Oh yes, and have I ever mentioned that I'm one heck of a serious X-phile?
Dreamland: We begin at Goathart air force base where a bunch of conspiracy nuts are clearly disobeying the sign about photography.
I'm not too sure what to call these people. They're conspiracy nuts who think this practically abandoned base may hold some secrets which may include:
- A reverse UFO project
- Reinvent of a Nazi thing
- Ghosts: specifically WWII test pilots
Wandering into a place clearly prohibited, yet not being of put by the whole Alien/UFO/Ghost thing, and calling the place "Dreamland" conveniently giving us our eppesode's title, I can only think of one possible thing to call this group.
Time passes, and the coffee runs out 2 hours before dawn. Yet, all this waiting has not been in vain. As soon as the Langley needs more coffee, bolts of blue lightning shoot out of the air, randomly hitting the debris on the base. In the midst of all that debris is one figure, running for her life. Thus, I would like to add one suggestion to the Lone Gunmen's list: it's clearly either and attack from the Emperor a family feud amongst the Oswalds.
Something ominous hovers overhead and the Lone Gunmen frantically take some photos, before it disappears.
Hey, didn't we already have a UFO case, like in he first season. Oh yes, we did, because I recapped it.
The Beginning: The next morning, Charlie, is driven to the crime scene by military escort. Somehow, I don't think the military wanted to give Charlie permission to drive on their base.
The Fedcakes are already there, waiting for our adorkable professor, and know it'll be a while before the body can be identified. Apparently, one's identity can be entirely wiped out by lightning. Unfortunately, if Charlie's expression is anything to go by, it's a really smelly process.
Out of nowhere (by out of nowhere, I mean hiding behind the Jeep) pops up some dude to do David's job: give exposition. He tells us Goathart was founded in 1938 and decommissioned in 1986. We get the history of the name (after the mountains) and the purpose (test out aircraft).
There are also a bunch of Fedcakes who are all WTF abou random dude hiding behind the Jeep, so now we get credentials. He's Floyd Mayborne of Department 44. What is Department 44? Apparently, it's the American Torchwood.
Not that Jeep Hiding Man can actually provide proof of his identity, because people who wok for Department 44 aren't allowed to carry ID. Then again, we can't know what Department 44 does either -- "for reasons that cannot be specified." It was founded in 1863, which means it predates Torchwood by 16 years.
David asks the question we all have: why exactly is Jeep Hiding Man here?
The Lone Gunmen are escorted out of the base, past the Fedcakes and Floyd, spouting their weird theories. Floyd sympathizes while David appears to agree with him, but is really wondering if Floyd is a few x-files short of a case.
Soft Light: In the darkness of the IHOF, Nikki and David tell Don all about Goathart and the Lone Gunmen, neither of which inspire much faith in Don about this being an easy case. Plus, the FBI probably doesn't hand over the X-files to just any agent, even Chief Fedcakes who look really god in Kevlar.
Colby arrives with some interesting footage taken by the Lone Gunmen of the weird lightning.
"You were saying, Agent Mulder?" Nikki quips. At first I thought, no, Don cannot be Mulder but then I realized his penchant for going against the rules, his search for deeper meanings, and his hotness would totally make him the Mulder. I even figured out who the Scully is in this show (the Scully before the whole cheesy romance thing started).
So now the Fedcakes have to find out what's going on, and all they have is the knowledge that the truth, is out there.
After the title flash, Nikki and Colby get the distinct pleasure of interviewing Frohike, and then I realize. That's not Frohike; it's Ted from Scrubs!
Anyway, they get nothing from Ted/Frohike other than the ominous statement "Everything you know, is wrong." That sounds much more like a Dr. Cox line than a Ted line, but I'll let it pass.
Later, Floyd's at the IHOF, and I think I need to change his moniker to Fedcake Snooping Man, because he examines everything, including the flavour of Fedcakes' coffee, by sniffing it. In my world, that would be a reason for justifiable homicide, but they are better people than I am.
It takes me a couple of viewing to realize that all Floyd is saying is "nice day we're having," except his description is so verbose, I don't even think I could outdo him. Luckily, he's distracted by the mention of Charlie, saying this week's most sadly appropriate line.
Hey, me too, which is why everyone should take action!
Colby gets the honour, by honour, I mean, hilarious punishment, of getting to escort Fedcake Snooping Man to Cal Sci. Oh, and in case you were wondering (which, we weren't) Colby is Floyd's grandmother's name. I hate to encourage him further but first or last name?
Alpha: We get into subplot territory, which I'm not entirely sure I like. You know, I can get the whole, Alan lost his money thing, because it's economically appropriate, but David wanting to know how to move up in the FBI? If it involves him going to Washington, as suggested by Don (should David want to go the management route), I'm not cool.
Logically, I think David would go the field work route, because he admires Don, but Don admits to not having a plan. That's a problem as I think David is much more of a planner than Don ever was. So, how about I ignore any idea of my BFFedcake moving up and out of the team, and think of better questions he could've asked Don.
Memento Mori: Nikki gets some info on the electrified corpse from the coroner who is not Claudia. The victim is a 20-something female who was wearing some sort of ID before she got fried. This means two things: 1) someone might've taken it before the authorities arrived and 2) She didn't work for Department 44, since she had ID.
"The Căluşari: Charlie is watching the Lone Gunmen's video, when Otto Bahnoff shows up -- having been sent by Dr. Waldie. You know, Bill, Bill, Bill Waldie? Well, I'm going to start a scandalous rumour about Dr. Waldie.
Otto's friends call him Autobahn,which makes me wonder, who the hell are this guy's friends? Better yet, did his parents hate him?
Otto's all excited about the object, and barely acknowledges that someone died. I think Charlie's about to have a short, but meaningful conversation that a nickname does not give permission to run all over the conversation, but Suddenly Appearing Man suddenly appears.
I'm saddened when I realize that Floyd's been there a while as I really, really would've enjoyed watching Colby introduce Floyd to Charlie. It's a comedic moment that now, will only live in my head, as it's been lost in this eppesode.
The introduction of Otto to Floyd is almost as hilarious, since Otto thinks he knows some f the same people Floyd does, at the Pentagon.
"Actually, I'm, quite sure we don't," Floyd tells him, winning both this week's NPALTM and the biggest laugh from me, as no one except for Charlie realizes how awkward this situation really is.
The discussion moves on to the possibility of ball lightning and some obscure person in history who may have been killed by an unproven phenomenon. You know,t hat sentence made way more sense in my head. This leads to the comment about a pale blue ball," and, I wonder if I'm supposed to find that line as funny as I do.
Charlie escapes the awkwardness by jumping into a Charlie-vision, to explain how he can't aim lightning at people, even if this ball lightning theory pans out.
The conversation about aiming lightning, which is bizarre enough, takes a turn into bonkers land, when Floyd takes a step to the side and starts listening to the air. Apparently, Floyd has a cell phone even Zoolander and Hansel (he's so hot) would envy.
Dreamland: Colby and Nikki are sent to investigate the site again, but the caretaker at Goathart laughs at the idea anything supernatural is going on. As for our Fedcakes, Nikki feels like she's in a Scooby-Doo cartoon. I'm not even asking who Velma would be.
All they find is some ulcer medication, leading Colby to ask that time-honoured question:
Field Trip: Night falls to find Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Nikki stuck on a stake out, watching the target area. David's a bit grumbly and all he wants to find is some justification for him freezing his butt of in the desert. I hate to do it, but I have to disagree with my BFFedcake. Any reason to bring out the night vision goggles is an excuse for a stakeout.
What they do find is a technology-filled van, and sadly, it isn't the Mystery Machine. It's full of people who have to know something about what's going on as they're ordered to clear out. The order comes a little too late, as the van's blown up anyway, making me extremely cross.
The next morning, the army, the Fedcakes and Floyd are all confused by the most recent turn of events. Charlie is more intrigued than confused, that is, until he mistakes a part of a person, for specialized equipment.
Three of a Kind: Back with not-Claudia, in the morgue, we learn the three dead men are also not from Department 44 because they all have IDs from Neox industries. They also died from "being blown up" which is the coroner's actual term -- not mine!
Soft Light: Neox is also missing one Cynthia Abbott, whose particulars match that of the dead Jane Doe's. Of course, not that this weapons' maker is going to report 4 missing employees.
Ghost in the Machine: The head the company, Drew, refuses to talk about the project, because of national security reasons, but acts like he's devastated over the loss of his employees. He then almost talks about it, by commenting that whatever it is, Cynthia Abbott wasn't involved. Oh, short scenes that just move the plot along, I love you.
Soft Light: For some reason, Don thought it was a good idea to let Nikki interview the grieving boyfriend. Um, yeah, not exactly my first choice, although she does better than I expect. All we get is picture of Cynthia and that she never talked about her work at home.
"The Căluşari: Hey, look, it's Amita! It I were going to cast her in The X-files, I know exactly which character she'd be. She's Reyes. You know, the one that's sort of in between everyone's believes, and is the one called in when Scully isn't available? Yeah, her.
Anyway, Amita's all surprised by Drapes Molesting Man, and Charlie tries to explain Floyd, not that anyone could really explain Floyd, particularly when Floyd's important question is about the pie served down the street. I hate to bring up obscure continuity
Okay, so it's not all about pie. It's about how Floyd is Amita Creeping Man, by knowing not only who she is, but also some of her work, and how he has information pertaining to the case.
All he knows is that Neox deals with less-lethal weaponry. As opposed to more-lethal? Sort-of-lethal? Completely-lethal? Who knew modifiers would matter in this eppesode?
This scene leads to a line that I think might be a rival for Lazlo's best guest star's line, ever. "The Pentagon has no contract with aliens, or afterlife entities, I'm aware of, at this time."
Well, since there's only ever been one ghost labeled "friendly," I doubt the Pentagon would be interested in the afterlife.
Anyway, Floyd has Cynthia Abbott's laptop and passes it off to Amita for analysis. Thus, with the action of the scene over, I should explain, that if I'm going to label Amita as Reyes, then I'm gong to have to say who I'm labeling Charlie in my X-files/Numb3rs crossover recap.
One Son: (I so wanted to title this part "Home" but I am never, ever going there in a recap.)
Don's now wondering about his own life, as if that hasn't been a major story arc for the last year. He wants to know what choices his father made in life, but Alan, being the voice of wisdom that he is, knows this is more about his first born.
All Don can see is a life of second choices. For instance, he joined the Feds because he couldn't play ball. Now, he finds he wants things, and hasn't ever had the experience planning for them.
Now that the family moment is over, I'm going to take a couple stabs (oops, bad choice of words when referring to Don) at what it is Don wants.
"The Căluşari: Amita's hacked the laptop and found an e-mail saying Cynthia was going to watch the testing of a weapon that wasn't ready. She's also received an e-mail from OttoBahn about an aircraft that looks a lot like every other government created UFO I've ever seen.
Dreamland: Completely taking leave of all of their senses, Charmita's heads out to Goathart without any other backup. Okay, unless one counts Floyd, who appears out of freaking nowhere.
Okay, sure, I wanted to stick with the X-files references all the way throughout, but I have to digress. Have you ever seen the show M*A*S*H? The syndication of it is the closest thing in the world to perpetual motion. Well, Floyd and his formality and random freaky appearances is reminding me of Colonel Flagg. If you've seen the show, you'll get that reference, if you haven't just picture Floyd, 35+ years ago, in army fatigues.
Well, as ridiculous as it is for Charmita to be out there looking for whatever technology they're looking for, Floyd's reasoning is to take in the ambiance. You know, I would take in the ambiance of a grand old theatre, or restaurant, not FIELD OF DEATH.
Charlie asks if Floyd has a flashlight, indicating his own adorkable little hardly larger than a penlight, flashlight. Well, Floyd does have one, and it's massive. So, the question is, since Floyd wasn't carrying anything, nor was there a bulge in his suit (do not think about that too deeply and if you do, I accept no responsibility if you're traumatized) where was Floyd packing his flashlight? (Word choice totally intended.)
They find a few things, a dead sheep (not killed by a chupacabra, no matter how cool an X-files reference that would be) and a washing machine covered in engineering shorthand. Oddly, I find the sheep more surprising -- as I bet they just reused the prop from Lazlo's office.
The trio also finds the unmanned flying object, and realize the UFO is the murder weapon, after Flashlight Packing Man explains what it is.
Conduit: The Fedcakes can't get a warrant to find out how the UFO works, and Floyd can't help them, leading Don to give the Department 44 representative an ultimatum -- be useful or get lost. I guess Don doesn't understand the importance of the comic relief character when he gets stressed. You'd think he would've learned from all those years of knowing Larry.
Floyd becomes the Quickly High-tailing Man, leaving the Fedcakes to wonder what's up and what the dead Cnthia Abbott knew.
Excuse me, let me change the tenses there. What Cynthia Abbott knows. The Jane Doe, isn't her.
Oh, I gave up on Floyd too soon as he's back, but he has to take another phone call on his miniscule phone. Nikki, who obviously does not understand the concept of a Zoolander phone, is confused.
Although, I have to admit, Floyd does have some important information.
Deadalive: The information is: Cynthia Abbott's location. She's at some random hotel, afraid of who is breaking down her door.
And how did Floyd know where Cynthia's location? You know all those paranoid things that people talk about like impanting microchips to track your location? Well, that was done to Cynthia. There has been precedent for this before.
Die hand die verletzt: Cynthia confirms that Neox is developing a lightning gun, but can't say who the Jane Doe is.
As for Floyd, he's the Uncertain Knowing Man, as he thinks he knows that Neox is lying about the success of the lightning gun, but he doesn't really know it. Wow, that Col Flagg quote I picked earlier is just getting more and more appropriate.
Thus, the only useful thing Floyd can do is get the Fedcakes a list of Neox employees.
Terms of Endearment: Alan's clearly waiting for Amita to get home, as he has a present. It's his wife's birthday so please, all fanfic writers, note Margaret's birthday is October 30th. As a present to his late wife, he's giving Amita a family heirloom -- a necklace given to Margaret's great-great grandomother on her 21st birthday. Since Amita is going to be the first daughter-in-law and has been around for so long, she's earned it. There's clearly a lot of support for this, subtly present in the scene.
It's a sweet moment between father and daughter-in-law, and definitely a planned part of Alan's campaign to make sure he gets grandchildren. Amita's got to pass on that necklace to someone so nice going there, Alan!
The List: Floyd gets the list of Neox employees, and the potential identity of one Jane Doe: Allison Williams, VP -- even though Neox claims she's on leave.
En Ami: Alan and Amita are bonding over chess but that's not enough for Alan. Nope, he uses this opportunity to discuss how wonderful daughters-in-law are and how he would love to have 2. He's not referring to Charlie committing bigamy either.
Amita makes an odd comment about getting along with one's own parents, which is a moment I really would like to see expanded, but Otto's got some info, taking away Charmita, and leaving Don to
Surekill: I have no idea what Charmita and Otto are talking about. All I can glean is that what Neox invented wasn't supposed to kill anyone, yet it does. This brings to mind some other military project that has absolutely no meaning to me, where it also malfunctioned and almost brought down an American helicopter.
Cue Suddenly Materializing Man, who not only has some odd fact about the military project I don't understand, but also about sightings of the UFO over Goathart. He knows this because it says so on the internet. Like that's always reliable.
Folie a Deux: OMG, someone stop Charlie from going out on these little research trips without appropriate backup. He's already manged to get out of one trip unscathed, there's no way he's making it through a second. Plus, he's only got Floyd. Unless his Zoolander phone has a ray gun app, he's not much use.
Oh, Charlie, when did your brain leak out your left ear? When on an abandoned military base and you hear a mysterious noise, you run like hell -- not just stand there making quips about being spotted!
Finally, Charlie remembers that he's a smart guy who cannot defeat UFOs and calls the Fedcakes. As for Floyd, he has one useful app on his phone: NSA UFO tracking, because it says the UFO is heading back to the Goathart hangers.
X-Cops: What the Fedcakes find is a bunch f Neox employees, and their leader, Drew, who insists that he isn't doing anything wrong.
The Post-Modern Prometheus: In the IHOF, Drew insists to Rosencrantz and Guildenstern that everything about the UFO could be fixed an that no one understands what's really going on. Don doesn't believe him but that gives Charlie an idea.
Otto's working in the regular meeting room, when Charmita, Nikki, and Floyd enter. As Charlie stands off to one side, Amita, Floyd and Nikki have to listen to Otto blather on about how he could get the Neox UFO to work. I can only think one thing.
Charlie finally asks Otto if he could build a working model, which Otto jumps all over like Mulder on an alien abduction story, leading to the real problem with the Neox: engineers.
At first, even I, a lit and history major, was appalled at how engineers are stereotyped: willing to jump ahead, without thinking about the consequences, and getting people killed in the process. I thought that was a horrible way to think of engineers, and then I remembered my time in university and the following, sad but true incidents.
- The electric office chair race
- The Engineering Follies Revue
- People willingly dying themselves purple
Knowing that he's been caught, Drew confesses that the dead VP had insisted on the live human test, on the assumption that the term live human was not meant as just an unfortunate turn of phrase. He also blames the government for pushing Neox to produce results. Plus, the other three employees went out without his permission. Somehow, even though Drew was the one to rip the ID of Allison's fried corpse, and wouldn't have said no to the other engineers, he's the only one not responsible, in his head.
Je Souhaite: I wish we could have more of these scenes. I highly approve of anything that gets Fedcakes into lesser amounts of clothing.
I would also recommend skinny-dipping.
We're back to what move David should do next to advance his career.
As for Don, he doesn't feel worthy of giving advice because he's constantly being his own worst critic, and act David tells him to drop before he has to stick Don's head in a toilet and give him a swirly, until he agrees. Okay, so I made that last part up.
"For a Jewish guy, you certainly like getting up on the cross," David snarks at him. Oh, David, if Alan were not on this show, you would be the sage of wisdom.
The End: At Cal Sci, Amita shows Charlie her welcome to the family present.
Finally calling him on showing up out of nowhere, Charmita learns that there are contractors out there working on building a transporter, not that Floyd's supposed to talk about that.
And someone gave Floyd the right to thank Charmita on behalf of the whole nation. While, I admit, Charmita have done things that have earned them that thanks, repeatedly,
Floyd takes a moment to ponder the denial, and greed that allowed Neox to flourish and how Neox almost got away with it, "if it weren't for you meddling kids."
Yeah, so I went with X-files references instead of Scooby-Doo ones. I just had difficulty with the concept of this: