Sunday, May 24, 2009

Percolated Recap: Numb3rs: Greatest Hits (Eppesode 522)

As noted by some quick readers, in the 100th eppesode recap there wasn't a NPALTM. Honestly, nothing last week warranted the award. Blame the pride over the 100th eppesode of the midseason replacement that could. Blame the distraction of the wet Eppes. (Mmm, wet Eppes -- sorry, what was I saying?) Blame the really cool mystery and chilling killer. Hell, there are a hundred reasons (pun intended) why I didn't find anything painfully awkward in the 100th eppesode.

I choose to blame the high level of awesome.

This week, well, this week is a whole different story. This week, we get our first ever NPACTM, (Numb3rs Painfully Awkward Character) former Agent Roger Bloom, aka, the Fonz. For his inability to accept responsibility, taking justice into his own hands, and make Colby behave like the empty-headed beefcake of a moron he was in seasons 2 and 3, Agent Roger Bloom, I salute you with one finger, or two, if you're from across the pond. Considering the guest star who appears in the finale, I'm sort of (sort of, a phrase which hear means: a hell of a lot) hoping Bloom was run over by the chariot of enigmatic coolness.

Recapper Note: I've been repeatedly asked to clarify some of the terms I use in these recaps. I did that, years ago, when I joined TSTSNBN, but decided to update the recap cheat sheet. Enjoy!
Cal Sci: Charlie, who is still not over his obsession with solving crime, is now carrying a police/Fedcake/fire/everything else scanner, wherever he goes.
Alan tries to point out that this is rather unhealthy, but he gets distracted by the mess of the Hobbit Hole. It's the same mess, since Charlie's probably yet to record all his social networking math.

In fact, it's such a mess that Amita can even hide without being noticed and does she have a way of getting noticed. Like a Jack-in-the-box, the toy, not the restaurant, she pops up from in between a group of boxes, with the same speed and enthusiasm as the creepy little toy.
Now, Amita wanted to surprise Charlie by getting his office all unpacked, and even asked some poor person named Sharon to get all the social networking theory off the boxes. Oh, where is Sharon? She's hiding behind another set of boxes, appearing for only moments to prove to Charlie that something infinitely more frightening is possible, as long as he doesn't unpack.
Even Alan notices the danger. "Anyone else buried in the rubble around here?"

"Nope, just the two of us," Amita assures him. That's what she thinks.

She's found a whole bunch of letters from the previous inhabitants of the Hobbit Hole. There's a letter from Bilbo Bederman, Knox, Newberry, Frodo and Hightower -- all greats in math. One equation to rule them all. The letters are from the time they first moved into the office -- before they were people math students idolize for all eternity.

Charlie is nowhere near as thrilled about the letters as Amita and Alan. It gets me wondering, why?
Farmers American Bank: The poor financial instituition! Not only can it not afford to put an apostrophe on its sign, but also, it's been robbed. Well, at least they can take some comfort in the Fedcakes being assigned to investigate.
The bank manager is the original boss from Bones, and he describes a 4 man crew. One dressed as a janitor. Two wearing ski masks, and the ringleader wearing a Bill Clinton mask. I could make a really, really bad joke here, but I realize there are many Americans who read this and I'm not getting in between Amerians and their politics. I'll leave that to Jon Stewart.

Anyway, it's an MO that Nikki recognizes and she's able to fill in the rest of the details about the crime. She completely freaks out David, describing everything down to the minutest of points, and even knowns were to find the body of the one, umasked, bank robber.
Title Flash.

IHOF: Colby calls the dead bank robber, Greg Berlin, a "Jack-in-the-box." Personally, I think my comparison earlier was more apt, but Colby's probably not as well versed on the use of similes and metaphors as I am. Unfortunately, the dead robber won't be of any use, since the crew only hired him for the robbery for the sole purpose of disposing of him.

Let me assure everyone that Nikki is not Patrick Jane, or Shawn Spencer, no, it's just this exact same crime was done before. Besides, there's room for only one psychic in this eppesode, and it's Charlie, not Nikki. Yes, as we learn this week, Charlie dreams prophetically.

The original bank robbery was never solved, thus the Fedcakes have to talk to the original agent in charge of the investigation: Agent NPACTM. Oh yes, and just in case we needed more proof that Nikki isn't psychic, she has to ask who Roger Bloom is, even though she was a member of the team by the time they worked with him. No, she may not have been in the eppesode, but the rest of the team should've kept her apprised of what they did while she was off on some enforced break.

Because Nikki wasn't involved in having Bloom's career derailed because he did something extremely illegal, the Fedcakes think it best to send Ms. Lack of Sympathy to go and interview him.

Agent NPACTM's: Roger Bloom is all bitter and angry that he got in trouble for stealing a shitload of cash. He blames the system and the Fedcakes for what happened to him. All the while, Bloom is digging up his sewer line, so let me use a screencap to best describe my opinion on the matter.
Bloom is intrigued by the case, and offers up a Curtis Brennan, not related to anyone on Bones, but since Curtis, and his crew, got themselves dead during a job, it definitely wasn't him, unless he gets all sparkly in the sunlight.

Thus, Bloom and the Fedcakes (Colby and Nikki) think they're through with each other. Oh, if only that were the case.

Cal Sci: Amita's reading the letters while Charlie does something else. I don't know what it is, and I probably won't understand it so I won't bother trying to figure out what it is.

What I can figure out is what Amita can't -- the reason why Charlie is so reluctant to write a letter. He's so against it that he doesn't read the original letters, and then offers to let Amita write his for him. Oh Charlie, I can alleviate all your fears in a few simple words.
Charlie is saved by the knock, since Liz and David are there seeking help with the robbery. They want him to do the same thing he did in "Sneakerhead" to identify suspects because the crew in question has a lot of experience. All he'll need is the file in question but considering the mess of the Hobbit Hole, it's a good idea for him to tag along to the IHOF.
Streets of LA: Colby's all pissed off that the Fedcakes treat Bloom like a pariah. As for Nikki, she thinks "a dirty cop is a dirty cop." As shocked as I am to say this, I'm totally siding with Nikki.

Colby takes a wrong turn, mentally, right into Stupidville (next town over from Moronia). He tries to justify Bloom's actions. To Colby, it's all right to steal a shitload of cash, if you're an agent of 30 years, as long as you never intend to keep said cash. Yes, Colby, when written down, your line of argument is that silly sounding. Colby makes the theft sound like Bloom forgot to put the toilet seat down.

Nikki decides discretion is warranted here, and doesn't say what she's thinking. I, on the other hand, do not feel the same way.
IHOF: David is doing something on a laptop -- I'm assuming not involving porn as my BFFedcake is a professional, and Liz is looking at hours and hours of bank surveillance footage. As for Charlie, he's in his math zone, which means at least one of the three of them is having fun.
Fun, a term which here means the title of this eppesode. Charlie's algorithm found two other duplicate robberies. The problem is, the bank robberies that are being duplicated cannot have been duplicated by the original perpetrators.

As Charlie explains to the rest of the Fedcakes later, the robbers aren't just duplicating robberies, they're copycatting perfect crimes of, as David says, "Bank Robberies' eppesode title Greatest Hits."

Now, according to Charlie and the mathvision, the Fedcakes have to find the differences in the copycats. They're far more important than the similarities, as proven by his small flaws in the photocopier analogy. I'd prefer to use something a little more fandom based, so here is my attempt at a mathvision.
Oh, wait, I can't figure out how each copy of the file would be traceable back to a person, so I guess I'll just have to go with Charlie's version of things. If they find the flaws in the copy, it may lead them back to the person -- or a Xerox.
Don notices one interesting detail about the files. All of them were checked out, recently.

I've just found the biggest flaw in the IHOF: the records room. It's run by someone who I think is supposed to come across as disillusioned and cool.
At first, she tries to tell David that an Agent Sinclair signed them out. This is true, but since he'd probably have to talk to someone, say the stoned loser at the keyboard, in order to get them, why doesn't the clerk recognize him?

Come to think of it, if all of the robberies are based on perfect crimes, why would the various banks' security people not examine them to death to make sure they weren't vulnerable that way again?

And another thing, why am I asking these questions when I should be asking how the hell the place that keeps all the records doesn't know that Agent Bloom is now former-agent Bloom? Oh, epic fail in that department, whether he was the lead agent for most of the cases, or not.

Finally, why doesn't someone consider firing that clerk for being bitchy to my BFFedcake just because she's incompetent?
Back upstairs, Liz is still going through all the bank tapes, while Colby forgot to leave Stupidville, since he looks cheesed off that Bloom's been brought in for questioning and feels sorry for the loser.

Bloom does nothing to make Colby's irritation any more tolerable, because all Bloom can do is act like an ass. He plays verbal games about claiming his signature (for argument's sake, it is his signature), why he signed out the files (nostalgia -- since he ran the bank division), and how he managed to sign out the files in the first place. Bloom even tries to turn it around on the Fedcakes by acting all affronted that they might be building a case on him.

Well, Bloom, let us take a look at the Fedcakes' reasoning, shall we?

So while Bloom shuts up, I think we can all agree he looks guilty as hell, doesn't he?

Like every informercial on at 2 in the morning, wait, there's more! Liz finds Bloom on the bank's surveillance, looking like he's casing the joint. If this weren't prime time televsion, which always tells us he most obvious suspect is never the guilty one, Bloom would be on his way to prison, where I'd never have to see him again, right now.

Later, while Blook sits and stirs in interrogation, Colby is still defending the former agent. Considering colby was the one with whom Liz first shared the information about Bloom looking like he's casing the joint, I wonder if Don is feeling a slight breeze in the room.
Colby thinks being an ex-agent means that Bloom deserves some leeway. Um, hell no. Do you remember the dead guy in the robbery? Do you think he cares if Bloom was a former agent?

As if to appease my irritation, Don mentions Robin (SQUEE!) when he tells Colby to go get a warrant for seaching Bloom's house.

Back in the, what the heck do we call, it, the meeting room, Charlie refuses to plug in Bloom's name as a part of the algorithm as it would add "unnecessary bias." Hey, did you feel that? I felt whacked over the head with the dead, stinky trout of symbolism there.
Fine, I get the point, not like I didn't already pick it up, but I really don't like Bloom and actually spend most of the eppesode wishing he was guilty.

In interrogation, Bloom refuses to play along with the FBI interrogation handbook -- mainly because he wrote it thus knows all the tricks inside out and backward.

Don reminds Bloom that the 10 million that he stole, although returned, means Bloom may be in need of more cash. Plus, Bloom has totally talked himself into believing that he was the true victim because he was avenging his sister -- even comparing to to what Don would do for Charlie.

Oh please, can this end now?

Apparently, it can't since Bloom implies there's a whole other explanation but won't share it because he's wearing his petty pants and asshole tie.

Agent NPACTM's: Intermixed with the interrogation, Nikki and Colby are stuck investigating Bloom's abode. Nikki is open about how she's feeling. She calls Colby out for hiding evidence or tipping off Bloom, before he does it, to make sure it doesn't happen. Considering how he's behaving, it's a fair call.

In yet another distraction attempt, to turn my attention away from Colby's moronic attitude, we get some backstory. Colby's dad died when he was 15. (It's one of the reasons the wooly bugger is so important to him.) There's some hint that Colby's dad drove off the cliff, during a fishing trip, after he was let go from his job at the tractor factory for one mistake. Please note that Colby doesn't tell us what the mistake is but I'm going to bet it wasn't as serious as stealing 10 million dollars.
Thus, there's the implication that one genuine mistake, versus the intentional theft of 10 million dollars (no matter what the motive) is comparable in Colby's suddenly reduced mind.

What Nikki finds is far more incriminating. They are plans to a bank, and a file on an unsolved bank robbery from 1998. I don't care if it is painfully obvious that Bloom is a red herring, in real life, he would be the guilty party and a pretty piss-poor criminal at that.

IHOF: The Fedcakes have to let Bloom go, but know they've gotten one over on the ex-agent because there's no way he'll know that Nikki and Colby were at his house. That is, unless they have the conversation less than 10 feet from where Bloom is standing. Geez, Don, did you take something Colby gave you?
La Maison d'Eppes: My, Amita certainly is extra perky this week, isn't she? In an effort to try and get Charlie to write the letter, she'd ought him a pen for a present, presented him with a writing tablet, and enlisted the support of Alan.
All of this is done with a big goofy grin on her face. It's really sweet how excited she is to see Charlie try and predict the great things he's going to accomplish. For Charlie, he looks like he'd rather sit through a lecture on Canadian literature. To put that into perspective. I am Canadian, studied English Lit, and even I don't want to sit through one of those, ever again. Damned heron representing a fetus pretentious drivel.

Charlie doesn't know what the future is going to have in store for him, because the whole Don getting stabbed thing threw his world off-kilter. To try and get him to focus, both Amita and Alan make suggestions -- the desires for the future and the cognitive emergence work, respectively -- but to no avail.

Southern Coast Savings & Loan: The Fedcakes are on a stakeout, watching the bank they think is going to be robbed next. They spot Bloom pulling up but he doesn't go in to rob the bank. Nope, instead another car, full of buys in masks, does it for him. I guess they didn't read the coincidentally appropriate sign.
Bloom, single-handedly, tries to stop the robbery by arresting the criminals. Well, it's one old guy against a bunch of young men, so, inevitably, all hell breaks loose.

Now, in the instacap, I theorized that director Stephen Gyllenhaal loves his shootouts and was promptly corrected. Thus, let me rephrase that: Stephen Gyllenhaal is one awesome shootout director. Does everyone remember his very first eppesode of Numb3rs, "Guns and Roses?" Not only is it made of awesome because it is the eppesode where my OTP first get together, but also, it's the best shootout I've ever seen on TV.

Now, this shootout is not as awesome, because, I don't think it's possible. Although, watching the cars get shot up, is rather cool.

As with all shootouts, it's impossible to describe, other than quick, loud, and people thowing themselves about willy-nilly. I know that doesn't sound cool, but if you can't watch the shootout in "Guns and Roses," then watch this one if you're studying how to make shootouts look dangerous, yet not have to resort to gratuitous blood-gushing.

Well, there wouldn't be gratuitous blood-gushing anyway because, as we all know, thanks to the magic of television, none of our heroes were hit. Bloom wasn't hit either. While I'm thinking this is a seriously missed opportunity, Don's wondering why Nikki and Colby haven't put Bloom in cuffs. Thus, thr truth comes out: Bloom has been working this case for months. He figured out about the crew copycatting perfect crimes and has been trying to win his way back into the Feds' favour by solving it. Personally, I think he's worked his was into something else.
Don's taking it one step further and calling Bloom an accessory. It's a valid point, since Bloom did have prior knowledge and put a whole shitload of people in danger by playing the lone wolf thing. I completely agree with I'm-pulling-down-my-sunglasses-to-show-how-serious-I-am Don, but Colby, who clearly left his brain on his beside table for this eppesode, steps in. What subordinate steps in an undermines the authority of his boss, when said boss is arresting someone for a crime that person actually committed?
Now would be a good time to STFU, Colby.

Hell, even Liz looks as pissed off as I've ever seen her. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen Liz look fairly annoyed, never mind pissed off and usually that involved Don subconsciously realizing that he really belonged with Robin.
Charlie, who heard about the shootout over his trusty scanner, tries to bring everyone back to an intellectual, as opposed to emotional, viewpoint. Since the robbers weren't getting the details of the crimes from Bloom, they have to have found them elsewhere and, as Liz puts it, there isn't a newsletter or social club for bank robbers.

My BFFedcake corrects Liz. There is a social club for bank robbers.
The problem is, because none of the crimes were ever solved, Charlie doesn't have enough data to run an analysis that might figure out where the new guys met the old guys. While he doesn't have enough data for the analysis, he does have enough data on decorator crabs -- his analogy for the dilemma the Fedcakes find themselves in. While it doesn't help move along the case, it does tickle my 12 year-old sense of humour.
Outside IHOF: Colby's rushing out to catch Bloom, who has been let go, again, making me think the ex-agent is Teflon personified. He stole 10 million dollars. He knew about the robberies and said dick all to the authorities. He opened fire in a crowd when it was a bunch of people against one. What the hell does the man have to do to stay in custody? More importantly, I'm not left with a crime I could joke about him committing that would keep him locked up without appearing to be a horribly crass person. Keep all comments to yourself.

This is about the time I started wanting to beat my head into the nearest wall. Colby compares what Bloom's going through to Colby's own time as a spy (not Theoriginalspy). With that, Colby wins and EPIC FAIL at comparable situations, the least of which is a distinct lack of torture from Batman on Bloom's part.

Bloom uses the whole "It's the last thing you did, they remember" justification for his anger as if the whole stealing 10 million dollars is the equivalent of being caught stealing office supplies. Plus, wouldn't alerting the Feds, or Fedcakes, to the whole copycat bank robberies help restore one's name as much as shooting at baddies in a crowd?
Colby makes the connection between the redemption and the bank crew, while Bloom asks to be kept in the loop. Finally, Colby gives us a glimpse of the intelligent Colby I've had to adjust to over the last two seasons. He tells Bloom that it's only the desire to avoid bad press that's kept the former agent out of jail. Now all Bloom can do is go home and dig up shit in his own front yard, instead of digging it up in the IHOF.

Bloom tries a different tactic, claiming that he accepts responsibility for what happened in "Jack of All Trades." Um, Bloom, you can't accept responsibility and blame everyone for what happened to you. Colby, don't fall for this new tactic!

Math Garage: Amita is unarmed.
What she means is that she doesn't have a pen, a paper, or that necessary tool for Charlie when it comes to writing, a dictionary. That's all right, because Charlie has them.
In what has to be the worst tease of a scene ever, Charlie starts in on a big speech about the plans for his life, destiny and --
How many of you thought he was working up to a proposal there? I can't have been the only one. I have to admit, I was surprised to find myself all excited and anticipatory of Amita's answer, and my shock at finding myself that invested in Charmita was only surpassed by my shock that the whole speil was winding up to the mathematical equivalent of "How much do you love me?"

Charlie, check your ego, I'm not even on the other end of what sounded like the run up to a proposal and I'm offended on behalf of Amita.

Oh speaking of Amita, she takes it far better than I would've and is comforting to Charlie, telling him he deserves to inhabit the Hobbit Hole. That's not what I would've said.
Charlie heads inside to the main house, only to be met by Colby, and Bloom.
Bloom offers his help on the case, providing unofficial suspects and such, and Charlie is appropriately skeptical. It nicely balances off Colby's ridiculous daddy issues and delusions of grandeur, since Guildenstern thinks that he can work on Don to accept Bloom.

Alley: Artemas and Athena are sent to investigate a body with the LAPD. Artemas identifies the corpse as the man she shot in the attempted robbery, and while it's bad the guy is dead, it's good that the robbers are down one man.

Math Garage: Bloom is offering information that doesn't, logically, make any sense, so Charlie tries to offer an analogy to explain things.

Except, the Charlie-vision doesn't happen because Bloom cuts him off. All right Bloom, I thought we were through earlier, but you just cut off an analogy by my adorkable professor.
Alan cuts things off, getting the pair to focus back on the problem at hand, and not the fact Bloom is NPACTM. Thus, they figure that the crew is looking to completely only one, last, big job.

Don's arrival fills me with glee (the emotion, not the geektastic show) because I think he's finally going to put me out of my misery and beat Bloom senseless. Usually, I'm anti-violence, but I'll make and exception for Bloom.

Unfortunately, my hopes are dashed. Somehow, Colby convinced Don that working with Bloom is a good thing. I guess he saved up what little intelligence he had for this eppesode and used it offscreen to convince Don.

Personally, I wouldn't trust anything Bloom said. What if he left something out just so that he could run off and play hero again? What if he played hero to the detriment of the Fedcakes safety, or dignity? I wouldn't put it past the man to do any or all of the above.

Back to the case, Charlie, with Bloom's help (it hurt me to type that) has figured out where the robbers all met one another, or, which prison they all met in. This fits in with the information Don brings, as the dead guy, Billy, has a brother, Teddy, who spent time in that particular prison.

Teddy's: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, along with Artemas and Athena, try to arrest Teddy. They don't find Teddy, but do find recon from the last few bank jobs. Personally, I think it's just an excuse to have lots of shots of Fedcakes in Kevlar.
Math Garage: The results of all the analysis come up with the 1981 robbery of the Federal Reserve. It's not only a big payday, but also a big body count, as 11 people died in that robbery.

IHOF: Bloom and Charlie brief the Fedcakes on the details of the robbery in question. It requires four men, amgnesium burn bars, and poison gas from the Vietnam era. Since the Vietnam gas is either too old to be effective, or impossible to get, and bank security has increased since 1981, the robbers have to be more creative. The answer is get a laser cutter and haldite gas. Now, I tried googling haldite nerve gas, and either it doesn't exist, or I just wound up on someone's watchlist somewhere.

Apparently, this potentially fictional nerve gas was stolen from a facility in Seal Beach with crappy security, since some was stolen from there.

The security guard suspected on being in on the haldite rtheft is brought to the IHOF for questioning. He's really just one of those characters meant to move the plot along and once Liz plays Clue with the guard (Teddy, with the haldite, in the federal reserve), the guard folds.

LA Streets: Nice taking advantage of the downturn in the economy! The robbers are hiding out in a closed store, where the Fedcake have to somehow clear everyone out of the area without getting noticed.

David is quickly noticed by one of the robbers and all hell breaks loose. Cue the second, and equally as cool (if shorter) as the first, shootout. All the Fedcakes rush into action, leaving Bloom in the van. If there's one thing I've learned from network television, anyone that is left in the car/van/vehicle of some sort, will, invariably, get out and get involved.
One of the robbers is shot and another surrenders, but Teddy, complete with the nerve gas, which is contained in the fire extinguisher of DOOOOOM, escapes through a duct.

Bloom spots Teddy exiting via the front and calls it in, saying that "he's getting away." Let me take a closer look at that situation.
In what has to be the most frustrating moment in the eppesode, we have the classic cliche. You know, the woman with the baby who somehow manages to go unnoticed by all the members of law emforcement, only to be grabbed as a hostage by the baddie at the last minute.


I'm to the point that every time I see that cliche on TV, I hope that the woman bites it. Who walks her baby carriage by a bunch of armed men and doesn't once think that isn't such a good idea?

Teddy threatens the woman, the baby and the Fedcakes with the fire extinguisher of DOOOOOM.
Watching this scene frame by frame, because I was hoping to get a shot of the empty baby carriage (in these scene, the carriage is usually empty, if one looks closely enough) but caught something hilariously different. It's called corpsing. Can you guess which character broke face and is smiling? And no, I won't hear any debates that it isn't a classic case of corpsing, because, the smirk, the crinkle around the eyes, and all the other obvious signs of corpsing are present.

So, can you guess?

Made your mental selection?

Are you sure?

Well, then, here we go!
Bloom does something a little bit different, instead of getting out of the van, he uses it to drive into the middle of the standoff, getting out only once he's behind the suspect, quickly disarming Teddy of fire extinguisher of DOOOOOM.
After everyone's safely stowed away, Don teases Bloom by reminding the former agent of how that stunt could've gone all wrong. "A thousand ways," Don says. "Lucky," is how he describes it. You know, I'd like Charlie to do the math on how many ways the Fedcakes could've got dead there, and I want that math shoved somewhere that involves Bloom that I have too much dignity to talk about.

Colby behaves a bit like a fanboy, all happy that people will be "talking about that one for a long time." Oh, Colby, you could've picked someone better to fanboy, you know!

Of course, bloom can't be the first official NPACTM without producing the NPALTM. Instead of saying something like, "Thank you, Colby, for letting me get back a little of my dignity," Bloom goes with what might be the winner for NPALTM of the year. "I gave the bereau my whole life. Never got married, none of that stuff. But man, if I had a son -- thank you very much."

I think I'm supposed to feel a little sappy here. Perhaps, I'm supposed to be a little teary. Let me take a moment to gauge my actual reaction.
Nikki even gets in on the action here (not like that), by inviting Bloom out for pizza, like he's still an agent, not the man could've avoided his predicament by not stealing 10 million dollars.

Recapper's Note: Now that we're done with Bloom, let me clarify, that my loathing of Bloom has nothing to do with Henry Winkler. No one can make a self-pitying asshole likeable, not even the Fonz.

Cal Sci: Charlie is still listening to his scanner and unable to write the letter. If that isn't symbolic of his predicament since Don was stabbed, I don't know what is.

Don comes in and admires the now clean Hobbit Hole. Wow, Sharon and Amita were busy little bees, weren't they? Unfortunately, they took away all of the good places for fangirls to hide.
Finally, Charlie confesses his real problem. He can no longer balance academia with Fedcake work. Really, it's just the after effect of Don's injuries, but Charlie isn't far enough away from the situation to get that without being the academic that he is, he would not be able to help the Fedcakes the way he has.

Don tries to tell him that the constant worrying about juggling is how to burn out and that Charlie should do what he wants "on any given day." His little brother should, "live a little." For some reason, I had this image of Don breaking out into song, sort of the "no day but today" idea.

Since I had that image in my head, I had to share that. Judge me as you wish.

Anyway, Don's given good advice, sans the singing, but Amita interrupts before everything is truly resolved between the brothers Eppes. I also have a weird alternate version in my head of why Don says "congratulations," to Amita on the way out the door.

They're now standing outside, in what should be the safest place in the world for them, the Cal Sci commons and for some weird, twisted reason, Amita wants to take Charlie out to dinner, to apologize. Um, Amita, you fixed up the office, and he was a big tease. I would like to point out that you not immediately assuring Charlie that you'd love him no matter what destiny he fulfilled is a lot like Cordelia apologizing for giving an honest answer to her father. She said what was truthful.

When Amita starts going on about "I'll love you, no matter what," and gets all teary-eyed, I'm thinking she's going to turn the tables and propose. I would just like to say, for the record, that I would be completely, and absolutely cool with that.
I have to admit, the first time I saw this eppesode, I jumped when Charlie got whacked over the head. There was no hint that danger was coming. No suddenly quietening of the music. No suddenly surprised look on anyone's face. None of the traditional warning that all hell was about to break loose. Hell, I didn't even have enough time to process what was going on.

One second, Charmita is sharing a sweet, romantic moment, The next, Charlie's on the ground, and Amita's being dragged into a SUV, screaming. I didn't even have enough time for the snarky part of my brain to amuse itself by thinking of the potential damage to Charlie's hair! (That was about half an hour later, when I recovered from the shock.)
I could only take comfort in one thing. Even though I don't get previews because Global (which airs it in Canada) thinks it's too good for previews, I already knew who was guest starring in the next eppesode.

Yes, it was only the sounds of the chariot of enigmatic coolness, arriving, that prevented me from having a heart attack.


  1. OMG!!!! what happened at the end???? why is charlie on the road??? who kidnapped amita??? u dun know yet, right???? or you did, and you're not sharing!!!! arghhhhh!!!! the suspense!!! the anxiousness....nooooooooooo...

    ahem. on the calmer side, have i told you before i heart your recaps??? if i havent, YES, I HEART YOUR RECAPS. i heart it just as much i heart the actual thing on tv...and for that...cant wait for the next to frantic-worried-fangirl mode...

    aaaaaaarrrrghhhh...charlie..chuckieee...*bite nails*...bouncing around...pulls hair....

  2. You didn't see the finale, did you Aryska?

    Ah, poor Colby. Every once in a while he loses all of the intelligence that he gained after he was a spy.

    I knew that something was going to happen because I saw the finale before "Greatest Hits" (don't ask why), but I was caught off guard even in the "previously". When I actually caught this episode, I was startled that it was such an innocently sweet scene, and then it wasn't.

  3. Even though I KNEW what was going to happen, the end still caught me completely off guard. It's not fair how it was such a sweet moment and them BAM! lol

    Oh, and I completely agree about Colby. He made me very mad in this episode.

  4. Ah Colby what happened to you this eppesode my dear? You are much smarter than this. *tsk tsk* You best not make this kind of behavior a habit or I will have to hunt you down and screw your head back on straight.

    And man that ending threw me for such a loop too. I'm glad I'm not the only one. I mean I knew something was supposed to happen, but sheesh they gave you no warning on this one. Is it bad that I was happy that TPTB surprised me?

    Loved the recap. Will you be doing a video recap on youtube like you've done for previous seasons? I really do like those. *puts on best puppy dog face* Please?

  5. @Anon: I will not be doing a video of season five, the way I did for seasons 3&4, since both of them have promptly been muted by YouTube. There's no point in putting in the effort only to have it all muted.

  6. I just had to say that I agree that Guns and Roses has the best shootout on tv. The first time I saw that ep, my jaw literally dropped.
    Also the ending took me by surprise too. Here I was sitting, weeping at the romantic moment between the two and a few second later I was angrily in shock.
    Once again thanks for the great recap.

  7. Great recap as usual! There were a lot of great moments in the eppesode itself, but really Bloom's story line stank and I was saddened by Colby's brain drain.

    Looking forward to your re-cap for the finale!

  8. I didn't know that youtube had muted your previous vids. That's too bad. I completely understand why you won't be doing one this year.

  9. thanks SO much for the new paint pic! a great deal of help :D

    i have such a soft spot for Colby that during that whole episode I only got majorly mad with Bloom. But I think his brain drain this eppesode is either half or one third made up for with his observations in the finale. He was sweet to Charlie and is it wrong that I was jealous when he pushed that girl against the car :)

    I can't wait for the finale shootout, soooo good. The "chariot of enigmatic coolness" is just being himself, the large quantity of oozing coolness.

    Quite excited for the next recap, and thanks again! lots of love your way!

  10. oh right and woot canada. i think you should add to Spy's Drinking Game: "one chug for every time spy mentions canada"

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  12. Where can I find the recap for ep 523?

  13. @:Anon Whenever I get it up. Things have been hectic!

  14. Okay. As ridonkulously adorabltastical as Colby is, it does not compensate for the return of Stupid!Colby. Why oh why are we back at season 2?
    I don't think I hate Bloom as much as you do, but he seriously is so irksome with his constant
    Although I have to say, I'd prefer him to be Stupid!Colby because of Bloom than to be Stupid!Colby because of Inara (Blowback).
    Stupid!Colby (that is so catchy) twice in one season post season three? WHAT IS THIS?

    Great recap, as usual.