I don't even want to think what that would mean.
The style wasn't exact, because, this time, the criminals got away with it, and according to Buckley, they aren't done. Nope, they're going to hit a jewelry store in LA next. Not that the Fedcakes believe Buckley since he was 100% less than truthful last time and it would be a good idea if they remembered that!

La Maison d'Eppes: Charmita was procrastinating (procrastinating, a word which here means fill in your own definition) and is now desperate to get a lecture on something way too complicated for me to understand, prepared.
As for Alan, he shows an entirely different work ethic. He's really concerned about being late for work, and pays very close attention to the traffic reports. Either that or he's paying really, really close attention to her breasts, which would be hard not to do, considering her outfit.
When the report is interrupted by the breaking news of a robbery at the LA Minerals and Metal Exchange. Well, looks like that lecture preparation will have to be put off a while longer!

Hostage Site: Since TPTB seem determined to have Liz and Nikki together as little as possible, I'm going to let people come to their own conclusions. Anyway, Liz seems to be playing David's role as she fills in the Chief Fedcake on how the criminals got in to the exchange in the first place: dressed as janitors.

Inside the command truck, David shows the video of the hostage taking and how many angles the baddies have covered. The hostages are now dressed like the baddies, there's no way for the Fedcakes to see inside, and even the video feed has been replaced, with what I believe to be an old Woody Woodpecker cartoon.
In fact, the only luck they have was the manager's ability to hit the silent alarm. So now, they have something much bigger than a jewellry store, 26 hostages, and one Buckley to contend with.

Title Flash.

We get a pan shot of the police presence, and it's made up o snipers, and technical equipment, and other such things rented from the standard TV tactical response unit. Inside tactical command, the Fedcakes' viewing of the most unfortunately named cartoon character is interrupted by a phone call from another cartoon character.
Buckley's stolen the prison librarian's webcam to call Don, and deleted all his porn -- the librarians, not Don's. I'm not saying that Don has porn, although, he is a guy and... I give up, there's no way to save that statement. Insisting that Don needs him, Buckley that is, not the librarian or the porn, -- oh hell, I give up on this sentence too.

At least Buckley has one useful piece of information: SWAT is getting too close to the doors, which are wired with bombs. You know what they could really use right now? A sniper, who is capable of crawling through a secured building without being caught (unless he wants to be).

Don's the most popular person to call in this eppesode, as now the baddies want to talk to him. Well, at least the head baddie is wrong about one thing -- he's not Don's best friend. Oh no, that role has been firmly filled by Buckley for the remainder of this eppesode. They might even go out for drinks validating my drinking game. Anyway, the baddie wants a jet, I want a shout out, world peace, and a pony, and Don wants Charlie. Guess which one is going to get what he or she wants?

BTW, is it just me, or does the baddie's voice sound like he's trying to seduce Don, as much as convince the chief Fedcake to hand over a jet, so that people don't die?

Ordering Liz to get Buckley, I'm wondering if a) that's a wise idea and b) if Buckley isn't just a distraction for smooth-talking-criminal-guy. Forget I said that. I don't even want to think about it.

IHOF: Charmita is terribly impressed by the ingenuity of the criminals, but figures they could get control of the cameras back in a couple of hours.
Prison: David and Liz are stuck with the Buckley duty. They must've picked the short straw, because Liz already looks like she'd rather have a tour of the sewers than be in the same room as the man. When Buckley jokes the pair of Fedcakes are "Mom and Dad," only to promptly hit on Liz, not only does it disgust Liz, but also gives us way too much insight about Buckley's sexual fantasies.
As if that wasn't enough, Buckley also wants ice cream. If ever there was a moment for fanfic writers to leave alone, this one would, definitely, be it.

Hostage Site: The camera pans over the law enforcement's response to the crisis. Bottom's up!

Inside the command truck, the bombs are, apparently, easily diffused. This is good, as I don't think anyone would take too kindly to the Fedcakes being in pieces (which, by the way, is totally different from getting a piece of Fedcake).

Because no one takes the attention away from the baddie, he has to call Don back, to taunt him about the snipers who aren't as competent as Edgerton, and how there's one sick hostage. He. also wants food -- good chicken dinners.
We get another pan of the response team (drink!) while the obligatory sick hostage is released.

Charmita's removed the emergency programming and put what was regularly scheduled back on. If only regular TV networks were so efficient.
Now the Fedcakes have had their last moment of peace for the entire eppesode because Buckley, complete with triple-flavour banana split, has arrived. You know, I can just imagine Buckley as a little kid in a grocery store. Imagine getting him through the candy aisle.

While Buckley's offer of vanilla ice cream for Don (like don's vanilla, please!) is refused, Liz has something really, really important to pass on to her boss.
The head baddie is Len Maddux, a former compatriot, a word which here means, Buckley's cellmate. Instead of killing the little twerp, Maddux listened to all the planning and adapted it for this job. At least, that's what Buckley says, so I'm more likely to believe that Maddux has the same power as Kitty Pride, and can walk through walls.

So Maddux is a bad guy, surprise surprise, but the Fedcakes have a bad guy of their own to help. the problem is, said bad guy didn't arrive soon enough to warn everyone not to turn off the power in the exchange. This means that now there's no way to disarm those bombs on the doors. Oops.

Maddux doesn't quite see it as the oops I do and more of an excuse to terrorize his hostages.
He also doesn't buy Don's story of a power outage. I have to say, I can't believe how lame that story sounded. Don, you're usually cooler than that under pressure.

Buckley takes advantage and insists he's not helping any more until he gets a new deal. Hell, knowing this guy, he'll probably ask for world peace and a pony too. Not that he's going to get it either, and he's going to have to take 2 more years and probation.

He's also going to have to live with Maddux stealing every item of his playbook.
Insisting there's an inside woman involved, (and making Liz want to take a shower since he practically drools all over her), and that there are safe escapes routes for Maddux's crew, Buckley, I have to begrudgingly admit, proves his worth. Well, that is until he does something that alienates me from him forever.
Considering the precariousness of the show's future right now, I firmly resent any visions being handed over to guest stars. Plus, it's all about trapping a dot, which we can easily equate to Maddux. It's not even a good vision.

Speaking of Charlie, I should mention that he arrived a while ago, but since Buckley is doing the adorkable professor's job, he's sort of superfluous.

Okay, so Charlie's all impressed by Buckley, getting all excited about "Heuristic learning."

"Sounds incurable," Buckley snarks. I giggle. Damn him for making me do that; I'm trying to dislike him! He also doesn't help by snacking on the hostages' food while ordering caffeinated beverages for everyone and picks a chai latte for Liz. Crap. Now not only do I giggle at what he says, but now I want him to order hot drinks for me.
I shall remain resolute. I will dislike Buckley. I'm in good company.
Maddux is back on the phone, and Buckley warns that he's probably just biding his time to burrow out of the exchange. The easiest way for the Fedcake to test this theory is to ask for more time. Well, that's according to Buckley, and considering I read the title of this eppesode, it frustrates me the Fedcakes can't have a meta moment to know what I know.

Doing exactly what Buckley says, just ingratiates the ingrate to the Fedcakes. Instead, it should've done the exact opposite. Okay, so searching underground wasn't entirely a bad idea, particularly because of what this adds to the show.

IHOF: It's Alan! Oh yes, Alan may always be the font of all things wise and wonderful, but he's not usually so directly useful to the case. He has all sorts of plans to offer.
Hostage Site: Alan's sent along all of his plans, just as Amita pops up via webcam to give Buckley a chance to hit on another woman who would be repulsed by his advances.

Remember what I said earlier about meta? Yeah, well, Buckley seems to have latched onto that one because guess where he had a scholarship? MIT. Wasn't our beloved midseason replacement that could supposed to take place as MIT? Is this a glimpse through the looking glass at what might have happened?

Now that's a moment I'd highly encourage the FF writers to jump all over.

I should also mention that Buckley recommends Costa Rica for Charmita's honeymoon. I've got to say, that it's got to be a beautiful country if his experience with it is drug-running, yet he still likes it. On the other hand, I can't imagine anything more of a mood-killer than a bride turning to her husband and saying, "Aren't you glad Buckley recommended Costa Rica?" Therefore, I have to side against the Costa Rican honeymoon.
The delivery guys take in the food to the exchange and there's a momentary glare on the door. I mention this not only because that glare is important later, but also because there is enough light on the set to actually cause said glare. That alone has got to be worth a mention.

Alan and Nikki chime in via video conference to provide an unfortunate red herring: the easy access to the sewers from the exchange. Just as Don's thanking Alan, Buckley gets all snarky about the number of Eppes men in the FBI.

"Actually, I'm an urban planner," Alan replies, "But I have an FBI file." Oh, continuity gods, you do love this show.

Buckley goes from hilariously meta, to NPAL™. Like we couldn't predict, from the sheer volume this guy talks, that he would earn this week's NPAL™. "Next, you're going to tell me you have another member of the family who's an astronomer sending you satellite images." Yeah, that was a clunker of a line.

Now that the Fedcakes have all they need, like the plan, the location of the bombs, and enough meta to last them until doomsday which is in a little over 2 years, right?, Buckley goes back to saying clever things with a double meaning. Don's supposed to give Maddux a message, once the hostage taker is caught: no one uses Buckley's plan and gets away with it unless your name is Buckley.

And, on the way out the door, he hits on Liz again.
As the Fedcakes prepare for entry, Charlie reassures Buckley that Don hates him. Hee!

A bunch of things happen at once:

1) The Fedcakes find that only hostages are left in the exchange. Hostages were dressed up as the criminals as a decoy.
2) Buckley is taken into custody by a criminal pretending to take him into custody, only to be shot and abducted by the officer and two other men dressed as delivery guys. Guess the tip sucked. I'll let you know when I work up some concern for Buckley's well being.

3) Charlie responds to the shooting and violence the way he always does, hides. Whether it be physically, or emotionally, Charlie's got a record of retreating from violence.
4) The criminals steal the command truck. Oh, that's so not going to look good on Don's service record.

After the commercial we find out that through the use of duplicate delivery uniforms, mirrors, and light (since light would be an excellent weapon considering the last two seasons of lighting on this show) the criminals were able to switch places and escape.
IHOF: Nothing's been taken from the exchange, other than Buckley, which to Don, smells like Buckley trying to escape. I'm trying not to think too hard about what eau de Buckley would be like.

Despite Don's gut telling him that Buckley engineered the whole thing, Charlie's math says otherwise. That looking-glass allusion I made earlier just keeps getting more and more appropriate.

Before I think we've fallen too far down the rabbit hole, Nikki distracts us with the inside woman, one Lola Sacco, who David recognizes as Miss Morro Bay 2005 (drink!). David knows pageants? Awkward.
"The promote world peace," is David's eventual answer. Hee! Yes, but the question for me is, do they also promote ponies and shoutouts?

Security Company: I guess I should've included the information that Lola's responsible for the security cameras at the exchange. Her company still holds the contract, well, at least until the end of this eppesode.

I instantaneously do not like Miss Morro Bay 2005. (Oh yes, and do I sense a meta-moment with that title there?) She's way too glib considering one of the contracts, and group of security cameras she's responsible for, got hacked. You'd think she'd a) know and b) be more concerned.
Thus when she passes off the David and Nikki to her cubicle mate, Gil Harkness, as because she recognizes Maddux as his boyfriend, I'm suspicious. Characters with the last name of Harkness having boyfriends? Never, ever seen that before.
Harkness had a fling with Maddux for two weeks, and clearly wasn't that attached to him. That's good, as it saves Nikki and David trying to explain how, in the middle of a hostage situation, Maddux sounded like he was hitting on Don. Not that I blame Maddux. One's got to take rare opportunities like that whenever they're presented.

Unlike the other Harkness I knew and loved until I was traumatized over the summer, this one can die, and since he wished to avoid that, he gave Maddux all the information and access to the exchange that he wanted.

IHOF: Don's gut is creaming that something is wrong. No, it's not the nervous tick he has of checking his watch, it's the feeling he gets when he knows the whole story isn't true: watching and rewatching video. This time,it's video from "Jacked" when Buckley's screaming about how he's really the one in control. Wow, wasn't that nice of him to foreshadow a whole year earlier.

Speak of the devil, and the devil calls, from the trunk of a car. The devil also tries to convince Don that he had absolutely nothing to do with the exchange hostage situation. I'm proud that Don holds steadfast in his disbelief.
That is, until Don fades under Buckley's persuasion, and becomes concerned the little creep will wind up as roadside litter. Come on, Don, be like me and don't care!

Nope, instead Charlie has to get in on the action, except he can't because Maddux's phone is cloned. For me, the real question is, why doesn't Maddux notice his expensive phone is missing? Could that be because the guy using it, is in on everything?

Now, Charlie's got to figure out the best route criminals could take that would avoid law enforcement, like police stations, and, as Buckley chimes in, doughnut shops. Oh, Buckley, sometimes you're so hilarious, and others you're such a judgmental ass.

In order to help himself be found, Buckley gives Charlie some landmarks, all of which are common, and, well, a flat out lie.
Oh, and now the battery runs out, the classic cell-phone lie and yet everyone believes it!

Sticking a bloody bandage out the window, Buckley's last words are dramatically cut off by the dying cell phone. Oh, it's drama worthy of a Shakespeare company this Shakespeare company.

Abandoned Lot: Nikki and David, because TPTB seem determined to not let me use the names Artemas and Athena as often as I'd like, are sent to examine the car Buckley was traveling in. What they find inside are the unconscious bodies of Maddux's two henchmen.
They also find the phone and a heck of a lot of blood. It convinces the pair of Fedcakes that Buckley's prediction that he'd be disposed of at the side of the road, is true. I'm not so easily convinced.

IHOF: Snow White admits in interview that he didn't see Maddux kill Buckley. He also comments about how Maddux took Buckley "for a walk." Liz, and my BFFedcake severely disappoint me by not asking the most obvious question.
The plan was to use the exchange to launder the money they made form the bus hijacking. The baddies already had account numbers and passwords to get it done, because of one simple reason. They had a spy.
Later, Charlie's found out what the spy (not Theoriginalspy) planted: a thumb drive in a camera that was attached to a something that could read all the passwords off the camera data. Charlie compares the technology to reading braille.
There's just one small glitch in Maddux's plan. Since he didn't take the technology out of the camera, Charlie will be able to find out exactly where and how the money was laundered. Oops.

As Charmita needs time to decipher where the money went, they have time to discuss where they should honeymoon. You know, anything suggested by a career criminal, would be a bad idea. Come to think of it, there aren't a lot of people on this show from whom vacation advice.

For instance, unless one wished to camp, Edgerton would be a back person to ask. Also, Larry probably couldn't make up his mind about what to recommend, while Rosencrantz and Guildenstern would bicker and/or wager about their choices. And don't date much. Don may be one half of my OTP, but since that's his only long-term functioning relationship in the show, and even it has issues, I'm betting Don's not a good choice either. Alan would simply recommend that they go to the nearest hotel to give him grandchildren, ASAP. Nikki -- well, I wouldn't ask Nikki.

Maybe, perhaps, Liz is the only hope?

As for Charlie, considering he dismisses Costa Rica for rain and scorpions, he's not one to pick a honeymoon destination.

Don doesn't help. He only knows about the scorpions. There's only one conclusion I can draw from this.
Luckily, Charmita's found where there money trail ends, thus letting all discussion of a honeymoon go by the wayside. As for the money, it ended where it began, but just in a different form, diamonds. Now, who would be keen to pick up the diamonds?

Exchange: Why, look, it's Miss Morro Bay 2005! And looky there, it's Maddux too!
And now we have two other important people on the scene.
The inside of Lola's bag looks like Edward Cullen's chest: sparkly.

IHOF: Maddux tells David and Liz what the title of this eppesode did: it was all a con job, with the word con holding a couple of different meanings. He's also not too happy about getting screwed over by Buckley, and, conveniently, Buckley's the only one not in custody yet he's the one who started off this eppesode in prison. The Fedcakes, and Maddux, are not amused.
Lola's also feeling betrayed, but unlike Maddux, she never saw it coming. Although, she was trying to cut Buckley out of the deal, but Buckley saw through her: and had 240000 skimmed off the original 16 million, in the form of a transaction fee, to use as a nest egg on the run.

Blah, blah, blah, woman scorned, Lola gives up Buckley's location, Hotel St. Eve, room 301.

Hotel St. Eve: Don and David bust in, guns drawn and I want to whack my head into a wall several times. A few weeks ago, this same pair didn't understand the concept of pwned and now Buckley's given them an IRL example. The only thing in the room is soggy take out, and a message on the computer, which I believe translates to na-na-na-na-boo boo, or, to be more technical.
La Maison d'Eppes: The take out is very soggy, as Alan points out, and even I'll try to make things better by adding at least the only criminal to get away was the one least likely to kill anyone.

Wait, that probably didn't help, did it?

As Charlie's trying to see if there's some hidden message or data on the laptop, a web call comes in, causing the entire Eppes family to crowd around the computer. It's painfully obvious what Don's thinking.
Hey, Buckley's not gone to Costa Rica at all! Instead, he's in front of a green screen in Leichtenstein! He likes the banking laws, and, as I've pointed out before, it's a fun word to say.

Going all meta, Buckley waxes poetic on how He and Don could've been friends, really, I'm so shocked but are stuck on opposite sides, like Sam and Ralph from Looney Tunes. Thus, Buckley, who isn't worried about making more money, leaves Don an open invite to join him for skiing and a beer.

Thus, we leave with everything unresolved. It's like that moment at the end of the cartoon, just as Sam is about to do away with Ralph, and the whistle signifying the end of the day blows, saving Ralph from actually dying -- as opposed to falling off a cliff or something equally as cartoonish. Therefore, I'd like to offer my opinion of what may happen the next time Buckley, the over-engineering mastermind, and Don, the dogged Fedcake, meet.

You can find that opinion, here.

Instacap: Numb3rs: Con Job: (Eppesode 609)

Out of all eppesodes, "Jacked" needed the sequel?

Alan, you old dog.

Hey we've got Liz and Amita!

Okay, it's not exactly a jewellery store. Does Buckley ever get anything completely right?

Okay, Buckley deleted all the man's porn -- in prison? Bad, bad plan.

Charmita is way too excited about the man in the middle attack.

Buckley, Liz will kill you. In fact, after that handcuff crack, she should kill you.

Yeah, well, I want a shout out, world peace and a pony, Buckley. We all have to live with disappointment.

No fair! Buckley got his ice cream!

Okay, apparently Liz agrees with me that Buckley's full of shit.

Liz, punch Buckley, please.

Why does Buckley get a Buckley-vision?

Aya Sumika is so pretty. I might have to hate her more.

Charmita, never, ever, take Buckley's advice.

Oh, continuity and Alan's FBI file. I love you.

I'm starting to think that Fisher Stevens was given carte blanche to do whatever he wanted.

Okay, so the person I wanted to shoot Buckley didn't shoot Buckley, and someone else did. That wasn't exactly how I wanted it to happen.

Dude, even I saw that coming!

Bright light used on Numb3rs! OMG!

Smells like Buckley? I don't want to know what that is.

Yes, David watches pageants because of the world peace aspect. Yeah. Sure.

I wonder, how did Don know that it was you, Buckley? Geez.

Traditional cop and doughnut joke. Not overly original there.

You had a spy, well, not theoriginalspy!

Costa Rica and scorpions, I'm sure that's on their travel brochures.

There has to be some twist coming up here.

Oh, Buckley, you are funny.

Buckley's in Liechtenstein? Hee! That's a fun word to say

Goodnight Sam. Goodnight Ralph.

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Ultimatum (Eppesode 608)

Recapper's Repetitive Reminder: Have you sent your letter to CBS? Did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have its star meter rating go up? (According to inside sources, CBS actually pays attention to that.) Finally, have you signed the petition? I do believe that there may be a consensus coming shortly as to what else we can do -- and I'll post about it as soon as it's settled. (Please note that I have nothing to do with said consensus; I'll just be posting it.)

Before I begin, let me shamelessly gush (me, shameless, no!). I love Edgerton. By far, he is my favourite male guest star on the series. (Not that my favourite female guest star is that much of a mystery.) thus, when I finally saw the preview for this eppesode (because Global TV hates me), I was not amused. I was trying to come up with a way to describe my trepidation as to what was about to occur, but them, I remembered, that something like this has been done to us before.

This gave me an idea. I wonder just how many parallels there are between this eppesode and the whole Colby's a spy (not Theoriginalspy) storyline? Let's find out, shall we?

Of course, there are a few different elements between the stories. First and foremost, I never thought Edgerton was a moron of the highest degree. For two seasons, I thought Colby was strictly eye-candy because he didn't have a damn thing between his ears. Also, Edgerton doesn't lie to the Fedcakes, well, continuously lie to the Fedcakes for two seasons. Finally, Edgerton doesn't spend any time running around in tight clothing, which I can attest, having actually watched I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here, because LDP was in it, is a damn shame.

I'm guessing I'm not the only one who thought so, as this season's clearly sensitive grid, went out and got a bit tipsy in despair of the opportunities lost.
IHOF/Street: We get a mix of Charlie and Don teaching a class of feds (not Fedcakes) all about pursuit evasion and how best to catch someone. Hmm, I wonder why Edgerton isn't teaching this class? What about Billy Cooper? Now that I'm on the subject, wouldn't a class taught by Don, Edgerton, and Billy Cooper on how to pursue a fugitive be the best class ever? It wouldn't have to be mandatory for almost all the female (and some of the male) agents. People would be crawling over themselves to attend.
Anyway, apparently, it's all about -- hey, look, there's one Fedcake, Nikki -- behaving like fish, snakes, eagles. If one doesn't pay attention to the other, or gets too focused in the hunt, the snake might become lunch. Now, as I recall the whole pursuit thing, it was a dog chasing a cat chasing a mouse, which is an analogy I prefer. Why? It took me a long time to figure out the way to describe the analogy of the snake, without making it sound dirty. Okay, so perhaps not everyone has the sense of humour of a 12 year-old but you try finding a way to describe a snake and fish without snickering, a little!

Essentially, the whole class is about knowing who it is that you're chasing, so you can control the game of Pursuit Pong. It's a important lesson Don puts into action in this eppesode.

So, while the class is being taught, the best of all man hunters, Edgerton, has just trapped one lowly informant and I managed not to include a snake a fish joke. At first, the informant doesn't want to say anything about what is to become a vital, yet almost entirely unseen character -- Garcia -- until Edgerton reminds him of one very important fact.
Just as Edgerton calls in backup at Wilshire and Bixel I take a moment to reflect how many bloody times this show plans to use the name Bixcel / Bixel in this show and yet still not give me the teeniest of shoutouts!

The CI tries to make a deal: two hours and then he'll have something, and after making sure the CI knows he's dead (as Edgerton should've moved up to third, or perhaps second best shot in the country) if he doesn't deliver, Edgerton lets him go.

Two hours later, the sun arises, and Edgerton falls -- not literally, but since his informant is now dead, and he's surrounded by US Marshals, with only the clue of B17 to go on, definitely metaphorically. Unfortunately, Edgerton doesn't take this too seriously, at first, making some jokes about carrying a gun (not like that) and how the Marshals are morons.
Finally, having enough of the Marshals and their silly arrest games, Edgerton drops Don's name, only to bring out our first parallel between this eppesode and the Colby's a spy (not Theoriginalspy) arc.
Title Flash.

Prison: Edgerton's a little offended, and by little I mean seriously pissed, that he's in prison and not in a detention centre. There's also the little problem of the many, many people Edgerton has captured over the years. As much faith as I have in Edgerton, I don't think he'd have much of a chance if he was released amongst the general population. People might get dead. (Please note I didn't say which people.)
Marshal Thompson even hopes that Edgerton will have time to catch up with his old, um, for lack of a batter word, catches. Wow, I wonder what this douchebag is implying? This just makes me hate the marshal. It doesn't matter what the man says now, I'm going to assume he's wrong.

I'm glad I made that decision, as it's Thompson who accuses Edgerton of helping a drug kingpin, Salazar run a heroine ring, even though Edgerton arrested the man years ago. He then goes on to say Edgerton's allowed Salazar's people to roam free, all the while collecting a nice, fat, 500 grand payday. According to Thompson, the CI was killed because he was going to rat out Edgerton. Of course, because I loathe Thompson, and the writers were kind enough to make sure he gave all the vilifying exposition, there's only one correct response for me here.
Completely content with my theory of the case, I feel smug as anything, until the previously almost silent Don adds some of his own evidence: Edgerton's bloody knife. No, Don! As long as you stayed out of it, and let Thompson do all the talking, I could choose to believe Edgerton was innocent. Why are you adding to my moral conundrum.

Things get worse for Edgerton, and my ability to ever watch Edgerton Eppesodes the same way, when we get the worst explanation of how Edgerton's knife became the murder weapon: someone stole it from his apartment. Hello? Edgerton, come on, you can track a man in the middle of the mountains, (okay, quite a few men) make some seriously impressive shots and yet doesn't have his apartment protected from theft? How long was the knife missing? Wouldn't he have noticed if a dust particle had been moved in his place?

With far more patience than I ever would have shown, Edgerton tries to explain that he's still a good guy. He's tried to take down Salazar through the kingpin's bookkeeper, Garcia.
Even though Garcia, according to Thompson, escaped from prison (therefore, he must be wrong) that's what Edgerton thinks B17 stands for -- Garcia's location in the prison. Apparently, a little paper/plastic bracelet is the prison's foolproof system to keep track of prisoners. Yeah, there wouldn't be a way around that like taking it off?

Because arguing with Thompson is pointless, he turns to Don, clearly playing on both their mutual respect, personally and professionally, by asking, "Have you ever known my instincts to be wrong?"
Don says nothing. I have the sudden urge to slap him silly and I would if a) he wasn't fictional or b) he wouldn't kick my ass.

Don may be taking this arrest and assumption of guilt with his usual stoic angsty silence, but Edgerton isn't. Within 6 seconds (yes, I checked) of leaving the chief Fedcake to stew in his own man-angst, Edgerton's disabled both marshals escorting him, including threatening to use his handcuffs as a garrote on Thompson, and escaped.

Unaware of what's happening, Don and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern discuss how little of a social life Edgerton has. Obviously, as we learned last week, Nikki's taste in men has taken a sudden drop.
Finally, Don expresses some disbelief in the crime's events. I mean, come on, if Edgerton were going to kill someone we'd probably never find the murder weapon, or the body. Hell, we might not even know the victim was missing for the better part of a decade.

The alarms blare, causing a commotion, and some nice views of running Fedcakes -- only to have a great moment of schadenfreude, when they find Thompson and the other marshal handcuffed behind bars. Ha! (With the meanest possible connotation.)

With guns drawn, (WTF -- are they going to shoot their long time compatriot and truly awesome guest star?!) the Fedcakes head up to the roof, only to find no trace of the missing bastard son of Clint Eastwood and Yoda. Is it bad I'm rather pleased by this?

Don takes charge of the situation, wanting the security camera footage, the escape routes, and B17. Sure, these are all very, very rational things for an experienced fugitive recover agent, like Don, to take, but it's David's dismissal of another concept that I find the most believable, given that it is Edgerton they're looking for.
Inside, all they see on the footage is Edgerton running towards the roof and, like Keyser Soze, like that -- he's gone. Of course, my BFFedcake is right in saying that if Edgerton wants to get lost, he'll stay lost. Although, "lost" is probably the wrong term as we all know Edgerton cannot be lost. He's too cool like that.

Marshal Janet Galvin disagrees. She figures Edgerton, with all his loner like ways, and seeing the bad guys live the high life, has flipped to the dark side. I think I could easily refute that point.
Galvin uses the analogy of eating cheeseburgers and wanting fillet, leading to what has to be David's best line this season, "Well, he's more of a venison man and he likes to kill his own dinner." Hee!

Thinking they have control of the situation, the marshals take over, because the Fedcakes are too close to things. Oh, marshals, you just think you have control.

Cal Sci: Charlie and Nikki are watching the news report on Edgerton, both, in their own way, stunned with disbelief. Now this is the type of behaviour I was expecting from Don, because I thought he'd worked out a good part of his trust issues.
From their experiences, which, I assume, are vastly different, both Nikki and Charlie do not see Edgerton as the crazy-killing type. He's more of the calm-killing type.

Nikki wonders if the snake and fish analogy would be appropriate, and I will still argue the dog chasing the cat chasing the mouse theory. Why? It's a similar situation, even though Charlie doesn't make the connection. All he talks about is how irrational people can be when they think they've been wronged. Like Crystal Hoyle didn't think she'd been wronged.

Instead, he gives us the analogy of the Ultimatum game, giving us the title of the eppesode and telling us why we should never, ever, split the check with Nikki. Giving her 100, Charlie only gets back 30, arguing that unless he gets his fair share (which, would be all of it, wouldn't it, since it is Charlie's money) he's going to refuse it. This means neither person gets the money (except Charlie, as it goes back into his wallet). I firmly believe my comparison to Crystal Hoyle, and another type of pursuit, makes way more sense.
We head into commercial break with Nikki thinking Edgerton's out to punish someone, and, at that same moment, we get a good look at who Ian might be wanting to punish.
Prison: Colby and Don are searching the prison rooftop but cannot find evidence of a live Edgerton to a splatted on the ground Edgerton, making the invisible theory a lot more plausible.

Ug, Galvin could take a flying leap off the roof, and I wouldn't care. She's all bitchy about the Fedcakes crossing over the crime scene tape, when there's a really good reason they wouldn't have seen it.
Despite the lighting disadvantage, the Fedcakes still manage to find the small rooftop access way Edgerton used. Well, take that Galvin and shove it!

In the prison, Nikki and David are working in the more standard lighting conditions, which might be an advantage, when David asks Nikki how all this is "sitting" with her. I don't care that he backtracks two seconds later, claiming it was a professional question. He totally meant something else.
David, you know it takes a lot for me to disagree with you, but this time, buddy, you did cross over a line. Don't try to make up for it by trying to justify Edgerton's work with the baddest of CIs and then listening to Nikki's far more plausible theory that when one grows up and works with bad guys, one knows bad guys.

In one small break room that leads off of the air vent, Colby and Don hear some strange rattling. I feel like we've just walked into a horror movie, because I'm expecting Edgerton to jump out of freaking nowhere and scare the crap out of me. Luckily, all that Colby finds in the vent is a rustling potato chip bag. I take a sigh of relief, not even caring, initially to ask the question of how a potato chip bag winds up in the air vent.
Now we have another parallel between this eppesode and the Colby's a spy (not Theoriginalspy) arc.
We have a standoff and there's even a moment of dark humour when Edgerton scoffs at Galvin's ability to shoot. Edgerton says to Don, "You know what I'm capable of," a line with all sorts of layers within layers, being delivered in a chariot of enigmatic coolness. Having now seen this eppesode several times, I've come to the conclusion that this is the most important line in the story.

The Marshals finally realize they are lesser than the Fedcakes and follow Don's orders not to give Colby some ventilation in order to get Edgerton. Sure, they put up a brief pissing contest in the hall, but we all know the Fedcakes are the ones best suited to taking command. Between Don's gut, Nikki's belief, David's talking, and Colby's freakishly absent fear of death, they just need one more thing.

David's confused as to why his partner, and best date ever, isn't safe. He knows Don can make the kill shot. I'm going to translate Don's answer from the actual text, to the more truthful subtext.
Inside the break room, Edgerton's committing his second crime of the eppesode (the first being the escape), destruction of government property, by tearing apart the toaster's electrical cord, to electrify the doorknobs. I know I should be shocked (pun intended) but I'm both amused, and impressed at the MacGyver moves.

What I'm not impressed with is how Colby tries to talk Edgerton down. First of all, we all know that it's David with the silver tongue in that partnership. Secondly, Colby tries to dismiss Edgerton's behaviour as sort of crazy, when we all know, Edgerton included, that Colby suffered from a serious case of hero-worship. Pretending to be all blase now is like advertising that he's playing Edgerton.

We do get some great little details about Edgerton's character, like he's been involved in 57 hostage situations, and has had to clean his gun 16 times. Sure, Colby tries to remind Edgerton that this means there's a good possibility that the sniper will die, but Colby's missing one really important detail.
Oh Colby, now is not the time to be making jokes about Ian being in jail. *headdesk*

In the base of operations, Nikki adds another interesting character quirk to Edgerton's arsenal, that he will get depressed when not on a hunt. Oh, that's a bit more serious, and way more interesting, character-wise than the MacGyvering or the number of times he's killed hostage takers.

I love Ian's demands for the release of Colby: air-escape at LAX and a Beatles reunion. He thinks it's perfectly fair because there's only Paul and Ringo left.
David's answer is pretty clear.
In reality, what Edgerton wants is Charlie (not like that) on a video feed (still not like that) in 20 minutes. That's 13 minutes more than Charlie was given in "The Janus List," yet an interesting parallel, just the same.

OMG, the Edgerton development just keeps coming, as he actually sounds sheepish when talking to Nikki on the phone. Smart move, David, passing off the phone to the woman Edgerton was extremely flirtatious with last season. Bravo!

It even gives us this week's NPAL™, in the form of Edgerton's reason he stopped calling. "Yeah, uh, Fugitive hunt in the Abajo Mountains. Cell service really sucked." This is followed by an even more awkward long pause.
When Nikki switches over from the honest conversation to more tactical hostage negotiator, Edgerton turns on her. He would like to be trusted, but then again, handcuffing Colby to a post and holding him hostage is a sure way to earn David's ire.

On the other hand, everyone's pretty much agreed he's guilty, so Edgerton doesn't have anything left to lose.

IHOF/Prison: Instead of taking Charlie to the prison, where he might be in danger, causing the gnashing of teeth and wails from fangirls everywhere, Don's brought him to the IHOF, and done a quick review of the rules in these types of situations. After all these years, I think Charlie wouldn't need the review.

Now that Edgerton has his first demand met, he's willing to let everyone see Colby's all right. Watching Charlie try to make casual conversation with Edgerton is this situation is hilarious.
So, in another parallel, just like when Colby turned to Charlie, Ian does the same thing. He lays out the problem for Charlie: Find one, incorrectly banded prisoner, amongst 6000 others. It's the same point he was trying to get across to Don (and he makes it more dramatic by showing how quickly cheap paper/plastic comes off) and reminds Charlie how important it is to figure out the problem.
What I find interesting, is how Edgerton distances himself from what he's threatening to do. He uses phrases like Colby's "counting" on Charlie or how things will get "messy." Even during the standoff, he only points out what he's capable of, and says the Fedcakes or the marshals will be the one to kill Colby. Again, he's talking around things, just like Colby did, before he was tortured by Batman.

The video "evidence" of Garcia's escape is quickly discounted, because the supposed escapee is using the wrong hand. Thus, the only three people who have doubts about Edgerton: Nikki, Don, and Charlie, now have to work together to figure out what's really going on, and when the hell the marshals didn't pick up something so blatantly obvious.
As Charlie goes on about how to limit the number of people Garcia's had contact with, I wonder, I know all about budget cuts and CBS's dumbassery and disrespect towards the little midseason replacement that could, but, for once, I really feel like we're missing something when an actor isn't included. Considering how much Edgerton had to do with saving Amita's life, you think she'd be all over this case, spearheading the Edgerton is innocent brigade.

Yes, I just said I'm really, really missing Amita. I'll repeat it too, to anyone who may express disbelief.

AHHHHHHHHH! The pain! The horror! the horror! Please, please don't make me recap this Charlie-vision. Please. I beg of you. Don't make me talk about how Survivor is like prison, unless I get to make sweeping generalizations about the people who go on Survivor having the moral worth of criminals.
So, now Charlie has to figure out with whom Garcia made alliances, in order to switch identities. Now, I will never, ever, mention Survivor again.

Prison: Edgerton is fortifying the break room, before getting sustenance in a unique, television honoured way.
Edgerton, who could probably live inthe forest for weeks without any supplies, rejects the vending-machine food for being stale. Well, I guess when you kill you dinner just prior to eating it, anything would seem stale after that.

Finally, Edgerton appeals to Colby (not like that) about why he was picked as the hostage; Colby knows what it's like. Even David thought Colby was guilty of being a spy (not Theoriginalspy).

"This is nothing like what I went through." Excuse me Colby, with the distrust of the Fedcakes -- even David -- and having to do something drastic in order to prove one's innocence because the only witness was dead, means I have to rewrite your line.
Colby then threatens Edgerton, and unlike most of Edgerton's lines, he doesn't dance around esactly what he's going to do. That is, not that he could dance around being handcuffed to a pole, but, you get the point.

IHOF: Nikki's found a bunch of oddly rescinded orders that would've transferred Garcia to a nother prison, and she's found out she's not the only one with serious doubts about Edgerton's guilt. In fact, Don's not as concerned about Colby, as say, David (for a whole bunch of reasons you can deduce for yourselves).

What I find strange is all the people with doubts, are at the IHOF, meanwhile, all the people would like to have Edgerton shot in the head, are at the prison. I would rather it be the other way around.

In fact, Don seems so not worried about Colby, that he's yet to don his one unconscious action to give away his nerves: check his watch.
Prison: Oh, look, Galvin's so anxious to disprove the lousy shot implication from earlier, that she's not going to wait around "while your boy wonder plays with his abacus." Hey, first of all, Charlie wouldn't euphemistically play with his "abacus" with all this going on and second, Charlie wouldn't need a literal abacus. It's at this moment I peg Galvin as the bad guy. Thompson's just an arrogant ass, but being completely dismissive of Charlie's math and insisting on moving ahead, is a great indication of evilness, in this series.
So Galvin and her team try to get a camera inside, but she winds up with a bit of a shock when she touches the door handle. Sure, Colby's appalled at Edgerton's amusement at this, but I'm firmly on Edgerton's side. Besides the pun on Galvin being galvanized, just tickles my bad-pun part of the brain.
As if to prove he's not as evil as Colby believes, Edgerton finally fives the beefcake Fedcake a chair, and tries to convince them they're alike. This eventually leads into a discussion on Dragnet, and how Edgerton liked the beginning, and the allure of LA law enforcement, whereas, Colby liked the end, when the criminal got his or her sentence. Please, Colby, to give you a like situation -- that's like being a Don fangirl or a Charlie fangirl. The point is you still like the same show. By definition, that would be a similarity.

Edgerton almost weakens, and almost deigns to explain himself to Colby, by commenting that not only will Charlie come through for him, but also how Colby doesn't have all the fact. You can see it, Edgerton wants Colby's understanding, but I am so happy he doesn't go there, as that would mean Edgerton would never quite be the same. He's as connected to the Fedcakes as he is to anyone, but any more than that would be outside anything the character's given us before. That wouldn't be character development; that would be a character 180.

Instead, Edgerton discusses how catchphrases that never were, like "Just the facts, ma'am" come to be taken as fact, because people repeat the lie often enough. It gets the same point across without being so mushy, I'd wonder who has taken possession of Edgerton's body.
IHOF: Don is going through hours of prison footage and Charlie's narrowed down the people Garcia could've switched bracelets with to 53. As there's a difference between mathematical probability, and human possibility, Don quickly eliminates the a few based on human reasons -- like not wanting one's kids to get all deadified.

Now we get of an Eppes brother love fest (not like that, never, ever like that in my recaps), as each is impressed with the other's ability to think clearly. Don can still assess criminals and Charlie can figure out the square root of 2007, despite the fact a friend of theirs could be shot in the head, at any moment.

Don's professional side and personal side are at war in his head. The professional side is chastising him, as he should've killed Ian, but the personal side says he can't sacrifice a friend like that. Charlie likens this to what happened to Oppenheimer, but, considering how his career ended, I'm hoping this isn't foreshadowing for Don.
Prison: Thompson's all angry about the slight frying of Galvin and wants to take action, but, as charlie usually does, he arrives / calls / sends smoke signals, with some breakthrough allowing for a less bloody solution. In this specific case, Charlie calls, having narrowed down the list of potential candidates to 7 -- a more than reasonable number, even for the trigger happy marshals.

Cue a montage of inmate matching. Finally, the last name, Matthew Nunn, turns up a lead -- as the prisoner is at the courthouse.

Courthouse: Wait, that's not Matthew Nunn! That's Tank!
It turns out tank isn't who his bracelet says he is, and there have been multiple switches along he way. Like we couldn't see that coming. If you're going to switch once, why not half a dozen times to prevent being found?

Prison: Ian does not take kindly to Garcia not being found and promises to hurt "this man" and when Thompson suggests Ian might be losing it, somewhere, in the back of my head, I start to agree with him. Thus, David turns to Galvin and Thompson for a solution and that solution is explosives. Unlike Mythbusters, where explosions are always a good thing, this time, not so much.

IHOF: Nikki and Charlie have found footage of Garcia coming back to the prison from the courthouse, but don't know where he would be. Now, after eliminating most of the 600 prisoners, to 7, they're back up to 6000.

Or, of course, not, as we're back to Pursuit Pong -- but his time, instead of the snake and the fish or he dog chasing the cat chasing he mouse, it's now time to think like a kid playing hide and seek. Where would the safest places be in a prison?
Prison: Considering Edgerton was arrested in the morning, and now it's night, either the original time limits are wonky, California has discovered the oddest way for daylight savings, or Colby has the strongest bladder in history. Perhaps it's all three.

Since the whole Dragnet discussion didn't lead to bonding, Colby takes a whole other roue and starts talking about how he and his friend beat up a neighbourhood bully as a kid, and instead of congratulating him from ending the terror of other bullied kids, Colby's dad responded by beating up Colby. The moral here, "It's better to fail with honour than win by cheating."

Um, that's not exactly the moral I see here. To teach our kid not to beat people up, or gang up on people, by beating the kid up? This does not equal good parenting to me.
Ian wonders if all this is Colby's way of saying he should just go to court, instead of say, getting shot in the head by trigger happy marshals but Ian's not done making his arguments. He's saved his best one until now, and it's one that, if he'd used it back in the office at the beginning of this episode, perhaps none of this would've occurred.

What is this brilliant argument that would've prevented all these disastrous events?
While that would totally have averted any mortal peril, it also explains why Edgerton is such a hermit. Really, you know what my idea of a five star hotel is -- it's a five star hotel. I wouldn't scoff at such a thing. On the other hand, that does mean that if I'm ever caught with 500 thousand dollars, I can't argue that I wouldn't have ways to use it.

I'm also a little surprised that Edgerton's so offended by Colby not considering that before. Usually, I would take pot shots at Colby because, let's face it, he may not be the blithering idiot I once thought he was, but he can get himself into some ridiculous situations. This time, I'm feeling a bit more sympathy for him.
IHOF: Team We-don't-totally-believe-Edgerton's-a-nutjob is still working hard and has now recruited David, since there's evidence that Frank Thompson might be involved. Apparently, every time Garcia was supposed to be transferred, he rescinded the order.

Prison: When confronted with this evidence, Thompson tosses back some really weird logic, about David not knowing what it's like to work in a prison. Um, okay, there's the point that no one can really understand a person until they've crawled into someone's skin and walked around in it, but since we learned this all from Atticus Finch, perhaps Thompson might try answering the question.
Even the answer is a bit odd, because, somehow, this is all a part of Salazar's plan to expand his business. I'm still not sure how this works as I don't think minimum security prisons are filled with people who want to get into bed with someone like Salazar. Also, if Salazar may be trying to kill Garcia, wouldn't it then be logical that Garcia would be less than willing to expand Salazar's business?

Just as Thompson and Galvin head off to play at being heroes, Charlie's phone call is just a little too late to stop them. He's learned that Garcia is hiding out in the maximum security wing.

So there's only one thing to do -- warn the par about to be at the centre of the explosion, but in such a ways as to not tip off any marshals about the warning. How is this done? It's done through a code, a safe word (not like that).

While the marshals are putting together the explosives, David offers Colby and Ian some Italian, or Mexican food. Oh continuity gods, I love the fact that you seem to favour Numb3rs, and their safe word, Mexico.

Ian finally put his trust where it should've been all along, and confides to Colby about his plan. Just like I thought, Edgerton totally could've taken on all the marshals at the beginning, and ran, but no, he let himself be arrested. If he'd run, no one would've trusted him, and he's sure that Thompson's working for Salazar. Now, I'm going to point something out, but before I do I would like to say two things. 1) Edgerton, I still love you. 2) Please, please don't hurt me for what I'm about to say.
Colby reciprocates the trust and joins Team We-don't-totally-believe-Edgerton's-a-nutjob, because it's not until he and Ian deduce that there must be a marshal in on it with Salazar, does Colby warn the object of his idol worship, that something is about to go kaboom!

We get the music of "When This is Through" by Rotor Jambecks, and trust me, that took freaking forever to find. (Freaking forever a phrase which here means 3 hours -- well, 3 hours with breaks to play various silly games on Facebook and faff off on Twitter.) It's a strange little bluesy tune that's got quite dark edge to it, and is fairly appropriate since the marshals want Ian dead, the Fedcakes have only a few minutes to find the missing Garcia and stop his murder, and I wonder if Numb3rs is really going to go there and give CBS one big massive screw you by killing off one its most popular guest characters. Considering what Charlie said earlier about people and revenge, if I were in charge I would consider it. Then again, I'm not very, shall we say tactful or, you know, mature.

While the music plays, several things happen at once.

Showing far more trust that I thought Ian had in him, he uncuffs Colby and hands the gun to him, so that it'll be clear upon the marshals' arrival that the beefcake Fedcake had everything under control.
David has to step in to prove that the Numb3rs PTB are not as petty as I am, and make sure Thompson doesn't accidentally shoot Edgerton. By accidentally, of course, I mean on purpose because Thompson's a douchebag.

Galvin, somehow took off from the raid and made her way down to wing where Garcia is hiding, she even brought her little pet with her, to make sure Garcia can never rat her out.
Don and Nikki run down to the cell where Garcia is hiding.
There's half a second where I think they're not going to make it.
As Nikki cuffs Galvin, the most important person in this eppesode, the one upon which Edgerton risked his life to find, Garcia, doesn't say a damn word.

Okay, LA must be turning at a different speed than the rest of the planet. Sure, most entertainment bloggers would agree with me, but I mean that in a literal sense. Edgerton was arrested in the morning, then took Colby hostage, and demanded things done quickly. Suddenly, it's the middle of the night when the final siege and arrests take place, and now it's morning. I thought the play Macbeth had some screwy timing to it, and if one looks at it historically, it takes place over 17 years. I think this eppesode actually beats that play for wonky timing.

Nikki finally gets a chance to talk with Ian face to face, explaining how Galvin had been in Salazar's employ for two years (would that be two years real time, or this eppesode time?) and is the one that set up the phony loaded account. As for Thompson, he was too much of a moron to see he was being played, which, technically, isn't a crime, but it should be.

She promises he'll be out as son as judge can release him, he asks for a conjugal visit. At first, I'm thinking Nikki's taste has improved from last week's little blip, but instead of laughing off the idea of a conjugal and suggesting something after he's out of that hideous prison orange, she responds, "as soon as they get cell service in the Abajo mountains."

Ouch.

On the other hand, considering the bet she lost, she might not want to cut Ian off so quickly. Re-imagine that whole scenario at the restaurant as Colby espouses the virtues of David, of which there are many, to which Nikki could easily respond:
Don waits as Nikki and Ian part ways. Before being escorted back to where ever they keep prisoners who are about to be released, Edgerton nods at Don, letting us all know that at least there isn't going to be any animosity there. Although, if Ian thinks he's getting off scott-free (pun intended), then he'll learn when David holds onto his fishing lure a lot longer than he kept Colby's. Okay, that was supposed to be a metaphor but only reads as dirty.

In a great line, Nikki tells Don that she'd want him on the "other side of that trigger" if she were ever held hostage.

"You I might let him keep," Don retorts. Hee! Yeah, well, I don't think Edgerton would mind that either. Also, if that means Edgerton has to come back, I don't have a problem with it.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern exit together, with Colby appreciating the fresh air, probably as much as he appreciated a washroom when things were said and done.

Colby's teasing David about his concern for his partner. Now, Colby, don't talk to David that way! David has the right to be concerned.

Okay, in truth, David doesn't want to have to fill out the paperwork or lose his promotion over a dead partner. In David speak, that's pretty much, "I love you, man."

A short time later, Charlie and Don head home, with Don bemoaning how he's always going to bed when everyone else is getting up. Fill in your own inappropriate Don/Robin comment here.
Don acknowledges that Edgerton bet his life on Charlie, and Charlie says vice-versa. While trusting Don isn't overly surprising, it tells us how much Edgerton's grown as a character. It's interesting that for a relationship that started outwith such distrust -- Edgerton sketchy about math and Charlie not believing in guns -- that now Edgerton's willing to risk his life if Charlie's on the other side of the equation, just as Don would be on the other end of a gun.

And really, isnt' that exactly what this show is about?

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Shadow Markets (Eppesode 607)

Important recapper's note: Have you sent your letter to CBS in support of Numb3rs? If not a letter, have you sent a postcard? Have you come up with something more creative, that you plan to send to CBS? (Personally -- sending cupcakes for Fedcakes is the sweetest plan thus far, pun intended -- and far more likely to gain the favour of anyone taking delivery.) Did you go on IMDb and look, or even add to, the Numb3rs page, to have it's star meter rating go up? (According to inside sources, CBS actually pays attention to that.) Finally, have you signed the petition?

If you have any more ideas, please feel free to offer them up!
Hey, it's an opening montage set to the Talking Heads, "Burning Down the House!" Geez, it's been so long since I've heard the Talking Heads on this show. Is it bad that I still miss the original opening credits? I mean, remember the days of Terry and how she just vanished back East, which tends to be a trend of the Fedcake females?

Oh the nostalgia.

Sorry, what is the opening montage about? Nikki and David (because Colby's got this eppesode off, fly fishing, or something) are trying to put a sting into action at a computer conference. I have to be impressed with David's salesmanship. If it weren't for the fact a name like ghostcredit.com should've been an obvious giveaway that it was part of a sting operation, (I would've named it something like zucchinigrowers.org, just to be random) and that David isn't a skeezebag, I would've believed him.

Spoofing the Mastercard ads, David tries to convince various nefarious types to buy stolen credit card numbers. That gives me an idea.
Liz, Don, and Charlie are in the van, observing and waiting for some guy called "The Fist." Charlie deservedly mocks the handle. Anyway, the "The Wussy Punch" is supposedly meeting David during a talk given by Amita. Despite the dumb ass handle, he's responsible for the theft of just about everyone's credit -- yours too.

The other part is about some dude dancing around without a shirt on, while doing, what I assume, is something illegal on the computer. (Not like that! Trust me, once we meet the character -- you'll understand.)
OMG, at one points, he undoes the drawstring on his pants. I avert my eyes in fear.

After the montage is over, it's time for Liz to head inside and for Amita's talk on 3D printing. Apparently, the Fist wants a 3D printer, and after I understand what it does, as demonstrated by Amita printing out a knife from Primacy. Oh, "Primacy," you'll always be remembered as the eppesode that made me rediscover my love for Amita. Sorry, I'm getting sidetracked, as I'd like to point out another use for 3D printers.
Apparently, 3D printing can be used for evil deeds too. Not that my suggestion for what to print earlier, isn't crossing a line. As is selling Kali t-shirts, and drooling all over Amita and her avatar, a little creepy.

There's a problem with the sting, as Alan's also at the conference, with his boss, who is also a woman of exceptional taste because if a person has the last name of Eppes -- she hits on it. She even makes a joke about what a penetration test is. I think, that is, possible, the dirtiest thing ever said on this show.
Probably because Alan's a little distracted by his hot boss, he misses what Charlie is trying to tell him -- that the Fedcakes are about to make an arrest.

Don spots The Fist, but before any arrest can be made, dancing queen from earlier, aka, Augie, exposes the Fedcakes' plan. Wait a minute, they can make an arrest!
Augie actually tries to hit on Nikki, and I'm actually sad she didn't knee him somewhere, by mistake; now that would've been priceless.

The lights flicker. Shots are fired. I have a momentary freak out about Alan.
A car squeals away, and a valet it dead. Talk about completely screwing the Fedcakes' plan there, Augie. Speaking of screwing -- actually, I'll leave out the prison jokes for now.

Title Flash -- never as wonderful as the original credits.

The Fedcakes are rightfully frustrated because, not only were they screwed by Augie, but also The Fist's violent reason means they're behind the 8 ball when it comes to what's really going on.
There's a message on ghostcredit.com saying "U R Pwned" and Charlie has to explain the concept of L33tspeak to the Fedcakes. Come on! The Fedcakes are intelligent people! It's not like one of them hasn't used L33t in a text, or seen it in it's most perverted form, a bloody cat macro!
Don and Charlie have a brief talk about the hot and assertive cougar prowling around their lives.

As the Fedcakes go to beat Augie with a rubber hose -- okay, they wouldn't but I can wish, they actually want to know about what the hell his plan was for exposing the operation. All Augie wanted to do is take over a bunch of card-scamming operations, and prove that he could hack into the FBI. (He didn't intend all of his equipment to cause a power drain, yet, couldn't see that coming.) Well, that's not all of his brilliant plan. The rest will come later.
Upstairs in Augie's room, I'm surprised the hacker doesn't make a comment about Nikki being the first hot woman to ever enter his room. Instead, he wants to continue doing, whatever the hell he was doing to control all the credit card markets.

This brings us to another part of his plan: get himself caught so that he'll be safe from the really, really bad guys. So that part of the plan is slightly smart, but he destroys his safety by asking Nikki if she wants to see his "loft."

Once again, despite all the space they have on the computer screens, I've yet to have my shout out. Come on people! What else to I have to do for my shout out, world peace and pony?

IHOF: David (with the help of Liz) give us all the exposition we need on Augie's crimes. He took over the Fedcake, an Eastern European, a Filipino, and Israeli (who The Fist works for), credit cartels. Well, Augie may have the common sense of a dead squirrel on the road, but at least he doesn't discriminate.

As for what Augie did to actually take over the sites, a Charlie-vision is needed for that. HE compares the DNS on the Internet to the US postal service -- and how easy it is to get mail rerouted.
The problem is, that the cartels he stole from are going to be able to hack Augie back, asap, now that he's under arrest. Thus, we, and the Fedcakes, are stuck with Augie until the end of the eppesode. I don't care what Charlie says about how Augie's only interested in hacking, or how impressive he is as a hacker. It doesn't make him any less annoying.

So the rest of the stupidity of Augie's plan comes to light: he wants to work for the government. He doesn't care if it's DARPA, or the NSA, or any government agency with initials (although it would be bad to put him near the IRS), as long as he's hired. Yes, committing crimes is an excellent way to get hired. It's not like similar cases of criminals being hired are so rare that they make movies out of it. Oh wait, yes it is.

Augie tries to convince Nikki that she needs him (both professionally and personally) and calls her "baby." I have to admire Nikki's restraint. On the other hand, maybe she's thinking something far more devious.
Augie, despite his earlier concerns about his safety, and the dead valet, laughs off any gangs coming to get him. *headdesk* This guy has about the same retention span as my dogs. I wonder if I can get rid of him the same way I distract them? I should try.
In an attempt to get Augie to realize the severity of his crimes, Nikki introduces him to Victim 0. Someone stole her husband's social security number and bank records, sold their house, and killed her husband due to stress. That last one, hacking won't help. Yeah, Augie has about the same foresight as my dogs too, except my dogs are way, way cuter.

La Maison d'Eppes: Alan's opening some wine, and Don's come over to give Amita a lift to the IHOF. On the way in, Don stops for a moment to ponder the mail, which I choose to mean that if mail is heavily featured in this eppesode, that must be what we'll do to show support for our show. There's also some heavy support for mail in this scene.
Don's came himself because he likes driving, which Alan spins into a midlife crisis. I can see how we had to get to that point, as we all saw a midlife crisis coming a mile away. BTW, Alan's midlife-crisis-mobile would have been a 'Vette, if Margaret hadn't talked him out of it.

Off of Don's midlife crisis and onto Alan's slightly-older than midlife crisis. He's the oldest consultant at the software firm, and he wants to impress his boss. Uh, Alan, you were hired to help things become more user-friendly, not to impress the boss by how much you know about computers!

Oh well, whatever opportunity the writers had to take to introduce Kath the Cougar to Don, just so she could hit on Don, is fine with me. It also gives us one of the funnier NPAL^TM winners in a while: "I'm staring down 45 and it's starting to freak me out. So how do you stay fit, circuit training and carrot juice, or just lots of sex?"

I'd say the latter.
IHOF: Augie says the first thing that doesn't make me hate him. Even though he's still arguing that he hasn't really done anything too wrong, he does take down kiddie-porn sites. I'll give him that one.

The fire alarm goes off and I start yelling, "hack!" at my TV, but, yet again, the characters don't listen to me as, Nikki handcuffs Augie to escort him out of the building.

David's sure Augie had something to do with the alarm, as smoke was reported on the Fedcakes' floor. Well, David,you might be jumping the gun there. Considering the collective hotness of the Fedcakes, I'm surprised it hasn't gone off earlier!

As the fire isn't real, Augie doesn't realize that someone might use this distraction, to say, kill him like me. A man pretending to be a medic, pulls a gun, and, if David wasn't so awesome as to be super-quick, would have killed either Augie (which I'm all right with) or my BFFedcake (which I am totally not cool with).

The propulsion from the kill shot, sends the would-be assassin over the bridge, to go splat on the ground. Odd, usually, we get to see Super!Colby or Super!David jump from high places.
After the commercial break, David takes charge of things, which he is perfectly capable of doing without going to Washington. He orders a 2 block perimeter, everybody to stay put and not touch the corpse, choppers and the cops, and for one guy to get the security tapes.
I, on the other hand, would not be as cool as David, and would, as much as it pains me, be behaving much more like Augie: a phrase which here means, going completely bat-shit. It finally dawns on him, the alarm was meant to get him outside so someone he's never met before, can try to kill him.

David and Nikki both recognize the killer's fighting style: Krav Maga. Geez, I wonder who would've been really, really useful in this situation? While that makes me notaligic, it makes David realize the Israelis are out to kill Augie, thus the only safe place for him would be with the marshals. Really? Hasn't witness protection failed before?

Augie tries to express his gratitude for not being dead, by hitting on Nikki -- Nikki passes the credit onto David. Now, if only David had been present for that exchange, we would've had a gold standard for comic relief. Now imagine it if Colby was present as well. You're welcome.

Cal Sci/Fedcakemobile: Amita, because she's so smart, is doing something that allows her to get into Augie's network. Don't ask me to explain any further. Anyway, she gets Don to call Nikki, to get the password, which is jockstrap, in L33tspeak.

He then promptly spells it out, but I know that's for the audience, more than Amita because she speaks L33t. Lucky for Augie, he's telling the truth.
Augie explains his use of the term because he's got the other cartels by the balls. I have another theory.
Thus, Augie keeps hitting on Nikki, by suggesting a hotel instead of jail, and man, her restraint since last season is getting somewhere near a saint's. I would've killed him by now, and I'm anti-violence.
As if to prove my theory, augie confesses to no doing well in testosterone-rich environments and that really, he's a pussy. Okay, so that's my phrasing.

So, Nikki's insistent on Augie going to the marshals, yet Augie doesn't take the hint.

IHOF: David's not only managed to identify the killer -- a disgraced Moussad agent, but also The Fist: Tal Feigenbaum. I would list all the bad things he's done, but I want to make two things clear: 1) he sells weapon, that's enough 2) I'm calling him LLB -- short for Liev Schreiber's Little Brother.

LLB is after a 3D printer, and probably not for the same reason I'd want one.

The problem is that Augie doesn't know LLB from a hole in the wall -- probably the same hole where a bullet would've missed him. Thus, he must have something on LLB, but doesn't know it yet.

Oh yes, let me give some credit to Liz, who is in on this whole pow-wow, and, even in the dark, looks stunning.
Lock-Up: Nikki pays no attention to Augie's final please to stay out of jail. She doesn't completely hate him, since she uses the name William Gates as his cover as opposed to something like, say, Mr. Jacques Strap -- which would've been more appropriate.
I am a little surprised the Marshals have shared cells in protective custody. You'd think protective would mean -- alone. Plus, why put his picture on a computer system. Shouldn't some orders from someone should've said pictures and computers are a no-no.

Cal Sci: Charmita's had no luck in tracking down LLB, yet all the other cartels are trying to hack Augie's aptly names Ooze website (named after what he crawled out of).
After nothing but disappointments, Charlie realizes that perhaps, even though LLB was hacked, there's a back door, in which to enter Augie's site. Okay, I know I'm talking about computers, but I can't help but think that last sentence sounds a bit dirty.

Since Amita's got a lot of work to do, I'm sure now is the time for Charlie to discuss Kath the Cougar. We're only half way through the eppesode and it's been firly established that she's hit on all members of the family Eppes. Where's a cougar going to hunt next?

Lock-Up: Augie's stuck with not one, but two angry cellmates. Sure, they're criminals, but I'd be angry too if I had to share a cell with Augie while listening to his small talk. You know what's creeping me out even more?
In order to not have his tongue ripped out (although I'm all for it) Augie tells his cellmates he can hack bank accounts, but he needs a certain type of old cell phone.

IHOF: Charmita's found all the evidence ever needed to convict LLB, but now they need Augie.

Lock-Up: Who has managed to get his cell phone, hack the marshals and write his own release orders. Considering how easy it was to get contraband in protective custody, I'm pretty sure this isn't the worst idea Augie's ever had.

IHOF; Charlie admires Augie's resourcefulness, but now Don's stuck tracking a weapon's dealer and a douchebag of a hacker.

If ever this was a dog chasing a cat chasing a mouse scenario, this is it, and, Augie resembles a rodent. Nikki arrives with news that Victim 0 just had 100 grand transferred into her account, which is clearly the work of Augie. She also EPICALLY FAILS when Don asks if she has a soft spot for the hacker.
Don passes off the only lead the Fedcakes have for Augie -- an Aunt Rose. If Augie goes anywhere near there, that would, officially, be his dumbest move.

And to think, the NSA wants this guy.

When Nikki leaves, the camera turns so that we can see what Don was really searching for on his computer: a red sports car.

Fedcakemobile: On the way to Aunt Rose's David doesn't let Nikki get away with claiming she doesn't like the guy. Because it is David, and he would be the Fedcake I'd confide in, she admits that Augie makes her laugh. Nikki and I must have completely different senses of humour.

IHOF: In one of the things I love about Numb3rs, is that sometimes the practical has to overtake the complicated cerebral. As Charmita's slaving away trying to find how LLB wants to get at Augie over the internet, Don thinks that LLB might be trying to find the IRL person, through other methods.

I would just like everyone to nice my restraint when it came to listing the other aspects of this show that I love. Not only would it be a long list, I'd have to put a serious, serious rating on this recap. I'm saving those sorts of dirty thoughts for next week's eppesode. No, I'm not spoiling. I will on the other hand, *flail, flail, flail* madly. If you happen to be online on Friday and see a random flailing, that would be me.

So it's in-between high-tech and IRL: as the method of finding one another is IRC. This gives us a chance to have one of the rare Amita-visions, as she compars IRC to drug smuggling in the middle of the ocean.
Hey! When I used IRC, it was more about discussing the merits of teen idols. No, I'm not saying who because the humliation might kill me -- and totally date me.

So Amita sets up an alert if TheFist and Oozemeister enter IRC, Amita will be there to translate L33t. Charlie finds her ability to speak L33t very hot, causing Don to walk out of the room in disgust. Who wants to see his younger sibling get all lovey-dovey with his significant other?

Aunt Rose's: Augie doesn't fail to live down to my expectations. He had been at his aunt's, only to take her money and her laptop, because Aunt Rose is foolish enough to give them to him. She says it's out of love, I wonder if foolishness is a genetic fault.
IHOF: the IRC alert works perfectly, and both TheFist and Oozemeister say they have a surprise for one another. I hope it's not anything that might give me nightmares.

All Augie does is taunt LLB, and Amita translates that Augie's rewriting all his code, which means he has to be in range of the hotel. If the Fedcakes, with only one computer expert can figure this out, why does no one think LLB, a computer expert, can't figure this out?
Well, LLB doesn't have to find Augie, since LLB's surprise was a photo of Aunt Rose with a gun to her head.

Aunt Rose's: Augie arrives first, and promises everything for the release of Aunt Rose, but it's too late for her. At least Augie has the presence of mind to hide by hanging out the window, instead of under the bed, or some other dumb place.

It gives Augie enough time to make a run for it. Obviously, LLB hired his goon from the Stormtrooper school of marksmanship, since he can't hit one man running, alone, on a beach.

LLB takes a shot at David, and I'm starting to wonder if David might ever make it to Washington at the rate this show is trying to kill him. On the other hand, since David will never, ever go to Washington and leave the Fedcakes, I'm going to assume that was just for dramatic effect, and not forshadowing.

We skip back and forth betwen David being shot at by LLB and Nikki being shot at by the stormtrooper out of uniform.
Nikki gets the stormtrooper before he gets her, which is how you're fated to die, if you're a stormtrooper. Now it's just up to David to talk LLB down.

The take down is not dramatic. The take down is freaking hilarious. LLB, instead of jumping out the window Augie was hanging from, instead tries another window.

When he doesn't make it out the window the first time, he keeps hitting it. I was laughing so hard, I hurt.
Down on the beach, Nikki's saved Augie, in his mind, a second time (although this is actually her first time) so he's got to be irrevocably in love with her now. The problem is, that's not what his face is telling me.
The reality of what Augie's done virtually, finally hits him. His online activites caused all this mayhem. Geez, took him long enough to get a clue.

Augie cries, and for all the actor's selling of this scene, I have such a hate-on for all the things he's done, I can't feel the same way Nikki does -- sympathetic. I'm assuming it's only sympathy she's feeling as any more might cause me to vomit.

IHOF: We're in the parking lot where Don wants to show Alan his version of a 'Vette. More importantly, Don does something for me, and clarifies that Robin isn't around not because they've broken up (which cannot happen, as we all remember the last time), but rather, she's working on a trial in Portland.
Alan spots a red sports car, but Don had to go with something far more likely to make me worry about him the way I worry about David.
As Don drives off, he hands his car keys to Alan. Sure Don's got a motercycle, but at least he hasn't lost all sense, and has a practical vehicle for say, car chases, or, perhaps, taking an AUSA on a date.

I'll have to settle for that, for now. It's something Don and I may need to work on.

"That's what I love," Alan says, sarcastically, "a good mid-life crisis." I hear you Alan.

La Maison d'Eppes: Can I just say that I'm so happy this eppesode ends with a family moment? I was so afraid I'd have to see what Nikki and Augie do after the beach. That would require me to remove my brain, through my ear, to prevent me from reliving something like that in my nightmares.

Augie's still going to work for the NSA and Charlie still thinks he's a good guy. Blech. I do have to appreciate the discussion Charmita has about how fantasy and reality can intermix. That's probably why I think I can work on the whole motorcycle thing with Don, or why I get angry when I yell something at the TV and the canracters don't pay attention.

All right, let's move off my issues and on to something more fun, like Kath the cougar. She sent Amita a package, and now Amita is going to have to explain it.
Not that she tells Charlie that before exiting to the kitchen, leaving the Eppes men to discuss who Kath was hitting on the most.
What was actually in the box was a 3D print of Amita's avatar, Kali, along with a note offering her "lunch, dinner, a weekend in Sonoma." That proves it! My theory that Kath will hit on all members of the Eppes is now fact.
Thus, we end with the Eppes sitting down to dinner, and Amita, giving a nice little tidbit for fanfic writers that she loves wine tasting.

That's all fine and dandy, and as much as I enjoyed this eppesode, this one's problem is that it falls before an eppesode I'm dying to see.

What's that I hear in the distance? Is it the chariot of enigmatic coolness?

Cue flailing.
*FLAILS!*

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Dreamland (eppesode 606)

Before I begin, let me point you in the direction of a previous entry. It is important and please, pass it on to everyone you know. It's taken up the better part of my last 24 hours! Have you signed the petition yet?

Oh yes, and have I ever mentioned that I'm one heck of a serious X-phile?
Dreamland: We begin at Goathart air force base where a bunch of conspiracy nuts are clearly disobeying the sign about photography.
I'm not too sure what to call these people. They're conspiracy nuts who think this practically abandoned base may hold some secrets which may include:

• A reverse UFO project
• Reinvent of a Nazi thing
• Ghosts: specifically WWII test pilots

Wandering into a place clearly prohibited, yet not being of put by the whole Alien/UFO/Ghost thing, and calling the place "Dreamland" conveniently giving us our eppesode's title, I can only think of one possible thing to call this group.
Time passes, and the coffee runs out 2 hours before dawn. Yet, all this waiting has not been in vain. As soon as the Langley needs more coffee, bolts of blue lightning shoot out of the air, randomly hitting the debris on the base. In the midst of all that debris is one figure, running for her life. Thus, I would like to add one suggestion to the Lone Gunmen's list: it's clearly either and attack from the Emperor a family feud amongst the Oswalds.
Something ominous hovers overhead and the Lone Gunmen frantically take some photos, before it disappears.

Hey, didn't we already have a UFO case, like in he first season. Oh yes, we did, because I recapped it.

The Beginning: The next morning, Charlie, is driven to the crime scene by military escort. Somehow, I don't think the military wanted to give Charlie permission to drive on their base.

The Fedcakes are already there, waiting for our adorkable professor, and know it'll be a while before the body can be identified. Apparently, one's identity can be entirely wiped out by lightning. Unfortunately, if Charlie's expression is anything to go by, it's a really smelly process.

Out of nowhere (by out of nowhere, I mean hiding behind the Jeep) pops up some dude to do David's job: give exposition. He tells us Goathart was founded in 1938 and decommissioned in 1986. We get the history of the name (after the mountains) and the purpose (test out aircraft).
There are also a bunch of Fedcakes who are all WTF abou random dude hiding behind the Jeep, so now we get credentials. He's Floyd Mayborne of Department 44. What is Department 44? Apparently, it's the American Torchwood.

Not that Jeep Hiding Man can actually provide proof of his identity, because people who wok for Department 44 aren't allowed to carry ID. Then again, we can't know what Department 44 does either -- "for reasons that cannot be specified." It was founded in 1863, which means it predates Torchwood by 16 years.

David asks the question we all have: why exactly is Jeep Hiding Man here?
The Lone Gunmen are escorted out of the base, past the Fedcakes and Floyd, spouting their weird theories. Floyd sympathizes while David appears to agree with him, but is really wondering if Floyd is a few x-files short of a case.

Soft Light: In the darkness of the IHOF, Nikki and David tell Don all about Goathart and the Lone Gunmen, neither of which inspire much faith in Don about this being an easy case. Plus, the FBI probably doesn't hand over the X-files to just any agent, even Chief Fedcakes who look really god in Kevlar.

Colby arrives with some interesting footage taken by the Lone Gunmen of the weird lightning.
"You were saying, Agent Mulder?" Nikki quips. At first I thought, no, Don cannot be Mulder but then I realized his penchant for going against the rules, his search for deeper meanings, and his hotness would totally make him the Mulder. I even figured out who the Scully is in this show (the Scully before the whole cheesy romance thing started).

So now the Fedcakes have to find out what's going on, and all they have is the knowledge that the truth, is out there.
After the title flash, Nikki and Colby get the distinct pleasure of interviewing Frohike, and then I realize. That's not Frohike; it's Ted from Scrubs!
Anyway, they get nothing from Ted/Frohike other than the ominous statement "Everything you know, is wrong." That sounds much more like a Dr. Cox line than a Ted line, but I'll let it pass.

Later, Floyd's at the IHOF, and I think I need to change his moniker to Fedcake Snooping Man, because he examines everything, including the flavour of Fedcakes' coffee, by sniffing it. In my world, that would be a reason for justifiable homicide, but they are better people than I am.

It takes me a couple of viewing to realize that all Floyd is saying is "nice day we're having," except his description is so verbose, I don't even think I could outdo him. Luckily, he's distracted by the mention of Charlie, saying this week's most sadly appropriate line.
Hey, me too, which is why everyone should take action!

Colby gets the honour, by honour, I mean, hilarious punishment, of getting to escort Fedcake Snooping Man to Cal Sci. Oh, and in case you were wondering (which, we weren't) Colby is Floyd's grandmother's name. I hate to encourage him further but first or last name?

Alpha: We get into subplot territory, which I'm not entirely sure I like. You know, I can get the whole, Alan lost his money thing, because it's economically appropriate, but David wanting to know how to move up in the FBI? If it involves him going to Washington, as suggested by Don (should David want to go the management route), I'm not cool.

Logically, I think David would go the field work route, because he admires Don, but Don admits to not having a plan. That's a problem as I think David is much more of a planner than Don ever was. So, how about I ignore any idea of my BFFedcake moving up and out of the team, and think of better questions he could've asked Don.
Memento Mori: Nikki gets some info on the electrified corpse from the coroner who is not Claudia. The victim is a 20-something female who was wearing some sort of ID before she got fried. This means two things: 1) someone might've taken it before the authorities arrived and 2) She didn't work for Department 44, since she had ID.

"The Căluşari: Charlie is watching the Lone Gunmen's video, when Otto Bahnoff shows up -- having been sent by Dr. Waldie. You know, Bill, Bill, Bill Waldie? Well, I'm going to start a scandalous rumour about Dr. Waldie.
Otto's friends call him Autobahn,which makes me wonder, who the hell are this guy's friends? Better yet, did his parents hate him?

Otto's all excited about the object, and barely acknowledges that someone died. I think Charlie's about to have a short, but meaningful conversation that a nickname does not give permission to run all over the conversation, but Suddenly Appearing Man suddenly appears.
I'm saddened when I realize that Floyd's been there a while as I really, really would've enjoyed watching Colby introduce Floyd to Charlie. It's a comedic moment that now, will only live in my head, as it's been lost in this eppesode.

The introduction of Otto to Floyd is almost as hilarious, since Otto thinks he knows some f the same people Floyd does, at the Pentagon.

"Actually, I'm, quite sure we don't," Floyd tells him, winning both this week's NPAL^TM and the biggest laugh from me, as no one except for Charlie realizes how awkward this situation really is.

The discussion moves on to the possibility of ball lightning and some obscure person in history who may have been killed by an unproven phenomenon. You know,t hat sentence made way more sense in my head. This leads to the comment about a pale blue ball," and, I wonder if I'm supposed to find that line as funny as I do.
Charlie escapes the awkwardness by jumping into a Charlie-vision, to explain how he can't aim lightning at people, even if this ball lightning theory pans out.
The conversation about aiming lightning, which is bizarre enough, takes a turn into bonkers land, when Floyd takes a step to the side and starts listening to the air. Apparently, Floyd has a cell phone even Zoolander and Hansel (he's so hot) would envy.

Dreamland: Colby and Nikki are sent to investigate the site again, but the caretaker at Goathart laughs at the idea anything supernatural is going on. As for our Fedcakes, Nikki feels like she's in a Scooby-Doo cartoon. I'm not even asking who Velma would be.

All they find is some ulcer medication, leading Colby to ask that time-honoured question:
Field Trip: Night falls to find Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Nikki stuck on a stake out, watching the target area. David's a bit grumbly and all he wants to find is some justification for him freezing his butt of in the desert. I hate to do it, but I have to disagree with my BFFedcake. Any reason to bring out the night vision goggles is an excuse for a stakeout.
What they do find is a technology-filled van, and sadly, it isn't the Mystery Machine. It's full of people who have to know something about what's going on as they're ordered to clear out. The order comes a little too late, as the van's blown up anyway, making me extremely cross.
The next morning, the army, the Fedcakes and Floyd are all confused by the most recent turn of events. Charlie is more intrigued than confused, that is, until he mistakes a part of a person, for specialized equipment.
Three of a Kind: Back with not-Claudia, in the morgue, we learn the three dead men are also not from Department 44 because they all have IDs from Neox industries. They also died from "being blown up" which is the coroner's actual term -- not mine!

Soft Light: Neox is also missing one Cynthia Abbott, whose particulars match that of the dead Jane Doe's. Of course, not that this weapons' maker is going to report 4 missing employees.
Ghost in the Machine: The head the company, Drew, refuses to talk about the project, because of national security reasons, but acts like he's devastated over the loss of his employees. He then almost talks about it, by commenting that whatever it is, Cynthia Abbott wasn't involved. Oh, short scenes that just move the plot along, I love you.

Soft Light: For some reason, Don thought it was a good idea to let Nikki interview the grieving boyfriend. Um, yeah, not exactly my first choice, although she does better than I expect. All we get is picture of Cynthia and that she never talked about her work at home.

"The Căluşari: Hey, look, it's Amita! It I were going to cast her in The X-files, I know exactly which character she'd be. She's Reyes. You know, the one that's sort of in between everyone's believes, and is the one called in when Scully isn't available? Yeah, her.
Anyway, Amita's all surprised by Drapes Molesting Man, and Charlie tries to explain Floyd, not that anyone could really explain Floyd, particularly when Floyd's important question is about the pie served down the street. I hate to bring up obscure continuity no I don't but would this be the same pie place where one Marshall Penfield took Amita to eat pie?

Okay, so it's not all about pie. It's about how Floyd is Amita Creeping Man, by knowing not only who she is, but also some of her work, and how he has information pertaining to the case.
All he knows is that Neox deals with less-lethal weaponry. As opposed to more-lethal? Sort-of-lethal? Completely-lethal? Who knew modifiers would matter in this eppesode?

This scene leads to a line that I think might be a rival for Lazlo's best guest star's line, ever. "The Pentagon has no contract with aliens, or afterlife entities, I'm aware of, at this time."

Well, since there's only ever been one ghost labeled "friendly," I doubt the Pentagon would be interested in the afterlife.

Anyway, Floyd has Cynthia Abbott's laptop and passes it off to Amita for analysis. Thus, with the action of the scene over, I should explain, that if I'm going to label Amita as Reyes, then I'm gong to have to say who I'm labeling Charlie in my X-files/Numb3rs crossover recap.
One Son: (I so wanted to title this part "Home" but I am never, ever going there in a recap.)

Don's now wondering about his own life, as if that hasn't been a major story arc for the last year. He wants to know what choices his father made in life, but Alan, being the voice of wisdom that he is, knows this is more about his first born.

All Don can see is a life of second choices. For instance, he joined the Feds because he couldn't play ball. Now, he finds he wants things, and hasn't ever had the experience planning for them.

Now that the family moment is over, I'm going to take a couple stabs (oops, bad choice of words when referring to Don) at what it is Don wants.
"The Căluşari: Amita's hacked the laptop and found an e-mail saying Cynthia was going to watch the testing of a weapon that wasn't ready. She's also received an e-mail from OttoBahn about an aircraft that looks a lot like every other government created UFO I've ever seen.

Dreamland: Completely taking leave of all of their senses, Charmita's heads out to Goathart without any other backup. Okay, unless one counts Floyd, who appears out of freaking nowhere. I wouldn't cout Randomly Appearing Man
Okay, sure, I wanted to stick with the X-files references all the way throughout, but I have to digress. Have you ever seen the show M*A*S*H? The syndication of it is the closest thing in the world to perpetual motion. Well, Floyd and his formality and random freaky appearances is reminding me of Colonel Flagg. If you've seen the show, you'll get that reference, if you haven't just picture Floyd, 35+ years ago, in army fatigues.

Well, as ridiculous as it is for Charmita to be out there looking for whatever technology they're looking for, Floyd's reasoning is to take in the ambiance. You know, I would take in the ambiance of a grand old theatre, or restaurant, not FIELD OF DEATH.

Charlie asks if Floyd has a flashlight, indicating his own adorkable little hardly larger than a penlight, flashlight. Well, Floyd does have one, and it's massive. So, the question is, since Floyd wasn't carrying anything, nor was there a bulge in his suit (do not think about that too deeply and if you do, I accept no responsibility if you're traumatized) where was Floyd packing his flashlight? (Word choice totally intended.)
They find a few things, a dead sheep (not killed by a chupacabra, no matter how cool an X-files reference that would be) and a washing machine covered in engineering shorthand. Oddly, I find the sheep more surprising -- as I bet they just reused the prop from Lazlo's office.

The trio also finds the unmanned flying object, and realize the UFO is the murder weapon, after Flashlight Packing Man explains what it is.
Conduit: The Fedcakes can't get a warrant to find out how the UFO works, and Floyd can't help them, leading Don to give the Department 44 representative an ultimatum -- be useful or get lost. I guess Don doesn't understand the importance of the comic relief character when he gets stressed. You'd think he would've learned from all those years of knowing Larry.

Floyd becomes the Quickly High-tailing Man, leaving the Fedcakes to wonder what's up and what the dead Cnthia Abbott knew.

Excuse me, let me change the tenses there. What Cynthia Abbott knows. The Jane Doe, isn't her.

Oh, I gave up on Floyd too soon as he's back, but he has to take another phone call on his miniscule phone. Nikki, who obviously does not understand the concept of a Zoolander phone, is confused.
Although, I have to admit, Floyd does have some important information.

Deadalive: The information is: Cynthia Abbott's location. She's at some random hotel, afraid of who is breaking down her door.

And how did Floyd know where Cynthia's location? You know all those paranoid things that people talk about like impanting microchips to track your location? Well, that was done to Cynthia. There has been precedent for this before.

Die hand die verletzt: Cynthia confirms that Neox is developing a lightning gun, but can't say who the Jane Doe is.

As for Floyd, he's the Uncertain Knowing Man, as he thinks he knows that Neox is lying about the success of the lightning gun, but he doesn't really know it. Wow, that Col Flagg quote I picked earlier is just getting more and more appropriate.
Thus, the only useful thing Floyd can do is get the Fedcakes a list of Neox employees.

Terms of Endearment: Alan's clearly waiting for Amita to get home, as he has a present. It's his wife's birthday so please, all fanfic writers, note Margaret's birthday is October 30th. As a present to his late wife, he's giving Amita a family heirloom -- a necklace given to Margaret's great-great grandomother on her 21st birthday. Since Amita is going to be the first daughter-in-law and has been around for so long, she's earned it. There's clearly a lot of support for this, subtly present in the scene.
It's a sweet moment between father and daughter-in-law, and definitely a planned part of Alan's campaign to make sure he gets grandchildren. Amita's got to pass on that necklace to someone so nice going there, Alan!

The List: Floyd gets the list of Neox employees, and the potential identity of one Jane Doe: Allison Williams, VP -- even though Neox claims she's on leave.
En Ami: Alan and Amita are bonding over chess but that's not enough for Alan. Nope, he uses this opportunity to discuss how wonderful daughters-in-law are and how he would love to have 2. He's not referring to Charlie committing bigamy either.
Amita makes an odd comment about getting along with one's own parents, which is a moment I really would like to see expanded, but Otto's got some info, taking away Charmita, and leaving Don to have to sit through more hints about getting married finish the chess game.

Surekill: I have no idea what Charmita and Otto are talking about. All I can glean is that what Neox invented wasn't supposed to kill anyone, yet it does. This brings to mind some other military project that has absolutely no meaning to me, where it also malfunctioned and almost brought down an American helicopter.

Cue Suddenly Materializing Man, who not only has some odd fact about the military project I don't understand, but also about sightings of the UFO over Goathart. He knows this because it says so on the internet. Like that's always reliable.
Folie a Deux: OMG, someone stop Charlie from going out on these little research trips without appropriate backup. He's already manged to get out of one trip unscathed, there's no way he's making it through a second. Plus, he's only got Floyd. Unless his Zoolander phone has a ray gun app, he's not much use.

Oh, Charlie, when did your brain leak out your left ear? When on an abandoned military base and you hear a mysterious noise, you run like hell -- not just stand there making quips about being spotted!
Finally, Charlie remembers that he's a smart guy who cannot defeat UFOs and calls the Fedcakes. As for Floyd, he has one useful app on his phone: NSA UFO tracking, because it says the UFO is heading back to the Goathart hangers.

X-Cops: What the Fedcakes find is a bunch f Neox employees, and their leader, Drew, who insists that he isn't doing anything wrong.
The Post-Modern Prometheus: In the IHOF, Drew insists to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that everything about the UFO could be fixed an that no one understands what's really going on. Don doesn't believe him but that gives Charlie an idea.

Otto's working in the regular meeting room, when Charmita, Nikki, and Floyd enter. As Charlie stands off to one side, Amita, Floyd and Nikki have to listen to Otto blather on about how he could get the Neox UFO to work. I can only think one thing.
Charlie finally asks Otto if he could build a working model, which Otto jumps all over like Mulder on an alien abduction story, leading to the real problem with the Neox: engineers.

At first, even I, a lit and history major, was appalled at how engineers are stereotyped: willing to jump ahead, without thinking about the consequences, and getting people killed in the process. I thought that was a horrible way to think of engineers, and then I remembered my time in university and the following, sad but true incidents.

1. The electric office chair race
2. The Engineering Follies Revue
3. People willingly dying themselves purple

Enough said.
Knowing that he's been caught, Drew confesses that the dead VP had insisted on the live human test, on the assumption that the term live human was not meant as just an unfortunate turn of phrase. He also blames the government for pushing Neox to produce results. Plus, the other three employees went out without his permission. Somehow, even though Drew was the one to rip the ID of Allison's fried corpse, and wouldn't have said no to the other engineers, he's the only one not responsible, in his head.
Je Souhaite: I wish we could have more of these scenes. I highly approve of anything that gets Fedcakes into lesser amounts of clothing.
I would also recommend skinny-dipping.

We're back to what move David should do next to advance his career. Sinny-dipping still works for me. f he wants management, he'll have to go to Washington which IS NOT ACCEPTABLE BECAUSE THEN WHAT WOULD COLBY DO?

As for Don, he doesn't feel worthy of giving advice because he's constantly being his own worst critic, and act David tells him to drop before he has to stick Don's head in a toilet and give him a swirly, until he agrees. Okay, so I made that last part up.

"For a Jewish guy, you certainly like getting up on the cross," David snarks at him. Oh, David, if Alan were not on this show, you would be the sage of wisdom.
The End: At Cal Sci, Amita shows Charlie her welcome to the family present.
Finally calling him on showing up out of nowhere, Charmita learns that there are contractors out there working on building a transporter, not that Floyd's supposed to talk about that.

And someone gave Floyd the right to thank Charmita on behalf of the whole nation. While, I admit, Charmita have done things that have earned them that thanks, repeatedly, I'm assuming people are grateful for great hair I'm not too sure someone should give that power to Floyd.
Floyd takes a moment to ponder the denial, and greed that allowed Neox to flourish and how Neox almost got away with it, "if it weren't for you meddling kids."
Yeah, so I went with X-files references instead of Scooby-Doo ones. I just had difficulty with the concept of this:

Extra Froth: Mad Libs Letter to CBS

Want to protest what's being done to our beloved show but don't know what to say? Sure, we can fill in the feedback form at CBS, but, as I've heard from reliable sources N3.org and Rob Morrow's Facebook paper counts more.

I know we're a socially conscious fandom, but remember, paper, after it has served its purpose, can be recycled. If you feel guilty about sending a piece of paper and an envelope -- send a postcard. Specifically, send a postcard that shows your location. Let's show CBS that people everywhere love the Fedcakes and Cal Sci Crew!

Now, if you would rather send a letter, I've decided to come up with a bare-bones outline, and all you have to do is fill in the details. It's like Mad Libs, that game played in middle school, just with a Numb3rs-twist. You are more than welcome to use this format, if you please.


Dear Ms. Tassler,

I would like to express my __(FEELINGS ABOUT THE ORDER BEING REDUCED)__ in regards to the recent announcement about this season of Numb3rs being shortened. I strongly __(VERB INDICATING DISAGREEMENT)__ with this __(ADJECTIVE)__ decision.

I have been a fan of the show for _(# OF YEARS YOU'VE WATCHED)_ years. I have come to love __(ASPECT OF THE SHOW YOU LOVE)__, __(ANOTHER ASPECT OF THE SHOW YOU LOVE)__, and __(YET ANOTHER ASPECT OF THE SHOW YOU LOVE)__. I __(EMOTION)__ the character of _(FAVOURITE CHARACTER)_ because __(PG REASON YOU LOVE THE CHARACTER)__. The show is a must watch for me and I __(WATCH AND/OR PVR)__ every eppesode.

If Numb3rs' season is shortened, or, perhaps, cancelled altogether at the end of the season, I will be __(EMOTION)__ and will __(RATIONAL NON-THREATENING REACTION)__. Previously, you may have been unaware that Numb3rs had such a __(DESCRIPTOR OF THE FANDOM)__ and _(ANOTHER DESCRIPTOR OF THE FANDOM)__ like __(SHOW WITH A COMPARABLE FANDOM)_. I hope you register my __(NEGATIVE EMOTION)__ and reconsider the __(ADJECTIVE)__ decision.

__(CLOSING)__

__(YOUR NAME, INTERNET HANDLE, OR SUPERHERO ALTER EGO)__

Remember to address your letter to:Nina Tassler President, CBS Entertainment 4024 Radford Avenue, Room 3118, Studio City, CA 91604.

And, has been suggested by some fans, try sending them some cut out numbers. Let's confetti the place with numerals! Anyone who has ever received a card filled with confetti or sparkles, knows the amount of attention those cards get (from cleaning up afterward)!

Extra Froth: Because CBS Is Displeasing Me

Dear CBS PTB,

Did you think I wasn't going to notice? At some point, it had to occur to someone that either myself, or the fandom might've noticed the reports circulating. Of course, I can see why you might erroneously assume I'd miss your little announcement. Sure, I've had the H1N1, followed by pneumonia and am currently moving at the pace of a lethargic sloth, but there are some things that are still working.

Things like, say my automatic notifications on several sites regarding Numb3rs. Hey, wait, there's a 3 where the e should be in the title? Well, someone should tell Reuters.

So, here you hoped a quiet announcement would result in a lack of reaction? Please, when was the last time I did anything quietly? Did you ignore the 525 days I whined about the sinking of the good 'ship Don/Robin? I may not have much of a voice at the moment (the first person to make a crack about that dies horrifically), but my typing skills are still intact.

Therefore, cutting the eppesode order of Numb3rs from 22 to 16 is definitely going to get this lethargic sloth moving. Over the years of viewing my adorkable professor and the Fedcakes, I have learned a few things about math. For instance, 6 fewer eppesodes means about 252 fewer minutes of Don, Charlie, Alan, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, Liz and Nikki, Amita, and Larry's interest in white food. Do not make me bring up how unhappy I will be if you tell me I will no longer have Edgerton in my life.

In case I am not clear, I am completely not cool with this. In fact, I am extremely displeased. One might even say, distinctly perturbed by these developments.

I expect this to be rectified tout de suite. Sorry, you live in the US, so let me use plain old English: immediately. You do not want to earn my wrath.

No love,
Theoriginalspy

PS: I will also inform anyone and everyone that if they would like to write to you to express his or her ire, they can send their grievances to Nina Tassler President, CBS Entertainment 4024 Radford Avenue, Room 3118, Studio City, CA 91604.
PPS: If anyone has a brilliant idea as to what could be sent: hair products, calculators, origami flowers, white food, rulers, please feel free to leave it in the comments.
PPPS: If you have another contact address -- either snail mail or e-mail, please let me know.
PPPPS: Yes, I know the number of PSs in this letter is a little bit middle-school girl passing notes, but I've had H1N1, pneumonia, a lot of medications, and severe exhaustion. I get to include this number of PSs.
PPPPPS: Despite all my recent issues, I'm still tremendously disconcerted by this turn of events. I'm not taking this quietly -- even if I am, technically, taking this lying down because of my illness.

ETA: (Because I was sick of PSs) Look, there's now a petition. *waves shiny object* you will sign it.

Instacap: Numb3rs: Dreamland (Eppesode 606)

Goathart base? Does George Clooney stare at it?

Is Department 44 the American Torchwood? Although, it was created 13 years earlier.

X-files reference. The x-phile in me swoons.

Agent Mulder -- sorry Nikki, Liz would be Scully.

David needs a career day at the IHOF.

Otto Bahnhoff? His parents clearly hated him?

Otto & Floyd need their own comedy show. It could be called the Lone Punman.

I think Floyd owns Zoolander's cell phone.

Charlie's blue shirt is pretty on him.

Being blown up would kill you. It's a valid cause of death.

Well, if those contracts with aliens come up, someone tell Torchwood. If they have contracts with the afterlife, tell Ianto to not be dead!

I am not asking where Floyd kept that flashlight.

Didn't we have a faux-alien eppesode, in season 1? I recapped that!

Actually, Floyd, you apppear to be freaking nutzoid -- technical term.

It's Margaret's birthday. Take not of that, FF authors, for accurate details.

Please let Alan be hinting about Robin.

OMG, it's the aliens with the black oil! Sorry, I regress into my old x-phile.

Charlie, I applaud you for not peeing yourself.

How much better would this eppesode be if Liz were in it?

The designers are welders, the welders are blaming the electricians, and the kneebone's connected to the leg bone.

Yes, engineers are that deluded.

Strange aerial craft don't kill engineers. Engineers kill engineers.

David cannot go to DC. David cannot go to DC! DAVID CANNOT GO TO DC!

DAVID CANNOT GO TO DC!!!

Don, listen to David. He is wise and not going to DC.

Meddling kids! Off in the Mystery Van next, and wouldn't Don look good dressed like Fred? The question is, who would you cast as the rest of the Scooby-gang?

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Hydra (Eppesode 605)

Recapper's Confession: For all the jumping in right in the middle of the case, unexpected twists in storytelling, weird camera angles, my uncertainty as to the reasoning behind the title, questionable science, and WTFery of things I would have to be watching Torchwood to believe, I love this eppesode.
Of course that love was only increased 300 fold when I got spoiled earlier this week about something that made me -- wait, if I say it, I'll spoil you. You wouldn't want to be spoiled? Of course not! Therefore, do not click here!

IHOF: We begin with Charlie-vision. Have we ever started with a Charlie-vision before? I don't think we've had, and to be honest, it was a trick that made me sit up and take notice from the start, so I can't fault it.
Anyway, it's all about Monet's series of paintings of the Rouen Cathedral, and how they're the same, yet different -- like a car engine. Sorry, but I think this will be the only time the works of Monet and car engine will be mentioned in the same sentence, even though they both involve oil.

Questionable Science Point 1 (QSP1): The whole point of the Charlie-vision is that each car has a unique sound (which I can buy) which the Fedcakes can use to track a particular vehicle - a vehicle containing a woman, Anne Flynn, who kidnapped her daughter, CJ. I don't know how the hell that will work in any practical way unless one is standing right next to said vehicle at the time. Then it wouldn't be so much about identifying the sound, as it would be arresting the woman who is probably in the car at the time.

Sure, Amita tries to convince me that many traffic cameras have an audio component, but I'm going to wonder on that one, since Anne has crossed multiple states with her daughter. I'm pretty sure there are better things for the states to spend money on (like say, H1N1 vaccine) than making sure traffic cameras have sound, never mind sound quality good enough to differentiate vehicles!

What makes this slightly (a phrase which here means, doesn't make me laugh) believable, is Charlie's comment about the other 11 999 999 cars and how they'll have to be filtered out before finding the vehicle in question. I may think FBI Techie Boy (official title), Matt Li may be awesome, but I don't think he's that good.

Something immediately arouses my suspicious about the father's fitness as a parent. Perhaps it's the fact he's a smoker, which, on TV, usually indicates a not-so great parent. (Before anyone gets upset and flames me, that's TV morality, which, as we all know, is not IRL morality. If TV morality and IRL morality were the same, well, just being on a CW show would give you an STD.) Perhaps it's because his hard-luck story of the "mistake" with Anne, and how he so nobly supported her, only to have her be a total nutjob, is just way too neat.
Since we've jumped right into the middle of the plot, developments that would usually be at the 20 minute mark, are still at 2 minute mark. Anne's car has been located in Encino, thanks to QSP1.

Encino: It's partner mix-up time, as Liz is with Colby, investigating an abandoned house in Encino, where Anne was squatting with her daughter. They bust in, and while they take their time searching the house, only to find it empty, the audience finds a truly unflattering camera angle for Fedcakes.
From across the road, a shadowy man in a goatee, observes them.

IHOF: Charlie's all chuffed that QSP1 was a success, even though Don's still stuck telling Rudy (whose name is Bramon, technically) his little girl is still missing. Well, Don would have to tell him, if the father hadn't taken off, suspiciously, without informing the Fedcakes.

When David and Don find Rudy in the lobby, he runs like the suspiciously, suspicious man of suspicion that he is. Just as Rudy gets into his car, Don and David catch up with him, only to be confronted by shadowy goatee man.
Title Flash.

Shadowy Goatee Man is actually Jeremiah Miller, a private security goon for the phamaceutical company Rudy works for, and jsut wants to make sure Rudy doesn't start spilling national secrets "above all our pay grades."

He thinks the secrets are above everyone in the IHOF? Will, Miller needs to met my adorkable fictional academic boyfriend. Besides, the Fedcakes, who have way more experience with kidnap and recovery, will always have one thing over any private security man.
Miller spins some yarn about being in "active negotiations" with Anne, because all she wants is money, yet his story about why she brings CJ to California, sort of negates that (something about wimpy custody laws). No matter what the custody laws are in California, I'm pretty sure they don't support 1) kidnapping or 2) extortion, unless a movie studio is involved with the latter.

Anyway, Miller provides the Fedcakes with one useful lead, Anne's Californian attorney, Carla Reed. Yes, she's a crazy woman on the run, yet she took the time to get an attorney in California.

Upstairs, Charmita is discussing why a woman who spent time in mental hospitals, who hasn't seen her daughter since birth, suddenly wants to be a mom. While I could go on about how mental illness doesn't mean a lack of love, since I don't buy the whole abandonment story, as Rudy was the one to tell it, I won't because this line of conversation leads into a conversation on Alan's potential grandchildren and this week's NPAL^TM.

Charlie's approached fatherhood in his own unique way -- statistical analysis. Amita's done something entirely different, and thought about socialization, and come up with the magic number of 3. "Well, I'm worried that 2 might create this weird social dynamic they'd be stuck with their entire lives."

Sure, there's a veneer of reasoning behind her statement, but what makes that line this week's NPAL^TM is Charlie's cut through the bullshit response, "Like me and Don?"

Ouch. I mean like, catching the H1N1, only to have it turn into pneumonia and find oneself coughing for the better part of four weeks. Wait, that would just be me.

Fortunately, as Amita tries to pull her feet out of her mouth, talking around how in India, one marries the whole family, my BFFedcake saves me from having to cringe any further. "Somebody should tell Don."

David, I love you. I love you not only for making that painful conversation stop, but also for reminding me of the debate, way back in season one, if Don was actually going to wind up with Amita. (As this was pre-Robin, I was okay with the debate.)

In fact, if David hadn't shown up, the only thing about this conversation I'd want to remember is the cracking voice of surprise from Charlie when he was trying to come to grips with the number 3.

David, ever the wise man that he is suggests Charmita get a little experience at dealing with young people by joining a Big Brother / Big Sister program. Amita's thoughtfully enthusiastic, and Charlie says he's willing to go along with the idea.
Now that the public service announcement part of the eppesode is over, back to the case, and the all important question, does your company offer kidnap and recovery assistance as a part of it's employees' benefit plan? I doubt my employer would get involved if I was abducted from my place of work!

Thanks to a Charlie-vision, and the magic of sports, Charmita would be able to assign probabilities as to why the drug company is so keen to help. Sure, it's going to be a useful tool for the Fedcakes, but I do find some amusement that the same technique used for the case, is what the government uses to determine the behaviour of terrorist organizations. Take from that, what you will.

Now, as we've dealt with evil drug companies before on this show, I'm fairly sure this isn't out of care and concern for the employees.

Encino: As a transition between the IHOF and Encino, we get a picture of the missing child -- who looks damn miserable in her normal life.

Not that the squat where the child was staying is much better. It's squalid, and she had to watch films like Role Models and Hellboy 2.
I can't really fault Anne the way Liz does. Anyone who has gone to a theatre in the last 20 years knows that there are very few parents who actually pay attention to the ratings. Raise your hand if you've seen 5 year-olds going into a theatre playing one of the Saw films. *raises hand* Although, what a sad comment on parenting, if I'm not horrified because CJ wasn't watching Saw?

When Liz picks up a one-eyed teddy bear (is it just me, or are 1-eyed bears creepy? Don't answer that), she gets inexplicably emotional, but tries to pass it off as just a general disgust when they work on cases involving kids. Sure, Colby may buy that, but a klaxon goes off in the back of my brain.
Don't try to distract me from the Liz backstory, with the bloody child's sweater, PTB! Sure, I note the sweater, am appropriately disgusted, yet am more interested in getting some more character info on a woman who has given us so little in the three years she's been on the show! Yes, she may love her boots, but really, what do we know about Liz Warner? If I'm missing a few personal details about her from 3rd season, remember, she was not Robin, during that time.

Lawyer's: Carla Reed's never met her client. Not as if that's a big surprise because her client's on the run from Virginia. She also confirms what I suspected -- that Anne isn't crazy. She's paranoid because someone is out to get her -- namely, Rudy.

Let's list all the things Rudy/drug company, lied about:

1. Anne was a surrogate mother.
2. Anne tried going to court but was ruled a "non-parent."
3. The Patriot Act was used to make the case a national secret.
4. The case is sealed so there's no way the Fedcakes would know about it.
5. Rudy is not CJ's biological father.

In conclusion, as Carla puts it, "You're being played."
IHOF: With all the new information at hand, David can do two of the things he does best: research and exposition. He's learned that Anne was paid handsomely to carry CJ, with the intent of handing over the girl to Rudy when she was born. To be perfectly honest, I thought there was going to be some pervy motive behind it, which is why I was actually relieved with the real reason.

Colby, proving he has learned much from his partner and master of exposition, one-ups David, by delivering a bombshell: the blood on the sweater belongs to one Jordan Smith, a former employee of the drug company.
Why is Ms. Smith a former employee? She's dead. There isn't much call for a zombie work force, except at this time of year.

Restaurant of Skeezebaggery: Don and Colby confront Miller with the zombie-employee, and Miller tries to smooth it over but because he's more oily than all the Monet paintings and engines mentioned at the beginning, the Fedcakes aren't buying his bullshit.

So now, Rudy's going to have to come up with a new story.

IHOF: Liz and David get some pretty important news from Charmita. Jordan Smith was Rudy's assitance, yet knew nothing about the pharmaceutical industry. Nope, instead, she was a personal chef. So, what was a personal chef doing working for an expert geneticist? Insert your own Soylent Green joke here. Well, it leads us to something more important.

Questionable Science Point 2 (QSP2): Without getting into the science, because, seriously, I'm having difficulty believing it, CJ is a clone.

Cal Sci: The teaching staff at Cal Sci continues to offer us some of the most unique guest characters on prime time. I will always love-love Ray-Ray just not-not that way-way. Lorna was definitely interesting. Hell, even Millie grew on me.

Now we get someone who might actually compete for my love of Ray-Ray. Yes-yes, it's possible. So, let me introduce everyone to Professor Russell Lazlo.
Lazlo is watching a hydra kill something. Now, knowing the title of this eppesode, looking up what a hydra is, both scientific and mythic versions, I still do not understand the title of this eppesode.

Luckily, Lazlo distracts me from my confusion by asking Charlie to sit by the pair of replica Dollys, immediately referencing how the original Dolly was cloned from a mammary gland.
Lazlo has a bit of a problem with internal filters -- meaning, there isn't one between his mouth and his brain. Whatever is in his head comes directly out of his mouth. I could probably do an entire recap without thinking of any cracks myself, just letting Lazlo do it for me. For instance, his diatribe on Dolly Parton, had me giggling so much, I had to rewatch the scene.

Lazlo's office is a good symbol for his mind. It's cluttered, confusing, and, at first glance, rather random, but all focused on his area of expertise. I've picked out a couple of examples to make my point.

He then goes on to talk about all the moral implications of human cloning (the cost, the still births, a reason to justify Michael Bay's The Island), only to try (and fail, epically) at not looking disappointed when Charlie doesn't want to start up a human cloning program. He does try to justify QSP2, by saying it's totally possible. While I scoff at whether or not he's telling the truth, or just a convenient story-telling plot device, he's likable enough that I'll let him get away with it, this time. That is, I'll let him get away with it as long as he promises to come back, and soon once he's done torturing Chuck.

BTW, Lazlo's description of some who would try cloning a human is a "cold bastard."

IHOF: Colby and Liz confront Miller and Rudy with the evidence that CJ is a clone. The show Rudy the picture they have of Jordan Smith, and Rudy's excitement at the similarity gives the whole thing away, despite Miller's sad attempts at claiming the identification is a lab error.

Rudy spills the whole truth, claiming pride and fatherhood, despite the whole clone thing, but I can't believe him. I'm trying to think of a way to describe how I feel about Rudy, but can't quite come up with the right words.
Plus, there's the whole misappropriation of funds used to make CJ, that were derived from government contracts. I have to admit that I was a little surprised to find out from Colby that between stealing from the government and cloning a person, only one is a crime. Seriously? So stem cell research is a hot button government issue, but there isn't any legislation on cloning people? Sadly, the screwy ways governments think, I don't find as unbelievable as QSP1 and QSp2.

The interview is ended when Miller demands to talk to the "boss," which I hope means Don, because we can always use a little more Don in our lives.

Luckily, I have Don to distract me as Miller tries to justify hiding the truth of CJ's creation. (BTW, am I the only one who doesn't believe the child's name isn't really Cynthia Jane, and is really Clone Jordan?) He also distracts me as Miller goes on about how much Rudy loves his little science experiment girl.
I think TPTB were trying to make Miller the most loathed super-evil villain in Numb3rs history, through his next tactic: trying to convince Don to leave the FBI. Uhh, no. I like Don where he has all sorts of access to Kevlar, and AUSAs, thanks.

Hold on, 200K plus perks? Unlike Don, I'm not held back by responsibility and hell, half the time, morality, so can I submit my application?

Cal Sci: Charmita is still working with QSP1 to track Anne. It's not going fast enough for them, causing Charlie to spout out some mathematical saying that sums up to "a watched pot never boils." I would record the other statement, but getting it word for word was hurting my brain.

It also isn't going fast enough to avoid another discussion on the number of children Charmita will have. Personally, I'm all for passing on those genetics, but if this eppesode is going to try and convince me cloning is possible, I say just clone Charlie and sell the clones like merchandising. I would totally forgo any shout out for my own, personal, Charlie.

Charlie's reading How To Cut A Cake, and using that as a argument against having three children. As for Amita, she's so freaked out about the amount of work, that even one is a daunting task. Thus, she thinks, if she can find a couple of hours a week, she wants to put a "toe in the water" and be a big sister. If this were a scientific principle, it would be QSP3, because I don't think this would qualify as a toenail (or even a Hydra) in the water of parenting, no mater how good it would be for the community.

Just like David saved me from finally banging my head against the wall with all this baby-having conversation, Lazlo saves me now. This only makes me like him more.

He's there not only to save me, but also to tell us about the other famous cloning incident, the Raelians and Eve. He also makes the whole, the exception proves the rule argument in the case of CJ -- since Rudy and company don't want her existence publicized, she must be a clone.

With all the reading material Lazlo dumps on the floor of Charlie's office there has to be something of interest to the case. It's Amita who finds the article on Dr. Rudy and his 100 hours a week at the lab. This means that the non-smiling CJ, must also spend 100 hours a week at the lab, getting tested and retested. Yeah, the cold bastard thing was true.

Finally, Lazlo, and his lack of filter, picks up the book on cake cutting, only to deliver one of the best lines (definitely in the top 5, if not the top 3) ever delivered by a guest star.
IHOF: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are going through the evidence taken from Encino while Colby espouses his incredulity at tracking a clone. He couldn't have imagined doing this, five years ago. Well, Colby, how about I list a few things that I wouldn't have believed 5 years ago.
Lawyer's: The evidence dig dug up the uniqueness of the one-eyed bear. It's a limited edition given to a shelter where Carla's a director. Thus, David confronts her with the whole "no contact with Anne" claim. He also shatters her belief that one person can win against a huge pharmaceutical company, particularly when the Patriot Act is involved. The only way she can have the proof she needs for her client, is the let the FBI independently test CJ.

He can't promise her a free ride for Anne, but it's certainly a fairer shot than anything Miller and his thugs are going to give her.
Carla, completely convinced by the honesty and integrity that is David Sinclair (please note that statement is meant without any of my usual sarcasm) gives away her client's location.

Cliff Junction: Liz and Colby are sent to track down Anne, only to find her hinting that she tossed CJ, off the, well, off the CJ.

IHOF: While Anne's refusing to talk about what she did with CJ, Rudy is telling Dn that he won't cry over a Petrie dish.
Cal Sci: Lazlo and his broken filter can't stop from poking holes in the developments in the case. It doesn't make sense for Anne to kill CJ if she wanted money. It also doesn't make sense for Anne to kill CJ if she loved the little girl. Plus, if the Fedcakes and Charlie believe Anne's crazy, only because Miller said so and Miller is untrustworthy, isn't that some flawed reasoning?

Plus, Anne got out after 72 hours, both times she was committed. It stands to reason that the shrinks would double-check their results when a person was admitted for a second time.

Thus, Lazlo makes a valid point.
IHOF: Liz has difficulty believing Anne's guilty of murder, but David has some really sad statistics about moms killing their children to back up his negativity. He's also astute enough to pick up there's something personal going on with Liz. I suddenly get a clue and cringe at the idea that Numb3rs is about to make a wrong turn into stereotypical land (I had a baby, gave her up, and now I'm sad because I need character development).

Before I find out what's up with Liz, we inexplicably switch to the break room. It's an unnecessary, and yes, I will go there and say it -- wishy-washy moment, where Don sounds like he would consider a job about the FBI. He's musing about his brother getting married, and the diversity in Charlie's career, as if that's a) normal and b) something he'd want. Can you magine Don writing a book? What would he call it? 22 Ways to Wear Jeans? Kevlar God? Donnie Darko: the True Story?

In fact, I think the most truthful thing Don says here is that all he ever wanted was 30 years and a condo on a hillside. Sure, he's been reevaluating his life since he was stabbed, but really, I can only think of one addition to his life's wants.
Besides, I really, really want to get back to the Liz backstory.

In the interrogation room, Liz tries to bring Anne out of her shell, by asking what it felt like to kill CJ. Just as Liz suspected, Anne didn't hurt the girl, but feels too connected to her, to give her back to Rudy. Since Anne refers to CJ as "a part" of her, and Rudy calls CJ a "Petrie dish" I'm more likely to think Anne's the fit parent.

Also, Anne isn't going to be as easy to crack as Liz thinks, as Athena can't possibly understand what it's like to have momma bear feelings. If anything, Alan would be the best one to get through to Anne, but he's not in this eppesode.

I just have to add that Anne is really getting my sympathy here with the crying. It's the "I'm trying not to cry, yet the snot keeps running out of my nose" crying, which is a lot more realistic than when Visine is used to help the crocodile tears along.

Liz Backstory: Yes, it is important enough to get it's own tag. With David watching, Liz makes a confession to Anne about her own miscarriage while she was in college. In the midst of everyone congratulating her for not having her life ruined, Liz felt nothing but misery and despair. She then cut herself off from everyone and tried to move on. Well, that would certainly explain why Liz is so less than forthcoming about her personal life. When she went through a personal tragedy, no one supported her -- so why share?
As if to make a point of how little she plans on sharing, when she leaves the interrogation room, and David follows from observation, when she tells Colby that CJ is with Carla, there's barely a vocal quiver of what she just recalled. Liz, you've just impressed me. You've also made me slightly doubt the whole story.

Whether the story is real or not, Liz got the information. Anne gave CJ to Carla, who is supposed to give the girl to one of Anne's cousins at some truck-stop somewhere. While the Fedcakes don't know which truck-stop, they do know the route.

In fact, throughout the whole pedaconference, all Liz and David share, considering the emotional upheaval she brought out in the interrogation room, is a significant look.

Highway: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern find Carla's car because some black SUV is trying to push her off the road. Well, I guess the whole subtle approach to get CJ back went out the window. Over and over again, the SUV rams into Carla's car, until Colby does his own fancy-schmancy driving.
Once the SUV is incapacitated, and the baddie driving arrested, Carla announces it's all for naught. There were two cars (as per the report the partners received but didn't comment on when they saw only 1 SUV) and the other one took CJ.

After the commercial, we find out that it's all Carla's fault. Even though she knew her phone was tapped, she didn't suspect the pharmaceutical company would tap Anne's cousin's phone. Honey, the Patriot Act was invoked. That means they can wiretap your freaking hairdresser and justify it!
Fortunately, in an attempt to stay under the radar, by doing everything by the book, the filing of a flight plan for the pharmaceutical company's private jet, lets the Fedcakes know where CJ is going to be.

Cal Sci: When I see it's Lazlo looking at the flight route, I know that somewhere, in the back of his brain, is a never to be implemented plan about trying to prove CJ is a clone. Okay, so he doesn't say it, as the character has demonstrated he might, but I think Charlie's talking actually prevents it.
Getting another line into te top en of best guest star lines, Lazlo comments on Charmita's FBI work. "When do you find time to teach? I've skipped like four classes since I met you guys." Hee! Lazlo's all meta. He has graduated, in one eppesode, to the level-level of Ray-Ray.

Charmita can't react to any meta right now as they've narrowed down the number of hotels where CJ could be kept by the baddies. This cnfuses Lazlo even more, but the couple justify their conclusions using QSP1, and the missing SUV.
Plus, Charmita and the Fedcakes, beside being a great tribute band name, have to stop Rudy and CJ before they get on the plane, because, technically, Rudy owns his Petrie dish. In other words, as the whole hotel probability and QSP1 issue was confusing Lazlo, they're trying to help Anne get CJ back. Now, Lazlo wants to know which hotel it is.
Fairtel Plaza/ IHOF: While Liz may want to help get CJ back, she's where she doesn't want to be -- alone in a car with David. Yet, David, because he is all levels of awesome, topped with awesomesauce, instead of digging for details which OMGIWANT, simply asks if she's okay.

Liz is okay, and more importantly, by not denying the story, confirms it.

At that moment, the Fedcakes' luck changes, as Rudy steps outside for a smoke. See, not only does it indicate bad parenting on prime time (although, calling your kid a Petrie dish is definitely worse), but also it gives the good guys a chance to screw you over! Ha!

At the IHOF, Miller can't talk his way out of this one. All he can do is disavow all knowledge of the attack on Carla. Hmm, how about we make him like one of those things in Mission Impossible, where it gives the mission, and then promptly self-destructs. I'm all for that.
No wonder the pharmaceutical company needed Miller. Their other employees have no concept of security. Colby literally strolls past Rudy into the hotel.
As the Fedcakes rush the hotel room where CJ is being kept, Miller tries to talk Don into a job and pulls out the old adage that possession is in 9/10 of the law. He then goes on to threaten Don, albeit subtly, by implying that if he makes a mistake, he'll find himself transferred to Fairbanks, Alaska.

"Fairbanks," Don muses, "Never been there."
As Liz finds CJ hiding behind a couch, all I can thing is suck it, Miller, because look whose got possession of Rudy's Petrie dish now!
The whole point of the interview with Miller was to keep hm distracted while the Fedcakes arranged for Anne to escape with CJ. It's great when the random fed gives Don the Thumbs up from outside interview, letting him know that he can tell Miller how he was bamboozled by people making about 1 1/2 times less than Miller.

As Miller has one last moment thinking he's hooked Don, he asks the chief Fedcake what he wants.

"A couple more years with my mom would be nice," Don replies. "You can't give me that, can you?" Aw. I would get all teary-eyed here, except there's one better answer to the offer of what someone wants in the history of entertainment.

Don did, on the other hand, give a few more years to one child with her mom.

Airport: Now, if this were scientific, I would say this was QSP4, because where the hell do the Fedcakes get a private plane on such short notice? Seriously. I mean, I know Colby was offered any favour he wanted at one point in season 3, but that's the only place I can think of where a private jet would be conveniently available. I know I will often forgive plot holes but this one is just so huge, that one could, say fly a plane through it.

IHOF: Sure, Miller tries to threaten Don, but what is he going to say? The Fedcakes stole my Petrie dish? Someone took my clone? Well, after misappropriating government funds to create a clone of a personal chef, the FBI arranged the clone to be abducted by her surrogate mother?

Really, that phone call would be just as unbelievable as QSP1 and QSP2, multiplied by 10.

Cal Sci: Charlie finds out that he's practically the only one who isn't a big brother. Don and David are both big brothers, and there's a joke in there about Charlie being a little brother, but damned if I can find it. Thus, he agrees, but again, like most things in Charlie's life, I think it's only because he wants his actual big brother to be proud of him.

Lazlo arrives with the "beer of professors," scoffing at Charlie's beer. Even though he may have the beer of professors, he also has the pain of disappointment, since no one will ever know if CJ is really a clone. Cue the unfiltered tirade of inappropriate things to say. Seriously, if we can't have Ray-Ray back-back this season-season, could we please have some more Lazlo. At least, when he doesn't have to work extra shits at the Buy More?

Charmita keeps bringing up how much trouble Don will be in, and no matter how much Don tries to brush it off, I can't help but think one thing.
The couple's persistence at insisting Don will be in trouble smells of a season -long subplot -- just as long as we don't have to see Twitter McGowan!

When Don laughs at the idea of being in trouble and makes a comment about not being a lifer, someone's expression on the screen mirrors mine.
Again, Lazlo saves me from conversations I don't want to hear, by lamenting about the loss of the CJ for science. Realizing he sounds like a cold bastard, he admits he's happy CJ will have a happier life.

Even if she does grow up to be a stormtrooper.

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Where Credit's Due (Eppesode 604)

We'll just let our opening grid recover from some early Friday evening imbibing and move on to the actual plot.

We begin with a couple out geo-caching, something I'm a little surprised Numb3rs hasn't featured more often, considering all the math that has to be involved in it. Well, the girl is out geo-caching. The guy thinks heading out to the same place where I think they filmed "High Exposure" might get him some, well some high exposure.

Except the guy is screwed over in an ongoing motif of this eppesode: odd ways of cock-blocking. In this case, it's a mummified dead guy in a wooden crate.
Cal Sci: Amita's come to Charlie's office with the same purpose as the guy in the desert. She closes the door, and, to be honest, I was too distracted by something else the first time I watched this eppesode to notice that there are actually two things that might cool the mood.
The second thing is as logical as say, turning one's phone off (which is definitely Don's worst habit), lock the bloody door!
Well, Larry still hasn't decided where he's going (or he's running from the law, trying to fool them with multiple destinations) as he's bought tickets for Greenland, Australia, Greece, Alaska, and Italy. I think it's time to play Where in the World is Larry Fleinhardt, a game we haven't played since second season. Oh yes, and Larry's planning to fly out of Las Vegas, as he doesn't want to say goodbye from home. His logic escapes me, to be honest, so I'm thinking he's really going to clean some casinos out of some cash to help fund his journey.

Liz, who is lucky enough to have finally returned from San Francisco before Larry's farewell, has brought something for Charlie to watch. No, it's not porn; it's the horror film Bixel Street. Now, this is not to be confused with the Bixcel Street Boys (or Family, depending on the eppesode), even though it screamed some sort of inside Numb3rs joke to which I am not privvy. The eppesodes in question weren't all written by the same people. Hell, even the spelling (if the props are accurate) is slightly different but I'm thinking I've missed something like the word of the day, and all of us in the fandom are supposed to dance, scream, or throw toast, or something, whenever we hear the word Bixel/Bixcel on the show.

Anyway, someone's bootlegged a pre-release copy of the film, which I'm sure is a reference to the Wolverine scandal, (and an excuse for me to mention Hugh Jackman), and Liz would like Charmita's help with tracking the bootleggers.

Liz says her goodbyes to Larry, and I can only thin one thing throughout most of this scene.
"High Exposure" set: The coroner who is not Claudia, is there examining the corpse that was hung, shot, and stabbed. There's an overkill pun to be made here but damn knows if I can find it.
Anyway, Colby gets all the information, and how it'll be next to impossible to figure out the details of the death because the corpse has been all mummified, leading to a more important question. Why hide everything, only to lead the couple from the beginning right to it?

La Maison d'Eppes: Amita must find Bixel Street extremely terrifying because she's crawled into Charlie's lap for security.

Wait, in yet another example of how to ruin the mood -- sitting in the next room is Alan, who is frustrated by some computer program he has to learn before he gets a job. Don is also there, but he couldn't ruin the mood, just inspire some really, really, kinky fanfic. Trust me, it's out there.

Amita has a quiet word with Charlie about helping out Alan, and Charlie, wisely, is staying out of it. We don't need the reemergence of the infamous Eppes House War to start just prior to Charmita's marriage. Imagine the shit Alan would pull then (although, none of it would involve the prevention of grandchildren, I'm sure).

After the creepy, weird-ass crime scene, Colby's in need of some support.
Thus, he consults Don. The problem is that Colby's consulting the wrong brother as that clip that we saw at the beginning, was, in fact, not the discovery of the body, but a clip from the film, which was duplicated out in the desert, by some couple we didn't see. probably because it saved them the money of having to film it twice.

Title Flash.

IHOF: Since the movie was duplicated, they've only go a suspect pool of everyone who downloaded it, which would be just about everyone with a working broadband connection and a basic knowledge of torrents.

Wait, or not, since it's only been five days, and in internet time, that may be an eternity, but in hanging/ stabbing/ shooting / mummifying time, that's far too soon. At least there's always a Charlie-vision to help things along. This time, it's about how to calculate the rate of the mummification, which he compares to feeding (and feeding and feeding) a stray hungry dog. It's all about how the rate changes depending on how hungry the dog is. Charlie has clearly never met my dogs. They would never slow down with their eating.

As Charlie is heading off to et some of Larry's help before he heads of to Greenstrareecaly I'm also left with another conundrum.
Colby points out what everyone's thinking. Considering the publicity stunts pulled these days (can we say balloon boy?) how ridiculous is it to think this might be some marketing ploy?

CBS's Back Lot: Come on, like we all don't know that's what it is. So, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are sent to talk to the producer and writer of the film. The producer bores me, but the writer makes me applaud. It's Delahoy! Okay, so I may have ben the only person to watch The Unusuals earlier this year, but I loved that quirky little show. Therefore, even though the writer's name is actually McNall, I'm calling him Delahoy.
Delahoy and the producer aren't very useful for the case, but are great when it comes to tooting their own horns. While hundreds of people may have known the details of the script well enough to copycat it, since it was such brilliant idea in the first place, the Fedcakes will never catch the killer. Yeah, well, Delahoy, I hate to break it to you, but you haven't met our Fedcakes yet.

Cal Sci: Yay! A Charlie and Larry experiment! They always do the most hilarious shit, including playing with plumbing, sledgehammers with beds of nails, and run across jello. Right now, their mummifying a banana peel, steak, a sponge, and apricots (just because Larry wants to).

Of course, now would be the perfect time for Larry and Amita to bug Charlie about helping Alan with his computer difficulties. Charlie caves to the pressure, which irritates me, but he does assure his fiancee and mentor that it will "end in tears."

IHOF: Six years of continuity points floating about in my head are rewarded by scenes like this. Here's Don, bringing up his favourite film, Sullivan's Travels, and asking his little protege (that being the phrase -- I'm not implying Colby is in any way, little) if he's seen it. (He hasn't. He keeps moving it down on his Netflix cue. Anyone want to guess on what got moved up?)

Don's using the debate in his favourite movie (should movies be art or commerce) and pointing out that in Bixel Street, it's clearly all about the commerce. Does it have hot starlets kissing in it? Do people get slaughtered in the grossest ways possible? If so, it's definitely going to make money.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have been doing what they do best -- research for exposition purposes, with a little hilarity thrown in. Apparently, there are a lot of weirdos and shady characters that go into show biz. While I've paraphrased that line, because even though it's not a candidate for an NPAL^TM, it is a candidate for the most obvious statement ever.
Yet, it's candidacy is blown out of the water when Colby discusses another guy who is, "A grip, whatever that means." I've been on sets in the past (oh, my misspent youth and excuse to miss school) and I have no idea what a grip does either. In face, I've never met anyone who knows the exact duties of a grip. While I'm sure someone's going to tell me, in the comments, what a grip does, unless I've met you in person, my statement still stands.

Luckily, because David wouldn't have a purpose unless it's to deliver important information or talk someone down from doing something stupid, unless general awesomeness is a purpose he has the identity of the victim. The mummy is one Brent Fuller (or Brett, depending on who is pronouncing it, and the scene where it's said), a producer of some pretty crappy films. Conveniently, one of the weirdos and shady characters Colby's been looking into, Victor Stokes, has worked on some of those films.
Stokes' Residence: Believe it or not, Victor Stokes, a fat old dude, actually tries to run from Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Athena. I think this guy automatically wins the stupid criminal of the season award.

He also tries to justify why he has a bunch of creepy-ass mannequins (one of which is a mummy) hanging around his house. But wait, there's more! (This is like an infomercial on how to be a moron.) He spent prop money at a massage parlour and has a bunch of weapons without a permit.
So what makes this really sad is the truthful commentary he makes on Fuller, who Stokes last saw a year ago before the producer headed off to some shoot in Malaysia. "The guy was good at talking people out of their money. Anywhere else you'd call him a conman. Here, he's called a producer." While this is both truthful, and sad, it's the second time Numb3rs has had an eppesode dealing with the frailties of Hollywood. Considering all this show has to offer, I'm not keen on it covering the same old ground.

Stokes does move the plot forward by telling the Fedcake trio that Fuller was supposed to be the original producer of Bixel Street. That is, until he decided to have a cameo in the publicity.

Cal Sci: Just as predicted, the computer lesson from son to father aren't going so well. In fact, unlike the last time Larry interrupted, I'm fairly confident Charlie's pleased to see his mentor.

Thus, Alan sends his youngest off to check on his "dried fruit." If that isn't a euphemism for something, it should be. I'm taking suggestions.
IHOF: Well, just like in Hollywood, no one would miss you if you aren't famous. No one reported Brent Fuller missing and no one gave a crap about it until he showed up as the grossest publicity opportunity in history.

Well, actually, Fuller's mummification process was at least nine months long -- before the movie was made. I hope the dried apricots were wort it, because I don't see how the things used in the experiment could even come close to approximating the time. For instance, just because I call Colby a beefcake, I would use a steak to fiure out how long he -- wait, I couldn't come up with anything that wasn't so dirty, even I wouldn't type it, so I'll just leave that to your imaginations.

CBS's Back Lot: Like I'm ever going to believe this is actually Zenith Studios! Anyway, Delahoy hits on Liz, by saying she would've been perfect for some ex-gymnast, criminal-mastermind with the handicapped son. Well, Liz shoots him down by saying she does "Yoga and I have an able-bodied hamster."
Neatly, Delahoy refutes the Fedcakes' claims that Fuller was dead before the movie was made (in this show, doubting Charlie's math is always bad) and dismisses any insinuations that he either did it, or knows who did, by making a crack about how much he'd cost to help write this fiction.
IHOF: During a pedaconference between David, Colby and Liz, David does something that hurts my heart: he doubts Charlie's math. What makes me even sadder, is that no one scoffs at that suggestion. Instead they dicuss new avenues to investigate.
Cal Sci: In a scene that confuses me as to its purpose. Don is in Charlie's office, talking to Larry about where he's going next. Sure, Larry waxes poetic about seeing the stars, without the use of technology (which is a clunky bit of foreshadowing) but then he asks the question, "in an infinite universe, how is some new corner better than our own?" I can answer that questions -- it isn't (since Gallifrey was destroyed). I have the proof in the screencap below.
As Charlie arrives with the news that his father and fiancee are mad at him over the computer stuff, and it's Amita's turn to suffer next, we get back to the case. Delahoy isn't just a screenwriter. No, he also advertises Cine-pal -- a computer program that will help you write a blockbuster. Umm, yeah, okay. bullshit
Fuller's House: The victim's pad has been taken over by his assistant, Tyson. Somehow, didn't think 60 grand in cash and 10 months without hearing from your boss, is weird. Either that, or he's in on it. Although, it's not like Tyson's standards for living are that high. Take a look at his equation on what equals heaven.
The only useful info he can give Rosencrantz and Guildenstern is a receipt from a lunch Fuller went to with Delahoy and someone named D.W..
La Maison d'Eppes: Amita's receives as big of an epic fail as Charlie did at trying to teach Alan about the computer program.
Okay, so it doesn't end in a fight, but it does end with Alan feeling dejected about his chances at finding a job, thus it's a failure, in a different way.

Charlie arrives with his own copy of the Delahoy-endorsed Cine-pal, and while Charlie may marvel at a screen-writing program, I feel safely smug that no one could ever write a program to do what I do. Probably because only serious nerds spend this much of their mental energy on 6 seasons of minutiae.

CBS's Studios: This time, we've moved inside where Delahoy is giving an interview about how awesome the studio is. Hmm, someone has a multi-picture deal in the works. Anyway, he scoffs at the new evidence when he's confronted by David and Liz. A receipt proves nothing, Delahoy claims.

David responds by calmly laying out his theory of the cime: that Delahoy did it and the writer is "a twisted arrogant ass." Sure, it sounds harsh coming from David but his reaction is much more matre than mine would've been in the same situation.
IHOF: No one can scoff at David and get away with it so we get a quick Fedcake conference, where we learn Delahoy took 120000 grand out. With 60 of it still unaccounted for, they find another connection -- a Deborah Westbourne, who has a very convenient set of initials.
To be honest, I've been trying to work in a D.W. Griffith joke ever since the initials first appeared. Sadly, I failed, and for some reason needed to mention it. Although, as justification, considering what pictures he's famous for, perhaps a joke would've been in bad taste. Like that's ever stopped me before.

Westbourne Entertainment: The first eppesode after Be Kind to David Day demonstrates why we need Be Kind to David day. My BFFedcake thinks, for a minute, that he's responsible for the hanging of Deborah Westbourne. The door was rigged that when it was opened, it would cause her body to hang.

I say her body, because Liz saves my BFFedcake from going any further on a guilt trip, by pointing out that Westbourne has been dead for a while. The whole scene is another copycat from Bixel Street.

IHOF: After the commercial, we have another Fedcake brainstorming session about the murders. While Colby makes a valid point about about Delahoy beind a "smug psychopath," but since he's the obvious suspect and it's way too early in the eppesode to know the answer, I'll have to dispute the Fedcakes' belief that the writer is guilty.

Liz's theory is also valid: Delahoy killed his former backers to take advantage of some big studio money. Well, actually, he killed Westbourne to hide any connection to Fuller.

Again, I look at the time, realize it's too early for the solution, and wonder what exactly is the purpose of this scene. Sure, I love seeing Fedcakes in their natural habitat, but I don't like seeing them be totally wrong.

La Maison d'Eppes: Larry's certainly making the rounds of goodbyes in this eppesode. First Liz, then a final philosophical discussion with Don, and now a farewell chess game with Alan. I have to admit, Alan gives the most valid reason for Larry to stick around: the prevention of any father / son chess games.
Out in the math garage, Charlie is watching some of Delahoy's previous screen gems ( a phrase which here means, Razzie Award-worthy). Apparently, Cine-pal helped Delahoy write 11 crappy films. I wait for Charlie o get to the point, but Amita wants to talk about something else.

She's worried about Alan. While I really should be paying attention to ll the details about how Amita wants Alan t continue living with them, even if it means they can't have random sex in the weirdest places in the house, whenever they want.

Yet, I can't because like they haven't christened everywhere in the house already whenever Alan was out of town because of one little factoid Charlie drops in the middle of the conversation. The big event, Charmita's wedding, is still a year away. That means a couple of things. The first is that this event would have to take place in season 7. This gives me hope that there will be a season 7. The second is that I have to apologize for calling Amita a bridezilla last week. With only a year to plan, she has every right to be looking at invitation layouts.

Charlie though, is thinking about other things. He's thinking about recreating the moment before Larry walked into his office at the beginning of this eppesode.
But Charlie has a bit of a problem.
Sure, Larry has an important call from Don to deliver, but I think Charlie has a moment there where he thinks Larry can't leave town fast enough.

IHOF/ Field: Charlie's got to help David and Colby, who are in the field, find the wily writer. I'm feeling a bit defensive of my Fedcakes right now, because I resent Delahoy being quick enough to lose them.

With some quick calculations, Charlie's able to locate Delahoy via his cell phone. I have a moment of disbelief that Charlie's quicker at this than someone like, say, our favourite techie, Matt Li.

At the corner of Plumber and Orion, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern find Delahoy sitting outside at a pretty shifty looking cafe. He doesn't stay there long, and zooms off on his motorcycle.
Thus, Charlie (who conveniently brought Larry along) is needed to focus on keeping the Fedcakes in the field apprised of Delahoy's location, so Larry has to read all of Delahoy's text messages. 6 of which are very, very important.
While Liz, Don, Larry, and Charlie look at the blackmailing text, David and Colby are held up in their pursuit by stereotypical LA traffic. What is surprising is that there's somewhere in LA that's a cell dead zone. Who knew?

So the Fedcakes have lost Delahoy and I'm starting to lose patience with the way this plot is plodding along.

Fortunately, Liz saves the day by remembering a scene in Bixel Street that took place at Angel Point. It's a scene about finding a dead hooker but Charlie points out the problem with the dead hooker scene; it doesn't fit in with the story structure of Cine-pal.

Meanwhile, our favourite set of male partners, and sometimes dates, (no, that will never get old, and yes, I will mention it whenever I have the chance) have arrived at Elysian Park to find Delahoy's bike, and the corpse of the producer we met earlier, on a cement pergola. Geez, I wonder if that's a comment on what we're really supposed to think about the now dead Ms. White.

While David and Colby are distracted by the corpse, Delahoy gets away.

After the commercial, and into the evening at the IHOF, Liz is trying to figure out what's been going on. The blackmailer was the one who sent Delahoy to the park in the first place, yet the assumption all along is that Delahoy is the killer. Plus, with Delahoy's previous films being craptastically awful, like Masters of the Universe- level bad, nothing makes sense.

That is, as always in this show, it doesn't make sense until Charlie explains it, or, should I say, Liz has the best meta-line ever, pushing Charlie to solve the problem.
Perhaps Delahoy didn't write Bixel Street, which means the assumption all along that it was the writer is correct. The problem is that they didn't know the true identity of the writer.

Delahoy's Delahouse: David and Colby are stuck babysitting the place, because, since Delahoy is such a predictable writer, he'll e predictable and go home.

Well, just like this entire case, nothing's that predictable and somewhere between Angel Point and his home, Delahoy picked up a gun. Or perhaps he just stole it from the now struck set of The Unusuals. When he takes a couple of shots in the Fedcakes' direction, I can only think one thing.
In the first truly smart thing Delahoy's done this entire eppesode, he, and his rejected 70's hair, surrender, simpering his apologies.

IHOF: Because the speed at which this plot is moving, I'm going to speed it up. Delahoy is a douche, trying to justify shooting at Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. He uses his research from a movie he wrote that was to star David Schwimmer, to defend himself. Uh, yeah, that might've held some serious weight, in 2004.
After some banter, none of which on Delahoy's side is witty, but Don comes up with a neat Dial M For Murder analogy, Don brings out the big gun, Charlie. That sounded way dirtier than I intended, but you get the point. So Delahoy confesses that he didn't write the script because he sucks and has a bad imitation of the haircut from My Name Is Earl (okay, so I added the last part) and that the real writer is the only other person of note we've met in this eppesode, who isn't dead, Tyson the mooching assistant.
Fuller's: David and Colby's arrest of Tyson goes really smoothly. In fact, all Tyson wanted was credit for writing Bixel Street. He even looks forward to his time in prison where he can spend all his time writing when he's not being someone's bitch. The only thing concerning him is the script he's working on not get taken. This compels me to say something.
IHOF: Liz is trying to rustle up some company for the midnight showing of Bixel Street. She asks Don first and

SQUEE!!!!!

Sorry, let me translate that. I mean that Don refuses to go with Liz becasue he plans to curl up and watch the travel channel tonight, with Robin.
Next, Liz tries both Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, but they both refuse. David's done with all things Bixel Street because he's had to live it the past few days, while Colby is going to finish Tyson's newest script.
Liz decides to go on her own because it's better than staying at home with Hamermonspto (for lack of a better name for her hamster). And this is where my suspension of disbelief breaks down. Like Liz couldn't just stand in the middle of a street and get a date. (Uhh, I didn't mean it like that.)

In the most hilarious moment of the eppesode, Colby tells David what the new script is about: a prison break. Presumably, it's a lot more realistic than say, Prison Break, because David snatches it out of Colby's hand, with the intention of sending it to the detention centre where Tyson is incarcerated.

Coly's pissed he couldn't finish the script first. Perhaps it ends in a disappointing fashion where the main character, who we've cheered for since the beginning, gets himself dead.

La Maison d'Eppes: Alan's given up on the program and is now beating the computer at chess. Oh yes, the nice framing of the subplot with Alan and computers, with Alan, beating the computer that's spent so long kicking his ass.

Well, Charmita wants to talk about something extremely important.

They don't want Alan to feel he has to leave La Maison d'Eppes because then the show writers would have to find excuses for him to drop by all the time a la Don so they want Alan to stay, even after Charmita's wedding.

Ah, yet Alan has a few surprises in him yet. He has a job -- with the people who wrote the program that was confounding him. He went to their conveniently located head office in Pasadena, to cuss them out, only to walk out of there with a job. He's going to help them make the software more user-friendly. So Alan will be able to afford to move out to let his son and future daughter-in-law work on giving him grandchildren.

Amita protests (not about the grandchildren), insisting that they meant what they said about Alan living with them, giving her fiance the prime chance to win this week's NPAL^TM award.

"She did, anyway." Ooh, Charlie, passive aggressiveness is so not your strong suit. His litle "I'm kidding," afterward, does not lessen the awkwardness of that statement. If anything, it heightens it.

Only after not joking around with his father, does Charlie notice that Larry's bags have gone. Larry has left the building.

The Middle of Freaking Nowhere: Like many good exits, Larry does his with style. He's driving to the music of Tom Waits, uncertain of where he's heading. Well, he's uncertain until he stops in the middle of freaking nowhere, to remember his own foreshadowing, and the tickets, symbolically, fly out of the car.

He stops and stares up at the stars, none of the city lights obstructing the view. He sees the worst realty sign in history, only to realize that he's found where he wants to go.

Instacap: Numb3rs: Where Credit's Due (Eppesode 604)

Oh, dead guy in a box. Nothing will spoil the mood more.

Okay, strike that, Larry walking in might spoil the mood more.

Iceland, Greece, Austrailia, Italy -- I missed one. I should've recited them like Dory from Finding Nemo.

Description of the mummification, that might be even worse for the mood.

Bixcel Street? Is that movie called Bixcel Street? As in the Bixcel Street Boys from "Checkmate"

You know who else is in "Checkmate?" Take a wild guess. In fact, I'll give you a hint, I'm about to seriously whine if I don;t see said person soon. (No, I've not seriously whined yet.)

Charlie teaching Alan is going to end up the same way I think Charlie's hand is going to wind up with that nail.

Sullivan's Travels? Oh continuity, I love you. Do we all remember the last time that film was mentioned? Oh yeah, I mean it about the whining.

No, that's Bixel Street -- like that's going to throw me off.

Liz has an able-bodied hamster? I think we need name suggestions for Liz's hamster.

Washer/dryer and satellite is all this guy needs for heaven? Talk about your low standards.

The screenwriter's hair requires its own credit. It's a character all on its own.

STOP WITH THE SOFT-FILTERED LENS!

Okay, Charlie is cock-blocked a second time by Larry.

Crap. Liz Warner, why are you so pretty? *seethes with envy*

Slowest motorcycle chase ever.

David, you really work that suit.

Like we didn't see the douchebag not being a cinematic genius.

Claiming it was dark on this show isn't an excuse! It's always dark on this show!

I guess Tyson didn't learn, they send the FBI to deal with copyright issues like this.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel better.

The poor, neglected hamster, whatever his name is.

Only Alan could get a job like that.

Alan you cannot move out of La Maison d'Eppes.

Goodbye Larry music video complete with CGI stars.

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: 7 Men Out (Eppesode 603)

NotASpyAnymore: At bar! Woohoo! Partner should be here! Ladies-a-plenty #Davidwon'ttwitter


Theoriginalspy: Hey look! The Grid is tipsy, again! Time for an intervention!
Pic via fauxtwitpic.

Tokendeaddude: I'm going to die. I'm going to be forced to kill myself. OMG, WTF have I done? #dead


Slumlady: @Tokendeaddude STFU, I've got a corpse in my tenement and you don't see me crying, do you?


Rookiecop: We've got another corpse over here. Maybe I'll get off the beat if I solve the case.


Tokendeaddude: I mean it! I'm going to shoot myself in the head before the title flash! #dead


DetectiveCates: @Rookiecop Inappropriate! We've had 3 bodies in four days, and all shot themselves in the head! I've got to tell the Fedcakes. #Fedcakes


NotASpyAnymore: At scene w my favourite date. Loser won't Twitter. #Davidwon'ttwitter


Theoriginalspy: David is getting the exposition for a change! 7 corpses per city (Miami, Houston, Denver). 3 so far in LA. Pic via fauxtwitpic. NotASpyAnymore: What is this Saw?



DetectiveCates: Someone was watching this corpse kill himself online. Ew.



TokenDeadDude: I'm being filmed while I shoot myself in the head! I warned you I would do it! #dead.


TitleFlash: I flashed, and no, that isn't dirty.

ISupportAll: I'm so very supportive, just not as well lit as usual in this scene at La Maison d'Eppes.

CurlyHaredBlackHole: I miss my fiancee.



KaliStoleYourMojo: @CurlyHaredBlackHole I miss you too! BTW, will send you some stuff to look at later! So excited!


CurlyHaredBlackHole: @KaliStoleYourMojo *gulp*



WhiteSpaceKnight: That lecture was not to my taste anymore.



CurlyHaredBlackHole: @WhiteSpaceKnight The Royal Astronomical Society isn't your taste?


WhiteSpaceKnight: @CurlyHaredBlackHole I'm simplifying my tastes. Sticking with raspberries. Besides, the world is ending.


CurlyHaredBlackHole: @WhiteSpaceKnight In 7.9 billion years. You could try blueberrys too.


PappaEppes: @WhiteSpaceKnight @CurlyHaredBlackHole I may be around then, thanks to my new pills, but my retirement fund won't last 7.9 months. #subplot


Theoriginalspy: @PappaEppes When did you get all meta? Pic via fauxtwitpic. PappaEppes: @Theoriginalspy I am wise. I am even wise enough to be meta. My wisdom, apparently, does not apply to financial planning. #subplot

CurlyHaredBlackHole: @PappaEppes, please tell me those pills aren't blue. If they are, I will need to throw myself, like a pumkin, off of a roof at Cal Sci.

IHOFedcakes: The IHOF is pleased to announce a congregation of Fedcakes. #Fedcakes

AlphaBitch4: Working with Rosencrantz, we learn nothing is tracable. Hell, even the victims don't establish a pattern. Will report this to @ChiefFedcake.


ChiefFedcake: @AlphaBitch4 Anything else?



AlphaBitch4: @ChiefFedcake Well, DS found out the victims were all financially screwed -- and that online classifieds aka hookers, might be involved.

ChiefFedcake: @AlphaBitch4 Why is DS not twittering this himself?


AlphaBitch4: @ChiefFedcake, DS doesn't twitter. #Davidwon'ttwitter.


CurlyHaredBlackHole: @ChiefFedcake, Come to my office, #Dad.



ChiefFedcake: @CurlyHaredBlackHole WTF, I had money with the strip mall guy Dad invested with. Oh yeah, good luck helping our stubborn Dad. #Dad.


CurlyHaredBlackHole: @ChiefFedcake, Grate, now I'm the breadwinner now?



ChiefFedcake:@CurlyHaredBlackHole Enough about all this awkward finance stuff. What about the case?


CurlyHaredBlackHole: @ChiefFedcake, Your case is like @WhiteSpaceKnight's zen garden. I'm raking things over.


WhiteSpaceKnight: Zen garden is Zen.



CurlyHaredBlackHole: @WhiteSpaceKnight aren't you leaving?



WhiteSpaceKnight: @CurlyHaredBlackHole I'll leave when my soul is ready to leave. Got to de-clutter everything: mind, space, etc., first.


CurlyHaredBlackHole: @WhiteSpaceKnight tell me later, have results. @NotASpyAnymore, found a place your three vics may have met -- a strip club!


NotASpyAnymore: @CurlyHaredBlackHole I'm so all over that! Who is with me? @AlphaBitch4?


AlphaBitch4: @NotASpyAnymore, why me? take you're partner.



NotASpyAnymore: @AlphaBitch4 I consider this his punishment because he doesn't tweet. #Davidwon'ttwitter


AlphaBitch4: @NotASpyAnymore, I'm calling him anyway. DS has to come along. This ain't Utah.


NotASpyAnymore: @AlphaBitch4 Like my partner would say, if he tweeted, that's Idaho!



AlphaBitch4: @NotASpyAnymore, isn't that the name of the dancer on the stage, Ida Ho?


NotASpyAnymore: I think the hot hostess just offered me something deep.


Theoriginalspy: Yeah, I think she did too. Pic via fauxtwitpic. AlphaBitch4: How weird is it that I'm the only woman in the VIP lounge at a strip club? Oh wait, illicit gambling. Got a bunch to take back back to the IHOF. #IHOF


NotASpyAnymore: Partner and I learned the dead guys all owed serious money to the strip club hostess. That wasn't what I first thought when she talked about deep.


ChiefFedcake: Dead gamblers don't pay up.



AlphaBitch4: Reason num482 not to have kids -- nanny-cam signals being crossed with live internet Russian Roulette games.


Tokendeaddude: Fedcakes can watch me die! #dead #Fedcakes



NotASpyAnymore: Gross



ChiefFedcake: What a waste.



AlphaBitch4: Ew.



WhiteSpaceKnight: Russian Roulette, allegedly, started as a way for Russian soldiers to work out who would get to eat the remaining scraps of food.


Theoriginalspy: @WhiteSpaceKnight, I can read Wikipedia too!


CurlyHaredBlackHole: It's all a big internet gambling fad, but only clever people, like me, and rogue nanny-cams, can access the site.


AlphaBitch4: RR players are teh stupid. We are not the Russian army.



WhiteSpaceKnight: But the psychology and the math is so interesting if we just look at --



AlphaBitch4: @WhiteSpaceKnight,I'm sticking with my theory that RR players are teh stupid. Plus, with four dead, there are three to go.


CurlyHaredBlackHole: At least we now have acsess because I hacked the site. We can keep track of things.


KaliStoleYourMojo: @CurlyHaredBlackHole And who taught you how to do that so effective. PS: CHECK YOUR E-MAIL!


CurlyHaredBlackHole: @KaliStoleYourMojo I love you too! *eep*


NotASpyAnymore: @ChiefFedcake Taking my partner to go talk to the wife of the guy left alive in the video. He's been missing for a week.


ChiefFedcake: No, I'll go.



MyHubbyIsWhere: My husband lost his job. We lost our health insurance. May lose the house. We are the archetype for trouble in these tough times.


ChiefFedcake: Is sad for this woman, but don't want to appear too weak here.


MyHubbyIsWhere: Let me now tell you some endearing story about my hubby, to make him more real. Plus, he said he'd stop gambling.


ChiefFedcake: Oh, that woman is naive. I feel for her.



AlphaBitch4: Another corpse. The Dominator did not take his name seriously enough. Brain now dominates the floor.


WhiteSpaceKnight: Stuck watching more video of men shooting themselves in the head. And people wonder why I want to escape reality.


AlphaBitch4: @WhiteSpaceKnight, so is this gambling thing I hear about you true?



WhiteSpaceKnight: @AlphaBitch4, sadly so. The thrill and the depths were once a part of my daily existence. It's like that line in The Gambler.


AlphaBitch4: @WhiteSpaceKnight, *sings* Know when to hold 'em..."



WhiteSpaceKnight: @AlphaBitch4, Uh, no. The movie. "What is it all gamblers have in common? They're all looking to lose."


AlphaBitch4: @WhiteSpaceKnight, I can't sing that.



RookerFan: @AlphaBitch Hey, what's up? What am I missing stuck up in San Fran?


AlphaBitch4: @RookerFan People shooting themselves in the head.



RookerFan: @AlphaBitch Well then, I'll let you get back to that. Sorry to have missed it. Wait, no I'm not.


AlphaBitch4: @RookerFan You so owe me a drink, leaving me to converse with WhiteSpaceKnight.



RookerFan: @AlphaBitch We'll go out drinking and dancing when I get back.


Theoriginalspy: With Tweets like that, they'll inspire FemSlash.




RookerFan: @Theoriginalspy, Why not, the boys are doing it!


NotASpyAnymore: Get to interview Strip Club Hostess. Liked her better when I thought our relationship would be "deep."


Allmensvices: The cute Beefcake Fedcake doesn't find me so hot anymore. All I do is fill a need.


NotASpyAnymore: @Allmensvices, shut up. You're so going down for this unless you talk.


Allmensvices: @NotASpyAnymore Whatever, I sold the names of my biggest losers and they got a chance to get them out of debt.


NotASpyAnymore: @Allmensvices, Well, you've got to give me something.



Allmensvices: @NotASpyAnymore If it'll help my chances, I'll give you a face.


Theoriginalspy: Not like that.



CurlyHaredBlackHole: Uh-oh, Dad brought food. He can't afford food.



PappaEppes: If my son seriously thinks I'll take any money from him, he's dreaming in technicolour. #subplot


CurlyHaredBlackHole: @PappaEppes, Dad, you always suported me.



PappaEppes: My youngest son clearly forgot about how he had to surreptitiously buy his own house.


NotASpyAnymore: Second time in the nudie bar. BEST JOB EVER! Get to watch voyeur porn too!


Allmensvices: @NotASpyAnymore Why does the Fedcake Beefcake not seem to be enjoying this.


NotASpyAnymore: I cannot let the hostess know I'm loving all the hot girls' asses.


Theoriginalspy: Like I couldn't tell what Colby was thinking. Pic via fauxtwitpic. Allmensvices: @NotASpyAnymore I know why you love bad girls.



Theoriginalspy: Because it's always good for the plot, and he hasn't met the right good girl yet!


NotASpyAnymore: Dude, I have the worst luck with women. I'm glad finding the guy got us of this topic.


RealityKai: Hey, who filmed me getting a lapdance? Wait a minute. So... not... caring...


ChiefFedcake: @NotASpyAnymore We need to pedaconference. Bring your partner.


NotASpyAnymore: I wouldn't have to tell David things if he tweeted! #Davidwon'ttwitter


ChiefFedcake: @NotASpyAnymore Just tell me what you have!


NotASpyAnymore: @ChiefFedcake Our baddie is Kai Kragen. He used to make reality shows before someone wound up all Vic Morrow on one.


ChiefFedcake: @NotASpyAnymore Hey! I saw that clip on YouTube! So you're telling me this is all a money grab?


RealityKai: I love having pictures of me in my house! It's not my ego, just my good looks.



NotASpyAnymore: My partner would so say this guy is full of crap. #Davidwon'ttwitter


RealityKai: Like I'm going to tell these Fedcakes about my online Russian Roulette series. I deny everything.


NotASpyAnymore: This guy is a douche. No wonder he was so successful in reality TV.



RealityKai: "That's TV. One day you're up. The next day, you're covered in blood holding someone's head." You can quote me.


Theoriginalspy: NPAL^TM alert!



NotASpyAnymore: @RealityKai You're not subtle about the drug use there, buddy, if my partner can wipe it up like dust.


RealityKai: @NotASpyAnymore Shut up, gotta go produce infomercials now. Aiming for Magic Bullet level quality here.


Theoriginalspy: Geez, this guy thinks Russian Roulette on the web is like any reality show. Can we say psycho? Pic via fauxtwitpic.
RealityKai: In the future, I only know one word LAWYER! #lawyer


NotASpyAnymore: D just got a call -- next RR game has started.



ChiefFedcake:@CurlyHaredBlackHole Where is this game streaming from?


TheImmortal8: Not my turn to die, suckers!



CurlyHaredBlackHole: @ChiefFedcake Quit pressuring me. This is KaliStoleYourMojo's area!


WhiteSpaceKnight: I'm not looking! I'm not looking!



CurlyHaredBlackHole: @NotASpyAnymore & @AlphaBitch4 The game's at 1st & Main!